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The Nature of Walls

Summary:

There are all kinds of walls, for all kinds of reasons - but
if you aren't very careful, your fort can become a prison - keeping
you locked in, rather than people who can't be trusted with your heart
locked out. Also, without love, your poor heart will just starve to
death locked away like that anyway, and you'll still lose. Live every
day like it might be your last; "no day but today!" That last was a
snip from one of my fav. musicals, "Rent."

AUTHOR: MMM “Sprite!� Nebulous1, presented by Brimstone Harpy.

DISCLAIMER: The BSG universe and characters are the property of their creators and/or publishers; this story may not be sold or distributed for profit; no copyright infringement is intended.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS: Thanks to Rabid 1st for encouraging me with her lovely compliments and for pointing out -very- kindly why I still was unhappy with this when I couldn’t figure it out!
Much love to Buffy, for reading my rough draft, giving me FB to -die- for and telling me how to fix the blasted ending, which was the problem all along!
This story may not be perfect, but trust me, it’s worlds better for their assistance! At least I can post it now; before it merely languished in my “Someday ideas� file and didn’t look like it’d ever be coming out! Hopefully, you’ll all be glad it did and enjoy it.

Work Text:

TITLE: The Nature of Walls
AUTHOR: MMM "Sprite!" Nebulous1, presented by Brimstone Harpy
EMAIL: imnebulous1@yahoo.com
WEB: http://tinyurl.com/8xkr7
SPOILERS: Up to Home 2, but ya read my fic, ya take your chances!
DATE: 02-03-06

ARCHIVE: WWOMB; K/L. Anyone else, please ask.

*************************

Lee Adama felt like he had spent his life working within walls. It was his job to maintain certain walls; to protect his mother, his brother - and to respect other walls, even when he wasn't certain -why- they were there, like the one between him and his father. It was his responsibility as the oldest to protect their family while his father was away; off doing his all-important duty the Gods only knew where. While still very young, when the few answers he got to his childishly blunt questions only seemed to muddy the issue even further, he learned to take it on faith that there were very good reasons for walls, and he didn't have to understand why to stand guard like a good soldier.

Walls were what separated one thing, one person from another. Walls kept people and emotions safely and neatly compartmentalized; otherwise, things could mingle and become confused before you knew it. Loyalties; between his mother and father, between home and his career...and he knew you had to be especially careful not to mix things like love and duty; it never worked and it only hurt worse when you tried. Above all, he never once had to be told not to look over walls at things he couldn't have; it was better not to have any idea what you were missing.

For instance; if you forgot even for a second that there was supposed to be a boundary, one you had better not cross, not ever -- your soon to be sister-in-law might become the only woman you could remember wanting so badly in your entire life...He wasn't about to go there, no matter what he -thought- he felt; not when his brother loved her, and not even -after- his brother had been stricken from all of their lives, forever. She wasn't his, never would be - so get over it already, flyboy. Move on. Build a better wall. Maybe a few of them for good measure; can't be too careful. Time and distance and enough good, strong walls were the only remedy he knew...so he went with what he'd been taught.

Good fences made good friends and respectful enemies. Barriers served as protection and camouflage and security and all those great words he'd had drilled into him in officer training. All in all, they were the best thing for everyone concerned, generally. He'd certainly done his best to believe in that credo and live it every day of his life so he would never have anything to apologize for, unlike his father. He couldn't break a promise or a heart or suffer that pain himself if he never got close enough to begin with, right?

So how was it then, when he'd begrudgingly reported to the Galactica to smile nicely for the cameras next to his 'legendary' father, that while taking the first chance he got to saunter into the brig, prepared to enjoy feeding one Lt. Kara Thrace a healthy ration of humility for being behind bars -again-; that he'd left feeling like he'd come somehow thru the looking-glass and HE was the one locked up, while she was more free than he could ever aspire to be, even in custody? Why did she make him question just who was on the right side of the bars and whether perhaps his prison just happened to be more spacious, but no less constricting? How did she make him feel like -he- was in the wrong every time and frak it, why did HER side always look like so much more fun?

And WHY, dear Gods, did he -still- want more than anything to join her on -her- side of the bars; in hack or not, and thoroughly test the resiliency of that uncomfortable-looking bunk? Damn her, the woman still effortlessly pushed his pulse clear to red-line in spite of two intervening years, during which he'd actually dared to hope that some of the attraction he'd always felt crackling between them like a summer lightning storm just waiting to happen would dissipate. No such luck, unfortunately; and that even while she did her level -worst- to be insubordinate; her eyes spitting contempt at his emotional cowardice and stubborn refusal to forgive the remote man who might have sired he and Zak, but who it seemed to Lee had never tried to be their father in any true emotional sense. Had he really expected her to understand?

