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Peja's Wonderful World of Makebelieve Import
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2020-11-05
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1,791
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The Boyfriend 3: I Think My Boyfriend Is Gay

Summary:

Fandom: The Sentinel
Status: Finished
Sequel/Series: The Boyfriend Series. Sequel to My Boyfriend Is Inflatable and My Boyfriend Came in a Plain Brown Wrapper.
Summary: Blair suspects that Harry, the inflatable *cough* 'friend' might be a little light in his loafers.
Disclaimer: Do not own concept or characters. Do not profit or seek profit. Am too broke to make suing worth the effort.
Notes: Written for the My Mongoose Ezine Moonridge 2006 edition. Timed out. Harry is Jim's inflatable friend from his bachelor days, and Charlie is the Real Doll (solid, amazingly life-like sex doll). //Little Things Mean a Lot// is a popular song in the fifties.
Rating: FRT (Teenagerish)
Credits: Thanks to Patt, Deanna, and Kat for suggesions on 'gay traits'.

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

The Boyfriend 3: I Think My Boyfriend Is Gay
by Scribe

"Jim?"

"Yeah, Blair?"

"I think Harry is gay."

Jim was sitting on the couch reading the sports section, the newspaper shielding his face. His fingers tightened slightly, crinkling the paper, but he didn't lower it. His voice was calm as he said quietly, "What makes you say that?"

Blair was sitting at the other end of the couch, reflectively tossing an apple from one hand to the other. "Little things, but little things mean a lot."

"If you break into song, I'm going to throw something at you. What things?"

"Just remember that what I have in my hands is heavier than what you have." Blair took a crunch out of the apple. "And now it will get you sticky, too."

Jim lowered the top half of the paper to peer at him. "That's not how I like you to get me sticky, Sandburg."

Still holding the apple, Blair used that hand to point at Jim. "Don't talk dirty to me unless you mean it. Now, this is a serious issue, Jim. What if Harry //is// gay?"

"Blair? Harry is a sex toy."

"Don't try to confuse the issue with your logic."

"Okay. Why should this bother you? //We're// gay."

"Are not."

Now Jim folded the paper, setting it aside. He stared at Blair. "We have sex together."

"Well, yeah. But we're not //gay//--we're in love with each other."

"Oh. That makes it different, all right. But you still haven't told me why you think Harry is gay."

"You know those old magazines that we've been gathering for the recycling drive? I caught him doing a quiz in a back issue of //Cosmopolitan//. //How to Tell if He Respects You//. I wouldn't have thought much about it if I hadn't found that bottle of Perrier in the fridge." He looked at Jim. "Unless //you// bought it?"

"Are you kidding? I have no problem with it, but I see no point in carbonated water unless you're mixing something alcoholic with it. //Cosmo// and Perrier? Is that all you have to go on?"

"Well, lately he's been smelling of Pour Un Homme aftershave."

"I'm sure a lot of non-gay guys use Pour Un Homme."

"But Harry doesn't shave."

"What else?"

"Have you ever seen him drink a beer?"

"No, I can't say I have. Not that I mind--it means there's more for me."

"Does he ever watch sports with us?"

"We'd have to ask Charlie, too, and there isn't enough room for all of us."

"You know darn good and well that Charlie would be happy to let him sit on his lap. Has Harry ever broken wind in front of you?"

"He's pooted--yes."

"You know darn good and well that was because you didn't have the stopper in tight enough--it wasn't a manly fart. Yesterday when I came home he was watching Olympic Figure Skating."

Jim closed his eyes briefly. "Maybe he wanted to look at the girls in teeny costumes."

"If that's so there was a perfectly good infomercial about exercise equipment on the next channel, just filled with spandex. No, I think he's gay. Should we get him deprogrammed?"

"I think we should leave him alone. Maybe it's a phase, and he'll grow out of it."

"Maybe. Just keep your eyes open, Jim. I'm sure you'll see signs."

Jim reached for the sports section again, muttering, "Why did I just hear ominous music?"

~*~

//Next Day//

Jim found several crochetted doilies drapped carefully across the back of the sofa. "Blair?"

"Don't look at me. Harry said that it would keep stains off the sofa."

"So apparantly Harry is not only gay, he's also channeling the spirit of a 1950's version grandmother. The sofa is leather, and Harry's hair is plastic."

"I can't help that, Jim. You know how fussy //those// people are."

~*~

//Next Day//

Jim met Mrs. Logan going out as he was coming into the building. "Hi, Mrs. Logan." He looked down at the panting Pekingnese she was walking on a leash, then did a double take. "Hi, Nelson. Uh... nice outfit."

"Isn't it?" said Mrs. Logan proudly. It was a doggy-shirt with //Disco Dawg// spelled out on the back in sequins. "You be sure to tell your friend Harry thank you from Nelson and I."

"Harry?"

"Blair said he's told Harry all about Nelson, and Harry says everyone should have at least one outfit that's spandex or sequined..."

~*~

//Next Day//

When Jim came home Harry was lounging on the sofa, wearing a tiger striped thong, with a rose in his teeth. Okay, Harry didn't //have// teeth (would have been awkward for his original profession--that of a sex doll) but //someone// had taped a long stemmed rose across his mouth.

