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Gibbs watched Tony from across the room. He looked tired, drawn. If Gibbs hadn't known the reason Tony looked that way he might possibly have been worried. Hell, he was worried, just more for himself than DiNozzo. He watched as Tony's wide yawn turned into a smile as Ziva made yet another slip up with her colloquialisms.
Tony caught him watching. Gibbs just glared until the smile dimmed. Tony, refusing to be cowed raised an eyebrow at him, the slight smile changing to a smirk, the quirk of his lips saying everything he never would. Gibbs just glared harder until Tony finally looked away with a shake of his head.
"You ok, boss?" They had finally gotten the case reports finished and Gibbs had allowed his team to leave for the weekend, not surprised when Tony appeared at his home a few hours later.
"I'm fine." Gibbs replied, knowing that his voice didn't carry the confidence in that answer that it usually did. Tony didn't call him on it, something Gibbs was inordinately grateful for. "You spending the night?"
"You want me to?" Tony asked, glancing at Gibbs. Gibbs just looked at him steadily, refusing to answer the question and Tony smiled. He slumped closer to Gibbs, passing him a beer.
"I'm staying." He announced, taking a long swig of his own beer. Gibbs felt a smile coming on, so he smothered it by kissing Tony's hair. He wasn't sure when things had changed so much. First work colleagues had changed to drinking buddies after a rough case, that had eventually become a shoulder to cry on, a body to keep them warm, something to remind them that they were alive. When it had morphed into this...this easy camaraderie Gibbs didn't know. It wasn't something they discussed.
"You can spend the weekend if you want." He offered on a whim.
"I was planning to." Tony grinned at him, making it easy for Gibbs to pretend he hadn't offered anything that Tony wasn't going to take anyway. Later, watching Tony sleep, Gibbs knew he was in too deep this time. What had started out as fun and laughter, nothing heavy as Tony had insisted, had become more profound with each passing day. When Gibbs had returned from Mexico Jen wasn't the person he was most eager to see. He knew Tony had flourished in his absence, it hurt like hell to know the younger man had coped so easily without him. Gibbs knew that was selfish, he also knew he wasn't likely to change anytime soon.
What he and Tony had was something else. Something different to any of Gibbs' previous relationships, and perhaps that was because it had grown in such an organic way. There was nothing forced about the time they spent together, the passion they shared. Gibbs couldn't remember a time when it had been so easy to laugh. He knew he had been a different person before Shannon and Kelly's deaths. Somehow, knowing his first wife, his first love, he didn't think she would mind that he was finally moving on. Finally, after all these years, stopping punishing himself for something he had had no control over. She would have liked Tony, he was sure.
"What are your plans for the day?" He asked when Tony woke up, moving out of Gibbs' embrace after blinking sleepily a few times.
"I want to go for a run." Tony shrugged.
"You want some company?" Gibbs offered. He'd noticed that was happening a lot more recently. He wanted to spend time with Tony, aware the younger man was afraid of scaring Gibbs away, something that happened every so often, and so never really asked Gibbs for anything. Gibbs found himself more willing to give Tony the things he'd never spared for his three ex-wives; his time, his opinions, his honesty. They didn't talk about it, because neither of them was good at that sort of thing and whenever they had tried one or both of them ended up storming out.
This thing that they had terrified Gibbs. He knew it was frightening for Tony too, the younger man was a consummate commitment phobe and although this was something else they had never discussed Gibbs knew Tony was his exclusively, and Tony knew he could rely on the same loyalty from Gibbs. If it turned out to be nothing more than good friends, who enjoyed each others company to help deal with the shit in their lives, then maybe they would be better for it, but Gibbs was willing to give it a try. He just needed to find a way to actually get Tony to speak to him about it. For all his usual bluster and bravado the younger man was falteringly and heartbreakingly unsure of his place in Gibbs' life.
"Tony?" Gibbs squinted through the darkness.
"Yeah, Boss." Tony replied, stretched invitingly out on the sofa. Gibbs could quite happily have lain down with him and fallen asleep immediately, the flight back from the conference the Director had insisted he attend had been absolute hell.
"You didn't need to wait up." Gibbs leaned down to kiss him softly.
"I know but I wanted to spend some time with you." Tony sounded confident enough but Gibbs knew him well enough to know that if the lights were on Tony's eyes would be averted and he'd be smoothing his clothes, the way he always did when he was nervous.
"Yeah." Gibbs blinked as Tony flicked the light on, taking a seat next to the younger man and releasing a sigh when Tony curled next to him, sliding his hand into Gibbs'. Gibbs was exhausted, and so was Tony, this wasn't the passionate reunion Gibbs had listened to Tony describe in lurid detail down the crackling phone line to get them both off when they were in separate states, but it was more than enough.
"What did you bring me?" Tony asked, flashing Gibbs an impish grin.
"What makes you think I'd bring you anything, DiNozzo?" He demanded, pretending to be gruff, something that was becoming more difficult when Tony smiled at him like that.
"Not even flowers?" Tony pouted. "Where's the romance, Jethro?" He shifted a little as if expecting a cuff to the back of the head. Gibbs just trailed his fingers through the silken strands instead, leaning closer to breathe in the scent of the younger man.
