SquidgeWorld Archive

Leaning into the deck railing, forearms crowded into his body and braced against the wood to both ward off the sharp winter wind as well has hold in whatever warmth he had left, Vin Tanner stared up at the stars in the clear night sky. Only a light breeze blew yet that was enough to send a shiver chasing down his spine once or twice in the time he had been out in the cold with only a light flannel shirt to keep him warm. He had eased out from the massive bed, careful not to wake his lovers as he had pulled on his clothes and headed out back of Chris' ranch to watch the night sky.

Hearing the kitchen door open onto the deck, apparently he hadn't been all that successful. If it were anyone other than this bunch, the tracker would have been worried about losing his touch. As it was, he monitored the quiet progress until whichever it was had followed him out here was close enough not to startle.

"Sorry; didn't mean ta wake ya."

"Quite alright, Vin. I do enjoy staring up at the night sky in the bitter cold while clad solely in my unmentionables." Ezra drawled. Vin noted there was a humor in the wry, velvet tone that wouldn't have been there a month ago.

A quiet smile stretched the tracker's mouth, though he never looked away from the landscape. "Hardly call jeans and Buck's sweatshirt unmentionable, Ez."

"They are to me, Mister Tanner." A brief pause and then the slightly exasperated, "And just how did you know what I was wearing?"

Several things, really. The fact that no one else's jeans would fit meant Ez wore his own and that he would hardly come out on the back deck without some type of warmth meant he had grabbed something from the pile. The fact that Ezra hated the cold more'n anything and that he would chose the warmest option meant it would be a mite too big; add to that the light scent of Old Spice ID'd it as Buck's.

"Nevermind. Far be it from me to cast the bright light of explanation over your highly famed powers of mystery and deduction."

The smile grew unseen, Ezra joining him at the rail. A slight hesitation, barely noticeable and he felt his arms around him, strength and solid heat seeping in through the worn fleece and flannel, canceling the outside chill. "What's wrong, Vin?"

"Nothin'." He felt the slight shift, could imagine the frown from the increase in tension and caught Ezra's arms around his stomach, trapping them there. "Nothin's wrong, Ez," he insisted. "Just thinkin' is all."

Ezra seemed to accept this, relaxing once more against the hard plains of his back, voice muffled slightly as he turned his cheek to speak. "At 2am? Outside, and in the middle of winter?"

He could hear the curiosity though the question was left open and the Texan sighed at the courtesy; the unconscious distance. Answer or not, it was just like Ezra not to pry; as if, even after months of being lovers, the southerner still wasn't quite sure about his place among them; about his right to be included in their lives. Vin's life.

Vin knew all about that feeling of not-belonging, of not daring to intrude where he might not be wanted.

"Yeah, I guess." And then, because Ezra *was* wanted, a spark of good humor made Vin add the truth, "Outside, in the middle of winter, at 2am on Christmas Eve. Where else would you go to look for Santa?"

Vin leaned into the warmth as he felt Ezra rub a cheek into his shoulder. He grinned. Probably just scratchin' his nose...

"Well now that, if anything, would require a more in depth explanation."

Vin sighed, knowing it did and knowing there was truly no reason not to offer one. The memory had ceased to be painful and now only held a sorrow that had become well worn and mellow with age.

His hands holding Ezra's against the flannel over his stomach served to ground him as the Texan's eyes automatically sought out the stars that sparkled in the clear night sky of the mountains. "You fellas know I grew up in an orphanage since I was five 'till I was old enough to walk out on my own..."

The snort behind him blew warm breath against his shoulder blade through his shirt. Vin sighed at the heat. "Having had the misfortune to know firsthand - at least somewhat - of what that world might have be like and knowing the incredible independence of your stubborn nature, I would hazard a guess that would have been at age 12 or thereabouts?"

This time he chuckled and it was a bit more amused; by Ezra's unknowingly high opinion of the 'incredible independence of his stubborn nature' if nothing else. "Nah, Ez," Vin denied. "Round about age 15 Nettie came 'round durin' one of her food drives and determined t' put me t' work. She saw there were more kids than supplies and felt I needed somewhere to grow up without 'undue influences'."

