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Buffy sank to the floor with her face in her hands, she broke down crying as Xander stood in the doorway with a frozen expression on his face. He stared at her, knowing how she felt, cuz he felt like his heart was ripped out too. "How could she have slept with that creature, how could they do this to us?" His mind asked a million questions but him knowing that this wasn't the time. His eyes never left Buffys crumpled body on the floor. His heart went out to her, he went over to her and pulled her in his arms, but crying now.

"Let go of me." Buffy said hysterically pushing away from him.

"I know you Buffy, you don't want me to see you this way, but I'm here, no matter how angry I am with you, I wont let you go through this alone." He said pulling her in an embrace.

"No, no"...Buffy cried. Xander held her body close to him not wanting to let go of her, wanting to take away the pain for both of them. "You cant see me this way, I'm supposed to be the strong one." Buffy yelled tears streaking down her face.

"You've been strong for 6 years, just let it out." Xander said in a low muffled voice. Holding her head as he stroked her hair, as she stopped struggling, and just cried in his arms. For minutes, they just cried together, realizing what they have lost, and realized that everything has changed now. Minutes seemed to be hours as they held eachother in silence. Buffy slowly back into consciousness, she could feel his breathe on her and his hand stroking her shoulder. She looked up at him, and he gave her a little frown.

"We will get through this, we still have a big bad to defeat." Xander reminded her.

"I know, I am glad your here, I'm always here for you, I just need time away from the group, or away from them or.." Buffy trailed off feeling a lump in her throat starting to rise again. His hand reached her head, pulling hair away from her face.

"We'll deal with this, just like everything else in our lives that have happened in the past." Xander promised with a little pain on his face.

Buffy forced a smile for Xander. "He's been so sweet, taking time away from his feelings for me." She thought to herself. "Thank you Xander, if you need to talk, you know where I live." She said touching his face lightly. He looked down at her and their eyes locked. Her hand lingered on his face as she broke off the gaze. She gently pushed him away as she got up. Both feeling the tension that suddenly was in the air, Xander too got up and straightened his jacket. Buffy crossed her arms, gave him a light smile and turned to leave. Shutting the door quietly.

In Xanders apartment, he paced his room, punching the wall. As he started up at the ceiling and closed his eyes. Several scenes ran through his mind, the picture of Spike and Anya making love on the table, from the expression of horror of Buffys face as she saw what was happening, and then the feeling in his heart when he realized that his sworn enemy was not only sleeping with his best friend, but his ex girlfriend. To much was going on, and he didn't know what to do. For Buffy, for himself, for anyone. He was at a complete and utter loss of what to do.

The next morning Buffy closes the door to the Summers house quietly. She had been out ever since she had left Xanders apartment, out patrolling. She had hoped something had killed her during patrol. So that way she didn't have to go back home and face the embarrassment and disappointment from Dawn, Willow or even Tara. A footstep behind Buffy made her turn quickly as she held up her stake.

"Woah, hold the killing off, it's just me." Willow said holding up her pillow in defense. Buffy looked at Willow and tears fell to her eyes. Willow always have that ability to make a persons feelings spill out by just one look. "Oh, I didn't mean to make you cry." Willow said softly as she hugged her best friend.

She pulled away and brought Buffy to the kitchen table as she sat the broken slayer down. "Do you want to talk?" Willow asks as she sits across from her watching her with intent.

Buffy sighed and slammed down the glass of water in front of her. "I'm sick of crying, I'm sick of caring." Buffy snapped looking up towards the stairs. Reading Buffys mind Willow shakes her head.

"Dawns asleep. She waited up for you till about 2 this morning and then went to bed." Willow said gently.

Buffy looked down. "She must be so disappointed in me." Buffy said pulling her hair back in a ponytail.

"She's not disappointed in you, you just messed up, you thought that he'd changed, you thought.." Willow was cut off.

"I thought he loved me, boy was I wrong." Buffy finished.

