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Peja's Wonderful World of Makebelieve Import
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2020-11-05
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2,040
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The Grieving Process

Summary:

Fandom(s): CSI: Vegas
Genre: Slash
Category: Death, Established Relationship, Hurt-Comfort
Rating: FRT-13
Pairing: Warrick/Gil
Permission to archive: yes
Summary: Warrick get's bad news.
Disclaimer: I don't own, please don't sue.
Spoilers: All Seasons
Author Notes: As some of you know, my uncle died recently. This is a little fic I wrote to help me cope with my grief. A little 'fic-therapy', if you will. I have gone through a lot of these emotins in the last few days, and some of the things in this fic are what I have observed of others, but they are all very real, and I am sure you all have felt them before. Anyways, thought I would share. No matter what, it helped me, and I felt it might help others that might be grieving also. Thanks.
Submitted through the Makebelieve_YG mailing list.

Work Text:

The Grieving Process
by Carina Scott

He's going to break very soon. It's been building up every since we got the news of his grandmother's death. The hospital called Tuesday morning to inform him of his grandmother's death. The scream that came from him ripped my heart apart. I watched as he fell to the floor, the phone falling from his hand, shattering as it hit the floor. As his body shook with the force of his sobs, all I could do was hold him. After several minutes, the cries subsided and the tears stopped. He stood up and moved to the study, closing the door behind him so he could make the dreaded phone calls. I would have been hurt at the fact that he shut the door, but I know my Warrick. This was something he had to do alone, and as much as I wanted to be there for him, I had to respect his wishes.

~*~

Pulling out my cell phone I made a few calls of my own. I called Nick first, knowing that he was close to Warrick's grandmother also. I also knew he would want to be there for Warrick being his best friend and all. Next, I called Catherine, and told her what happened. She had been good friends with Warrick's grandmother, forming a bond with her almost immediately. Twin souls, that's what Warrick called them. Both were stubborn, independent, and fiercely protective of the people that they love. I also made calls to Greg and Jim, knowing they would want to offer their condolences to Warrick. Although they hadn't known her very well, she had always commented that she liked them and vice versa. I called Sara last, simply keeping her in the loop, as she had only met her once.

~*~

After I hung up the phone, I made my way to the sofa, to wait for Warrick to come out of the study. As I thought about Josefina Brown, affectionately called `Grams' by Warrick, I realized the impact she had on my life in the short time I knew her. When Warrick first introduced us, I felt an immediate bond with her. She took me in and treated me like a son, instead of a stranger. She asked me if I loved her grandson, to which I replied yes. She never made any negative comment about the differences in our race or age. She simply stated, `True love is not defined by color, gender, or age. True love is instead defined by the ability to love both the good and bad, the dedication to stick together through the victories and defeats, and the strength to overcome any barriers together content in the knowledge that your love will sustain you when nothing else can. That's true love.' It wasn't until now that I understood completely what she meant. My love for Warrick is the only thing that will be able to get him through this painful time. Luckily, I know I won't be going anywhere. When Warrick needs me, whether he admits it or not, I will be there.

~*~

Warrick exits the study quietly, closing the door behind him. He looks at me and my heart breaks. He looks so lost. I reach out my hand for him, and he moves to the edge of the sofa. I grab his hand, and tug gently, hoping he will sit down. He does, and he snuggles close to me, laying his head on my chest. He doesn't say a word, just lies there silently, staring off into space. I run my fingers through his soft hair, feeling the soft shudders as he tries to hold back the tears, until he drifts off to sleep. When he does wake from his short nap, I lead him into the bedroom. Turning back the covers, I motion for him to lie down. I undress him quietly, leaving on only his boxers, and then I pull the blankets up over him. I go to the kitchen to get him a glass of water, stopping on my way to use the phone. After calling in for both of us until further notice, I take the water back to our bedroom. Opening the nightstand, I pull out the Tylenol PM, knowing that Warrick will need the help to stay asleep. After he takes the pills, I undress down to my boxers, and climb in bed next to him. Holding him close, I run soothing circles over his back, until he falls asleep. I hold him all through the night, soothing him back to sleep when he wakes suddenly from a nightmare, even with the sleeping pills in his system. I don't sleep much, but I don't mind, being here for Warrick is what's important right now, I can sleep later.

~*~

Luckily, Ecklie didn't fight me on the days off. He knows about my relationship with Warrick, which I can attribute to Grams. She told us that it was better to let him know than letting him find out the hard way. Surprisingly, Ecklie didn't make a big deal. He just told us not to let our personal relationship interfere with work. He has been a lot different since Nick's incident, the only positive that came out of Nick's kidnapping.