Vin smiled in fond memory of the sixty something year old woman, white hair tied back in a bun and looking for all the world like Mrs. Clause out from the North Pole in her red coat and black bad-weather boots. Not that he had ever or would ever tell her that. Still the awe from that very first glimpse had remained through the years he had spent helping her work her ranch and through his military and bounty hunting days after that. Miz Nettie was *not* a woman you wanted to cross, that was for danged sure...

"Now that, I most certainly can imagine to have been a most fearsome sight," Ezra chuckled, shivering with a gust of wind as his stepped in closer to Vin's warmth. "But that still has yet to explain why you would be looking toward the heavens for Santa Clause."

"Every year when I was little in the orphanage, th' older boys would tell me stories about how they swore to see Santa from the attic window until I had to go see 't for m'self. And every year I would stay up later and later, my eyes glued to the stars for just a glimpse of Santa an' his sleigh..." Vin sighed in memory. "I watched for those lights until I couldn't stay awake any more and would fall asleep curled up under that window with only a blanket."

"Well that certainly explains the patience you possess now," Ezra chuckled. The kiss he placed to the back of Vin's neck burned hot in contrast with the frozen landscape that shone in the moonlight all around them. It was Vin's turn to shiver. "You must have been the cutest little boy to anyone having found you the next morning,"

"You kiddin'?" Though no one had had ever 'found' him, Vin chuckled, rousing enough from memory to insist firmly, "I was adorable."

"Of that, Mister Tanner, I have no doubt."

"Yeah, well, ya better not." Shaking his head, Vin squeezed the hands holding his once.

The only trouble with that was the fact that 'adorable' didn't erase the fact that, every year, in his quest wait up for Santa Clause, Vin would oversleep, running downstairs into the main room with the worn blue blanket in tow only to find - again that year - all of the other kids playing with the new toys and nothing left for him under the tree. Each year the older kids would do that. Telling him to watch for Santa. Each year Vin would sail down the stairs after a heartbreaking vigil only to be left without food for breakfast or a present of his own. Again. And again, until the year he got too old and realized what they were doing.

After that, no longer needing toys to cling to, he then began to watch for himself; talking to his Ma into the night sky, curled up in that lone blue blanket that had been made from her own two hands; her last gift to him.

In the silence that followed his story, Vin ignored the tears that ran gentle trails down his face and the fact that, in all likelihood, with their relentless teasing, Vin had undoubtedly only grown to be a better man because of it all. The hands that tangled themselves in his now were solid enough to hold him through.

"Vin I - I can't speak to the amount of food that will be left should you over sleep in the morning being as how Buck, JD and Josiah are want to wake up and make a beeline for the kitchen..." The dry southern drawl was thick with emotion and Vin chuckled at the rightness of the undercover hedging his bets.

Because Ez was more than right. Those three woke worse than hibernating bears, ready to devour anything in sight; up to and including Josiah's infamous 5 alarm chili washed down with cold biscuits and the remains of what everyone swore was Vin's too-strong coffee.

And that, too, was only right. That was family; *that* was *home*.

Closing his eyes on the tears the memories had caused, he savored the feel of arms around him, the chill bite of frost in the air, freezing his nose and fingers stiff and red. Sudden happiness bloomed and he smiled, knowing that tonight, he didn't have to stay out in the cold. He let go and enjoyed just standing under the stars with Ezra, sharing body heat while feeling them both trying not to shiver in the cold.

"However, I can promise that no matter how late you sleep, I know of six presents that shall still be there under the Christmas tree waiting for you, Vin." Breath moist and warm against his neck breathed the words out in a promise as Ezra pressed a tender kiss to his skin. "We shall be here, waiting only for you. Merry Christmas, Vin."

Then he was gone, only the soft click of the double French doors betraying his movement inside, leaving Vin to stare out at the wavering landscape, blurred and warped by tears he no longer tried to fight.

Ezra was right - he belonged now. Guess Ezra wasn't the only one worried about creating distance after all.

Uttering a soft laugh, as he turned to go Vin caught sight of a streak on the horizon, silver blazing a faint trail of red against the midnight black. Taking in the quiet cold that blanketed a stillness found only in middle of the night, Vin Tanner smiled. "Good night, Santa."

And with the Seven's traditional two fingered salute to that shooting star, headed back into the warmth of the den and his family waiting.