Willow looked at her friend tiredly, not knowing what to really say. "Where did you go after you saw the tape?" Willow asked softly.

Buffy got up to put away the dishes on the table into the sink. Her back to Willow as she talks. "I went after Xander, I didn't want him doing anything stupid, after we confronted Spike and Anya he ran back to his apartment." Buffy said solemnly.

"Well at least things didn't get too bad, right?" Willow asked timidly. Buffy froze as still as night. "Buffy...?" Willow asked worriedly.

"Xander left because he found out." Buffy said squeezing her eyes shut remembering the look of distaste on Xanders face as he found out. Willow was silent so she could allow her friend to finish. "He found out about Spike and I." Buffy said in a steady voice.

"Oh god." A voice behind them spoke. Tara stood before them. Tara looked sheepishly. "I'm sorry, I came down cuz I heard noises, I wasn't earsdropping." Tara said hurriedly. Willow got up and grabbed Taras hand as they stood in front of Buffy.

"It's okay Tara, your family, you should be included in this." Buffy said softly. Tara gave a small smile and put her hand on Buffys shoulder in reassurance.

"We'll get through this, Anya and Spike may be scoobys, they may fight battles with us, but there not family." Willow said firmly.

Buffy sat back down in her chair with a smile on her face. "That's actually funny, that's what Xander said." Buffy laughed honestly.

"How is Xander, are you guys okay?" Tara asked curiously.

"We're fine, I followed him back to his place, we had an argument, both then broke down crying, and he held me, he was really sweet about it, you know." Buffy replied.

"Aww, that is sweet." Tara agreed.

"Yes, Xander loves you, he may be angry about what you did, but he's more angry that you guys were betrayed." Willow said as she and Tara linked arms. Willow bit her lip looking down.

"What's wrong?" Buffy asks alittle worried look appearing on her face.

"We have a meeting tomorrow, Giles wants to get us up to date about Warren and the other two." Willow reminded her.

Buffy shook her head, and then it dawned on her. Spike and Anya would be there. Buffy closed her eyes, but then opened them suddenly. "So, let them be there. This is my town, they wont break me." Buffy said determinly, with a calm expression rising on her face.

The next day was a silent morning, not many talked as they entered the magic box. Anya apparently was the first one there, with Giles a close second. Giles who was more intuned with looking through some of the new novels that he had gotten in shipment.

Buffy silently walked in as she saw Xander walking through the other door into the Magic Box. They exchanged silent but comforting looks as an arm caught Buffy from behind as she turned to see Spike beside her. Her eyes flashed with a dangerous light. She yanked her arm away from his grasp.

"We need to talk." He said simply in a low tone his eyes looking through her.

"We have nothing to talk about." Buffy snapped alittle to loudly as the gang started to talk notice.

Xander who was talking to Anya, or yelling at Anya hadn't really noticed Spikes arrival.

Willow stood up with a rise of her power starting to flare. Tara grabbed her arm and pulled her down.

"This is between them Willow, you need to let them figure this out." Tara told her girlfriend. Willow sat silently watching Spikes every move.

"Spike this isn't the place." Buffy said quietly. She said trying to get him to loosen up his grip.

"Then lets go to my crypt, I can explain this." Spike said his hand still on her.

"No." Buffy said alittle louder than before. "Were not going anywhere together." She stated. She desperately needed a reason not to go, being alone with him right now was the last place in the world she wanted to be.

His hand wandered down her side, tempting her, trying to goat her into leaving with him.

"She's not going anywhere with you dead boy." Xander yelled from across the room, taking notice on what was going on. He floored over to Spike as Spike took his grip off of Buffy and dared Xander to make a move, despite knowing he couldn't fight back regardless.

"Xander you don't need to go nuts and beating people up, its none of your business, we are not together anymore." Anya yelled at him.

