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2020-11-04
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2006-07-10
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Chasing Memories

Summary:

Fandom: CSI:NY
Disclaimer: They’re not mine, I’m just borrowing them for a bit. I’ll return them in close to one piece
Pairings: Mac/Danny/Don, Stella/Mac, Lindsey/Hawkes
Rating: FRT-13
100Moods Prompt 017: Confused
Muses: Abigail, Hedwig-Calliope
Summary: After an accident, Danny forgets a few things
Author’s Notes: Many, many thanks to Dee, Kathie, Alex, Evelyn, and Suza for encouraging me with this one and giving suggestions and answering questions when I needed them to. Thanks to Dee who I ambushed first with this and then again today with the additions that I thought it needed and who helped with the ending. Thanks also to Kathie who wrote one of the flashbacks and also helped with the elusive ending. I have no idea what Don’s father is in the NYPD, so I made something up. Italic sections are dreams or memories
Submitted through the CSI_New_York_Slash mailing list.

Chapter 1: Page 1

Chapter Text

Chasing Memories
by Ginny

Part 1

He slowly became aware of a beeping noise. It was really irritating. Why didn't someone make it stop? He frowned and forced his eyes open, which seemed to take forever. He turned his head, trying to figure out where he was. The movement caught the attention of the people sitting next to the bed.

"You're awake," the woman greeted. She reached over and brushed a hand against his forehead, pushing his hair back.

He squinted, trying to figure out who was with him. The other person picked up an object, his glasses he realized, and helped him put them on. Another blink and the world finally came into focus.

He opened his mouth to speak, but only a croak came out. Swallowing, he finally managed to hoarsely say, "Captain Flack ... Mrs. Flack," his confusion was clear. What were they doing here? They hated him. Well, they didn't like him. Not very much.

"Mrs. Flack?" she laughed. "Danny, honey, you haven't called me that in years. It's Margaret. And Donald."

He blinked at her in confusion. Margaret? Donald? He didn't call them by their first names. He never even thought of them in those terms.

"Doctor Gates will be here in just a minute," Captain Flack, Sr - Donald - said, returning from the doorway where he'd flagged down a nurse.

"'Kay," Danny whispered. His head hurt. From the overall fuzziness that he was feeling, he had an idea that all of him would be hurting if not for the drugs pumping into him. His eyes slowly drifted closed. He was still so tired.

"Danny, you need to stay awake, just until the doctor gets here, okay?" Mrs. Flack told him gently.

He nodded once, forcing his eyes open again.

"You've been asleep for four days, you can stay up longer than this," Officer Flack teased.

Danny's brow furrowed. "Four days?"

Mrs. Flack nodded. "You've had us worried. Stella, Lindsay, and Shel are here as often as they can be, but with Mac and Don pursuing the extradition, they've been struggling to keep up with everything."

Don's father caught the obvious confusion as Danny struggled to keep up with all of the information Margaret was giving him.

"Let's let Dr. Gates check on him and then we'll explain things," he suggested with a smile to his wife. She nodded, accepting the logic of it.

"Detective Messer, how's my favorite detective doing?" a red-haired woman walked into the room.

"Great."

"Uh-huh," the doctor smirked. "I was warned about you. I'm Dr. Gates. Do you know where you are?"

"The hospital," he said before coughing. He gratefully accepted the glass of water they offered him. It felt like he hadn't had anything to drink in days... which was probably true.

"Very good," she said, marking down his answer. "Your vitals look good. We always like to see that when a patient has been unconscious for so long," she talked as she wrote down numbers. "Breathe deeply," she ordered him, placing her stethoscope against his chest. "Do you know what day of the week it is?" she asked. "Breathe out."

He did as she ordered and thought before slowly shaking his head. "No," he admitted. He could feel his eyes closing again. He was so tired. "'M tired," he whispered.

"Just a few more questions Danny," Dr. Gates told him. He heard her ask another question, but he couldn't find the energy to figure out what she had asked.

"Is he going to be all right?" Margaret asked, taking Danny's hand and holding it between hers.

"The fact that he was awake and alert is a dramatic improvement. I think he'll be just fine in time," she smiled reassuringly.

"On the Glasgow scale, what was this?" Don Sr. asked. Numbers had been thrown around a lot over the last few days. Mostly the eight and nine that Danny seemed to have been hovering between.

"I can't give you an accurate number because he didn't answer all of my questions. But I would call him awake and alert."

"Good," Margaret said firmly. "Donnie and Mac will be relieved to hear that."

Dr. Gates nodded. "How are things going with getting her back here?"

