Work Text:
Author: pixel
Title: National Demon Hunters League
Part:1/?
Pairing: not fixed
Rating: NC17
Feedback: always welcome
Concrit much appreciated and possibly needed
Disclaimer: Anything you recognise is still owned by Joss et al ~ or the various other writers, studios and tv companies
Beta(s): don’t have one
Distribution: hell, if anyone wants it just take it. Just drop me a line so I can take a look.
AN : I was re-reading voracity’s wonderful ‘pretty boy’ series (which you can find here
http://www.e-fic.com/voracity/misc/crossovers.html )
and the bit with Xander and the succubus sort of inspired my muse, and she wouldn’t shut up until I wrote this
Cordelia settled in front of the computer, she’d used the demon database to identify the baddie of the day, and there was nothing else to do until Wes and Angel finished with the research. Looking at the screen she saw a button that she’d never noticed before; offering a link to a sister site, the NDHL. As she was kind of bored, Cordy decided to take a look.
The new site was much flashier than the demon database and the homepage was full of links. ‘Hottie of the month’, ‘Tips to avoid getting vanquished’, ‘Do’s and Don’ts On Meeting A Hunter’, ‘All Time Top Ten’, ‘Most Entertaining Fights’, ‘Most Embarrassing Deaths’. She hovered the mouse over a couple of choices before settling on ‘latest News’.
The screen wavered for a second, and then a demon came into view. He was wearing a shiny suit and sported the kind of smile that would have made a used car salesman proud. He had a microphone in his hand and launched into a spiel worthy of a game-how host.
“Welcome, welcome one and all. Well it’s that time again; we’re ready to announce the ‘Hunter of the Month’. It was actually a much closer competition this time; those lovely Winchester boys are starting to come into their own, but I don’t suppose it’s going to surprise anyone that for the seventeenth month running our winner is ……drum-roll please…., ‘The White Knight.’
Now obviously we can’t have the man himself down here, he does tend to be a little hard on the indigenous population. But we do have a wonderful treat coming your way, a special interview with the sweet little thing whose untimely demise pushed his numbers over the edge.
Now please, put your hands, or indeed your tentacles together, and give a warm welcome to Brandi. Now we’re going to have to go easy on her folks, she’s only been back among us for a day.”
Cordelia continued watching as the camera swept over the audience for a second, showing demons of every kind whooping and cheering, then panned slowly back to the stage and focused on the new arrival. The woman was gorgeous, a body of pure perfection that not even Cordelia could find fault with, she had long blonde hair cascading in curls down her back and was wearing a tiny dress that only served to accentuate her lush body.
The host demon hugged her tightly and handed her a microphone of her own, “Now sweetheart, why don’t you tell us a little about yourself and how you came to be here.”
“Well I’m Brandi and I’m a succubus.” That announcement brought cheering and catcalls from the crowd and she preened at the attention. “You are all like soooo sweet. I was just out in Sunnydale, minding my own business, trying to get a good meal when I saw him. I really should have just left him alone but, he’s just like so totally dreamy I had to see what he tasted like, anyway I went up to him and…….”
“Let me just interrupt you there, turns out there were some cameras running in Sunnydale last night, so would you all like to see what happened to our lovely Brandi.” As the choruses of “Yes’s” rang out from the audience, the screen wavered again and this time when it regained focus it showed Brandi walking through one of Sunnydale’s many graveyards.
Cordelia watched closely as the succubus approached a man who was leaning against one of the larger mausoleums. She couldn’t see his face because it was firmly in shadow, but what she could see of him was definitely worth a second look. There was no sound, but Cordelia could see Brandi talking to him, and then she watched in awe as he moved away from the mausoleum and swept the succubus into his arms.
As he devoured the demon’s lips, Cordelia certainly appreciated the picture they presented; Brandi was mostly hidden from view by the hunter’s lean, hard body and Cordelia was fascinated by the sight of black leather stretched tight over the finest butt she’d ever seen. She whimpered in disappointment when the succubus disappeared in a flash of light and the screen returned to the studio.
Brandi was sniffing into a tissue and the host was patting her sympathetically. “Now honey, we know that was hard to watch, but do you think you could tell us a little about how you feel?”
