SquidgeWorld Archive

Title: Home Movies
Author: Poodle
Rating: PG
Summary: A sentimental vignette in which Doctor Crusher and Commander Data spend a quiet evening reminiscing about their children.

HOME MOVIES
By Poodle~

"Doctor, is something amiss?"

The soft voice from the doorway startled Beverly Crusher, and she looked up to find Commander Data watching her from the entrance.

"I'm all right." She brushed a strand of hair from her eyes and hurriedly stuffed something into her pocket.

"It is unusual to find you in the lab at this hour. Most Humans from your shift are currently well into their sleep cycles. I came to perform a medical cross-reference, but if I am intruding I shall return later." He turned on his heel and started for the door.

"Mister Data," she called after him. "You aren't interrupting. You may use the computer if you wish."

"If you are certain." He returned to her side and sat next to the terminal. His hands raced smoothly over a series of commands before he abruptly paused and looked up. A frown creased his brow. "Are you positive nothing is wrong, Doctor?"

"I'm fine." She shifted uneasily beneath his curious stare.

"Often my perceptions are in error where such things are concerned, but you appear different." His eyes probed her face with disturbing candor. "Your countenance is flushed, and your eyes appear somewhat swollen. Are you ill?"

She looked aside. "I'm all right, I was just sitting here dwelling on Wesley's absence." Her cheeks blazed with color as she confessed, "I miss my baby."

"The term baby is generally used in reference to extremely young offspring." A frown knitted the android's brow. "Your son is well beyond such years. Were you opposed to his admittance to the academy?"

"Of course not. It's just that...he's gone."

"That would seem a necessary inconvenience if he is to attend classes."

"Are you always this sympathetic?" She pursed her lips with annoyance.

"I regret my inability to offer proper solace. As a friend, it is my responsibility to do so, and yet," He patted her shoulder somewhat stiffly as his circuitry raced for a solution. "I see no reason for your grief. Wesley's absence is the result of success."

"I'm a mother."

"Ah! Maternal instinct." He brightened with understanding "Is it possible these inborn tendencies take precedence over intellect?"

"That's a compassionate way of putting it, Data." She shook her head with amusement. "I've never been accused of being overly emotional, except where Wesley's concerned. I'll be all right. I'm just feeling a bit nostalgic."

"Perhaps it will afford you solace to be reminded that your child will return. Alas, this is not always the case." His face assumed a somber light as he gazed into the doctor's face. "Sometimes they do not return."

"I know he'll come back, that's beside the..." She caught the look in his eyes and paused. "You're not talking about my child, are you?"

Data blinked in surprise when he realized his thoughts had gone from Wesley to...another.

"When you said, they don't always return, you were referring to Lal. You know what it's like to lose a child, forever." She rested her hand against his arm.

He pondered her words. "It would seem you are correct. Forgive my deviation of topics. I shall return to our original discourse."

"That's all right," she responded softly. "You never mention Lal. It's as if she never existed."

"Discussion of someone no longer present would serve no purpose. You will recall, I contain her memories. Is that not sufficient?"

"It's not the same." She pulled a holographic photo from the pocket of her lab coat, and her eyes wistfully passed over it. "I have these of Wesley and Jack. I drag them out sometimes late at night and wallow in the past when I'm feeling particularly moody. But they're only images."

"Memories without substance or flavor, containing the image but not the essence," he whispered. "I possess such a photo of Tasha. I believe that I understand."

"Tasha." Beverly sighed at the mention of the name. "Can you believe, until we saw Ishara I hadn't spoken of Tasha in over a year? Strange how that happens when the memories fade."

"For some." A smile ghosted across his pale lips.

"I almost forgot, you and she were...close, weren't you?"

The android's eyes shifted aside.

"I don't know much about it, really. Rumors circulated at the time, but I've never been one to pay much attention to gossip."

He gave her a blank stare.

His silence confused her, so she pressed. "Data, have you ever considered discussing Tasha and Lal with Deanna?"

"Why should I initiate such a discourse?"

"Professionally. You've suffered a great deal of loss these past few years. I've been moping here in the shadows because my son went off to school, while you've been carrying enough excess baggage to cripple ten of us."

