Chapter Text
Almost Famous or VISS the sequel
by Lilithangel
Spike was hiding in Angel's office, Angel would have complained but he was hiding there too.
Ever since the members of VISS had graduated with souls from the College of Magic and the resulting graduation photos had been posted on the web, Spike and Angel had been swamped by emails, phone calls, propositions and proposals of marriage.
They might be champions for good but some things were too frightening even for them.
"Go and check," Angel whispered to Spike who was crouched behind his chair.
"Why don't you," Spike hissed back at Angel who was cowering under the desk, "you're closer."
They glared at each other neither willing to move in case the door was flung open again to a burst of flashbulbs from one of the tour groups someone had been organising.
Angel had sworn he would not only fire the person responsible but also eviscerate them. So far nobody had come forward but it was the third group since the graduation ceremony.
Spike was getting very tired of diving into random rooms to avoid the groups although he was learning more about the workings of Wolfram & Hart than he had since being a ghost.
The first group had been fine; Spike had posed for photos, signed autographs and gleefully sent them into Angel's office for the same. The shell shocked expression on Angel's face after the group had left was so perfect Spike had laughed for hours.
But now they had identical expressions of fear. Neither could leave the building without being chased by demonic and human fans. It had been a shock to discover how many humans were actually aware of the demonic world.
The items Harmony had auctioned off were reselling for increasingly high prices (Spike had kept track of how much he was worth compared to Angel for a couple of days but somebody had got hold of his login name and email address and now he didn't dare check anything).
"This is all your fault," Angel hissed.
"My fault?" Spike gasped with outrage, "sure blame me like always. This was all Harmony's idea."
"Remind me again of why I haven't fired her?" Angel growled.
"Because then she would go on the talk show circuit and sell all our secrets to the highest bidder," Spike replied, "who knew there was a demonic talk show circuit."
"That would explain Springer," Angel agreed.
Spike looked at the other vampire, "you know who Springer is?" he asked incredulously.
"I'm not totally unaware of television," Angel defended.
"Yeah but Springer?" Spike could not let it go.
"Be quiet," Angel hissed.
They froze when they heard the door being opened and footsteps heading towards the desk.
"Angel, Spike this is getting ridiculous," Wesley spoke from above them.
Sheepishly the two vampires climbed out of hiding.
"You're not the one having to fend off the advances of elderly vampires and demons," Spike defended their behaviour.
"It is beginning to affect our work you are going to have to do something about it," Wesley lectured, "Gunn has had to go to Rome to retrieve the Capo de Famigilia since we could not find you in time."
Spike and Angel looked at Wesley blankly causing the ex-watcher to sigh and roll his eyes, "if we didn't have these disruptions and you two were not hiding all the time you would be aware of what was happening."
"Sorry Wes," Angel apologised, "but you've seen them what else are we supposed to do?"
"I've got an idea Bossy," Harmony chirped as she came into the room.
"This is your fault in the first place," Spike growled at the blonde.
"According to your most popular websites," Harmony continued ignoring Spike's complaint, "your greatest appeal appears to be that you are both single."
"But I have a girlfriend," Angel protested.
"In the latest poll 65% believed that your relationship with Nina was only a rebound relationship after Cordy fell into a coma and will not last the year out," Harmony read from a clipboard.
"Polls?" Angel was horrified, "websites, what are you talking about Harmony?"
Spike sniggered at Angel's confusion, "the internet ponce, you are aware of the electronic age?" he had coaxed Harmony into showing him the sites the previous weekend and he was getting quite good at surfing the net now, "at last count I had forty five websites, 3 chat forums and 9 Live journal sites dedicated to my quest to be champion and my to die for cheekbones," Spike explained with some pride.
"Don't worry bossy," Harmony reassured Angel, "you've got forty sites and ten Live journal groups and your first chat forum went online this morning. But I had an idea, you need to partner off," she declared proudly.
"But you already said nobody believed Nina would last and who would want to go out with Spike?" Angel was still smarting from losing out to Spike even though he had no idea what the sites actually meant.
"Oi!" Spike protested, "I've had plenty of dates and I can get a woman if I want one."
"No sillies," Harmony giggled, "partner off together."
"You have got to be joking?" Spike choked.
"No way!" Angel protested.
"It makes perfect sense," Harmony explained, "Polling is still out but so far the most popular choice of partner for both of you is each other."
"That's ridiculous," Angel sniffed, "I'm not gay."
"Neither am I," Spike added vehemently.
