Chapter Text
WITH GREAT POWER...
Emma felt drained, her headache pounded in perfect synchronization with the gentle hum of the Double Helix's engines. Keeping her mind totally open to everything and anything for the majority of the day had proven to be more tiring than maintaining her strictly disciplined mental walls. Now that Captain Morrison and the Phased Vibrational Generator were safe, Emma wanted nothing more than to situate herself in a nice quiet, dark corner and withdrawal into her own mind to work on rebuilding her crumbling mental barriers. There was only one thing preventing her from doing just that.
Emma cast a nervous glance towards Jesse. They all had known that phasing the Helix had been hard on him, both mentally and physically, and it would be only a matter of time before the exertion caught up with him. After safely returning Morrison and the PVG, Shalimar had noticed how Jesse had been having obvious trouble keeping his heavy eyelids open and how his concentration had dropped to an all-time low, so she'd offered to take over his duties of monitoring the Helix's computer systems. The fact that Jesse had readily relinquished those duties, gave testament to his exhaustion. Jesse had switched seats with Shalimar and had fallen asleep in a matter of seconds.
Emma inhaled deeply and released a long, slow, steady breath. Jesse hadn't been the only one to overdue it that day. Though she had long suspected that she had had the ability, Emma had never before attempted to use her psionic powers to indiscriminately broadcast anything. At the time, it had seemed like the only option available to her. The rebels had been closing in on their position and there was no way she and Jesse could have defeated them on their own. Emma had taken only a split second to decide what to broadcast and warn Jesse before unleashing the full force of her powers.
Looking back on the situation, Emma was still unable to think of another resolution, but the instant she'd realized the effect it had had on Jesse, she'd wished she could have taken the action back, or at the very least, protected him in some way. When she saw him sprawled out on the ground at her feet, the force of her psionic blast having struck him harder than any physical blow could have, she easily recognized the fear radiating from his liquid blue eyes. But what did he fear? Was it the images and emotions that had assaulted his mind's eye or was it...her?
There had been no time to attempt to smooth things over with Jesse. Whatever the true source of the fear had been, it would have taken far too much time to confront, let alone resolve. Once again, Emma had been faced with a hard decision and, having no time to debate the issues of right and wrong, had acted out of need and instinct. With a simple touch to the side of Jesse's head, Emma had delved into his mind, located the overwhelming fear, and blocked it. She'd wrapped it neatly in a mental 'box' and tucked it into the far recesses of her friend's mind.
The panic in Jesse's eyes had instantly changed to confusion. "Don't what?" he'd asked, eyes still bright with unshed tears and breath still coming in labored gasps. As if instinctively knowing he would get no answer, he'd returned to his work repairing the Helix.
Emma had been weakened as a result of using her powers for the long-range broadcast. The box she had created in Jesse's mind was tenuous at best, and she'd found that she needed to constantly reinforce it. Even as he slept in the chair beside her, Jesse's face contorted and his muscles twitched as his subconscious mind battled the flimsy barrier in an attempt to reclaim the lost memories.
A small moan escaped Jesse's lips as the barrier was weakened enough to allow a sliver of memory to pass. Shalimar's keen feral hearing picked up on the minute sound and she was at the young man's side in an instant.
"Jesse?" she called, a near tangible concern emanating from her as she placed a gentle hand on his stubble-covered cheek. Jesse moaned again and leaned into the welcome touch, but did not wake. Shalimar looked to Emma, a silent plea evident in her soft brown eyes.
Emma understood what the other woman wanted, but she already knew what was wrong with their friend so probing his mind for the answers was unnecessary. "He's fine, Shal." The lie was so smooth and delivered with such conviction that Emma was tempted to allow herself to believe it. "He's just exhausted and..."
Before Emma could finish the explanation, Jesse heaved a great breath, filling his lungs, and massed. Beneath the red marbled effect, indicative of his massed state, the women could see the white-knuckled grip Jesse had on the arms of the chair and the tightly closed eyes and furrowed brow. Shalimar knew the reaction well.
"What's going on?" the feral demanded.
"It's nothing," Emma replied with a slight waver to her voice. "He's just dreaming."
"No he's not," Shalimar proclaimed, her voice rising. "He's scared." She shook his shoulder but Jesse didn't wake.
