Work Text:
Guilt For Christmas
sung by Ray Stevens
I hate Christmas shopping
it makes me a wreck
especially when the gifts must be poltically correct.
Don't give a boy an army toy
that gun could make him visicous
don't give a girl a doll with curls
she'll spend her whole life doing dishes.
Gift giving is so complecated
it can warp the pyskie
so I'm sticking with that old stand by
that fits every little Marge and Mikey.
I'm giving guilt this Christmas
just like mother taught me
it's the best
it outlastes everything she ever bought me.
Guilt, the gift that keeps on giving
year in and year out
What is Christmas
without something to feel bad about?
(voice in background: ho, ho, ho, ho)
No shopping, whapping, shipping, packing
traffic at the mall
it goes with any color
and one size fits all
My whole list will get some
there will be no ommissions
Remember it's the thought that counts
It's a family tradision.
(voice in background: Deck the halls with meloncolhy)
I'm giving guilt this Christmas
I've got it in the millions
I get it from my folks, my wife
and sometimes from my childern
Guilt, the gift that keeps on giving
there seems to be no lack
I've been getting guilt for years
and this year they'll get it back
I've been getting guilt for years
and this year they'll get it all back
(voice in backgrond: I'm giving guilt for Christmas)