"Oh brother." Giles mumbles to himself as he walks out of the room, to let the raging teenagers scream at eachother. "I don't bloody even want to know what's going on." He said outloud to himself as he leaves the room.

Xander whirled on Anya. "So you like boinking the undead, how could you even let him touch you?" Xander said bitterly. Anya looks down at a loss of what to say.

"Buffy liked it, to tell you the truth, alot, remember she likes it rough." Spike said with a smirk.

Xander went towards him as he went to hit him. Two flashes of lightening threw both Spike and Xander apart, all the way across the magic box. Willow puts her hands down with magic leaving her hands. Willow stares at them in coldness. Not saying a word.

Xander gets up and walks by Spike. With his back turned he states coldly. "Even if you are right, She'll never love you, and neither will Anya." Xander walks out the door with a loud bang with the door. Silence fills the room. And Buffy gives Willow a grateful look and turns around and walks out the door with just as a bang as Xander had.

"Leave now." Willow says in a low dangerous tone. Spike just looks at the remaining scoobys and shakes his head in disgust as he leaves the Magic Box as well. Tara looks at Willow. She notices that Willows hands are shaking from the power she let loose with the lightening. Tara looks at her lover worriedly. But doesn't say a word as the rest of them look at eachother in silence.

Later that night Buffy decides to go out patrolling, still shaken up from the earlier day. She sits on a fresh grave as she waits for something to fight, to kill, to maim, hopefully all of the above. She sat still as she heard a noise behind her. "This isn't the best time to fight me, but as you wish." Buffy says loudly as she grabs her stake and jumps as she hits the air with her stake but nothing crumbles as she realizes Xander is standing in front of her.

He stands in front of her in silence as he looks at her. Buffy looks away from his stare and laughs outloud. "Silence is overrated today." Buffy said looking down at the ground wearily.

"Why?" Xander asked as the question filled the air. When she didn't answer he tried a diffrent approach. "Why him?" He made the word "him" sound dirty and degrading. He went in front of her and kneeled in front of her as she sat on the gravestone. He looked up at her with intent. "Why?" he repeated.

She opened her mouth but no sound came out, she had no real reason, or she did, but she didn't know how to tell him.

"When you guys brought me back, I was alone, lost." Buffy said firmly. He was silent as he watched and listened to her speak.

She sat on the ground next to him with her legs crossed and her hands on her knees. "I didn't know how to feel anymore, and the only person who I remotely felt alive with, was Spike." She said carefully picking her words.

"Couldn't you find someone else to full-fill your needs?" He gulped numbly.

Buffy laughs into the night. "And who would that be? Giles, you?" Buffy asked.

Xander looking very serious at that comment speaks in a low voice. "If it meant not letting dead boy touch you, yes."

Buffy not knowing what to say to that bit her lip. "You know I couldn't do that, nor could you." Buffy reasoned with him. "It was a mistake. I should have known that Spike didn't love me though." Buffy sighed.

The sat looking away from eachother, looking at the environment around them. "Things will get better, I think." Xander reassured her.

"I'm glad your here." Buffy smiles.

"Me too. Isn't it ironic, how we don't talk that much for months and now your the only person I seem to only be able to talk too." Xander tells her.

"I know, I went to bed about 3:30 this morning and I couldn't sleep, I almost went over to your house, but didn't want to wake you." Buffy said stretching her legs. He smiled warmly at her, he didn't realize how much he had missed his best friend until now.

Suddenly a hang grabbed Buffys neck and swung her backwards and into a nearby gravestone. Hitting her head rather hard didn't stop her from jumping up and charging toward the newly vampire who had risen next to them unexpectedly.

"Buffy." Xander yelled as he threw a weapon in the air. She caught it with her left hand and slid it in the vampires heart easily. As it screamed and turned to dust.

"Thanks Xan." She said gratefully she nodded in his direction. "I guess I'm going to go home now, I need to try to attempt to get some sleep." Buffy said grabbing her coat. Xander grabbed her hand to stop her from leaving. Buffy looked at him a bit puzzled.

