Work Text:
Disclaimer: These characters are not mine, I only take them out to play with once in a while, and promise to return everyone to their rightful place when I'm finished. The scene from "The Practice" is transcribed here for reference purposes only, no copyright infringement intended, nor any money made.
Written for the lj slash_100 challenge, story prompt #1 - Beginnings.
my chart
Is Love Worth The Pain Of Losing Him?
by T'Lin -- 27 May, 2006
Alan had only been working at Crane, Poole and Schmidt for slightly over a week, and feared he had already alienated himself with Denny Crane. Just the day before, he had told the senior partner that he was unwell ... that he had no business being in a courtroom, let alone on a firing range ... had even tricked him, albeit only briefly, to try and make a point about his failing mental capacities.
Alan had not been overly proud of himself with that ... after all, the look in Denny's eyes when he had taken his hand and said 'Dad ... you're my father, and you don't even remember' ... well, that momentary look of self-doubt and panic was a painful reminder to Alan.
But now, walking into Denny's office, he couldn't resist the
temptation to get his point across once more, so he asked, "What are you doing in my office?" Denny looked around, that look of uncertainty in his eyes for a moment, as Alan quickly said, "Had you again, didn't I, Dad?"
"I told you not to make fun of my mental health," Denny replied, and added with emphasis, "and as I recall, I meant it."
Looking chagrined, Alan said, "If I offended you yesterday, I am sorry."
"You know, you can't fool me," Denny said, then paused to sip his tea. Seeing that he had Alan's undivided attention, he continued, "My success as a trial attorney comes from my ability to read people ... and I read you," he paused yet again, then added, "I know your little secret, soldier."
"You do?" Alan replied, looking somewhat worried ... but then, he realized that he had many secrets ... Denny couldn't possibly know the secret ... at least, he hoped he didn't.
Denny nodded, as he said, "You're in awe of me."
With a sigh of relief, Alan said, "Well, now that the secret's out," then paused as he stepped closer to Denny's desk, "Let me tell you something, Denny Crane ... having watched you in that courtroom yesterday, I just want you to know ... I am in awe." Smiling and holding out his hands as if in presentation, he added, "You're Denny Crane ... and that's ... something."
Denny looked humbled for a moment, but after a pause, said, "You've taken up a minute of my time. To whom do I send the bill?"
Alan smiled, and with a salute, replied, "Send it to me," and he left Denny's office. This encounter with Denny hadn't gone exactly as Alan had planned ... but when all was said and done, perhaps that was for the best.
*****
For months, Alan kept an eye on Denny, watching for signs of Alzheimer's, and hoping that he could convince his friend to be checked. After all, early detection and treatment could slow the progress of the disease ... but any attempt to bring the subject up met with resistance.
Alan cared too much for Denny to risk his ire, so he kept his fears to himself, and did his best to keep Denny out of trouble. He sat by, helpless, when Denny's conduct had come under scrutiny and Paul and Brad had tried to set him up for public humiliation ... yet Denny prevailed.
And today Denny, although arrested for contempt, brilliantly
orchestrated a mistrial on a case that had slipped through the cracks after Edwin Poole had been hospitalized.
Or so Alan had thought.
But as he sat in the jail cell with Denny, with a celebratory glass of scotch, he learned that his friend had simply forgotten everything he had so painstakingly prepared for his opening. Alan could see the fear in Denny's eyes ... this time, the self-doubt was real to him ... the fear was real. Alan sat there, desperate to offer comfort to his friend, but refraining from reaching out.
They sat in silence, sipping their scotch, lost in their own thoughts.
****
Later, as Alan sat in his hotel room in the dark, he thought back on the years of dealing with his father's illness ... of the slow deterioration of his mind and body. The sleepless nights, crying over the lost opportunities of his youth, when his father was too busy to spend time with him ... and the gradual but complete loss of what few memories they shared.
He and his father had not been close, yet his slow demise had been painful for Alan to witness. Sitting here in the dark, Alan realized that he already felt closer to Denny Crane than he had to his own father ... and the pain of losing him was already beginning to form in his gut.
His mind told him that it wasn't too late. He could cut and run ... save himself the pain of watching another loved one slip away to this dreaded disease. But his heart urged him to stay ... tried to convince him that love was worth the pain of loss.
And it was then that Alan Shore realized that he wasn't just
infatuated with Denny Crane ... he loved Denny Crane ... and in answer to his own question -- is love worth the pain of losing him? -- he could only answer ... yes, always!