Of course not, and he really should know better by now if he had. With the only example she'd been provided as a parent being her abusively alcoholic mother, his life had to look like comparative paradise. She wouldn't, couldn't, understand his resentment towards the man who had become her mentor; Hell - the father she'd never had, when his youngest son had died, leaving her alone in the world once more. Lee couldn't even find it in his heart to hate her for being closer to his father than he was himself...because she had so transparently needed the support the last time he saw her, grieving for his brother like she hadn't wanted to live another day.

And when he'd self-righteously stormed off to mourn the loss of his kid brother by himself after laying the blame for Zak's determination to become a pilot squarely upon his father's shoulders; the man he'd accused of never giving his sons or their happiness a second thought had reached down from his lofty heights for the shattered young woman who, Lee was ashamed to realize, -he- had forgotten to spare a thought for, and sheltered her under the strength of his wing, literally and figuratively. That hurt more than anything else; how Lee could be-right- and still end up doing the wrong thing and ending up feeling forced this whole time since, having no choice but to defend the bitter stance he'd taken, or be unfaithful to his brother's memory.

In the meantime; while he'd labored diligently to build up what he considered his icy emotional fortress, it appeared that Kara, Starbuck, had grown a set of brass balls and an enviable suit of heavy body armor to match! She seemed to -like- thinking and operating outside all the protective/constrictive walls that his experience had taught him to rely upon so heavily. It was dangerous, foolhardy - to him it looked perilously close to emotional suicide!

But even to his experienced eyes, her personal barriers looked pretty well bulletproof, all but invincible! How was that possible? How could she act so incredibly open, but at the same time be protected unfailingly by that frustratingly enigmatic attitude of sunny sarcasm which always deflected anyone from getting -too- close? Regardless of -how- she managed it, she clearly didn't take any crap off anyone; least of all, Lee Adama. She maneuvered as she pleased, having no contestant at all for her personal space; Starbuck -owned- everything outside-the-box, mostly because nobody else dared to go there.

She was reborn; all the more jaded now, still bitter with his brother's loss - but firmly, insistently, defiantly alive. All of the outstanding talent he'd been saddened to witness nearly flickering out like a prayer candle with his brother's death was back in full fighting force. Kara Thrace was lightning in a bottle, or a Viper cockpit, as it so happened; under no one's control unless she chose to be and you were sadly mistaken if you thought all your persuasion or manipulation could put her where you wanted her without her say-so! She was as arbitrary and powerful as a tornado and just about as predictable, which was to say, not at all. Frak, but she was extraordinary!

Unwilling to appear a coward; he resolved, at her insistence, to do what he came to do like a dutiful son and Colonial soldier and play nice with the old man...in public, at least. He owed his father that, for Kara. He'd even tried, half-heartedly, to get out what he needed to say to him, just like she'd asked, only to be cut off and have to choke it all back down again just when he'd finally believed he was done hurting over it. After ripping open all the old wounds between them, he'd hoped grimly at the time that she'd be happy now...Her advice had accomplished precisely nothing, but he had taken it, for whatever it was worth, and it wasn't -his- fault if his Dad couldn't handle the truth.

Then the worlds had ended, all twelve of them. Everything they'd -ever- known outside this ship was gone. There wasn't anything more that could be said. They, the fleet, all that remained of humanity; were alone in a hostile universe with an implacably, soulless enemy they'd created for themselves in hot pursuit to finish them off totally. Time, for a seeming eternity, became encapsulated into Hellish 33 minute intervals for some obscure Cylon reason that escaped the logic of all of their best remaining tacticians, himself included. It just was and it didn't matter why, and they just did and did and kept doing somehow, until one time, like it had all been a surreal dream, it was over...but it wasn't really. It was just a place to breathe until they were found and had to jump away again. That had been the end and just the beginning...

And he was 'lucky enough' to survive, stuck on his Father's antiquated ship, with his Father's loyal troops to somehow figure out how to command respect from and the woman who was his waking dream -and- most painful nightmare all packed into one irresistible powder-keg of a package as an officer under his direct authority; thoroughly as off-limits as she'd ever been before and then some. And he couldn't get away from his Dad, or the situation, or HER; so he'd just have to learn to handle it unless he preferred to go looking for a missile with his name on it or to eat a bullet from his own sidearm. 'FRAKKED!' didn't begin to cover it, there just had to be a fouler, more vehement curse in -some- dead language if only all the ancient scrolls weren't just so much radioactive dust, mingled with the ashes of contemporary mortals...

