Work Text:
Cold.
by bard2003
He stood on the beach without seeing the sunset.
When he came to the beach he took off his suit coat, but even in thin, short sleeved shirt he didn't feel the cold wind from the ocean. He would never feel cold again, and he won't ever be warm again either.
He wanted a drink, but knew that alcohol would not give him oblivion. It wouldn't erase the feeling of blood on his hands - the blood of his lover. He didn't believe that it could get worse, but it had.
Seeing pity or hatred in the eyes of his "brothers in blue" was difficult, but to see it and know that his lover didn't live to "be out of the closet" was worse.
Why did you leave me? Why did I promise that if something ever happened to you, I would go on? Why?!
He took him to the range and every time he checked that he cleaned his gun, but after a couple of months Speed asked him to trust him and stop "fussing over" him. He did. And now they both had paid the price.
One minute they were planning their dinner "with parents" and next - a mother was doing an autopsy on her sons' body and their friends were trying to play "suicide watch" over him without him noticing that they doing it. He noticed. He wanted to be alone, but even now, at his "thinking" spot he wasn't alone. A few feet from him stood Eric, trying to keep warm.
He didn't have any premonition, any "hunch" or bad feeling. It was meant to be only talking... But it became a nightmare.
They were lovers almost from the beginning. They never showed it at work. They always left it for home, for later. Work always came first. And now, they would never again have any "later".
All of his team suffered. Alexx and Eric especially, but he could feel nothing. Only freezing cold. He didn't remember the funeral. He didn't want to eat. He didn't sleep for almost a week. On the job he was going through the motions. Efficient, professional and deaf. He didn't care what people said behind his back. He didn't care about anything, except his job.
With two bullets, he lost his life; his body still lived, but his soul was dead.
end