SquidgeWorld Archive

Notes: Post ep to 'Fade Out', so there are spoilers for that episode as well as 'Nailed' and Season Four in general. For the purposes of this story you can pretend that the Marisol storyline didn't happen.

He watched. Unseen in the shadows, he watched.

Feeling a stab of pain every time hand connected with metal, he watched, waiting for Ryan to vent his frustration.

It was his fault Ryan felt this way. He had pushed him to see a Doctor. He had insisted it was time.

Ryan had avoided him for the rest of the day, leaving Horatio to assume that the news was not good. An assumption, that seemed to be confirmed by the beating that Ryan's locker had just received.

***

Ryan sat sullenly on his couch, flexing his fingers, checking he had not inflicted too much damage to the hand. A one-eyed, one-handed CSI really was not going to be any good to anybody.

A knock at the door pulled Ryan from his thoughts. Briefly he considered ignoring it, but Ryan just could not do that.

Ryan opened the door with one hand, allowing the other to hang limply at his side.

"Mr Wolfe," his guest greeted.

"Horatio. Uh, hey. Come on in," Ryan moved away from the doorway, letting Horatio enter the apartment, vaguely surprised by his boss' presence.

"What brings you out here?" Ryan asked as casually as he could, considering he thought he was either about to be condemned to a desk or fired outright.

"I thought, you might need this," Horatio replied, producing an ice pack from behind his back.

Ryan let out an irritated sigh. "I don't think that is gonna help my eye much." Ryan sated, dropping back down onto the couch.

Horatio shook his head. "It's not for your eye." Ryan looked up at Horatio as he continued, "It's for your hand."

"Oh." Ryan dropped his head, embarrassed. "How did you know about that?"

"I saw you."

"Oh."

Horatio sat down in the armchair nearest to the couch, a position which would give him a good view of Ryan. Horatio held the ice pack out to Ryan. He didn't move at first, but slowly Ryan reached out and took the offering from Horatio. As delicately as he could, Ryan draped the ice pack over his injured hand.

Horatio was content to let Ryan sit in silence at first, hoping that the younger man would open up on his own. That hope bore no fruit, so Horatio gave up and pushed the matter.

"So, what did the Doctor say?"

Ryan ignored him. He didn't want to give voice to the Doctor's concerns. Hoping, however futilely, that if he ignored it then it could not be true.

"Ryan." Horatio was not going to give up. Ryan knew that, but still he wanted to delay the inevitable. "Look," Horatio started again. "When Valera told me that you sent a trainee to drop off your evidence, I was worried that something had happened to you. I was right to be worried then. I am right to be worried now. Please, talk to me," Horatio pleaded.

Caught by the emotion in Horatio's voice, Ryan relented. Rearranging the ice pack on his hand, Ryan finally answered, "I have an infection of the tissue behind my eye."

Ryan paused. Horatio waited, sensing that this was not the worst of it.

"The Doctor, she gave me another course of antibiotics." Ryan paused again. "If they don't work, I may need surgery. I could -" Ryan's voice caught in his throat. He tried again, "I could permanently lose my sight in that eye."

Neither spoke. Both were aware of the implications of that possibility: Ryan's career could be over.

Horatio sighed, rubbing his eyes tiredly as he did so, trying to think of words that would comfort Ryan.

"Ryan, look at me." Ryan lifted his bowed head, turning to Horatio. "Why didn't you want to tell me this?" Horatio asked the question, but he suspected he already knew the answer. He wanted to hear it from Ryan though.

"God, Horatio! You know why! I can't work like this." Ryan was angry; everything he had ever worked for was falling apart around him.

"Yes, you can," Horatio told him softly.

The confusion Ryan felt was evident in his eyes as he stared at Horatio.

Horatio started to explain himself. "The Doctor, gave you a worst case scenario. That doesn't mean it will happen." Horatio paused, weighing his words carefully. "If, you do lose sight in that eye the yes, you will be unable to work in the field. But, that is a bridge we can cross together if it comes to it. Take the antibiotics, do everything the Doctor tells you to. Believe that your eye will get better. Ryan, everyone at the lab will stand by you," Horatio paused, concluding quietly, "I, will stand by you."

Ryan considered Horatio's words daring to hope that he was right.

Eventually, he nodded, letting Horatio know that he accepted what he had said. "Thanks, H."