"Slowly," Don Sr said. "But they think they should be back in a couple of days."

"I'm sure Danny and the others will be happy to have them back," she said. "I'll check on him in a little while."

****

Danny's second return to consciousness went faster than the first. He was still wearing his glasses, which meant that he didn't need to struggle to see that the Flacks were still with him. Mrs. Flack was on the phone and didn't notice right away that he was awake.

"Dear," her husband said, caressing her arm and forcing her attention to focus on Danny.

"What- oh! You're awake! Wonderful timing. Mac would like to talk to you." She handed him the phone, smiling happily.

"Hello?" he answered timidly, trying to shake away the medicine-induced grogginess.

"Danny, we were so worried," Mac greeted, sounding relieved

"Sorry?"

"Not your fault. Don and I are almost through here. We'll be home with her soon okay."

"Okay," he agreed uncertainly. Home with who?

"We're sorry we're not with you now."

"It's okay," he assured him, still confused. Why would they be here? Work always came first with him and Don.

"We're still sorry. I have to go. Don'll call you as soon as he gets a chance. Love you." And Mac ended the call.

Danny stared at the phone. What? He must have heard Mac wrong.

"How are you feeling?" Don Sr. asked, taking the phone from Danny.

"Better. Still tired," he admitted. "Kind of confused."

"I'm sure. Monday was not a good day," he agreed. "Lindsay and Stella stopped by while you were sleeping. They have a case, but will be by as later."

"Who's Lindsay?" Danny asked curiously.

The Flack's exchanged a long look. "You don't know who Lindsay is?" Margaret asked, her voice wavering slightly.

Danny shook his head. Maybe she was one of the new techs Mac had talked about hiring.

"Danny, what's the last thing you remember?" Don Sr. asked him, his voice steady but his eyes concerned.

"Mac sent me here after the subway shooting." His answer was met by silence.

"What?" Don's father asked.

"I - I chased a suspect into the subway. I shot him only ..." he hesitated. How could he have done something so stupid? "It was an undercover officer," he whispered, his eyes dropping. Maybe that's why Don's parents were here, to tell him that he wasn't allowed to see Don anymore.

"Danny, that was two years ago," Margaret informed him, taking his hand and squeezing it.

He stared at them. "What?"

"That happened almost two years ago," she said again.

He stared at them for a minute before laughing. "You're messing with my head. That's funny," he brought a hand to his temple when his head protested and then slowly stopped laughing as something occurred to him. He was holding the right side of his head. He could feel stitches there. The door had hit the left side of his forehead. "This is a joke. Right?"

Mr. Flack handed Danny the newspaper he'd been reading. He read the date on the front page and paled further. He shook his head. There had to be some mistake. "I don't understand."

"That's okay," Margaret smiled reassuringly at him before giving her husband a pointed look that sent him from the room. "That's what the doctors are for."

It took just a minute for Don Sr. to return with Dr. Gates. After a half hour of questions and various tests, Dr. Gates had an answer for them.

"Traumatic Retrograde Amnesia," she announced to them.

"What?"

She smiled lightly. "It's probably due to a combination of factors. One, the overdose of Atropine. Two, the mild concussion. Three, the fact that you were unconscious for four days. Your body has been through great stress recently."

"But... this is just temporary... right?" Danny asked her, fear coloring his voice.

"It's almost certainly temporary," she said, reluctant to give him a firm yet. "We're just going to give your body a bit more time to recover before we get upset, okay?"

He nodded just as three more people burst into his room, carrying an assortment of balloons, flowers, and a very large bear.

"Danny! You're awake," Stella greeted, her smile huge as she leaned down to kiss his cheek. "We were worried."

"About me? You know better than that?" he teased, summoning energy for their visit. "Hi Hawkes," he greeted the M.E. before looking at the woman he didn't recognize. He shot a pleading look at the Flacks.

"That's a big bear you have Lindsay," Margaret greeted with an emphasis on her name.

"It's the biggest one I could find," Lindsay told her. "I used to get a bear every time I got hurt and they always comforted me. How are you feeling Danny?"

"He's doing well, isn't he Dr. Gates?" Don Sr. answer for Danny. "He's just a little bit confused about a few things."

"That's right," the doctor agreed. They could get the details later.

"You mean confused isn't your normal state?" Hawkes teased.

Danny laughed at the taunt. He chatted with them for a few minutes before realizing that someone was missing. "Where's Aiden?"

A sudden silence fell over the room as all five visitors stopped talking and stared at him with various shades of dismay in their eyes.