Somehow, he'd adjusted, by the Gods...so that now he and his father actually spoke to each other; generally without the biting sarcasm and clipped dismissals that had once become customary...Occasionally, they even spoke about something other than their jobs. This miracle was accomplished courtesy of pressure from and quite a bit of shared concern for, you guessed it, Starbuck again...The one thing, the one person he and his father could agree upon; at least in the sense that she must be protected, rescued if necessary, at all costs...because she somehow had become family and home to both of them - although neither one talked about it with the other, or could bring themselves to admit it aloud to her for that matter! There weren't any openly stated rationalizations the two men had agreed upon regarding one, Lt. Kara Thrace; just an implicit mutual agreement that they both deemed futile to question...it just was.

Anyone who might have had the poor judgment to point out their deplorably preferential tendency to risk the entire fleet for her sake, if necessary, could just eat their opinion... because she was the top ace Viper pilot currently drawing breath and the only one with any instructional experience to provide them with more pilots. As such, she was NOT expendable; not that she would have been otherwise, but it was at least justifiable when you put it in those terms. Whatever worked; whatever kept her close, alive and as near to sane as the cursedly stubborn, damn-fool, brilliantly, horrifically reckless woman was ever likely to be was good enough for him...it would have to be. He knew his limits; they were clearly demarcated by regulation.

Until Colonial night; when he'd spotted her through the crowd, facing away from him at the bar, even from the back looking just as beautiful as he'd always known she could be. When she turned around to pose for him, she wore a mockingly demure smile of false modesty, that did nothing to disguise the satisfaction in her eyes as his scanned over the crossed neckline of the dress she was wearing which emphasized her lovely shoulders, drawing the eye up from the graceful line of her neck to her determined little jaw and her proudly classical cheekbones with the haunting hollows underneath that could break your heart or curve sweetly around that impish grin she flashed with lethal accuracy like a bright dagger.

He'd always seen the promise in her eyes of this grace, the self-confidence that stated in -bold letters- that she could fairly -radiate- if she but chose to but -you- weren't worthy. Still, he was knocked breathless to see her dressed that way, her dress was surely intended to capture and fascinate the attention of any mortal man or a God, for that matter! She was more gorgeous, even more tempting, if it was possible, than he already found her mercurial spirit every single minute of every damn day when she got in his face and challenged his authority for every inch of her cooperation and made him do everything the hard way, the RIGHT way!

She remained supremely un-intimidated, unimpressed by his toughest, harshest command tone of voice, unflinching even if it was backed up by the Adama glower that had been known to snap men twice her size into line immediately. If he loomed into her personal space, she got right back in his until they were arguing so fiercely, so closely, that it drove him half-mad with completely irrational desire because it started to feel so much like -almost- kissing her. Oh Gods, he was frakked for wanting her so badly!

Which was exactly why he'd resolutely turned his back and walked away when the VP cut in...if you don't look, you won't want. Right... ? Right.

Wrong. Dead wrong. He'd eaten his heart out all that night, lying alone in his rack, his body aching in reprisal for his having walked away from a "once in a lifetime" chance to touch her, dance with her and knowing damn well from the look she'd flashed him as he'd stepped aside that he'd all but handed her over to Baltar for no reason other than that he was too scared of what he might do if he allowed himself to hold her much longer.

The look in her eyes in that crucial moment was nothing like the warm amusement they'd been alight with when she'd turned to catch him gaping at the smooth lines that heavenly blue dress revealed from the back, obviously unable to resist hazarding a fair guess based on stolen glances in the locker-room at what secrets it concealed so flatteringly in flowing silk, hinting at the softness of her skin underneath...

Now he felt sick, but he also felt murderous...Baltar was a notorious philanderer, she wouldn't...? But Baltar wouldn't be foolish enough to walk away from Kara Thrace barely-dressed in an exquisitely delicate paper-thin blue silk invitation to practice any number of Aphrodite's pleasure rituals... Right now, if he was a quarter the genius he was rumored to be, he'd be running his lips over every irresistibly silken inch of her bare skin...Ohhhh, man! THAT visual would have felled him if he wasn't already lying down. Frak, that's pathetic, Lee...you -really- have to stop doing this to yourself! How sick was it if he couldn't stop thinking about her...with -someone else- for the Gods' sake?

It was his own fault; he'd pretty much dumped her with the VP and taken off without even the courtesy of a 'goodbye.' Of all his flaws, Lee had never once ditched a woman he'd dated, no matter how trifling or inane she might have proven to be in the course of the evening, he'd never treated a single one like she meant nothing or was valueless in his estimation...Never, until that moment when he could read all too well in her eyes even as it happened, that she felt just as if he'd abandoned her to make her lonely way home without his protection and company.

