Work Text:
Now Listen, Prince...
by Scribe
December 31, 1999 11:50 pm
"Twooo thousand, zero, zero, party ovah! Oops! Outta time! So tonight I'm gonna party like it's 1999..."
"Good GOD, Chief, give me a break!"
"What? You don't like The Artist Formerly Known As Prince?"
"Shit. Say 'Prince'--it takes less breath."
"Jim, the man does not want to be called by that name. This is actually an improvement, as I used to hurt myself trying to pronounce that symbol he used for a few years, but that's beside the point. I was dreamin' when I wrote this so sue me if I go 2 fast..."
"Please tell me you didn't just sing a... a numeral."
"What is your problem?"
"I'm just sick of that song, that's all. I haven't been able to turn on the radio since Christmas without hearing that, even on the fucking country and western stations."
Pause.
"Jim, you listened to country and western?"
"I was desperate, Darwin, and even there I couldn't escape it."
"I don't get it. It's catchy, it's well done... Okay, it's a little overdone, but it's still the most appropriate song of, like, the last century."
"No, it isn't."
"Okay, how do you justify that remark?"
"I don't have to justify it."
"Jim..."
"Oh, all right. It's obvious that he's singing about the end of the old millineum and the beginning of the new one."
"Yeesss?"
"C'mon, Chief. Do I have to explain this to you?" Sandburg stare. Sentinel eye roll, and heavy sigh. "They're a year early."
"No, man, this is 1999." Sandburg peers at nearly empty champagne bottle. "Unless I'm more fucked up than I thought and I've slept into not just the next year, but the one after that."
"I'm of the opinion that you're not fucked up enough if you can still remember the words to that song. Open the other bottle."
"Okey-dokey." Grab
"Don't you dare shake that! Give it to me." twistpushtwistpushtwistpushpop
"Damn you have strong thumbs, Blessed Protector."
"Hold out your glass." glug "Now, as I was saying--if they intend it as an end-of-the-millenium anthem, they're a year early. They should hold on to it till December 31st, 2000."
slurp "Nuh-uh."
"Oh, brilliant rebuttal, Einstien. Can't you do any better than that?"
slurp "No way, Jose?"
"Doesn't make any more sense with a Spanish accent. Look, start at 0, right? 1 A.D., 2 A.D., 3 A.D., 4..."
"If you're gonna count down the entire century, gimme another slosh." glug "Thank you." slurp
"Let's take 5 through 99 as a given."
"Then you come to 100 A.D. Okay, that's the first century. 101 to 199 is the second century, 200 to 299 is the second century..."
"You intend to count down till present day?"
"No, you should have the idea..."
"Gimme some more anyway."
glug slurp "Damn, Sandburg, you can really put that away. So you see what I mean. 1901 to 2001 moves us into the twenty-first century. See?"
"Quite an argument, Jim."
"Thank you."
"Total bullshit, but quite an argument, none the less. 1999 to 2000. Change of millenium. Case closed."
"Look, I have calendars and scientists on my side. What do you have to back your argument?"
"Cultural tradition an' everyone on earth who doesn't have a stick up their butt."
"Look, Blair, if you want to get into tradition..."
"Jim, Jim, Jim... My dear, beautiful, sexy, hard-headed friend, as usual, you are missing the big picture."
"Which is?"
"Which is that by considering it change of millineum we have a legitimate excuse to party like lunatics. If you didn't come 2 party don't bother knockin' on my door. I got a lion in my pocket, an' baby he's ready 2 roar."
"Blair, must you sing that..." Pause "You have a lion in your pocket?"
"And he's ready to roar, baby. Have I mentioned that my interpretation of 'party like a lunatic' includes huge, heaping helpings of hot, sweaty, vigorous sex?"
Silence
Sentinel throat clearing. "With... uh... just kinda grab whoever is closest at midnight?"
"It's almost midnight. Do you see anyone else here?"
Bong bong bong ...
"And Jim? Another point to ponder. I have been known to change my mind."
Bong bong bong...
"You mean...?"
Bong bong bong...
"If you manage to change my mind in the next twelve months, we'll have the opportunity to do it all over again. I should run out of arguments by then. In fact, I'm sure I will."
Bong bong bong
"Happy New Millennium, Chief. C'mere."
The End