"I don't do flowers, Tony. I can't figure out what the hell they mean." Gibbs shrugged. Tony grinned but Gibbs knew he was feeling a little put out that he hadn't been brought a gift. He slipped his hand inside the pocket of the coat he wore and pulled out the small brown package he had hidden there. "I didn't get to go much further than the hotel lobby." He warned. Tony's grin widened anyway and he took the present eagerly.
"Cool." He placed the small statuette of the Seattle Space Needle on the coffee table and leaned in to kiss Gibbs. Gibbs opened his mouth to explain, because he never apologised, about the pitiful excuse for a present but Tony just silenced him with another kiss. "Doesn't matter what it is, Boss. You still took time out of your day to get it for me." Tony was always so easy to please, Gibbs didn't always get it but sometimes he remembered that all it took some days was something as small as Tony smiling at him to make his day.
After Shannon died Gibbs never thought he'd fall in love again. He'd tried to, 3 wives proved that, but he'd never succeeded and he knew he had given up after wife number 4 had become ex-wife number 3. Maybe that was what was so surprising about this thing he and Tony shared, they hadn't been expecting it, it had snuck up and caught them out while they were busy playing big bad agents and fuck buddies.
"Tony!" Gibbs couldn't hide the note of panic as the younger man disappeared off the edge of the roof. It was all too reminiscent of the time Tony had tumbled out of an aeroplane without any formal parachute training, and Gibbs had a sickening realisation that Kate had died on a roof too. He ran to the edge, seeing Tony sitting up groggily on the fire escape platform one floor down. "Don't move." He instructed as he climbed down the ladder, checking Tony over carefully when he reached the platform.
"I'm fine, boss." Tony tried to brush his hands away but Gibbs wouldn't allow it, running his hands over every inch of the younger man that he could reach, desperately trying to rid himself of the tight feeling in his chest.
"Jesus, DiNozzo." He sat back a little. "You're gonna give me a heart attack."
"You ok?" Tony asked. "You look kinda pale." And wasn't that just like Tony? Gibbs wasn't the one who had taken a tumble off the side of a 9-storey building. He dragged Tony closer by his jacket and landed a kiss solidly on his mouth. "Boss." Tony gasped when Gibbs pulled away. He didn't voice any other kind of protest so Gibbs did it again.
"You do that again and I will fire you."
"It wasn't my fault!" Tony argued. "He pushed me."
"I know. He'll be charged with attempted murder of a federal officer." Gibbs decided. Tony rolled his eyes. "Do not roll your eyes at me, DiNozzo." Gibbs warned dangerously.
"I'm fine, boss, honestly. Look at me, all in one piece."
"Don't joke about this, Tony." Gibbs was becoming frustrated now. "You could have been killed. I could have lost you and then..." He paused, knowing this was once again one of those things they didn't speak about.
"Come on, let's go back up. McGee and Ziva will be wondering where we are. I'll let Ducky check me over as soon as we get back, ok?" Tony soothed, standing and swaying slightly. "Ok, so maybe I hurt my ankle. Could have been worse."
This thing between them was so intense some days Gibbs thought he might suffocate because of it. Other days he thought he might drown without it. Tony was always there, waiting quietly in the background to be invited in by Gibbs, occasionally pushing himself forward to take what he needed. Gibbs knew he could be a bastard, was thankful that Tony understood that about him as well and didn't take it personally. They had blazing rows, about stupid things. Gibbs was ashamed to admit that he usually started them and it was often up to Tony to end them by smoothing over ruffled feathers. He was proud of the small smile Tony occasionally gave him when he admitted that he might have been partly to blame, the smile he got when he managed to compromise on something that was important to Tony.
"Is there anything I can do to persuade you to stay in bed today?" Gibbs asked, cracking one eye open to see Tony hobbling back to the bed from the bathroom.
"I can think of a few." Tony grinned. Gibbs glared at him and Tony subsided, letting Gibbs pull him closer and hold him there, something he didn't allow often. Ducky had examined Tony and decided that the younger man would live but was decidedly more shaken and bruised than he had led Gibbs to believe.
"Ducky said you should rest." Gibbs reminded him. Tony just huffed, already falling asleep anyway, held securely in Gibbs' embrace.
"Who made you my protector?" He asked.
"I did." Gibbs growled, enjoying the shiver that ran through Tony as a result. He dozed a little, Tony's warm body held firmly against him, occasionally squeezing a little to check Tony was still there, still breathing, still alive.
"I'm not going anywhere." Tony promised sleepily.
"I love you." Gibbs sighed, almost freezing when he realised what he had said.
"I know." Tony snuggled back against him, moving closer. "I love you too."
Maybe they didn't need to talk about this thing they had together. Maybe they could carefully skirt around the issues they had, having blazing rows over ridiculous things and fantastic make up sex to fix it. Maybe the occasional sleepy confession would keep them on the right track. Maybe Gibbs would keep getting scared, keep pushing Tony away. Gibbs didn't know, but whatever it was that Tony gave him, he hadn't been able to find it with anyone else since Shannon and it scared him. Didn't mean he wasn't willing to give this a try. He was a marine, and they didn't back down from a challenge and Lord knew if ever there was a challenge Anthony DiNozzo was it. This something that they had together terrified both of them, although they didn't speak about it, but Gibbs knew he was willing to keep trying because one day he might understand it. All he could hope is that one day he would also have the courage to tell Tony exactly how he felt.