But having made the mistake, even realizing it -was- a mistake; he still couldn't seem to make himself undo it. The events just flashed past him after that and he felt powerless to affect the outcome, even as he watched the disaster unfold from a concealed vantage-point as she scanned the crowd over Baltar's shoulder for him to bail her out and danced and drank -entirely- too much, danced some more...and he couldn't say a word or make a move to change it. Why?

It was the same question he found himself demanding of HER when the next day insisted upon advancing events forward to no good end. WHY? In truth, he was half-hoping she'd have -some- plain spoken rationale he'd overlooked that would make sense of the tangle of what felt like barbed-wire twisting in his gut. He had absolutely no right to expect anything at all from her...Hell, he'd practically shoved her into it! But surely -she- had no right to make him feel so bloody wretched and the heartless woman refused to look him directly in his face, which she -knew- drove him crazy! He'd wanted somehow, without actually -saying- it, to tell her, to make her realize what she was doing to him!

He'd had no idea a man could love, yes - dammit, LOVE, and despise a woman so much at the very same time in seemingly equal measure, but he could've sworn in that perverse moment he wanted to kill her just as much as he wanted to kiss her! And he wanted to kiss her pretty frakking badly in spite of the fact that she'd just landed a right cross to his jaw that had made his head reel and he'd been bastard enough to retaliate in full view of the entire deck! What in the Hell was -wrong- with them?

She wouldn't meet his eyes much, so he couldn't read her and that panicked him, but he didn't know how to tell her. She was hiding something...and he had -such- a bad feeling about all this that he almost called off the test flight entirely. It turned out that he -should- have.

In the seconds after she'd FTL'd away, without a single word of explanation, he knew -exactly- what was wrong with them; trust. As in - a lack of it; they just couldn't seem to trust each other no matter how much they cared, no matter what they said or did to try and prove otherwise. If he couldn't let himself trust her and if she wouldn't open up to him, then she really -was- lost to him whether she was here or wherever the Hell else she'd just blinked away to, doubtlessly insanely dangerous ...and all he could do now was curse himself viciously and pray that she came back so he would even have a chance to try to work it out with her.

In retrospect, he couldn't excuse now why he hadn't immediately processed the finer implications of what that son of a bitch, Baltar had uttered with such drunken loathing across the card table. The man hadn't looked nearly as happy as the ungrateful idiot -ought- to have been after spending a night wrapped in a living Goddesses arms, with her legs wrapped around his waist...ARGH! He didn't even -want- to visualize that!

But at the time, of course, he'd only processed the slurred-out statement on a literal level, his darkly vengeful thoughts wearing a pounding groove into his brain as he went in search of Starbuck with every intention of going ballistic when he found her. He was in no mood to consider subtleties, or draw conclusions beyond the obvious; she'd FRAKKING slept with Gauis Baltar! And when Lee had finally stood behind Kara, taking her to task with contemptuous arrogance, all but calling her a whore...he wasn't sure what he'd expected her to do really...

On some masochistic level, maybe he'd -wanted- her to fight back. If she'd fight dirty, hit below the belt with ugly words...it'd make it easier to hate her, to NOT CARE what or -who- she did. It humiliated him that for once, SHE was the calm one while HE was the one being irrational and nearly begging, just -spoiling- for a fight. She could have used the chance to inform him briskly that he could get spaced for all she cared if he'd missed his chance last night because he didn't have the guts to step up; she didn't want or need him. Maybe if he'd heard those words from her lips he could have quit hoping...but she simply shut out his fiery anger, smothering it with her weary resignation.

It served him right that she'd vanished in front of him without so much as a hearty, "Go frak yourself, Sir!" She'd actually -asked- him outright if he'd -miss- her, had given it one last try and he'd just HAD to be an asshole and call her a screw-up again just to twist the knife! HUGE hint he'd missed there; he should have been -all over- that question, as her CAG, if not her friend -- and now she was gone! Did he frakking -miss- her? Only like his next breath! Gods!

He couldn't say she hadn't -tried- to clue him in...he could have prevented it. She'd been -trying- to tell him -something- with her wounded eyes, and she'd actually said she was sorry. Starbuck said she was sorry and he -still- hadn't taken notice, too wrapped up with the agony now occupying -his- chest to realize that she HAD to be hurting badly; Kara NEVER apologized, not ever! And by her eyes, he could see that she'd meant it too. He'd walked away, just to hurt her. He really could be a bastard sometimes...especially if it regarded her.

Naturally, with the center of his entire universe MIA, everything else in his world proceeded to lose any semblance of logic after that...His father was shot while he stood uselessly by in restraints for pulling his weapon on Tigh, who'd promptly declared martial law...Lee felt like he had no idea anymore which way was up or whose side to be on except that he was trying to hold onto the Articles of Colonization by his bleeding fingernails as the only rules pre-dating this whole catastrophe that made any sense at all, just hoping like Hell he was doing the right thing. Through plotting a mutiny, springing the President and preparing to sow dissent within his Father's own fleet, in cooperation with a despicable man who was an admitted terrorist that he didn't trust farther than his sidearm's range, he held on for dear life and prayed for sanity to return.