"It's just a nightmare, Shal. Everyone is scared of nightmares," Emma reasoned. "I'll take care of it."
"It's not as simple as that and you know it!" Shalimar snapped. "He's scared - terrified - of something. I haven't seen him this bad in years." She continued the gentle coaxing with her voice and the soft touches in an attempt to ease her friend out whatever world the nightmare had transported him to. Nothing she did seemed to be working.
"What's going on? Is Jesse alright?" Brennan questioned, momentarily turning his attention away from piloting the Helix.
"No!"
"He's fine!" Shalimar and Emma spoke at once.
"Well, which is it?" Brennan shouted, concern coloring his voice. "We've still got about twenty minutes until we reach Sanctuary."
Emma shot up from her chair, knelt down in front of Jesse, and placed a hand on each side of his head. She closed her eyes in concentration until a small psionic bubble formed. When her eyes snapped open, the bubble launched towards Jesse and disappeared into his forehead. Almost instantly, the young molecular relaxed and returned to normal density.
"I said I would take care of it." Emma's voice was cold. She returned to her own chair, leaned her head back, and closed her eyes. She didn't see Shalimar's eyes flash or hear her deep, throaty growl.
The remainder of the journey back to Sanctuary passed in tense silence. Shalimar had remained at Jesse's side and had maintained some sort of physical contact with him until she'd finally been forced to return to her own station in order to assist with the landing procedures. Neither Emma nor Jesse had moved. While Jesse's inactivity was born of complete physical, mental, and emotional exhaustion, Emma had been forced to direct all of her waning strength towards reinforcing the blocks she had implanted in Jesse's mind.
When the Helix was secured in Sanctuary's hanger, Emma slowly extracted herself from Jesse's mind, giving him a slight mental nudge on the way out to wake him.
"What? Are we home already?" Jesse's tired, raspy voice questioned.
"Yeah, Jess, we're home," Shalimar answered in an amazingly gentle tone.
"Are you okay? You had us worried with that nightmare."
Confusion marred his features. "I'm fine. I don't...don't remember any..." The rest of his words were lost as his eyelids drooped and his body attempted to return to sleep.
"Hold on, Jesse." Brennan shook the younger man's shoulder. "I know you're tired, but let's get you to your own bed before you conk out on us again. Okay?"
"Hummm? Uh, yeah..." came the groggy response. With a substantial amount of help from Shalimar, Jesse stepped out of the Helix.
Brennan didn't miss the scathing glare that passed from Shalimar to Emma or the fact that Emma appeared to tired to care. "Come on, Emma." He helped the unresisting woman to stand and led her into Sanctuary.
~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~
Emma awoke to the sound of voices and cursed herself for falling asleep. A quick glance at the time caused her to bolt upright from the couch. An incredible five hours had passed since their return from Kovakhstan. She just prayed that the reinforcements she'd made on Jesse's mental 'box' had held.
She'd never intended to fall asleep. She'd wanted to discuss her earlier actions concerning Jesse with Adam and, hopefully, find a way to best deal with the situation. But as soon as the team had returned, Adam and Brennan had immediately left, heading to the Department of Defense for a final confrontation with Sperling.
Emma silently crossed the room to stand unseen just outside of the doorway that led to the kitchen. Adam and Brennan sat at the table slowly sipping coffee while Shalimar paced the small room.
"Jesse's fine. Just calm down, Shal," Brennan ordered as if truly expecting the simple reassurance and command to have the desired effect.
Emma didn't hear Shalimar's response. She was preoccupied trying to prevent herself from being overwhelmed by the other woman's emotions. The anger, fear, hatred, love, and concern all converged, feeding off of each other and growing until they formed an undeniable, living presence all of their own.
Emma closed her eyes and placed herself in a light meditative state in order to begin the arduous task of pushing away and then blocking the overpowering emotions. She touched lightly on Adam's mind to draw on his calmness and silent strength and then did the same with Brennan's confidence. She even lowered her walls long enough to access Shalimar's determination. When she felt that she had regained enough control to face the situation, Emma stepped into the room.
"Adam, guys, we need to talk."
~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~
"How long have you been able to do this?" Adam calmly questioned after Emma had explained everything.
"I honestly don't know," Emma answered in a whisper. "This was the first time I'd even attempted it." She cast her gaze down towards her hands resting in her lap and waited for the inevitable. She didn't have to wait long.
