Work Text:
Love and Mischief: 15 Things Overheard at Scribe's Cottage During the Holiday Season
by Scribe
"Tinsel, glass Christmas balls--and cats. WHAT WAS I THINKING?"
"So I thought this year I'd make fudge. Well, have you got any idea how hazardous it is to allow Strife around a jar of marshmallow fluff?
"That's to coat the bon bons, and... JETT--GET AWAY FROM ME WITH THAT MELTED CHOCOLATE!"
"Hey Greagus. I had a talk with the cats. They promise no more raiding your food dish or crapping in your favorite napping place for a year. I can't swear they'll be able to abstain for the full time, but I tried. Merry Christmas."
"Here ya go, Accord. They're called 'scrunchies'."
"Yes, I know I promised to teach you to dance so you could surprise Ares. But Joxer, aren't you being a little optimistic, just wanting to learn how to lead?"
"Trust me, Ares--learning how to follow when you dance will be the best Winter Solstice gift you can give Joxer."
"No, Jayce, I can't introduce you to William Stonebridge.** Chase would smack both of us silly, but I'd REALLY catch it because he knows that I know better."
"Okay, Strife. I'm making a trip to visit my family in the future, and I can pick up some gifts and supplies for you. What do you need? Uh-huh. Pet rocks. Uh-huh. Silly String. Uh-huh. Super-Soaker. Uh-huh. I'd better put some rain gear on the list for myself. What else? Uh-huh. Peppermint Altoids... Wait--you aren't going to slip those into Apollo's pills are you? Oh, for Greagus--for his breath. I'd better get you a case."
"Okay, Mjau. If it runs on batteries, I'll bring you back the automatic self-cleaning litterbox. Though I can't fathom why you'd want one. I thought it amused you to listen to Ares swear when Joxer talks him into cleaning yours."
"We're going to have to watch Strife when he's around Hestia. He got her to invent fruitcake."
"C'mon, Hades. I'm not asking you to wear the black lipstick--just a black kilt and maybe a little eyeliner. After all, you're already kind of Goth by default. And besides, I be Persephone would think it's sexy."
"I'm going to make sure there's no risk of Zeus catching me under the mistletoe, cause that sucker would probably try to take it beyond a kiss. I know--I'll show him a scrying mirror of my mother taking after my neice's boyfriend when he fondled Rachel without permission. Mom would have been on COPS if they'd had a video crew in the area, and her redneck accent was a little thicker."
"No wonder he won't talk to you. Ares, you've got to realize that tickling can go past foreplay into torture. Let me introduce you to the concept of the safe word."
"There should be at least one person on Olympus who can arrange an Internet hook-up for me for Christmas. You're GODS, for pity's sake!"
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