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Peja's Wonderful World of Makebelieve Import
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Published:
2020-11-04
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961
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1/1
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Jack's final scene

Summary:

I was watching that scene and this is just what I think may have been going through Jack's mind. I DO NOT own any of the characters or do I claim to.

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

The whole situation was surreal; like watching a movie. None of my brothers would have been so easily baited and I knew it. The street smart façade that I always tried to put up was obviously just that, a façade. But why had I been so easily baited? I know...it's because deep down I think I knew something was up but I didn't care. I needed out of that living room and even more pressing I needed out of the situation that I couldn't change; my mothers death. I wasn't welcoming death but to say that I was avoiding it would be a stretch. It wasn't till the man turned around, menacingly raising the gun in my face did I realize how stupid I was. I realized that I wanted to live and that I had something/someone to live for. Talk about irony...for years I had prayed for death to take me but at that moment I would have done just about anything to redo the last five minutes. I realized to late that I had everything to live for. I was suppose to live to show everyone who had ever told me I was nothing. I was suppose to make it. But nonetheless the bullet tore through my shoulder, dropping me to my knees. Kneeling at his feet made me feel small and fragile...and the pain. I had never been in so much pain in my entire life. So many things were going through my mind but at the forefront was my mother. Did she feel pain like this when she died? I couldn't bear the thought of it and I knew that I had to live for her. So somehow I struggled to my feet and ran towards the house. I thought if I could just get to the house, to Bobby, that everything would be alright. I never did make it that far, but damn did I try. I was laying in the snow, quickly coming to the conclusion that I probably wouldn't make it. I had tried but I couldn't make myself move anymore. I had survived years of abuse to be killed by a stranger. There was screaming and bullets flying and all I could do was wait. Wait for Bobby, wait to be saved, wait for one of the masked men to come and finish me off, wait to die. While the cold made me feel like my chest would split in half I was grateful for the numbness it was providing. Feeling the pain would have made everything so much worse, this way I knew I would just fall asleep. I wouldn't feel any pain. After what seemed like an eternity the gunfire stopped and then Bobby came. He came not long after the numbness kicked in. He had made it in one piece; all my brothers made it. They were all safe and at least for the moment nothing could change that; everyone but me. But this is how I always wanted to go; with the ones I loved around me. I was holding Bobby's hand when I felt it start to happen. I was dying and as much they had tried, they couldn't save me this time. The helplessness I saw in their eyes was almost unbearable but Bobby's was the worst. I knew he was already blaming himself. There were cold tears sliding down my cheeks and I prayed to every God I could think of to just let me tell them I loved them and that it wasn't their fault. I couldn't even tell them all what they meant to me. I wanted to tell them that they had saved me, from my life before I became a Mercer and from myself. That they had helped turn me from the shell of a person I was to the nearly whole person I had become. I wanted to tell Bobby that of all my brothers, he was the one I cared for most. That through everything, Bobby was always there to pick up the pieces, my "pieces" and put them back together. I wanted to tell Jerry that I forgave him for not being around, both physically and more importantly emotionally. And I wanted to tell Angel that I loved him and that I appreciated his insistence on never giving up. I just wanted to express to them all how much I loved them and that they had changed my life. I wanted to tell them that I wanted to live for them. But I couldn't say a word. I was too cold and too weak. So I did the only thing I could; I smiled a sad, knowing smile. The largest smile I could muster. And I tried to fit into it all I wanted to say. I wanted Bobby to hug me and tell me everything would be ok, even though I knew it wouldn't be. But they were all there, and that's all I could ask . Before I realized it had happened I had already closed my eyes and let the cold take me. Considering the situation, the freedom I felt when I finally let go was amazing. I was free of everything. Of everyone. Whatever you've heard about an out of body experience could never be anything close to the bliss I was feeling. I was immediately warm and felt whole. I could see my brothers and the pain they were experiencing but I knew I couldn't help them; they had to mourn. It was then that I noticed my ma. She had been waiting for me the entire time, watching me and waiting. So with one look back at my beloved brothers I took her hand and felt eternally warm.

Notes:

This orphaned work was originally on Pejas WWOMB posted by author tumbles.
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