"Where's Aiden?" Stella repeated, her eyes narrowing as some of the puzzle pieces came together. Danny was interacting hesitantly with Lindsay, as if he wasn't quite sure who she was. His overall confusion level suddenly made more sense. And, if she was right, this was bad. Very bad.

He nodded. "She okay?"

Stella looked over at Margaret, who nodded, confirming her thoughts. She sat on the edge of his bed and looked right at him.

He saw it in her eyes. "No," he whispered.

"I'm sorry Danny. She died almost a year ago."

He wanted to ask how, but something inside him told him that he didn't want to know the details, not yet. "Is that why you're here?" he asked Lindsay, proving that he didn't truly recognize her.

She hesitated, chewing her bottom lip. "I replaced Aiden, yes," she said carefully.

"Oh," he said. He was suddenly exhausted. "I'm going to sleep now, okay?"

"Sure," Stella, Lindsay, and Hawkes agreed instantly.

Stella patted his hand. "Take care of yourself. We'll check on you in a little bit, okay?"

"Sure," he agreed, pulling the blanket up and closing his eyes. What the hell had happened in the last two years?

****

The Flacks followed Stella and the others from the room. They had promised Don and Mac that they wouldn't leave Danny alone, but they weren't going far, just down the hall.

"What's going on?" Stella demanded. "He's not simply confused. He's lost his memory. At least a year and a half, right?"

Donald nodded, not at all surprised by the conclusion Stella had reached. "The last thing he remembers is the Minhas shooting."

"Minhas?" Hawkes exclaimed in surprise. "That was two years ago."

"He really doesn't remember who I am," Lindsay said softly. She hadn't wanted to believe that. After a rocky start, things had solidified between them into a strong friendship. She didn't want to lose that.

"No," Margaret said sympathetically. "Dr. Gates thinks it's only temporary, but we don't know when he'll get his memories back."

"How did this happen? Why did it happen?" Lindsay asked, looking over at Hawkes.

"There are multiple causes of retrograde amnesia, which is what this is. He's recovering from a traumatic situation. It's possible his brain simply rebooted itself to an earlier situation."

"What do we do?"

"There's not much we can do. We'll try to help him remember things, but it's important not to frustrate him too much or that will make things worse." He started to start a lecture, but Stella held up a hand, stopping him, as something dawned on her.

"The last thing he remembers is Minhas," she stated and Margaret nodded. "Shit!" she swore, kicking at the chair she was standing next to.

"What?" Hawkes asked in confusion.

"He doesn't remember Mac," she explained. The Flacks nodded, having already realized this.

Hawkes' eyes widened. "Are you sure? They've been together for about two years, maybe they were together before Minhas?"

"No. They got together after the diner shooting and the Rose debacle," Stella sighed, rubbing at her temples. This wasn't going to be good. Not good at all.

"Oh."

"Yeah 'oh.' Do they know yet?"

"Unfortunately, all they've heard is that Danny woke up," Donald informed her. "Margaret called them and Danny's conversation with Mac is actually what tipped us off about the memory loss."

Stella swore softly in Greek. This was not going to be a good conversation.

"We'll call them back and tell them, but the three of you arrived before we got the chance," Margaret explained.

"I'll do it. I should do it," Stella said, almost reluctantly. As Mac's oldest friend, it should be her responsibility. She sighed and looked toward Danny's room. "I can stay with him for a while after that. I know that the two of you have been here most of the day, so if you want to go home?"

"He shouldn't be alone. Donnie asked us to keep an eye on him and we are," Margaret said firmly. Between the five of them, they'd managed to have someone in there almost around the clock.

"We're going to go grab dinner then," Hawkes decided, looking over at Lindsay. "We'll grab a few hours of sleep and then relieve you so you can get some sleep before shift tomorrow too."

"Sounds good," Donald agreed and the five of them headed to their tasks.

*****

He was walking down a hallway in the lab ... he was looking for results of some kind. If he had a match, he could bring their suspect in for questioning and, hopefully, get a confession out of him.

He stepped into a room and looked around. There was an explosion of pain in his head, causing him to fall to his knees. Clutching at his head, he tried to get to his feet, but a damp cloth was pressed against his face.

"He's mine Danny. Mine," an accented voice whispered in his ear before consciousness fled entirely.

Danny woke with a gasp, jerking up and then wincing at the dizziness that it caused. He flopped back against his pillows, sighing deeply as the image faded.

"Remembering what happened?" a voice to his left asked.

He turned his head, squinting at the figure. Don's dad. "I don't know ... I think so," he admitted.

The other man nodded. "It'll come back to you."

"Hope so," Danny sighed in disgust. He was quiet for a minute before quietly saying, "Captain Flack?"