The next days go by in a flurry of activity. From funeral arrangements, picking up out-of-town relatives at the airport, and trying to keep insensitive jerks from my partner, I have been constantly busy. I can tell with each passing day that Warrick is getting closer to breaking down. He hasn't cried since that first night, and he didn't cry much then. I can tell that he is trying to be strong for everyone else, but for once I wish he would just let me be strong for him. I don't know how much more he can take.

I'm glad he has such great friends. When Nick hasn't been working, he has been by Warrick's side, doing whatever he can to ease the pain for his friend. I can honestly say, that Warrick is more relaxed when he is around Nick. He can let his guard down, not worrying about what is expected of him, just simply relaxing. He does the same thing with me, but it's not the same. I think it's because in the last few days, our only moments alone have been at night, which is hard for him. He has woke up several times from nightmares, sweating and shaking, tears streaming down his face. He doesn't say what the nightmares are about, but I can imagine. So I am happy that Nick has decided to be at Warrick's side whenever he can. It might only be postponing the inevitable break down, but at this point, I know it's what Warrick needs. For that, I am greatful.

~*~

As we line up to go into the church, I can feel the tremors in Warrick's body. I tighten my hold on his hand, letting him know I am there. Some of his relatives look at me with disgust in their eyes, hating that I am with Warrick. They never dared to say anything to us directly before Grams died, knowing that would get an earful if they did, but I guess now they feel it is fair game. The timing couldn't be worse, I mean it's a funeral for Christ's sake! I try to ignore them, and focus on my partner. He is the only thing that is important, no one else matters.

As we listen to everyone share their memories of Josefina Brown, I watch Warrick. He laughs at some of the memories that are shared, smiles at others, and some bring tears to his eyes. He fights them back, not allowing himself the emotional release he needs. As the service comes to a close, several people approach him, offering their condolences. He smiles, shakes hands, hugs some, and thanks them for coming, never showing any true emotion. I can see the emotions simmering just under the surface, waiting to boil over. Knowing Warrick, I know he wouldn't want to break down in front of everyone, so I usher him out of the church. Getting into the car, I head home, telling Nick that I will call him later. Nick nods his understanding and I drive off.

~*~

I unlock the door, and Warrick walks in ahead of me, straight to the bedroom. I lock the door behind me, placing the keys on the foyer table, and follow my lover into the bedroom. When I get there, I find Warrick sitting on the bed, staring at a picture in his wallet. Its the picture he took with his grandmother last Christmas. Leaving him to his memories, I go into our on suite bathroom, filling the large tub with warm water. Going back into the bedroom, I remove the photo from Warrick's hands, so I can remove his suit jacket. I undress him quickly, and lead him into the bathroom. I undress myself quickly and step into the tub, pulling him in with me. Arranging myself so that I am sitting behind him, I began to bathe my lover. Using firm, yet gentle strokes, I both bathe and massage Warrick. For a long while he doesn't say anything, just sits there as I bathe him.

Suddenly he whispers, "I don't know what to do without her Gil. She was the only mother I ever truly knew. How am I supposed to live without her?"

My heart breaks at the pain that is so evident in his voice, "Baby, I know it seems impossible right now, but you will get through this. We will get through this together. I know how much you love your Grams, so I'm not going to act like this is going to be easy. It won't be, I would be lying if I said it would be." Rinsing his back, I continue, "Your Grams was an amazing woman, evident by the type of man you are. If she hadn't been such a great person, her death wouldn't affect you like this. When I lost my mother, I felt like my whole world was turned upside down, but you were there for me. Even though we were only friends then, you stood by me and helped me get through it. I vow to do the same for you. I am here for you, you don't need to be strong for me or anyone else. Okay, baby, you don't have to be strong for me, just let go."

As if that was the thing he needed to hear, I felt my lover slump in my arms, as his body was wracked by hard sobs. I held him as he cried for the loss of his grandmother, kissed away the tears that spilled down his cheeks, and rocked him until the only sounds were his heavy breathing. We sat there for a long time, long enough for the bath water to turn cold, just holding onto each other. After a few more minutes, Warrick had stopped crying, his breathing so even and steady, I was sure he was asleep. Looking down, I noticed that he wasn't asleep, just staring into the bath water.

"Warrick, baby, let me get you out of here before you get cold, Okay?"

Standing up, I helped Warrick out of the rapidly cooling tub of water. Drying my lover off, followed by myself, I lead him into the bedroom. Tucking him in, I climbed in beside him. He snuggled against my chest and immediately fell asleep. For the first night since his grandmother's death, he slept the entire night through, and I held him the whole time. I know the road on this painful journey to healing has just begun, but I will be there every step of the way. After all, that's what true love is all about.

THE END