To his amazement; for once, his prayers were answered...and she did! He'd never been so Gods-blessed relieved in his whole life as when he heard her voice coming across the static like Demeter bringing back Spring to a world starved by winter! He'd grinned in delighted wonderment, uncaring of who was watching and probably taking note, from the first word he'd heard her speak until she'd paused, framed in that doorway, looking just like Artemis herself with a case slung back over her shoulder containing the prize she'd been sent to fetch back, the Arrow of Apollo, their slim hope of finding Earth. Feeling something like absolute hero-worship; he sincerely hoped that if there was -anything- Starbuck couldn't do, that he was never there to see it!

He was already headed her way when she'd smiled shyly and stepped towards him, allowing him to hold her tightly as if he'd never let go again! When she'd finally pulled back, which he knew because he sure as Hell hadn't had any intention of doing so, the relief and welcome in her smile had simply drawn him in like...gravity. His lips fastened on hers fervently, albeit briefly, as she'd dropped down from standing on her toes for the hug. The look they'd exchanged spoke instant volumes about mutual surprise and heady arousal, *Did you feel THAT?* and he'd only -wished- they were alone just then, so he could've answered the questioning tilt to her head with an even longer, more thorough kiss than the first, lest there be any further question that he might not be thrilled out of his mind to see her back!

She'd made some remark to save face and he'd allowed it to slide for the moment, returning a comment of his own to keep up appearances, all the while having every intention of clarifying matters with her at the soonest possible chance of privacy. Then he'd seen the 'Sharon' Cylon and had gone from totally blissed-out on Starbuck to a killing rage in the space of a heartbeat. He was so furious that he hadn't really understood what Kara was trying to tell him about what had happened on Caprica until much later. He remembered now how he'd shot her down with some sarcastic crack about bringing in the trash and winced inwardly at the look of hurt he'd seen flicker briefly across her face. Even though it was gone so quickly that he could almost delude himself into believing he'd never even seen it; why else would all her armor against him have slammed back into place after he knew he'd -felt- her mouth responding under his just minutes ago if he hadn't managed to frak it all up again? This had to be some kind of all-time record low for him to have ruined it with her so quickly.

After she'd confronted him outside their Cylon prisoner's cell, it -finally- sank in that he wasn't the -only- one who'd had a bitch of a time lately and that despite the routine de-briefing she'd undergone, there wasn't a chance in Hell that she'd disclosed the full story, certainly not in front of Zarek. Lee knew he needed to drop his attitude fast and scramble for some lost ground if he expected to find out what she -hadn't- said that was clearly of the utmost importance or she wouldn't have been so vague about the circumstances of their miraculous return to the President. He'd spent the entire briefing just drinking in the sight of her; it was probably just as well that he'd been so distracted - at least he hadn't asked any questions that had potentially dangerous answers, he was grateful for -that- much anyway!

He had a deeply uneasy feeling that he wasn't going to like what he heard, which made it doubly important that he find her immediately and cut through the crap between them. This was no time to sweat the little shit, not when she was obviously holding back something important, maybe something that would explain the pain she'd inadvertently telegraphed to him by protecting her left side when he'd hauled her with him by one arm and shoved her a little harder than he'd intended against the fencing around the high security lock-up. Thank the Gods his defense training was so ingrained by now that he'd caught the movement automatically...anyone else would have missed it, but he knew her, how she moved - and something was off-balance.

When she had flinched in pain, apparently from an injury which she had conspicuously failed to mention in her report, he'd meant to call her on her typical medical reticence. It was one thing to conceal a weakness in front of Zarek, but she should know better than to -try- to bullshit him by now. At the time, though, he was so distracted by his hurt at her seeming lack of sympathy for his surely understandable hostility towards the copy in custody of the Cylon sleeper agent who'd nearly killed his father in front of him in cold blood, that she had replied and stalked away from him before he managed to collect himself enough to confront her on that serious omission. His lips tightened, flexing his sharply defined jaw. He was going to correct the neglected issue with her right now... Where the Hell was she, anyway?

After a while, he found her in one of the gym locker-rooms which he'd decided to check on the off-chance that she'd want to clean up a bit and put on some clean clothes, even if borrowed, now that she was back. She wasn't in the shower, although his disappointment over that fact was marked enough serve as a warning to slow up before he frakked-up worse than he already had with her.

