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Peja's Wonderful World of Makebelieve Import
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2020-11-04
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Pain Only if Remembered

Summary:

Pairing: Jethro/Tony
Spoilers: Hiatus Part 1
Warnings: Angst, lots of it.
Disclaimer: The boys aren't mine, what a pity.
Summary: Tony visits Jethro, alone. He needs him back.
Notes: Expect a Sequel.
Submitted through the GibbsAndDiNozzo mailing list. This list can no longer approve new members posts, please join us at Gibbs_And_DiNozzo

Work Text:

Pain, Only if Remembered
by Keyla Sheppard

"Go, have something to eat, a shower. I'll stay for a while."

Tony smiles, as much as he can right now, and tries not to sneer at Jenny as she walks over to Gibbs and pats him on his arm. When she looks back at him his smile is still there but it goes away when Jenny's back is turned.

He shouldn't, not now, not when Gibbs is lying in a coma... again. But Tony can't help it. He moves a chair, not the one Jenny's stuff is on, but a less comfortable one, over next to the bed. His hands hover over the bed for a few seconds before he finally sets them down, not on Gibbs arm but on the bed instead.

"Hey, boss. Ducky's finishing the autopsy, he says Palmer's getting better. Abby's hiding out in her lab and McGee and Ziva are working on a few leads. I hope Jenny's isn't bothering you too much. She won't leave unless someone else is here. I was going to flip Ziva to visit you but she said I could come. I think she doesn't want to deal, she seems to be breaking off."

Tony stops then, looks at Gibbs face and then hangs his head.

"I'm sorry, I didn't..."

"Hey Tony."

Jenny walks back into the room, of course she'd come back after only ten minutes. Just like her. This time Tony doesn't try to hide his sneer. When Jenny moves to the other side of the bed Tony stands up, as if the chair is now on fire, and pulls it away from the bed.

"I've got to go back to work."

He doesn't even look back at her and barely hears the "I'll call you" as he almost runs out the door.

"Agent DiNozzo?"

He turns, the doctor, he can't remember his name, is standing there, waiting. Tony walks over to him and leans against the counter there.

"Yes."

"I was just wondering if you knew about what happened when he was in Kuwait?"

"Yes."

Short, easy, he can't think. He's got to get out.

"Can you - " Tony's beeper goes off then.

"Hold on." He looks at the screen, NCIS, he has to go, the case. "I've got to go."

The doctor nods, reassuring, defeated, and Tony turns and runs to the stairwell. He runs down the first flight of stairs, ready to get to the office, then, instead of continuing he stops, turns and falls to the floor.

His head is in his hands, he can't do this now, not a case and Jethro. He puts his hands on the floor, bracing himself, and takes a breath, then another.

He hits the wall behind him the pain shoots up his arm and his phone rings. He pulls it out of his pocket with the hand he just hit the wall with and flips it open.

"What?"

"Sorry, sorry, boss... it's just..."

"I'm coming."

"Oh... Okay."

And he closes the phone and slips it back into his pocket before standing up and running down the rest of the stairs and into his car. The case, solve it first.

****

The next time he walks into the hospital he's got McGee's tie up to his nose, he can feel the blood still dripping. A nurse rushes up to him; he brushes past her and just barely hears "You Okay?" as he walks into Gibbs' room.

Ducky is there now and it's so much easier to get him out of the room. Ducky knows he's the only one. No one else in the office, no one else can know.

When Ducky turns to him, stopping in mid-story and then silently gets up and walks out the door. It's easier with Ducky.

Tony sits in the chair he had before, ignoring the one Ducky had, and leans against the bed.

"Probie ran into me. He's got to learn not to exit an elevator at a dead run. I swear, boss, if you don't wake up soon someone's going to be hurt and if it's Probie you can't blame me. Okay, that's not true."

He flexes the hand that isn't holding the tie. The bruise is getting darker, more noticeable. He shakes it once then sets it on the bed. He sniffs, pulls the tie away and places it on his leg.

"A nurse wanted to check my nose while I came in. I think she was trying to tell me something. I don't know. I'm glad to see Jenny went home, but I bet Ducky's not much better. At least he has someone to tell stories to other then his 'patients'. Listen, just wanted to stop by, see if you were awake. Obviously you're not... so. Well, I have to..."

He stops, needs to think, breath. He wraps the tie around his knuckles absently.

"Jethro, what I wanted to tell you, before. You have to know that the fight we had? I didn't mean it, I was in a bad mood, took it out on everyone that day, you have to believe me. You're it. You're it for me. If you don't wake up... I don't know what I'll do. You need to; I need you to, wake up. Please."

A nurse walks in and smiles when Tony turns to see her. He stands up, pats Jethro lightly on the arm before walking out the door and heading for the stairs. He's stopped by the doctor again, he doesn't remember his name still, doesn't dare look at the nametag.

"Listen, doc, about before."

He nods.

"Yes?"

"He was in Kuwait when his wife and daughter died in a car crash, he doesn't like to talk about it. I learned about it from... well that doesn't matter. I just want to know why you wanted to know."

"He doesn't seem to be in a deep a coma that would take him out for this long. He's showing signs more of someone who doesn't want to wake up. The same thing happened before, when he was hurt. I just wanted to know if there was possibly a reason for it."

Tony nods.

"Okay, well."

"I knew him then, was a medic that sent him back to the states. I'm sure he'll get through it."

Tony smiles, one that only reaches his mouth, and walks away.

****

It's not long after that last visit that Ducky calls, frantic edging his voice but if you didn't know him he'd sound as calm as ever.

"He doesn't remember us."

"What? Us?"

"He thinks he just got out of Kuwait, Tony."

Tony doesn't say bye, just hangs up the phone and sinks down in his seat.

He doesn't remember, us.

"Tony?"

He looks up; Ziva and McGee walk to their desks, both looking at him, worried, maybe.

He smiles, tries to.

"I'll be right back."

Ziva nods, McGee watches him leave.

When he gets into the bathroom he checks the stalls, locks the door and walks to the back corner.

He cries.

The End