"Professionally?" he repeated, puzzled. "Such a discussion would serve no purpose."

"I'm referring to therapeutic nurturing," she persisted. "The healthy release of unresolved issues that can only be achieved through the intervention of others." She leaned near and winked. "No man or android is an island."

"An area of land isolated by water." He frowned as he considered the phrase, then dismissed it with a shrug. "You contend that I should discuss my relationship with Tasha, with others?"

"I contend it's unhealthy to keep your emotions locked up, regardless of whether they're generated by chemical or electrical impulses. I'm a doctor; I know what internal destruction that can cause."

"I possess no emotions."

She regarded him for a moment before whispering, "Sometimes, I wonder."

"We find ourselves dichotomized on this issue."

"Is stubbornness an emotion?" she grumbled to herself. "You were lovers, for heaven's sake; that's nothing to be ashamed of. It's never easy to lose someone you care for."

"I fear ship's scuttlebutt has greatly exaggerated our...encounter. May I suggest we terminate this discussion?" He swallowed then continued softly, "I Gave my word."

"It was not my intention to pry." She relented, but her eyes hardened with resolve. "Still, I stand by my prognosis, Commander."

"Acknowledged. Doubtless, your recommendation was motivated by concern."

"Doubtless." Her eyes smiled, then she allowed a moment to pass before inquiring, "Data, would you be opposed to having tea with me?"

"I beg your pardon?" The golden brow furrowed.

"Tea, Mister Data? A cup of lemon tea." Without waiting for a response, she moved to the replicator on the wall and began to program the proper instructions. "Pull up a chair. I intend to bore you with old home movies."

"Celluloid reproductions have long ceased to be an effective means of preserving images." His face reflected bewilderment, but he sat.

"It's just a phrase." Crusher returned with two steaming cups and held one out. "For you."

He accepted and sniffed uncertainly at the contents.

"I promise it won't bite." She laughed at his expression as she pulled up a chair and ushered him close to the desk where she sat the holographic crystal she'd been caressing. "Trust me, you'll love these."

The android looked dubious as he sipped his tea.

"This is a traditional Human pastime," she assured as she activated the crystal that flickered into life and displayed the image of a young child with wide, dark eyes and a mischievous grin. "Humans consider it a great honor to view home movies. They vie for the opportunity to watch them."

"I was unaware you held me in such high regard as to include me in this ritual." Data's eyes lit with honor. "I shall attempt to observe proper decorum." He sat up straight and locked his attention on the image of the child.

A grin tugged at the corner of her mouth. "This is Wesley during the terrible twos."

"Inquiry: terrible twos?"

The doctor sighed and ignored the soft query. "Alas, they lingered to become the terrible fourteens; he mellowed somewhat after that." She touched a switch, and the image wavered into a child of around six. Her eyes caressed the simulation. "What is your impression of my son?"

Data blinked in surprise at the question and looked uneasy. "I was unaware active participation was required on my part." He peered at the holograph then his eyes sought Crusher's, seeking guidance. "He is...young?"

The woman laughed as she shifted to a third image of an awkward youth of around eight. "Handsome, isn't he?"

Data refrained from comment.

"Well?" The commander's silence prompted Crusher to challenge.

"His features are somewhat disproportionate. You will note the disparity between the ears and the--"

"*Data.*"

"Such lack of symmetry is quite common in young Humans and is often transitory. Although, upon occasion--"

"Data!"

The android's mouth snapped shut.

"The proper response during this ritual is to lavish your gracious host with boundless praise concerning the perfection of his or her family." Beverly controlled the impulse to laugh by glaring into his eyes.

"Regardless of the validity of such statements?" He frowned.

"Regardless," she rumbled and her eyes fell to his cup. "Finish your tea."

Data found sanctuary in bringing the liquid to his lips and avoiding further comment. He peered over the rim with a guarded expression.

Crusher shifted the holograph to a gangly youth of twelve, and breathed, "My baby."

The android's stance became rigid; he watched her with cautious eyes.

Beverly began to snicker. She was seldom tempted to tease the gullible android so when his face assumed a lost quality it prompted her to show mercy. "It is also a proper response to display holographs of your own offspring, if you wish."

