SquidgeWorld Archive

Baby, Oh Baby, Uh Oh!
by Kerensa


A knock at the loft door roused Blair out of his semi-dozing state. The pregnant man glanced at the television lazily, wondering what had woken him up. He watched those damned annoying bears that were advertising toilet paper for a minute, his mind too hazy to even turn the channel. Another, slightly more insistent, knock at the door startled him.

"Yeah, hang on a minute," Blair hollered out.

Blair had learned to let people know he was coming. It took so long for him to hoist his hind end off the couch and walk over to the door that most people had given up, left the building and driven away by the time he got there.

When he opened the door there was a uniformed police officer standing there. Fear stabbed through his heart and for a moment Blair's whole body clenched up tight. He clutched at the edge of the door for support.

"j-jim," he whispered the question.

The officer eyed him up and down, not hearing the question, and gave a leering smile. "Well, hel-lo sexy."

Blair blinked in surprise and rethought the situation. If something had happened to Jim, Simon would have been the one to deliver the bad news. If something had happened to Jim and Simon, Joel or one of the other guys would have come. If something had happened to all of Major Crimes, unlikely as that was to happen, then it would have been all over the news and besides which, they would have found *someone* that he knew to come to the door, not just send a nameless stranger.

The anthropologist let out a relieved sigh and rested his head against the door frame. He winced and rubbed his tummy when the baby fought back against being squeezed.

"Why don't you try this on for size." The large cop whipped the cap off his head and sat it at a jaunty angle on Blair's curly hair. "Oh yeah! That definitely looks good on you, maybe even better than it looks on me."

"Uh..." Blair reached a hand up to touch the cap and realized it was black leather. Not your usual attire for a beat cop. "Who are..."

'Holy crap!' Blair thought. 'Speaking of leather...'

Blair watched as the cop bent over with his back to the pregnant man. A very nicely filled pair of dark leather pants were facing him. The observer couldn't seem to look away. It's not that Jim didn't have a nice ass, but *damn*, Blair was only human and when it was literally in his face...

*"I'm too sexy for my shirt...'* The singer's voice poured out of a rather small boom box sitting to one side of the floor. Apparently that's what the other man had been bending over for.

Huh?! Blair's mouth fell open as the police officer rubbed a hand sensuously down his own body and then gave his crotch a squeeze. As each item of clothing was mentioned in the song, the other man removed his own. Even clothes that weren't referred to were going the way of the dodo bird.

Snaps popped and the faux police shirt was pulled open to reveal a smooth, hairless chest. Upon closer inspection, Blair could see *My Body* stitched above the words 'Police Department'.

'Oh. My. Gosh.' Blair goggled as the shirt was tossed to one side and the truth finally dawned on him. 'I've been sent a striper!'

Ripppp. The Velcro parted and the pants went flying.

Blair gasped in shock when he realized that the striper was now down to a very interesting codpiece and a teenie, tiny G-string.

Flip. Make that a G-string.

The striper was posed on the floor, back arched, pelvis thrust up at Blair, and balanced on one hand. The other hand had just tossed the codpiece at Blair, who had automatically caught it. The song ended and the *cop* was panting slightly from his wild dance and waiting expectantly. He wasn't disappointed.

*Clap. Clap*

Both men looked over at the sound. Blair's mouth fell open again. He was astonished to see Mrs. Wilson standing in her open doorway. The old woman was clapping enthusiastically. Mrs. Wilson had lived next door to Jim for as long as the Sentinel had owned the loft. In fact, she had been one of the first tenants when the building had been changed into apartments. On her last birthday, thrown by her great-great grandson, there had been 85 written in candles on the cake. She had shyly admitted to Blair that she had been *85* for several years and planned to stay that way from now on.

"Bravo young man," she smiled, appreciatively eyeing the mostly bare stripper. "Where do you work at? What's your name?"

The striper got up from his posed position on the floor and pulled a robe out of his backpack. He slid the robe on and tightened the belt securely before he answered the elderly woman. Now that he wasn't actually performing, the young man seemed almost shy.

"I'm David and I, uhm, work at Lust For You, Ma'am. It's over on Picot Street."

She nodded. "Yes, I know the place. Well, you certainly entertained me. The next time the Senior Citizens Club has a party I'll be sure to recommend you."

"Th-thank you."