Horatio rose from his chair, moving to sit on the coffee table in front of Ryan, taking him slightly by surprise. Horatio gently took Ryan's injured hand into both of his. Slowly he removed the ice pack, setting it to one side.

"Let me take a look at this."

Ryan did not object as Horatio methodically checked over his hand. Horatio ran his thumbs over Ryan's knuckles, eliciting a slight gasp as he encountered patches of bruising flesh. He examined each finger in turn, making sure that there was no significant damage. When Horatio was adequately satisfied that Ryan had not caused himself any lasting injury he looked up into the younger man's dark eyes.

"It feels ok. It will probably be bruised for a few days."

Ryan nodded wordlessly.

With a hint of a smile, Horatio added, "It's probably a good thing you are a lefty. You had the good sense to punish your weaker hand."

This did elicit the beginning of a smile from Ryan as he realised that, even in his confused and angry state, he had pounded the locker with his right hand, preserving the safety of his left.

"Thanks, H," Ryan said sincerely, "for everything."

Horatio nodded. He had yet to let go of Ryan's hand. Unconsciously, his thumb continued to drift over Ryan's knuckles, careful to avoid causing pain.

Ryan looked down at their joined hands, enjoying the warmth of Horatio's touch. When Ryan looked back up at Horatio, Ryan could see the conflict in his eyes.

They both leaned forward at the same moment, their lips searching each other out. They came together with a passion eager to be set free. Mouths opened and tongues duelled, both seeking dominance, both equally willing to submit to the other. They drank from each other, quenching a thirst which could no longer be ignored.

Their passion slowed, their kisses became more tender, allowing them to breath. They did not pull apart. They could not pull apart.

Eventually, they did. Their lips were kiss swollen, marked by the ferocity of their passion. Horatio and Ryan were entwined together on the couch. Somehow, Horatio's jacket had been pushed to the floor, his blue shirt untucked, Ryan's hands gently stroking his back and sides, heedless of his own pain. Ryan's shirt had been pulled open, buttons sent flying, Horatio's arms curled around his neck.

Ryan was first to speak.

"I thought," he started breathlessly, "we weren't doing this anymore."

Horatio nodded, "We aren't." Horatio paused, not wanting to hurt Ryan with his words. "We can't -"

Ryan silenced Horatio with a finger on his lips. "H, I know." Horatio looked relieved. "It's ok. We both made this decision. With all the extra attention on the lab, we have to take some time apart from each other."

Horatio nodded, glad that they both felt the same way. Neither had made a move to disentangle themselves.

Ryan was smoothing down Horatio's ruffled hair. "This is just temporary, right?"

"Absolutely," Horatio replied immediately and with complete certainty. "Once we find out who the mole is and get the lab back on track, you and I will focus on us. Ryan, we agreed that we didn't want our relationship to be a half measure. Right now, we can't give each other the attention we deserve. That would only end up hurting us. So for now, we wait," Horatio concluded, lightly running his fingers along Ryan's cheek.

"I know, H, really I do. You know I just have my moments," Ryan explained, slightly embarrassed.

Horatio smiled warmly. "Yes, you do. Like when you get the worst case scenario stuck in your head and decide to beat up a defenceless locker," Horatio joked, although he hoped to remind Ryan to stay positive about his eye.

"Yeah."

"I'd better go," Horatio said reluctantly.

Ryan nodded, understanding this was for the best. They untangled themselves, slowly, not wanting to rush the loss of contact.

Once they were standing, Horatio reached down and picked up the ice pack, passing it back to Ryan. Ryan noted happily that Horatio had been considerate enough to leave it on top of the newspaper, rather than leaving it directly on the wood where it would have left a water mark as it melted. Ryan smiled gratefully.

Ryan followed Horatio as he moved towards the door, picking up and putting on his jacket, not bothering to tuck in his shirt, as he did so.

When they reached the door Horatio turned to face Ryan.

"Thanks, H, for tonight, for everything."

"No problem. Call me if you need to talk, anytime."

"I will."

Horatio paused as he reached for the door. "Ryan, I -"

Ryan silenced Horatio with a quick kiss, sensing what Horatio was about to say.

Pulling away, Ryan said, "Say it when we can do something about it."

Horatio nodded, opening the door.

"H, I do too."

Horatio smiled warmly at Ryan, saying, "See you in the morning, Mr Wolfe," before closing the apartment door behind himself.