His lips parted in astonishment. "I have no such images of Lal."

She pulled in her breath, instantly regretting the comment. " I'm sorry. I should have thought before speaking." She searched his face and caught a flicker of something in the yellow eyes. "Don't you have anything that reminds you of her?"

"Such holographic depictions would serve no purpose since I am unable to forget."

She shifted near and whispered, "You have one of Tasha."

"True." He pondered her words. "Still, in the instance of Lal there was little time available for such things. I could replicate one if it is the appropriate parental response." He thought for a moment then shook his head. "Somehow that does not feel proper."

"The image without the substance," she breathed and touched his arm in consolation. "A recreation wouldn't really be a holograph of your daughter. I shouldn't have mentioned it; I'm sorry."

The android's eyes fell to the image of young Wesley. He turned and searched Beverly's face. "These simulations, they bring you pain?"

"Yes." Her eyes moistened, and she smiled wistfully. "Especially the ones of Jack."

"Curious. Yet you desire this pain?"

"An idiosyncrasy of my species." She gazed adoringly at her son. "They also bring me joy." Beverly's eyes caressed the image until her vision began to blur.

"Doctor." Data's gentle voice whisked into her reverie. "I am uncertain as to its meaning, but I do possess something of Lal."

"What?" She turned and met a look of perplexity in the android's face.

"I do not know if it is appropriate." He struggled with his response. "Perhaps, it is incorrect to even mention it. Human's may consider it morbid."

"Data, nothing that reminds you of your daughter could ever be incorrect. The strangest things can jog our memories concerning the people we love. What reminds you of Lal?"

He looked uneasy.

She leaned near. "Tell me."

"It is," He reached into a pocket, then opened his hand for her to see, "This."

A frown creased her forehead as she stared at the circuit resting within the pale palm. She looked at Data with a question on her face. "What's that?"

"A memory chip." His voice was barely audible. "Hers."

"My God."

"I suppose one could say this is my home movie." He looked apologetic. "Is that morbid?"

Her breath caught, and her vision dimmed. When she stared at the minuscule piece of memory thoughts of her son whispered in her mind. *Sometimes they do not return.* "Your baby."

"Lal never existed in such an infantile state so such an assessment is incorrect. And yet," He gazed at the chip cradled in his palm as his face assumed a light of introspection. "Somehow, I find the endearment fitting."

"You carry this with you always?"

"Indeed. Is that foolish?"

"Of course not!"

"I am uncertain if it conforms to established standards of parental behavior, and yet..." The light of his face wavered. "I am powerless to explain the motivations inherent in my actions. Can you?"

His eyes questioned hers, and Crusher carefully considered her response. *Tread softly, Doctor. The threads of his developing persona are invariably sewn into the fabric of all our lives.* She smiled encouragement and held out her hand. "May I?"

He hesitated then relinquished the treasure into her palm.

Her eyes fell away from his face and she gazed in wonder at the intricate circuitry assiduously crafted by a being none of them could ever hope to understand, created for a purpose beyond her comprehension, and yet, perhaps the motives involved were no different than her own or any parent's. Beloved. Data's child would never return. Her eyes began to sting.

The android stood poised without blinking, patiently awaiting the chip.

She swallowed and returned it to his outstretched hand.

His fingers gently enfolded it, then it whisked into the sanctuary of a pocket where it would remain--always.

"Data, I really don't know what to say."

"I have induced tears!" His eyes widened when they caught the shimmer of liquid swirling in her gaze. "Forgive me. The purpose of my action was to offer solace, but it seems that I have precluded my own intent."

"No." She rested her hand against his back and smiled. "I'm all right, really."

"But, Doctor, your distress, I..." He floundered in confusion, then his eyes brightened. "I believe I have the solution."

"What's that?" She reached to retrieve the crystal when awkward arms suddenly encircled her. She gasped in surprise.

"A hug would appear the definitive remedy for a multitude of Human ails."

She started to push free, then caught the look of self-satisfaction painted into the android's face at having mastered the situation, and she relented into the embrace. *You're learning, Data.*

"Is my response suitable for your dilemma?"

She squeezed him close and gently patted his back. "For both our dilemmas."

THE END