She was sitting on a bench, behind a high chain-link divider, bouncing what appeared to be a Pyramid ball rhythmically against the floor and catching the rebound from the wall, over and over. Her head was bowed and she definitely looked like she wanted to be left alone; which was just too damn bad, because he -needed- to talk to her, one way or another...whether it was business or personal, he wasn't going to be blown off this time.

Now he just needed to get her attention, so he swiped the current focus of it, the ball...

"I was wondering when we'd finally get a little R & R around here..." he'd said glibly, waiting to see which Kara he would get for his trouble...the lady or the tiger.

"Can I have my ball back?" she asked him, sulking...

*Ah...drat!* She was still pissed off.

*C'mon Kara, lemmie in...* he thought with frustrated pent-up longing. *Didn't she have any idea how much he needed her right now?*

On the outside, he appeared not to give a damn. "What, I can't hold it?" he snorted, doing a creditable impression of their usual sibling rivalry shtick.

"Can I have my ball back, please?" Her voice was calm and controlled, too controlled.

*UH-OH...! Gee whiz, Kara, what's the big deal with the damn ball?*

He ignored her request blithely, asking in a carefully offhanded manner... "Where'd you get a pyramid ball, anyway?"

"Caprica. Can I have my ball back, Lee?"

*Uh-huh...right, just like he'd thought.*

'None of your business, Lee; go away!'

*Not this time; I don't think so, sweetheart. I'm on to something you don't want to tell me...but you're gonna; you can believe -that- lady...!*

"Yeah, sure..." He pretended to be agreeably oblivious to her rising ire, luring her in a little closer...

*One step more; grab for it, Starbuck, you -know- you wanna... Give me an opening, just one...* He passed the ball lightly behind his back to appear in the other hand.

"Lee?" Her voice was still quiet, but it was freezing colder by the second and her glare was positively glacial!

*Ooooooh! NOW she was paying attention! That's more like it, Kara; be pissed, but for the Gods' sake, don't ignore me...* he implored her silently, pushing her buttons every way he knew how to get her to react.

He teased her with the ball, tossing it back and fourth in his hands...but she didn't even twitch for it.

*So NOT normal; what the Hell...?!*

She abruptly turned her back on him. "Keep it."

"Hey," he protested, getting to his feet but his interception was cut off as she ducked back behind her convenient safety fence, "Come on, Kara. For frak's sake, I'm just kidding around!"

*No response; oh FRAK me!*

"All right," he relented sarcastically, reaching over the fence to bounce the disputed object off her adorably stubborn head "Here. It's all yours; you can take your ball and go home now."

She gave a fake little girly laugh, the kind she just -didn't- do and then muttered, "The whole thing's stupid anyway..."

*Competition of any sort, 'stupid'? Not to Starbuck; not in -this- lifetime; competition was only the -whole point- to everything! Oh shit...something was -definitely- wrong...*

He paused a moment, staring in bafflement at the chain-link in front of him, then past it to her atypically slumped shoulders as she resumed bouncing the ball dejectedly, 1-2-smack, 1-2-smack... She didn't -look- like having the precious ball back had made her feel any better, but she also didn't look like she felt nearly as vulnerable as he did either... He was being stonewalled rather effectively, and pointedly.

Meanwhile, in his estimation, that annoying fence between them was just about as full of holes as -his- defenses were right now, and as much as he didn't enjoy being at such a disadvantage, this was just going to have to be up close and personal. No matter how bad his timing was, he no longer had the luxury of fooling himself that they'd have a chance to painstakingly re-establish a comfortable buffer zone between them.

Still, rather than block her in, he opted for sitting down right where he was, on his own side of the physical and metaphorical fence for the time being, it was safer... Carefully, he gradually leaned back into the loose metal mesh, not onto her exactly, but very near her, gradually easing close enough to feel her warmth through the spaces in the cool metal.

*Okay, try the CAG voice...brisk and businesslike.*

"What's up with you, Kara? Anything you wanna talk about?"

"Nope."

*Ouch! Strike two, Apollo, smarten up!* he warned himself.

"Hmm... It must have been hard, being back on Caprica. Being home.
Probably saw some tough things back there..."

*Could I sound like more of an idiot if I tried? Crap! I'm losing her!*

He kept talking, afraid to let her respond just yet; there -had- to be a way to salvage this... "Anyway, tomorrow this whole thing is gonna end, one way or another. We find the tomb or we don't. We find a way to Earth or we don't. I just want you to know, Kara, that I'm your friend; -I love you.- If there's anything you wanna talk about, anything you want to get off your chest, then I'm here for you. Anyway...whenever you wanna talk, just let me know."