"Nothing like using your friend as a guinea pig," Shalimar hissed before standing up from the small kitchen table and resuming her pacing.
Emma flinched at the words but didn't try to defend herself.
"But you erased the memory, right?" Brennan asked, ignoring Shalimar's outburst. "So he should be fine."
"He sure didn't seem fine earlier," Shalimar mumbled while glaring at Emma.
"No, I didn't erase it." The words were barely audible.
"What?" Brennan and Shalimar chorused in shocked outrage.
"Emma can't permanently alter someone's memory," Adam explained with a thoughtful expression on his face. "In a relatively short amount of time, the forgotten memories will be recovered just as the implanted memories will fade."
"Okay, so EVENTUALLY he'll be fine," Brennan amended his earlier statement, clearly exasperated and desperate to resolve the situation.
"No."
"What?" This time Adam joined the other two in the question.
Adam leaned forward and reached a hand out to tilt Emma's head up, forcing her to meet his eyes. "Tell me exactly what thought or memory you broadcasted to him," he coaxed in a gentle voice.
Tears overflowed Emma's eyes, only to be brushed away by Adam's thumb. "I didn't broadcast any."
A simple raised hand from Adam effectively preempted Shalimar's vehement protest. "Tell me," he encouraged.
Emma took a deep, shuddering breath. "There was no single thought that would affect all of the rebels. I had to do something that was guaranteed to make them all turn back." She paused, unsure of how to explain things.
"What did you do?" Shalimar ground out through clenched teeth. The continual need to prompt the younger woman was beginning to wear on her nerves.
"I used a broad-band psionic blast to unlock their own bad memories," Emma explained, refusing to specifically mention Jesse's name. "It would have been something different for everyone. For some, it might have been remembering a traumatic childhood experience and for others it might have been revisiting a bad nightmare. Whatever memories came forward, they would have been as vivid in their minds as if they had just experienced them for the first time, and since the memories were theirs to begin with - not something I had implanted - they won't simply fade away. I was able to temporarily block it in Jesse, but the block isn't holding." Emma glanced at Shalimar just in time to see an expression of horror cross the feral's face before she bolted from the room. Emma looked questioningly towards Adam.
"Jesse..." Adam sighed and leaned back in his chair. He brought a hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose. "Jesse was only a young teen when I brought him here. Considering his rather...sheltered...background, I was surprised to learn that he suffered from horrible nightmares. I never knew if he was reliving something that had happened to him or if he was seeing something his own mind had created, but I did know that his erratic massing and phasing while he dreamed could have easily put his life in danger. If he would have phased and then rematerialized in his mattress or even the floor..." Adam shook his head as if to remove the thought.
"I could never get him to open up to me, but Shalimar finally got him to talk to her - probably because she was much closer to his age. It was months before Jesse could sleep for more than a few hours at a time and almost a year before he slept through the night. Neither he nor Shalimar ever told me..."
"Adam!"
Adam's story was interrupted by the frantic call from Shalimar. The three rushed out of the kitchen and up the stairs to find Shalimar standing at the entrance to Jesse's bedroom. Looking in, they saw that Jesse, his bed, and a large portion of the floor and furniture were massed. The surrounding floorboards were creaking ominously, threatening to break under the strain and send the young man crashing to the level below.
Brennan took a step forward only to be halted by Shalimar. "We've got to get him out of there!" he exclaimed, confused as to why she would stop him.
Shalimar was obviously anxious, but amazingly controlled. "It was bad enough when he was younger and he'd take a swing at me when he woke up, but if you go in there now, you'll be massed right along with everything else. That would just put you and him in even more danger." She looked to Adam with a silent, desperate plea in her eyes.
In response, Adam turned to Emma. Understanding exactly what was expected of her, Emma closed her eyes in concentration until another psionic bubble formed. She opened her eyes and launched the bubble towards Jesse.
With a deep inhalation, the distraught young man returned to normal density and bolted upright in the bed, gasping for breath. Adam held the others back as Shalimar rushed to Jesse's side and gathered the trembling figure into her arms. Jesse's arms wrapped around her waist and he held her tightly against his sweat-dampened body.
