Work Text:
Visions
by Princess Xavier
"Another Day, another Slayer ..." Xander wisecracked as he let himself sprawl all over the four poster bed. "What's up with those names, anyway? I mean, seriously, 'Tiffany'? That's almost as bad as 'Mary Sue'. Or 'Faith."
"Or 'Buffy'," another voice added helpfully.
"Right," Xander said, doing his best to imitate the other man's accent.
"Keep practising, pet," Spike chuckled. "We'll make a Brit out of you yet."
Xander sighed the sigh to end all sighs. "Why can't *you* adjust? Deadboy can talk normal English."
"Yes, well, I'm not the chameleon Angel is. I don't adjust to the world, I want the world to adjust to m-" He stopped as he realised that Xander was humming a tune. He frowned as he realised exactly *which* tune it was.
"Spike?" Xander inquired, sounding just slightly worried.
"You just put Angel and Boy George in my head at the same time."
Xander considered that melange for a moment, but failed to see the horror. Then he added the predictable adrenaline-induced horniness that was no doubt cloudingSpike's brain and shuddered in horror at the mental image. "Sorry," he offered.
"Oh, no, 'sorry' won't do, luv. Not this time. I'll have to punish you." He moved his body over Xander's, effectively immobilising the boy, pinning his arms to the bed. "Now be still and take it like a man."
"But I wanted to take *you* like a man," Xander pouted.
And then Spike growled, and then there were moans and screams and breathless whispers - even though vampires don't *need* to breathe - and bedsprings protesting that they were too old for this kind of activities, and Xander doing that needy, begging, pleading, whining "Spi-*hiiiiike*!" thing with his voice, and, in the end, silence.
Xander's last conscious thought was 'Life loves me." And in a galaxy far, far away, a red-and-black, horned head perked up and exclaimed "Hey! That's *my* line!" But Xander was already asleep.
THE END