Mrs. Wilson gave Blair a wave and closed her apartment door. You could barely hear her humming the *I'm Too Sexy* song as the door shut. Both Blair and David just stood there for a moment. Then David picked up the scattered pieces of his outfit and stuffed it in the pack. Blair handed him the codpiece.

"Uh, she's right, great job, man."

"Thanks." David smiled brightly and reached out to take his hat back. "Too bad the costume belongs to the business, otherwise I'd leave it."

With a wink, David sashayed down the stairs and away.

Blair shut and bolted the door and stood in the middle of the living room for a moment, still in stunned surprise. Then he began to grin, and then giggle. In the middle of the giggling he snorted and that set him off to laughing harder. Pretty soon, Blair was sitting on the edge of the couch, clutching his aching sides, laughing his head off. It took several minutes, but finally he stopped laughing.

"I don't even know who sent it," Blair realized with a grin. "I really can't see Jim sending a hot young guy to get naked for me."

There was a knock at the door and just the idea that he had another striper-gram made him start snickering again. Blair started trying to get up. He was a little weak from his laughing jag, so it wasn't easy.

"Hang on," he yelled.

Blair opened the door to a bunch of grinning cops. Blair now knew who sent the stripper. He glanced around Simon and sure enough, Mrs. Wilson was peeking out her door, eyeing the guys with a *very* hopeful look on her face.

Blair grinned. "Sorry, Mrs. Wilson, but not this time."

"Oh, poot." She was frowning in disappointment when she shut the door.

"What was that about?" Rafe asked as he followed Simon, H and Joel into the loft.

"Oh nothing. She was just hoping that you were more stripers." Blair positively relished the looks on the guy's faces. Rafe turned an interesting color of green, while Simon paled to a lovely milk chocolate color. Speaking of which...

"Do you guys want anything to drink?" Blair made it to the kitchen before any of them could offer to do it for him. In his mind, Blair was wondering how they were going to explain the striper to Jim. Blair grinned when he realized it wasn't his problem.

Blair lifted the gallon of milk, preparatory to making a nice big glass of chocolate milk, and dropped it back on the shelf with a grunt. He took a calming breath and then gasped again when a cramp spread across his stomach.

"Blair, are you alright?"

Simon's strong but gentle hand under his elbow was a welcome relief. "Yeah, man. I'm okay. I guess the milk was heavier than I thought." Blair sat down on the couch, kind of surprised, because he didn't remember walking there, and rubbed the side of his stomach absentmindedly.

"Here you go."

Blair opened his eyes and took the glass of milk from H with a smile. "Thanks." It didn't matter that it wasn't the *chocolate* milk he'd planned on, it was the thought that counted. He sipped slowly from the cold drink, and then he held the glass, balancing it on his thigh, waiting for it to warm up a little. Really cold things made his stomach hurt.

"Soooo, a striper huh?" Blair grinned up at the guys and they began to laugh and talk all at once.

"Yeah, it was Joel's idea," Rafe stated with a smirk. Blair arched his eyebrows and looked over at the former bomb squad captain.

The older man waggled his own eyebrows at Blair. "Yep, I liked the female version, so I figured you'd appreciate the guy one."

"Uhmmm, I wonder how much Jim's going to like it?" Blair laughed at the look of consternation on their faces. They apparently hadn't given a thought to what Blair's ex-ranger mate was going to do when he found out.

Blair gasped and hunched over. There went another pain.

"Son, what is it?"

Blair realized that he was surrounded by his worried friends. "Just a cramp," he admitted and then winced as another one hit. "Ouch," Blair stated quietly. The result was instantaneous.

"He's in labor!" Rafe yelped.

"Ohhhh, shit!" Henri summed up the situation succinctly.

Simon yanked his cell phone out of his pocket, flipped the top open so hard that the cover was almost ripped off. He started frantically calling Jim. When Ellison didn't immediately answer his summons, Simon began to panic. Rhonda, Simon's secretary, was *ordered* to find Jim and find him *now*.

Blair felt a feeling of trepidation and tried to swallow down his fear. This was it. He was both glad and scared to death. As a *male carrier*, which Blair personally thought made him sound like he delivered the mail, Blair had an opening, called a delivery pouch, where the baby could be born from. That meant that he had labor to look forward to.