“It was like amazing, I mean that guy can really kiss, I was just getting into it, he’d have been the finest meal I’d have had in years. I don’t know what he eats, but he tastes like nothing else on earth. Then Poof I had a blessed knife in my chest and I was gone. I popped up in the reception room and it was like I couldn’t believe it’d happened.”
“We know dear, so many of us here went through the same thing.”
“It was just like soooo not fair. I wasn’t ready for this. I’m in the prime of my life, I shouldn’t be back here yet.” Brandi was pouting now and the audience “Awwwd” along in sympathy.
“Now Brandi, you did go feeding in a hunter’s territory, you must have known it could happen.”
“Well yeah, but not to ME, I mean it’s not like I’m evil, not like some of you guys.”
“You do eat people Brandi.”
“They always die happy, and it’s not like I go round feeding on just anybody. Trust me, most of the guys I take out are no great loss to the human race.”
“That’s true sweetie, but you should’ve realised that hunters just don’t tend to understand that.”
“I know, I know….he was just too tempting and I figured that a quick taste was worth the risk. Though let me tell you I’m glad that if I had to go, he was the one to do it. GOD I couldn’t imagine how embarrassing it would be to get taken out by one of the lesser hunters; you know like that Angel idiot. I mean the guys that he kills never live it down.”
“Tell us about it hun, I mean the support groups down here are just overflowing with the poor souls who fell victim to that particular brooding ass. Now I know that you’ve got a lot of work to do re-acclimatising to life here in the Underworld, so we’re going to let you go. Come on everyone lets have another round of applause for our brave little girl.”
Brandi walked slowly off stage, stopping to gift the audience with a blinding smile and a series of blown kisses; that caused a half a dozen or so demons to pass out in a lust-inspired daze. The host waited for the cheering and stomping to die down before he began speaking again, “Well that’s all we have for you folks today, but we’ll be right here again next month, with a brand new show. Now I want you all to remember this face, if you see him, just run like hell.
Come on now people make it a bit tougher on him this month, lets try not to keep throwing ourselves in his path and helping him win. He maybe gorgeous, but the man is deadly, so no matter how tempted you are Just Say No” The audience shouted out the last line along with the host and then gave him a standing ovation as he left the stage.
Cordelia waited in keen anticipation as the studio faded away and the screen began to fill with a full-length picture of the man from the cemetery. She was already trying to figure out how she could wrangle a way to meet him, maybe she could get Wes and Angel to offer him a job, but for now she’d settle for just lusting after his picture.
Her gaze travelled up the screen, from the ‘Hunter of the Month’ caption, past the sinful leather pants, lingering a little on a beautifully muscled torso and onto his face. No, oh hell no, it couldn’t be.
The workers at AI had become connoisseurs of Cordelia’s screams over the years. There was the ‘I’m being attacked by a demon’ scream, the ‘You got demon slime on my new boots’ scream and the ever popular ‘something good’s happened to someone I hate scream.’ But the pure screeching fury that echoed round the building was new to all of them.
Wes and Angel exchanged wary looks, neither wanting to be the one who had to investigate. Finally Angel spoke up, “You’re the boss now, remember Wes; that makes her your responsibility.”
“Well as the boss, I’m delegating, so I think you should go check on her.”
“Oh for heaven’s sake; it’s just Cordy; how bad could it be?” Fred’s voice was exasperated and she glared at the three men. “Useless all of you.” Angel, Gunn and Wes could only shake their heads as they watched her go up to the lobby. There was no substitute for experience, and Fred was just going to have to learn the hard way; that Cordelia was not someone you messed with, ever, especially when she sounded like that.
When no more screams came down from the lobby, they decided it was safe to venture upstairs, when they got there, they saw Fred trying to talk to Cordelia. Their Seer was completely unresponsive, her mouth was gaping wide and she was pointing at the computer monitor and gibbering a little.
Angel crept a little closer so he could see what had got her so upset, as he came nearer he could hear her a few of the words that were mixed in with the anguished groans coming from Cordelia’s open mouth, “no…no…not him….not again….no….not possible…..must be a mistake…no….”
He tilted the screen back and took a look at the picture, well he’d never liked the boy, but Angel just didn’t have the first clue why a picture of Xander Harris would affect Cordelia so badly.
Tbc….