"Don't go home, stay at my apartment tonight." He said stuttering and blushed as he finished his sentence.

Buffy opens her mouth and closes it a few times before trying to answer.

Xander puts up his hands. "We are just friends, I mean, we could comfort eachother, just be there for eachother, I have a feeling its the only way either of us with will sleep." He lets go of her hand and puts his hands in his pocket.

Buffy grabs her coat and gives him a warning look. "No funny business right?" She said jokingly.

He couldn't resist the smile that crept up on his face. "Mrs. Summers, don't you trust me?" He said mockingly. He took his hand out of his pocket and leaned out his hand to her.

Buffy licked her lips nervously but then smiled. "With my life." She said sincerely as she gently put her hand in his.

As they walk through the graveyard to Xander's apartment they don't notice a figure peering out at them through the bushes. The person watches them as they glide out of the cemetary hand in hand. "What a liar, he's no better than me, he's doing the same thing. Well fine, He will pay." Vowed Anya as she took off into the darkness.

PART TWO:

Back at Xanders apartment he brought Buffy to his spare room. He looked sheepishly at her. "I wasn't expecting company." He said as he looked around the room and at his messy apartment.

"The rooms great Xander, really." She said softly. Touching his shoulder in approval.

"This will probably do us good, to be around eachother, since nobody really can understand what we are going through." Xander said as he fixed the light above her door.

"I know, I love Willow and Tara but they are so wrapped up in there love, that they cant possibly understand what im going through, and Dawns still a teenager, she has a blind eye when it comes to Spike." Buffy admitted.

"Runs in the family." Xander said bitterly, but then quickly apologized. He put up his hands in surrender. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean anything by it, just slipped." Xander said apologetically.

Buffy smiled timidly at him. "I have to change, can you..?" She trailed off as he got the hint.

Xander jumped backwards awkwardly. "Yes me too, let me know when your done and I'll put the cover to the lightbulb, I'm going to change as well." Xander said as he shut her door. He quickly changed into black boxers and a white teeshirt. He heard Buffy knock something over in the bedroom. Xander smiles to himself. "Leave it to Buffy to be clumsy while changing into clothes." He thought to himself. The thought excaped him as Buffy yelled through the door "I'm all set Xander."

Xander opened the door and knocked over the drink on the cabinet as he saw how beautiful she looked. Even in the dead of bedtime, she looked incredibly gorgous. With her hair down and her blue nightgown that was above her knees. She was lying down in the bed reading one of his magazines on his stand.

"So what are you doing tommorow?" Buffy asked Xander as he started fixing her light and put the cover back on it.

He looked over at her, trying to concentrate. "I don't know, Giles called me earlier tonight and told me that he wanted to have another scooby meeting tommorow, this time not to screw it up." Xander said rolling his eyes.

"We should go." Buffy said as she put down her paper. And looked at him with a tight expression.

"And have Anya tell me what a bad person I am, when shes the one who did this whole thing." Xander exclaimed.

"Just ignore her, don't let her bug you. If thats your only problem, and it hurts you to talk to her, so just ignore her Xan." Buffy said.

"I'll kill him." Xander said honestly. "Ifff-If Willow hadn't done that spell today, I would have." He said looking away as he sat on the bed.

"I think that its over between them, I can understand you still hating him, but I dont think they were ever serious." Buffy reassured him.

Xander looked at her and laughed. "You think thats why? Its not." Xander answered.

Buffy looked at him, cocking her head to the side. She waited for Xander to go on speaking.

"The way he think's he owns you, the way he touches you, I know you and you didnt like it when he touched you today, and you didnt stop him. Maybe you cant for some reason." Xander rambeled on.

Buffy touched his face. "I'll be fine, when it comes to the undead, I can hold my own." Buffy promised him.

Xander shook his head. "I'll kill him if he touches you again." He said emotionally.