While whispering soothing reassurances into Jesse's ear and rubbing small circles on his back, Shalimar cast a look to the others still standing at the door. She would handle things. Wordlessly, Adam closed the door and led Emma and Brennan back to the kitchen.
"Adam?" Emma called in a small voice upon reaching the kitchen. The single word held a litany of questions. Are you angry? Should I have done things differently? Do you need more information? Will Jesse be alright? What should we do for him? What happens next?
Adam chose to answer the last question. "Shalimar will take care of him for now, but we're going to have confront this soon. Is the mental block still in place?"
The young woman took a moment to engage Jesse's mind. "It's pretty weak, but it's there."
"Good. Reinforce it as much as you can. In the morning, after we've all had some rest, we'll start working on a solution."
Emma complied and, when she was finished and confident that the barriers in Jesse's mind would hold until morning, she and Brennan reluctantly headed off to bed.
Adam went back upstairs and tapped on Jesse's door before quietly entering. He was greeted with the touching sight of Shalimar sitting on the edge of the bed, tenderly stroking the brow of her now peacefully sleeping friend. When Shalimar looked up, he motioned that he wanted to speak with her.
"I'm not sure what happened," Shalimar whispered when she joined Adam by the door. "He just suddenly relaxed and went back to sleep. He doesn't seem to be having the nightmares right now."
"Emma was able to reinforce the block she had created against the memories. She's pretty confident that it'll hold until the morning so he can get some rest."
Shalimar directed pain-filled eyes back towards the sleeping form of her best friend. "It was almost as if the last ten years hadn't happened, Adam. He just...I know that Emma didn't intend for this to happen, but...he was reliving...he seemed so..." She sighed and leaned wearily against the wall.
"I know," Adam soothed. "You were able to help him through this once before and I'm sure you'll be able to do it again. Hopefully, Jesse will let the rest of us help this time."
Shalimar shook her head sadly, tears forming in her dark eyes. "You don't understand. You CAN'T understand." With that, she reentered the room and gently closed the door, shutting Adam out.
~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~
Early the next morning, Shalimar descended the stairs and found Adam, Brennan, and Emma in the kitchen, waiting anxiously for a report.
"How's Jesse?" Brennan was the one to finally ask the burning question.
"HE'S fine. Taking a shower." Shalimar collapsed into a chair and raked a hand through her tousled blonde hair before gratefully accepting a cup of coffee from the elemental. "He doesn't have a clue about what's going on. I'M the one who's a wreck!"
Brennan moved to stand behind her and began gently massaging her shoulders. Shalimar rolled her head from side to side, stretching her neck and allowing him better access to the knotted muscles. She moaned in pleasure as he charged his hands with the slightest, warming electrical current and began working on a particularly tense area. Closing her eyes, she set her coffee cup aside, folded her arms on the table and lowered her head to rest upon them.
"So, what's the plan, Adam?" Brennan asked, never ceasing his tender ministrations.
"I'm afraid there's only one thing we CAN do."
"Either I remove the mental block or it disintegrates on its own," Emma continued the explanation. "Either way, Jesse is going to have to face whatever this is and conquer it."
Shalimar gave a dry chuckle then sighed in resignation.
Brennan finished the massage with a firm, reassuring squeeze to her shoulders and took his place in the chair beside her. "Shal, maybe if you told us what it was..."
"No!" Though muffled, the word carried a definite tone of finality.
"Shalimar, listen to me," Emma pleaded.
"I said no!" The feral's head snapped up and her eyes flashed in warning. She closed them and took a deep breath, forcing herself to calm down. When her eyes reopened, they had returned to normal. "I made him a promise."
"And we'll respect that." Adam looked to the other two, silently instructing them to drop that particular subject. "But whatever this is, it's obviously very traumatic for him. We can't afford for Jesse to be out on a mission when his memory suddenly returns. When he comes downstairs, we're going to explain everything to him and then, if he agrees, Emma is going to remove the block. I want as much control over the situation as we can get and I want to make this as easy as possible on Jesse." He waited until all three gave nods of agreement.
"Make what easy on me?"
"Jesse!" Shalimar almost squeaked, surprised that he had managed to approach without her sensing it.
Jesse winced. "Please keep it down to a low roar. I've got a killer headache."
"I'm sorry," Emma offered.