*Gods! His heart was hammering, he'd just totally spilled it; how he felt about her, everything! But she didn't react perceptibly at all... This was NOT GOOD!*

Having offered every last chip he'd held in reserve, he'd lost the lot; completely missing the goal for a third time. He stood to leave, needing to retreat fast before he lost it entirely and broke down. He noticed absently how the fence sagged behind her without his support, so she'd been doing her share of leaning towards him then...

Yeah? Well, big deal, too much had happened too damn fast lately and he wasn't in any shape to deal with this right now...It had been a -huge- mistake to do this; to admit that to her, he'd -known- his timing was all wrong, dammit!

"WHAT was that middle part again?" she asked with deceptive unconcern.

*Frak-frak-FRAK!* He froze in the act of leaving. *Damn! He'd -tried- to sneak that little confession in there; hadn't even changed pace or tone...but of all the times for her to actually -listen- she'd pick NOW!*

He forced himself to turn around and face her as she stood to peek over her protective fence, looking at him curiously. Sure, she was brave enough while she had her wall between them, but then she wasn't standing out here exposed the way he was, a vulnerable target. Unable to hide from her scrutiny; he leaned casually against a nearby post, at a loss for anything better to do with himself...

"Hmm? What do you mean?" he'd bluffed desperately, hoping she would take pity on him and let it go.

"Did you say you -love- me?"

*Of course I did, didn't you know?*

He laughed self-deprecatingly. "Well, um--"

"Lee Adama -loves- me..."

Okay, now this was starting to hurt a little too much, either she was going to have to back down and -right- now, or he was going to do something stupid like kick her ass or worse, cry in front of her... and he'd rather die any number of gruesome ways other than option two...

"No, all I meant was--" he began defensively, but she wasn't having any of it...

"No, seriously; very sweet. You love me." She made it sound like nothing more than a childish crush when his heart felt more like it had seized in his chest...

*Lords! Please, Kara, SHUT UP before I do something I'll -really- regret!*

As he turned himself around to flee, he tried to cover by laughing it off, but he was well aware how nervous it came out sounding...

"No, you love me," she insisted, frowning. "You can't take it back. There's no take-backs."

He looked back at her warningly, shaking his head. *Oh, was she -ever- asking for it! It was just a good thing for her that he -was- a gentleman or...*

So he fell back instinctively on the disdainful "older brother" voice that used to drive her positively -insane- whenever he'd busted her getting in trouble back in their Academy days...

"You're dreaming it, Kara." He was in the mouth of the hallway; the exit was just three good paces and a turn to the left...

*Keep going...*

"You love me!" Now there was a distinct note of victorious laughter to her voice that was dangerously annoying...

*Just keep walking, Lee!*

"You're dreaming it!" he tossed back over his shoulder without turning around.

"You-love-me!" she sing-songed behind him; forcing him to close his eyes and grit his teeth to take the last step.

As he turned 'round the corner, he couldn't resist trying to get in the last word, shouting back, "Dreamer!"

Safely out of her sight, he could still just barely hear her mocking him under her breath, "Mm-hmm, okay..." with a tiny girlish giggle following...

He stopped in his tracks, unable to force himself to take another blasted step away all of a sudden. *Well, damn. That's IT now.*

It was too late; for better or worse, he was unable to withdraw from this battle now; she'd pushed him a micron too far and now he intended to push back.

"Lee?" she called out after a minute, her voice echoing in the empty spaces of the room he'd just left. "You still there?"

Silently, he turned back to the doorway with his jaw set, fully decided now; if she came out, she'd damn well -find out- he was still here, and how!

Staying hidden to the left side, he heard her footsteps echoing, giving him notice that she -was- following. Satisfied that he knew her so well, he smiled with a hint of predatory mischief. *I've SO got you, lady!*

Moments later, when she peeked around the corner, she found him standing there with his hands braced impatiently on his hips, and a disconcerting intensity in his expression. Their eyes locked and she froze, she really hadn't expected him to wait her out. He didn't look remotely casual about it; he wasn't just hanging around, he definitely wanted something...

Extremely conscious of the fact that there was no longer a wall separating them, they level challenging stares at each other to see who will drop their eyes first. With one imperious eyebrow half-raised in skepticism, she was fairly imposing as she went on the offensive, doing her best to fake nonchalance,

"Still here? Thought you were -done- talking?"

"Oh, I am," he muttered darkly, stepping forward into her before she could manage to abandon the doorway, sandwiching her firmly between his taut body and the bulkhead wall. The full-length body contact felt incredible enough to inspire a keen appreciation in Lee, for once, that at least -some- walls were useful; if only to keep certain someones from running away all the damn time...

Kara found herself stuck between the proverbial rock and a -very- hard place and having a difficult time minding it too terribly much, although she -should- be furious that he'd dared! His mouth was hot and demanding as she opened hers to gasp for a breath. It was hard to catch one when he kept inhaling her very soul from her lips, and it felt so frakking good!