"Donald," the other man corrected automatically and then managed a half-apologetic smile. "Sorry, whatever you're most comfortable with."

"I really call you Donald?"

"And Donnie's mom is Margaret," he confirmed.

"I thought ... you don't ... you didn't ... " he trailed off, biting his lower lip.

"You just remember that Margaret and I didn't approve of your relationship with Donnie," Donald supplied. Danny nodded. "We didn't. Not really. It worried us, the trouble it could cause in your profession. And," he shrugged, "I've arrested your father a few times."

"What changed your mind?"

"A few things. Donnie made us spend some time with you, that was the summer of the Mets games. We got to know you a little better. And, I have to admit, you're one hell of a CSI. The big thing is, the two of you make Donnie happy and that's all that count. Even if adding M - that's a story for another time," he stopped abruptly. He didn't want to overload Danny with too much information.

Danny frowned, trying to fill in the missing pieces. Captain Flack, Donald, he corrected himself, wasn't telling him everything, that much he knew. He felt like he was running five steps behind everyone else.

"Do you want to tell me what you remember?" Donald asked.

"I don't really know. It's just flashes of images. I was walking through the lab. I think it was the lab. The new one?" he asked and Donald nodded. "Something hit me and I fell. Then ... then ..." he shook his head, frowning in frustration. "There's more, I just don't remember it." He pushed at the glasses he wasn't wearing. This was stupid. Why couldn't he remember?

"Give it time Daniel," Donald ordered him.

Time. He didn't want to give it time. He wanted to know what had happened to him. He wanted to remember the last two years. He wanted ... he wanted Don and Mac. The thought startled him. Don he understood. They'd been together for over a year. But Mac? Why Mac? Any further musings were interrupted by the arrival of Dr. Gates.

****

"Who's calling now?" Don sighed as he and Mac trudged into the hotel lobby. He just wanted to get to their room, take a long hot shower, and talk to Danny, since he'd missed his mother's call earlier. And not necessarily in that order.

"Stella," Mac informed him, surprised. "Hi Stella," he greeted.

"Hi Mac."

"How's Danny?" he asked as he and Don entered the stairwell. Their room was on the second floor and this way his phone wouldn't lose its signal. "Stella?" he asked when she was silent.

Don stopped walking and stared at him, his eyes full of concern.

"Talk to me Stella," he ordered, forcing himself to continue walking. The only reason he didn't call as soon as he and Don were out of the station today was because they were hoping to be able to talk to Danny in private, where no one would overhear their conversation.

"He's doing well. He was alert and conscious when we visited," she finally answered.

"But?" He tried to push back the worry he was feeling. Stella obviously had something to tell him that she was uncomfortable with. And that worried him. A lot.

"This isn't easy Mac," she hedged.

"Just tell me." He followed Don into their room and started pacing. He could hear her take a deep breath.

"Danny's experiencing some memory loss."

"It's normal to not remember what happened in an accident like that," he reminded her.

"He doesn't remember the last two years. The last thing he remembers is the Minhas shooting."

Mac was silent, moving his hand so he could stare at his phone in disbelief. He had to have heard her wrong.

"Mac? Are you still there?"

"What did you tell him Stella?" Don demanded, grabbing the phone from Mac's nerveless fingers. Mac was almost as pale as he had been when they found Danny on the floor of the Trace lab.

"Danny doesn't remember the last two years," she said immediately. There was no nice way of saying 'Your lover doesn't remember your relationship.'

"Two years as in...?"

"The last thing he remembers is Minhas."

"Minhas? Shit!" Don swore, kicking the dresser, finally understanding why Stella had hesitated. Minhas meant that Danny didn't remember the diner shooting. Or getting drunk that first night with Mac. Or the three of them finally figuring out what they wanted. Or that night last summer when the three of them escaped the city and spent a night in a hotel by the shore, just the three of them.

"Yeah," she agreed, sounding tired. "Dr. Gates thinks it's only temporary but, for now, he just doesn't remember."

"You're sure?" he asked and then flinched. Of course Stella was sure. She wouldn't say anything if she wasn't sure.

"He didn't recognize Lindsay and asked where Aiden was."

Don hissed lightly. A year later and it still hurt to think of how she'd been killed. "Okay," he sighed, looking over at Mac who had sat in one of the chairs by the small, round table in their room and pulled out files. "We're going to talk about this and call you back later, okay?"

"Sure," she agreed instantly. She couldn't imagine how they were feeling right now. "He's sleeping now anyway."

"I'm sure he needs it," Don murmured. "Bye Stella." He didn't wait for her to respond before hanging up and walking over to Mac, wrapping his arms around him.

