Work Text:
Fearless 2: Extinguished
A very short "Farscape" vignette
Written by Alison M. DOBELL
She was always fragile. Her brittle strength and beauty wedded with stark efficiency. She understood its' harsh unforgiving lines as I never could. I was always a threat. An aberration to the orderly structure of her warrior nature. The loose collection of my thoughts spelt anarchy to her not creativity. Not freedom. A weakness. A house of cards that would fall to the first gust of wind. *I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your house down!* Yet I did not fall. She learnt to love. Him not me. And yet he was me and I was him. Order. Chaos. Structure. Her choice made I was discarded. Discounted. Lost. Then he died. Worst of all possible scenarios. You cannot fight a ghost. Cannot argue with a memory. Her strength. Her love.
She returned to me only in passing. I might as well have been empty space for all the notice she took. I was unwanted. A reminder. How did I dare to breath his name? Wear his face? Dream his dreams? Her look killed me dead. Worse than any torture Scorpy could devise. This loss.
This unreasoned blame eating into my soul. Devouring me from the inside out leaving naught but a shell. I devised a plan. Another one. One to end it all. No more playing around. No more walking on eggshells. I have had enough. Of everything. Saturation point. My life now is only pain and I am sick of the pain. Sick of being sorry for circumstances beyond my control. I am empty. I am what she sees. A copy. I will kill Scorpius. Destroy his research. Extinguish the fire that once I carried in my heart for her. She does not want it. Does not want me. I cannot stand being ignored. Blamed. Hated. The resentment a bitter bile in my throat. My presence discounted. So I make this choice. This last hurrah. This last raised fist against the closing darkness that will be my tomb and my release. This way I can do what has to be done and not return.
That last tear in her eye broke me. Though she does not see it the effect is devastating. She comes with me to ensure an end to it. To make sure I do not fail. Not to be with me. Not to protect me. Not to share my peril. She was the keeper of my flame. Love of my life. My light and my reason. I am empty now. Beyond feeling. All cried out. I am no longer what I once was. And even if I was she would not accept me. Not see me. My rejection is complete. No longer any feeling of self worth. Nothing now to hold in my hands except this mechanised death. I step into the darkness. Oblivion awaits. A cold and formless lover. My flame flutters at the sudden chill of a life passing. Unremarked. Unblessed. Extinguished.
END