He took shameless advantage; tangling one hand greedily in the softness of her new length of hair to keep her lips pressed to his, sliding his free arm around so his other hand could possessively cup her sweet little behind, raising her so their hips rubbed together -exactly- the right way, what they both needed to feel the proper urgency. There was no way to fake out of this now, for either of them. They were both unbearably, indisputably turned-on and she was every bit as desperate for this as he was, he made certain of it.

Giving her a momentary break from being kissed nearly senseless to breathe, he asked her with a note of masterful determination lurking within his warm voice: "Was there anything further YOU wanted to say, Lieutenant?" His raised eyebrow -dared- her to see what would happen if she chose to object. It was a powerful temptation.

"You...ah, you -weren't- kidding...were you, Lee?" she asked softly, with an uncertainty to her question that managed to speak both of vulnerability and hope.

His eyes were steady and clear looking unflinchingly into hers as he slowly shook his head, "No, I wasn't kidding."

The seriousness of what he was saying mixed with the unhidden arousal in his gaze made her stomach do enough consecutive victory rolls that she completely lost track of what she'd meant to say; should be saying...

"...I, uhmmm Lee... (gulp) you and I...? You want...Oh Gods..." she whispered, visibly rattled, but making no effort to push him away either. Her hands were trembling on his shoulders.

"Uh-huh," he nodded with amused tolerance now that he could verify firsthand that although she might be shocked, she definitely WAS affected and she wasn't even -trying- to argue the point with him.

"Any problem with pursuing the rest of this intriguing 'conversation,' in the privacy of my quarters?"

The suggestion made her suck in an unsteady breath before responding obediently, for once. "No sir."

Her eyes were wide open and dark, an involuntary tell-tale sign that couldn't be false any more than all the other signals fairly screaming at him that her body was fast running away with any remaining shreds of her resistance...

"That's good," he agreed with a cocky smirk, "because I have a feeling this is going to get a little...noisy." His voice dropped another level to a near-purr. "And because I -really- think it's important that we be -completely- honest about how we feel to each other, don't you?"

She nodded wordlessly, gazing up with mute fascination at the confident promise written all over his face and within his searching blue eyes that saw -everything- she'd tried her best to hide this whole time.

*Oh yes, he was certain now that the feelings he'd admitted to her were undeniably mutual and oh, Lords, he -knew- he had her AND he knew -exactly- what he wanted to do with her too, now that he'd captured her full attention!*

She shivered, but she wasn't at all cold; she was burning up from the inside. The sure knowledge of his intentions glowed like coals low inside her fluttering stomach, igniting flares of pleasure where their lower bodies still maintained that delicious friction, so good, but not enough. Slowly, deliberately he surged against her harder and it felt so strong that she almost felt like he was inside her already!

"Lee!" she choked out, arching against him helplessly.

Lords of Kobol, she was in -so- much trouble here! ...but the renewed persuasion of his sinful lips effectively short-circuited that stray thought. She couldn't even -think- when he traced her neck and the delicate curves of her collarbones, exploring her thoroughly with his inquisitive mouth.

She gasped his name nervously and clung to his shoulders, trembling, as he found what looked suspiciously like a fresh bite mark on one of her collarbones.

*NO! No, no!* She was still unable to face the prospect of explaining Anders to him, -especially- right now, with his strong hands forming her so perfectly around the hard strength of his masculine body!

*So...* he noted silently, *this was evidently part of the answer he'd sought as to why she'd withdrawn so suddenly when he'd finally made a move.*

Surprisingly, Lee found that he honestly couldn't care less right that minute if she -had- found someone to frak on Caprica; whether it was Helo or someone else. She was HIS now, and she was going to stay that way! To her amazement, he only bent his head to re-mark the spot with -his- assertive mouth; only much, much darker this time!

Walking backwards in the small corridor, he began pulling her with his arms and the suction of his mouth towards the small, but at the very least -private- room he'd been occupying on the Astral Queen these long past couple of weeks. They weren't done with the subject of Caprica by a long shot...He was determined that he -would- be finding out what ELSE she was hiding even if it took him all night to make her talk, using the most pleasurable means possible. In fact, he was looking forward hungrily to the challenge of finding out just how much it would take to make Starbuck lose control completely... repeatedly.

They absolutely -wouldn't- be hitting the surface of Kobol tomorrow without him knowing every last important detail about ONE subject at least; where she was injured, how badly and who was to blame for it. If it was something serious enough to restrict her 'activities,' which he somewhat doubted, judging by her uninhibited responses to him? Well, he'd just have to be creative then; but there would be -no more- walls between them when he was done! One thing he'd decided for certain; Lee Adama frakking -hated- walls!

~END