Mac's entire body was tense as he flipped through paperwork that he had probably memorized. Don pressed a kiss to the top of Mac's head before pulling back slightly so he could massage the tense muscles.

He lost track of how long he stood there, kneading and waiting for Mac to say something.

"If the last of the paperwork goes through, we should be back in the city by early evening tomorrow," Mac said finally.

"That would be great," Don said carefully, not stopping what he was doing.

It was another minute before Mac gave in, his head dropping forward as he relaxed into Don's touches. "He must be terrified."

"Probably, but my parents and the others are there."

"Two years ago your parents didn't like him. Lindsay wasn't here. Hawkes was still a medical examiner," Mac pointed out.

"But my parents, especially my mother, love him now. Hawkes was still Hawkes. And I have complete faith that Stella can keep him balanced, if need be."

Mac nodded at the truthfulness to Don's comments. What he didn't say was that they should be there for Danny. They never should have left his side, but they needed to get Jane back in the city and he was so enraged that she had attacked Danny in his lab, that he'd needed to be a part of it. Don, knowing that the rest of their family would keep a close eye on Danny had insisted on joining him.

If he'd had any idea that something like this would happen, he and Don would be in New York and the others would have gone after Jane. Hell, that's probably what he should have done anyway. But if Danny had lost a full two years, he'd also lost all his memory of the three of them. Maybe it was better that he wasn't there. He wasn't sure if he could be around Danny, when he was obviously hurting, and not be more than a concerned boss.

"Maybe you should fly back tonight," Mac suggested, pulling away from Don's touch and turning so that he could see him.

"No."

"Don, he needs people around him."

"He has people around him. I'll call him later, we'll both talk to him, and we'll hope that he's regained his memories by the time we get home tomorrow night."

"Tomorrow night," Mac agreed, again reaching for the pile of papers in front of him. "Then we'd better make sure that everything on our end is in order before we get back to the station tomorrow."

****

Danny lurched through the halls of the lab. He was looking for someone. Who was it? They made him feel safe.

"Lindsay!" he shouted, practically falling through the door. "Have you seen ... have you seen ... I don't know who I'm looking for," he admitted, crashing heavily onto one of the tables. He heard several glass objects fall to the floor, but his vision was blurry and he couldn't quite see them. He yelped when a cougar appeared in front of him. He threw himself back. "Look out! Cougar!" he warned Lindsay, crashing to the floor.

It was after the spider that had been on his face. But he'd flung the spider away and squashed it. No more spiders.

Then Mac and Don were next to him, holding him as he tried to escape from Hawkes' exam. "I don't feel well," he warned them, jerking away.

"What happened Danny?" Mac asked, his green eyes dark with worry as he and Don tried to soothe the frantic man.

"A cougar tried to attack me!"

"What happened before that?" Don asked, exchanging a worried look with Mac.

"Before that?" Danny closed his eyes, trying to remember. He was walking through the halls. A familiar face was in front of him. And suddenly he knew who it was. He whispered the name. Mac and Don tensed in surprise and anger.

"Jane?! What did she give you?" Mac's voice was furiously calm, even in Danny's altered state he knew he should be scared. Yet all he wanted to do was curl up in their arms.

This time when Danny woke up, Stella was there.

"Hey Stell," he greeted with a half wave. "Watcha reading?"

"Forensics journal," she answered, holding it up.

His nose wrinkled. "Boring."

"Maybe a little," she smiled.

"Can I have my glasses? And water?"

"Sure." She handed him his glasses and then poured him a cup of water. He drank it before looking at the small object in his hands. "These are my spares."

"Your normal ones were broken."

"I broke them."

She nodded. "You're remembering more?"

"Flashes of what happened. Nothing else."

"It'll come in time."

He put his glasses on, pushing them up. "I don't want to wait."

"You never do."

"Stella?" he asked hesitantly, a few minutes later. "Can I ask you a question?"

"As many as you want to."

"Is Mac disappointed in me?"

"What? No! Why would he be?"

"I shot a cop. And I didn't listen to him. I don't want him disappointed in me."

Danny looked so lost that Stella felt her heart break a little. "He's not disappointed in you Danny. He's proud of you. He wasn't disappointed back then either, just worried about you."

Danny stared at her for a long moment, trying to figure out if she was telling the truth. "Maybe," he said finally. Mac respect has always meant a lot to him, but it meant more now for some reason. He wished he knew why. He had so many questions he didn't know where to start.

"Definitely," Stella assured him and then smiled when she realized his eyes were closed again. He'd fallen back to sleep.

TBC