Work Text:
: Not mine; someone left the CVE open. All hail Andrew Davies,
Christopher Bailey, the Beeb, yada.
TITLE: Hegemony
AUTHOR: kel
FANDOM: Doctor Who/A Very Peculiar Practice
PAIRING: Tegan/Rose Marie
SPOILERS: for //Kinda//
RATING: FRT-13
SUMMARY: post-Mara depression's a bitch
COMMENTS: unbeta-ed quickie written for snowgrouse in response to an LJ
request meme.
==========
Hegemony
by kel
==========
Lowlands canteen is crowded and noisy. Tegan hates it. Hates the students with
their self-important smiles, their absolute confidence that they, and only they,
will conquer the world. There's nothing wrong with being a hostie, she tells
herself. At least I've *been* somewhere. This lot...
This lot have friends. Lovers. Opportunities.
She looks around at Adric - eating, again. Nothing else exists for him, when
there's food. The Doctor would say it was fascinating; the legacy of orphanhood.
Tegan would say his table manners suck. Nyssa's vanished, blended into the crowd
of New Wave wannabes at the biochemistry table. Which just leaves her and the
pointyhead and...
- I thought you looked familiar, says the Doctor, *her* Doctor, to the man
opposite. Cheerfully. - I should be used to it by now.
- There are *others*?
- Yes and no. It's a bit difficult...
- Statistically, very simple! says Chen, slapping them both on the back.
-- Big world, *many* doppelgangers. Marvellous! And useful when militia come.
Tegan looks pointedly from her Doctor to Daker, and back. They're laughing, a
beaming Chen between them. They're nearly identical. Not just physically:
diffident, quiet, gently melancholic. But she can tell them apart easily enough.
It's not just the clothes, or the Burmese boyfriend, or the 'I'm talking to a
loonie' look on the face of the Earthman...
She knows that look all too well. It's the way the others look at her, now. Ever
since Deva Loka, they've treated her with kid gloves. She's not stupid enough to
think it's compassion. She's an interesting specimen, that's all. An ape in
remission.
Someone on the radio screams about the //Master of Puppets//.
She can still feel the power, the certainty, of the Mara. Of those twenty-four
hours when she *knew* that she mattered; that she was *all* that mattered. She
was life; death; Kali, as her hippie cousins would put it. She hated it, she...
She *misses* it.
She can't breathe. Horrified, her head pounding, she stumbles blindly to her feet.
Stephen Daker rises, involuntarily. Knocking over his chair.
- Are you... I say, is she all right?
Tegan stops thinking and starts to run.
- Ah, says the Doctor slowly. - Well. That's why we're here, really. Tell me
about this McCannon chap, will you? I'd rather like him to look her over.
*****
In the cold, fresh air, Tegan runs, just runs, for a long time. Until she stops
on a small bridge, doubled over and out of breath. Not crying. Bloody well not
bloody crying.
- Bastards!
She's startled by a sudden laugh beside her; turns to find the other doctor, the
redhead, leaning on the bridge rail. She does her best to pull herself together;
to look like the Open Learner she's supposed to be.
- That sounded ...heartfelt.
- It's nothing. I'm sorry.
- 'Nothing' is a male concept, Tegan. In my experience they use it to mean
'inconvenient female'.
- Too bloody right. Tegan can't help but smile. - I've forgotten your name.
- Rose Marie.
Rose Marie's voice is warm and rich. Like honey. Like Dukkha's.
- I don't mind listening, if...?
More than fed up, Tegan tells her better judgement to get rooted.
- It's just... I'll take you home, he says. He can't even manage something that
simple. If it's not monsters or maniacs it's a bloody Pommy university. No offence.
- None taken, smiles Rose Marie. - I can see that you find this all terribly
intimidating.
- No... I just want to go *home*.
It's so true, it's shocking.
- Class is an illusion maintained by the phallocracy. Refute it. *Refuse* it.
You've as much right to be here as anyone else.
- I know *that*, says Tegan crossly, rubbing her eyes.
In the distance, two nuns strip and jump eagerly into the river.
- This place is bloody bananas.
- The *world* is bananas, Tegan. But Lowlands exists to help you stake your place
in it. Let it help you. Let *us* help you.
- I don't need help. It's... it's just it's awfully nice just to *stop*.
- You're not well, are you?
- No. I mean yes, but... Oh, *rabbits*. There was this snake in my head, and...
Oh, what's the use. You wouldn't understand.
- On the contrary, says Rose Marie smoothly, her eyes lighting up. - I understand
very well. She leans forward, gazing out over the river with her soft and
practised smile. - If I were to say to you: what we call illness is one of the
things men do to women...?
- I'd say you sound like the bloody Doctor.
- Ah, Stephen's new friend. And just what is he a Doctor of?
- Nothing. I don't know. He just *is*.
- I see. Rose Marie smiles, gently.
- It's hard to explain.
- Of course. And does *he* understand?
- It's just like he's not listening, you know? No, not *hearing*. That's it.
- Are you sure that there's a difference?
Tegan looks at the river. - I *don't* want to leave. Really. It's just...
- Theoretically close relationships often leave women feeling alone.
Tegan leans against the bridge, suddenly very tired.
- It's not like *that*... There's just nobody to bloody talk to. Adric and Nyssa...
they're just kids.
- So you feel responsible?
- No fear. Tegan laughs, wryly. - I don't even understand what they're on about
half the time.
- Inadequacy, murmurs Rose Marie. To herself, almost. - The maternal lie.
- No way. They're just heaps brighter than me.
- Oh Tegan, Tegan, Tegan...
- Well, they *are*. Tegan bristles. - Like the Doctor says, it's just the way
things are.
- As the Doctor says. Well. I'd be intimidated too.
- I'm not frightened of anything, thank you.
- Not with your ...Doctor... to look after you.
- Yes! I mean no. I mean...
And she's bloody well bloody crying after all, and when Rose Marie takes her arm
and shepherds her toward the medical centre, she can't help but follow.
- I'm sorry, she sniffs. -- It's just... I had a life, you know? I used to be...
someone. Someone *else*.
- Oh, I know, I *know*, says Rose Marie, pulling her close. - You've come to the
right place, Tegan...
=== arjuna 2005 ===