"Oh yes, Emma. You should be sorry," he said sarcastically as he crossed the room to the refrigerator and retrieved an orange juice. "We all know that you're to blame for my having a headache." The smile that graced his features during the light-hearted teasing instantly vanished when he turned around to see that Emma's face had lost all color and there were tears shining in her green eyes. Three long strides brought him to her side. "Emma, what's wrong?" he asked, taking one of her hands in his own.
"Jesse," Adam gained the young man's attention. "Sit down. There's something we need to discuss with you."
Jesse listened attentively as Adam explained the events that had transpired in Kovakhstan. Emma was reluctant to speak, providing the minimum amount of words needed to answer when Adam called on her. When her eyes were not downcast, she focused on anything and everything but Jesse.
For the most part, Jesse listened to the tale with a strange sense of detachment. It was if the team was discussing the latest science fiction movie instead of a chapter from his own life. It wasn't until Adam mentioned the need to return the mystery memory that Jesse seemed to snap out of his stupor.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa! From the sounds of it, I don't think I want to remember this...this...whatever it is. Why can't we just let it be?"
"I'm afraid it's not as simple as that," Adam explained. "In a short time, whether you want it or not, the memory will return. The headache you're experiencing right now is probably the result of your mind's battle against Emma's barrier. It's up to you, but I would prefer to have you in a controlled environment when the memories are returned."
Jesse looked to each of his friends in turn before finally allowing his eyes to rest on Shalimar. He saw the usual myriad of emotions: compassion, support, strength, determination, concern, and even a touch of admiration, however, there was a new addition to the mix. Something that he thought he would never see. Fear. It was so subtle that he didn't think anyone else could have noticed it, but it was there and its mere presence froze him in place.
Shalimar gave a tight smile, breaking the trance. 'Message received and understood, Shal,' Jesse thought. "Okay, Adam. What do we need to do?" he asked, never breaking eye contact with Shalimar. He could see her admiration for him raise a notch. Unfortunately, the fear increased as well.
Adam closed his eyes and sighed. "If you're sure that you're ready, let's go to the med lab."
Jesse rose from his chair. "There's no time like the present," he said with a smile. The rest of the team joined him as he proceeded out of the room towards the med lab.
"That's the spirit, bro." Brennan clapped a hand on his shoulder.
"After all," the younger man continued, "this is me we're talking about here. What kind of big, scary secret could I possibly have? It can't be too bad, can it?"
Shalimar's step faltered and she emitted something that sounded like a cross between a cough and a sob. She recovered quickly and when Jessie looked to her, the gentle, but forced, smile was back.
~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ *~
Unsure of what to expect, Adam had prepared for a number of medical possibilities, not the least of which was mental shock. Emma had requested a degree of privacy for the 'procedure', so Adam had allowed her and Jesse to situate themselves in a small room and the rest of the team would be able watch through a large observation window.
When the proper monitoring equipment had been set up and Emma had received approval from Adam, she turned to Jesse. "Are you ready?"
"Uh," his eyes darted nervously between her and Shalimar before finally settling on her. "Yeah. Let's do it."
The edge of determination in his voice flowed directly to Emma's heart. They would be alright. Emma smiled, stepped closer to him, and placed her hands on either side of his head. She closed her eyes in concentration as she projected herself into her friend's mind.
Slowly and oh so carefully, she waded through his memories. It was a much different place than the last time she had been there. Before, his mind had been cloaked in an all-encompassing darkness. Pain, fear, confusion, and disgust had been overwhelming as they all battled for supremacy. This time, however, the dominant memories were all pleasant: his mother, various childhood joys, his friends at Mutant X, and... Emma chuckled and made herself a mental note to ask about whoever this woman was.
Emma smiled to herself as she thought of how much she could tease Jesse over that particular memory, but the smile faded when she realized that she was allowing herself to become distracted so easily. She'd never realized how very little she knew about Jesse's past, and now that she had his permission to enter his mind, the temptation to explore a little was almost too much to resist.
She pulled herself together and faced the task at hand with renewed determination. In no time, she found the mental box, still tucked into a far corner of Jesse's mind. Its condition was actually far worse than she'd expected. It was crumbling before her eyes.
Emma gently reached out for the box, intending only to move it closer for examination, but the instant she came into contact with it, the box completely disintegrated and the trapped memories escaped.
~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~