"Come on," Harmony giggled, "what with the nail polish and eyeliner Spike, and Angel your dress sense. Everyone thinks so, the girls in the steno pool are certain of it. And you don't have to be gay you just have to let everyone think you are," she explained triumphantly.
"Harmony may have a point," Wesley conceded reluctantly.
"Harmony does not have a point," Spike replied, "Harmony doesn't have a bloody clue."
"Exactly," Angel agreed and then looked shocked to be agreeing with Spike.
"No," Wesley disagreed, "she just might be onto something. A big chunk of your fan base would love it if you two got together. You would only have to pretend for long enough for the fuss to die down and hopefully we can get back to normal.
"You've been on the sites too?" Angel was stunned.
"As Head of Security it is my job to be aware of everything," Wesley could not hide the laughter in his eyes, "I had to be sure that they posed no threat."
"And do they pose a threat?" Angel could not help asking.
"Only to your virtue," Wesley snickered.
"I'm not doing it," Spike declared firmly.
"Neither am I," Angel added, "nobody would believe I would date Spike anyway."
"Actually the way you two fight the odd in the office pool are 3 to 1 that you are both denying the attraction," Wesley countered.
"There's a pool?" Angel was sounding more and more depressed at how little he knew about what was going on.
"There's several," Spike added, "but I didn't know about that one," he glowered at Wesley.
"Do you two want to be free of this attention or not?" Wesley demanded.
"Of course," Angel replied, "but..."
"Do you have a better idea?" Wesley pushed.
"No but there must be something..." Angel flailed.
"Methinks he doth protest too much," Spike murmured with a grin at Angel's expense.
"Shut up Spike," Angel growled.
"Don't you love me anymore?" Spike mocked gasped getting into the swing of things, "all the things you said, all the promises you made?" he flung a hand over his face theatrically.
"Spike..." Angel warned.
"See how he treats me?" Spike demanded theatrically.
"I give up," Angel sat down with a thump to a chorus of sniggers.
"Delivery," a voice interrupted from the doorway. Everyone turned to see a large bunch of flowers standing in the doorway, "a Mr Angel and a Mr Spike?" the flowers asked.
"Here," Wesley answered for the bemused vampires.
"Whew," the flowers morphed into a delivery boy holding several bouquets, "sign here please," the boy placed the flowers on Angel's desk.
Numbly Angel took up the pen and signed.
"I'll be right back with the rest," the delivery boy told them.
"More," Spike said weakly staring at the attack of red roses and pink carnations.
This time the creature at the door appeared to be a monstrous hybrid of flowers and stuffed animals including several soft toy vampire bats and one that looked suspiciously like a soft toy vampire angel.
Wesley gave the boy a tip when it became apparent that Spike and Angel were waiting to see if anything leapt out of the flowers or the toys came to life. It was a wise precaution as it had happened before with a flock of what they had assumed was fake doves.
Spike and Angel exchanged looks over the invasion of plush and reached an agreement.
"What would we have to do?" Angel asked with a resigned tone.
"Well it has to look natural," Harmony replied with enthusiasm, "so you need to start being seen together and not fighting, maybe even smile at each other occasionally," she suggested brightly.
Spike and Angel wore identical expressions of horror at Harmony's words and Wesley had to bite back another laugh.
Giving in to his inner demon Wesley had to encourage them, "maybe you should practice now before facing the others," he suggested.
"Practice what?" Angel practically squeaked.
"Smiling at each other," Wesley knew he was going to hurt later from holding in the laughter but it was worth it, there had been so little to laugh about recently, "pretend you're smiling at somebody else if that helps."
Angel managed a half twist of one lip that made him look like a bad Elvis impersonator and Spike plastered on the widest fakest grin he could force out.
"Well if you were both auditioning for serial killer roles I would hire you in an instant," Wesley said sarcastically, "but at least try for sincerity."
"Come on Blondie bear," Harmony encouraged and the look of outraged despair on Spike's face brought out a real if slightly mocking smile on Angel's face.
Spike's eyes narrowed and then a real smile transformed his face causing Angel to blink with surprise.
Standing behind Angel Wesley stopped his re-enactment of Angel clutching a pillow in front of his vitals after the Eve incident.
Unable to resist Angel smiled back in return causing Spike to blink in surprise, "okay this is weird," Spike turned to Harmony, "are you sure this will work?"
"Trust me I know what I'm doing," Harmony declared confidently.
Angel didn't know why Wesley and Spike groaned but he recognised the feeling of despair he could see in Spike's eyes.
They were doomed...
TBC