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Carson woke up with the same things on his mind as every other morning. Work, work, work, life-sucking aliens, being in another galaxy, work, and Rodney. He loved Rodney with all his heart, not that many other people in Atlantis knew that. A few close friends understood his relationship with the obsessive, egotistical, snarky, hypoglycemic genius, but no more than a small handful. He knew that there were people in the city that would never understand the love that he shared with the other man. Sometimes he didn't quite understand it himself.
He rolled out of bed and wondered how much longer he'd have to wait before the love of his life would be back with him and in his arms. Rodney was on a particularly dangerous off-world mission. Their team had been away for nearly three days and out of radio contact for a day and a half. Of course Carson was worried. He was bloody worried and had only stopped pestering Elizabeth for news that she didn't have when she had told him that if he didn't stop she'd have to get one of the nurses to sedate him for as long as necessary. He'd known that she was only partially kidding, but had backed down nonetheless. She'd told him to get some rest and so he did just that.
Carson stretched his arms and legs and got washed, dressed and ready for the busy day that he had ahead of him. His lover was due back sometime in the evening, if everything was going according to plan. Too bad it hardly ever did. If it did, however, he'd probably have his hands full. Rodney rarely ever came back feeling perfectly healthy. He almost always had concerns.
He left his small sanctuary away from home and headed down to the infirmary, his mind still on other things.
He spent most of the day sitting quietly at his desk and looking over test results. When the day came to an end and he still hadn't heard anything from Rodney or the rest of the team, Carson debated staying up for a few more hours. He managed to get a couple of extra hours in before he was paid a visit by a friend.
"Doctor Beckett."
"Oh, Radek! I wasn't expectin' any visitors. What can I do for you?"
"Not for me, Carson. But for you."
"I'm afraid I'm not following you."
"You should be sleeping long time, now. You can do nothing for him by not sleeping. Is not right."
"I know... I miss him. I'm worried about him."
"You know Doctor Wier will tell you when he is back."
Carson nodded solemnly.
"Then go. You must rest."
"I don't think I could sleep. Not now."
"Rest is just as good for your body."
"I suppose you're right..."
"I am right. You know it."
Radek placed his hand on Carson's shoulder and gave it a light, reassuring squeeze. Carson gave him a small smile and watched the other man leave.
A half an hour later he was lying in bed again, staring at the empty space beside him. Memories of Rodney lying beside him, telling him about yet another adventure and clearly exaggerated near-death moments he'd had were flooding his mind. A small smile danced across his face and for a moment it felt as though Rodney really was in the room with him, being overly obsessive about injuries he'd nearly had and small ones he'd gotten. Carson reached over to stroke Rodney's arm affectionately but the memory faded away. His hand dropped to the bed. The sheets under his hand were cold to the touch. Rodney's incessant babbling was gone. He was alone.
He sighed and grabbed the pillow that lay next to his. He pulled it close to his chest and took a moment to breathe in his lover's smell from the fabric before he closed his eyes and finally let sleep claim him.
Several hours later he woke to a strange sound he couldn't quite place until he realized that it was coming from his headset, which had suddenly buzzed to life, that was on a small table next to his bed.
"...Doctor Beckett..."
He scrambled up to his feet and grabbed his headset. It was Elizabeth.
"Aye, what is it?"
"Colonel Sheppard's team's back, there are casualties-"
"Say no more."
He pulled on his clothes and uniform and hurried down to the gate room. He got there in record time. When he arrived everything was chaotic. People were running around, both med teams and other personnel. He tried calling out to Rodney, but he received no response. He grabbed the sleeve of a uniformed military officer that was hurrying by.
"Have you seen him? Where is he??"
"I'm sorry sir, I don't have time to talk."
The next person he ran into was a familiar face. One of the nurses from the infirmary. He ran over to her.
"Have you seen Rodney?"
"I'm sorry... what?"
"Where is he?" He yelled a little louder the second time. It was so noisy.
"I'm sorry... we did all that we could."
"...what?"
"He's dead."
"What?"
"He's dead!"
Carson's heart nearly stopped and a lump formed at the back of his throat. No... Rodney couldn't be dead. He just couldn't. Rodney was a survivor, if he ever met one. He couldn't be dead. He couldn't.
His eyes stung and tears were just starting to form. He didn't know what to do.
"But how...?"
His question remained unanswered. The nurse he'd been talking to had disappeared in the crowd. He turned and fled the gate room, nearly knocking over a couple of people in the process.
He ripped off his headset when he reached his room and threw it on the floor before he jumped into bed and pulled the covers over his face, leaving the rest of his body exposed to the dim light in the room.
Carson's body racked silently with sobs as he cried his heart and soul out into the pillow that belonged to the man he loved. The man that was no longer with him. Never coming back.
"Oh, Rodney..."
"Yes?"
Carson froze and wondered if he'd just imagined that familiar voice, just like he'd imagined Rodney lying down beside him not too long before. He shuddered with sadness and kept the blanket over his face.
"...Carson?"
He heard shuffling around the room and wondered what was happening. Before he could think of anything, the bed shifted with the sudden weight of another person just beside him. A hand found its way to his body and stroked his back in a soothing manner. Carson was more than confused. A few minutes later, when he summoned up enough courage, he slowly pulled the blanket away from his face. When he looked up he was looking up into the eyes of one Dr. Rodney McKay.
"Oh, Rodney, is it really you??" He reached up, grabbed the front of Rodney's shirt, and pulled him down.
"Of course. Who else would I be?"
"Oh, Rodney!!" He wrapped his arms around his lover and hugged him with all of his might. They stayed like that for several minutes before Carson calmed down enough to loosen his grip.
"I take it you missed me?"
"Aye." He wiped the tears from his eyes. "Aye, I did. I thought-" Carson's breath hitched in his throat and he took a moment to calm down again before he continued. "I though you were - you were dead."
"Dead?" Rodney raised an eyebrow and looked at him with a puzzled look on his face. "Why would you think I was dead?"
"A nurse told me..."
"Well I did pass out in the gate room. But I'm not dead yet."
"Are you all right?"
"Hungry as hell and a little sore. Want to grab a bite to eat?"
"At three o'clock in the mornin'?"
"Of course. I'm starving. And you know what happens if I don't get enough food-"
"Aye, that I do."
"Great. Let's go!" Rodney pulled away from his lover and jumped up to his feet.
Carson got up and grabbed his arm before they left. When Rodney turned to ask him what he wanted, Carson pressed his lips against Rodney's. For a split second the world was spinning around the two of them as they shared a kiss full of passion, love and life. When they parted, both had smiles on their faces.
They left hand in hand, neither really caring about what others would think. If anybody were to ask, Carson would smile and say that he was simply escorting the love of his life to the mess hall before he could have a chance to pass out from manly hunger.