"Let me take that." Joel handed the forgotten glass of milk to Rafe who raced it back to the kitchen. The older detective seemed to be the only one staying calm. "Okay, let's go." Joel smiled serenely...and then picked up Blair like he was a baby and raced out of the room.

The next few minutes were a blur. Joel ran down the hall, bouncing Blair up and down and not helping the pain at all. Repeated attempts to get the captain to let him walk fell on deaf ears. Waiting impatiently for the elevator, and Rafe all but beat the call button to death in his haste, Simon wrapped Blair's coat over the top of the observer. Then they were *all* crammed into the elevator. Blair eyed the weight capacity sign nervously and looked around at the *very* full elevator.

Standing by the front door to the building, waiting for Henri to get Simon's car, the Major Crimes captain decided it was too cold out for Blair and whipped his own coat off and placed it over Blair's. That started another frenzy and soon Rafe's coat, the returning H's coat and after he'd been ensconced in the back seat of the car, Joel's coat too, were piled on top of Blair.

Blair's extra loose sweat suit wouldn't normally have been enough to keep him warm in the thirty degree weather, but *five* coats was a bit too much, even for the cold natured anthropologist. He tried to raise his hand to get their attention, but found that he couldn't get the limb free.

Another cramp had him wincing. He felt a lurch and uneasily watched as Simon raced down the road. The captain's driving was rivaling Jim's for its enthusiasm.

"Uh, Simon. Calm down, man. I just went in to labor. Odds are that it'll be *hours* before the baby's born."

"I know." Simon nodded quickly. "We'll get you there in time."

*****

Jim met them back at the loft about three hours later. Blair came clomping in wearing an oversized pair of Rafe's boots. That was all that was available, because Blair's eager helpers had whisked him away so quickly earlier that the pregnant man was left bare footed. Rafe had the smallest feet of the other men, but even at that they were several sizes bigger than Blair's.

"Chief?" Jim helped Blair take off his coat.

"It was Braxton Hicks, man."

"Oh, false labor pains. I'm glad." Jim sighed. "I don't want to miss our baby being born."

Blair smacked Ellison lightly on the arm. "You better not, Big Guy."

"Uh, I'm going to go now." Simon waved from the doorway sheepishly. "Take care, Sandburg."

An arm still around Blair's waist, Jim waved at his retreating friend. "Sure. I'll talk to you later, Simon."

"Simon," Blair's call stopped the big captain's escape. He turned back to look at Blair reluctantly, obviously embarrassed. "Thanks."

"You're welcome." Simon smiled at being let off the hook so easily, without any teasing, and left in a lot lighter mood than he had come in.

"What was that all about?" Jim asked as he eased Blair down on the side of the bed and knelt to pull Blair's borrowed footwear off.

Blair gave a tired laugh and told Jim about their race to the hospital. "Jim, are you sure Simon's wife had Daryl, because he acted like he'd never been around somebody in labor before."

Jim helped Blair out of his old sweat clothes into a clean set for bed. "Actually, Simon was undercover when Joan went into labor. He got to the hospital just in time for the birth, so no, he wasn't around when she was in labor."

"Ah, that explains a lot, at least for him." Blair lay back on the bed with a relieved sigh.

"Did he really have the lights and sirens going?" Jim grinned.

"Uh huh." Blair smiled back. "They all did."

"All?"

The anthropologist yawned and tried to roll onto his side. A helping hand on his back assisted him in turning. The Sentinel kept his hand there, rubbing soothingly. "Yeah. Everybody arrived in their own car, so..."

Ellison started laughing. "You've got to be kidding."

"Nope." Blair smiled at the memory. "I was in the back seat of Simon's car. The rest of the guys had his car surrounded and *all* of them had their police lights and sirens blaring." He gave a little giggle. "People probably thought the president was in town or something."

Jim shook his head at his friends' antics. "I'm sorry I missed that."

"Me too."

Ellison watched as his love's eyes slid closed. The excitement of the day had worn the anthropologist out. Jim vowed that he *would* be there when Blair had their child, no matter what.

"Too bad you missed the striper," Blair slurred sleepily.

Jim nodded, smiling at his lover. He bent over and gave the younger man a loving kiss on his bristly cheek. Turning out the light, Jim was just leaving the room when...

"Striper?!"

Blair giggled at Jim's outraged yell.



The End.

A/N: Yes, I am a tease. However, Blair will have the baby in part 3.