When Jim finally stopped laughing he removed the rose, muttering, "He's just teasing you, Harry. If he was trying to be mean he wouldn't have stripped off the thorns." Jim looked over to where Charlie, the Real Doll, was sitting in a chair. Charlie's shorts were open, his erect phallus exposed, and one hand wrapped around it. "You kinky devils. Harry was putting on a show, huh? So why does this make //him// gay, and not you?" Jim studied the scene. "Ah, I see." Charlie's other hand was wrapped around a beer can, and there was an issue of //Guns and Ammo// on the coffee table before him.

When Blair got home, Jim threw the rose at him. "On Charlie and Harry's behalf, I resent your sterotypes of what is and is not gay."

"Why blame me? I can't help what Harry does on his own time. I think you should have a talk with Charlie, though. That magazine... Charlie seems to be developing an unhealthy obsession with being macho."

"//You// talk to him."

"It won't work coming from me--he already knows I hate guns." Blair leaned over and whispered, "I think he's trying to impress Harry. He knows that a lot of gay guys like butch."

"Take me now, lord."

~*~

//Next Day//

"Blair? What's this?" Jim held out a flat plastic case.

Blair looked. "Looks like a CD to me, man."

"Of course it's a CD. Since when do you buy cast albums of musical comedies?"

"Me? I thought //you// bought it?"

Jim gave him a disbelieving look. "//Cats?//"

"Yeah. Weren't you singing along with //Memories// yesterday?" Jim stared at him. "Not you? Now that you mention it, I didn't think you were a tenor." Blair shrugged. "Well, I'm pretty sure it isn't Charlie--he favors blues. That just leaves..." Blair tilted his head significantly toward the bedroom.

"Blair, Harry has been in a box in the closet ever since you claimed that he'd programed Streisand on your iPod."

"You know how clever those people are, Jim. I'm not surprised he managed to slip out without either of us noticing." Blair sighed. "We're just going to have to face it, Jim. I suppose we'll have to lay in a supply of fancy crackers, arugula, and merlot."

//"He's plastic--he doesn't *eat*!"//

Blair held up a finger as if making a point. "Jim, we've both watched him getting down with Charlie. We have eye witness proof that he //does// eat..."

"Do *not* finish that sentance." Jim rubbed his face. "Look, Sandburg--I know that driving me crazy is sort of a hobby with you, but don't you think you're taking this a little too far? Anyway, you already knew Harry is gay--you've seen him bottoming for Charlie."

"We've had this discussion before. You and I have sex, too, but we're not gay. We're in love with each other. We have no proof that Harry is in love with Charlie."

"We don't have any proof he //isn't//."

"He's never said it, has he? You'll admit that he's never done anything that shows that what he has with Charlie is more than just sex?"

Jim scratched his chin, narrowing his eyes thoughtfully. "If Harry did something to prove his devotion to Charlie, you'd concede that he's in love, and not gay?"

"It'd have to be pretty damn convincing."

"They can't get married. Leave aside the fact that same sex marriage is still not legal, I seriously doubt that anyone would issue a license to two people who's main components were silicon. Hm." He started toward the bedroom.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm going to have a man-to-sexual surrogate talk with Harry."

~*~

//Next Day//

Blair came home to find Jim, Harry, and Charlie sitting on the couch. Harry was occupying Charlie's lap. Charlie (who was more posable than a Ken doll) had his arms around Harry, holding him in position. That was good, because Harry's limbs couldn't stay bent unless you taped them in position. Jim and Blair had learned this one night when //way// too much wine had been consumed and a bit of porn had been watched. Long story.

Charlie was in his usual shorts and T-shirt combination. Blair was a little surprised to see that Harry was wearing a pair of Jim's underwear. Harry was a bit of a nudist. He usually didn't wear anything unless they were feeling //really// frisky and decided on a bit of roll playing. Jim was grinning at him, and that made Blair a little suspicious. "What's up?"

"I have proof positive that Harry is not gay, but is in fact deeply and spiritually in love with Charlie. He's performed an act that was personally hazardous, just to prove his devotion."

"What?"

"He got a tattoo." Blair stared at him. "And considering Harry's delicate skin, anything having to do with needles takes a lot of courage to face."

"I don't believe it," Blair said flatly. Jim crooked a finger, and Blair came over.

"Witness the proof." Jim reached over and hooked a finger in the shorts' waistband and pulled them down. The elastic squeaked on Harry's plastic skin. There, in red letters outlined in black, was CHARLIE.

Blair could feel his eyes widening. "I do not fucking believe..." Jim tilted his head toward the coffee table.

Blair looked. There was a pair of felt tip markers lying on the table. It only took him a second to process this as Jim said, "//Now// do you believe that Harry's not gay?"

"Hey, I never said I had a problem with him being gay. I was just worried that the rest of the world would hurt him. But if it's true love..." Blair sat down on the other side of the artificial couple, and patted Charlie on the shoulder. "I'm glad for you, man. Being a couple is the best thing in the world." He cleared his throat. "Um, so how do you two feel about swinging?"

The End

Notes:

This orphaned work was originally on Pejas WWOMB posted by author Scribe.
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