"Is that why wanted me to come over tonight?" Buffy asked gently.

Xander stared at her. "Partially, But I was telling the truth when I said that we were the only people who understand."

Buffy quietly agreed nodding her head. Xander stood up and walked to the door. "I'm going to go to bed now." He said clearing his throat in embarresment. He turned his back on her as she called his name.

"Xander?" he turned back to her soft voice. Her hand was held out as she looked at him trustingly. He knew what she was asking. It wasn't sex, or revenge, it was solace. Part of him thought this was wrong, but the other part of him knew that it was just two friends sleeping together, for comfort, nothing more, nothing less. He looked at her face, making sure she was serious. Eventually after moments of pondering the situation, he closed his hand in hers his eyes never leaving her face, and got into the bed with her, he pushed himself up alittle so that she could lean her head against his chest as he stroked her hair slowly as they both drifted to sleep.

About half way through the night, Xander woke up, very aware of the body that had gotten on top of him, Grinding her body against him slowly she reached underneath the covers to caress the sudden bulge in his pants.

"Buf-" he started to say but she cut him off as her mouth caught him in mid sentence. He participated numbly, not knowing what to do. She deepened the kiss as she started pulling down his boxers. Xander moaned as he felt her moving his boxers down. She pulled her mouth away from his as she managed to get his boxers all the way down. She leaned back down as she moaned outloud. "Spike..."

That made Xander wake back up into reality. He gently but firmly pushed her away quickly, panting as he turned on the light beside the bed.

She had been pushed on to the bottom of the bed. She too was confused and out of breathe. Untill hot embaresment ran over her face. "I was dreaming, and I thought I was dreaming, and your here, and oh my god." Buffy said scrambeling to pull the nightgown strap up and got off the bed.

Buffy threw on her coat. "Xander I have to go." She said with tears in her eyes.

"Buffy no, don't, You didn't mean for it to happen, I understand, this is partially my fault." He said quckly trying to hide the shock on his face.

Buffy grabbed her stuff as she pushed opened the door to the room and burst out in a run into the night. She was gone and out of sight before Xander had a chance to get his pants on. Xander ran his hand through his hair and closed his eyes. He closed the door. Thoughts were running through his head all over the place. "Did she think I was Spike the whole time?" "Would we have made love if she hadnt said Spikes name?" "Why did she have to feel that good?"

Xander went to the refrigerator and got a glass of water. They had been best friends for six years, never once had she wanted him in that way. And never once had he tried to prusade her into anything. Everything was just so damn confusing. "Why can't things just be simple like they were in highschool?" He said out loud in desperation.

Buffy arrived at home a little while later with her nightgown still on but her coat over it. Willow met her in the hallway.

"We gotta stop meeting this way." Buffy said nervously.

Willow looked at her worridly. "Xander just called. He wanted to make sure you were okay and that you made it home safe." Willow said slowly looking at her friend.

"Xander called?" Buffy asked hurridly.

"Yes..." Willow said. She could feel her witch senses starting to kick in. Something wasn't right here.

"What did he say?" Buffy demanded alittle to quickly.

"Nothing, just wanted to make sure you were okay and made it home safe, you are okay, right Buff?" Willow asked eyeing her carefully.

Buffy faked a bright smile. "Off course I am, just had a hard night of patrolling, alot of beasties out tonight." Buffy said lightly. she pushed past Willow and headed for the stairs.

"Okay, don't forget your taking Dawn to the mall tommorow before the scooby meeting." Willow said quietly.

"Damn, I forgot about the scooby meeting" she thought as she dreaded having to see Xander there. Especially after what she did. "I'll get Dawn up early and we will head out early, that way she can't say im not speading sister time with her." Buffy said forcing another smile as she walked up the stairs as a quiet Willow studied her friend walking up the stairs. "Somethings definetly not right." Willow said to herself as she watched Buffy close her door.