Work Text:
Five Things Our Boys Would Never Say (Except Possibly to be Sarcastic)
by Scribe
--Ares--
"Can't we all just get along?"
"Say, Gabrielle--you're right. Violence ISN'T the answer."
"Pink? LOVE IT!"
"Please, Joxer--not so rough! Try a little tenderness."
"Wear leather? And promote the slaughter of innocent cows?"
--Strife--
"This outfit is too damn tight."
"Hand me that comb. I just can't get mah damn hair to stay neat."
"That wasn't funny--that was mean."
"I'm not laughing at you--I'm laughing WITH you."
"Cupid? Blah."
--Cupid--
"Strife could be cute if he'd just get a tan."
"There's nothing more boring than other people's love lives."
"Sex? Yawn."
"My mother has never tried to interfer in my life."
"I wish I wasn't blond--no one takes me seriously."
--Joxer--
"Ladies, please! One at a time... Okay, TWO at a time."
"I can't wait to introduce my brothers to my friends."
"War--huh. Great Zeus, y'all. What is it good for? Absolutely NOTHIN'!"
"Wait a minute--why am I fooling myself? I SUCK at being a warrior."
"You know, Gabby, I've come to the conclusion that there HAS to be some harpy in your ancestry."