Work Text:
First Impressions by Freya
When Grissom told me that she would come to Las Vegas I wasn't exactly thrilled, to say the least. To me she was not more than an intruder in my well-organized life, someone sniffing around and sticking her nose in our cases which weren't any of her businesses in my opinion. I told myself that I only had to endure her for a few day, not more than a week probably, until the case was finished and that I would manage to do exactly that.
How stupid I was!
Grissom had always told us to rely on what cannot lie, the evidence, and at that time it was evidently that she wouldn't leave again. She would stay to join our little nerd-squad, as we're sometimes called mockingly. That were my thoughts before our first meeting. And then?
Then she simply appeared in my life and asked me where she could find Catherine Willows.
It was so obvious that she was Sara. Tall, lean, with those incredible brown eyes that seem to go right through you every time she looks at you and you feel a shiver run down your spine, involuntarily tightening your arms around yourself because you feel naked in front of her,
bared to the bones, an open book that she engulfs eagerly, trying to learn about you, understand you, maybe even predict your next move. That's how I felt when I first met her. That's why I wasn't even trying to be nice to her. She was a stranger, an enemy, and I was willing to do anything to keep my case for myself.
But as time passed I got to know her. I didn't always act friendly towards her, even though I guess we became as close as friends possibly could, but sometimes a part of me took over and then I acted mean, sharp, daring to provoke her, for example when she asked me how long she had to be in the team to 'start kicking gifts' for Lindsey and I briskly answered 'when the spirit moves you, so in your case I guess never'. I didn't mean it to sound so harsh but life doesn't always agree to follow the rules and so it came out differently, hurting.
But despite of that nothing ever happened. We never fought, as in really fought fought. Sure, we had arguments, but who doesn't?
And after a while I noticed that the part of me that still didn't like Sara began to vanish. Slowly but surely is disappeared and in the beginning I was more than happy about that. We started working more cases together and through that became even closer as we learned about each other's pasts and fears.
That's when I guess it developed, this feeling I noticed one morning after a movie night with Sara and the guys. It hit me hard to find that I was laying on the floor, still in clothes, with a weight on my stomach.
I turned my head to both sides, seeing Greg and Nick asleep on the sofa, the others laying equally sprawled on the floor like me. Then I let my eyes wander down to the unknown source of the weight on my mid-section.
My breath hitched in my throat when I saw Sara cuddled up against me, her head placed on my ribcage, one arm draped over my body. I managed to escape this position without waking her and ran into the bathroom as fast as I could. I spent the next thirty minutes in there, alternately crying, throwing up and thinking, or to be more accurate: panicking, until a knock on the door interrupted me. It was Sara.
As soon as she opened the door I made sure she saw how miserable I felt and she reacted just like I had expected her to: she sent me home, told me to take some medication and go to bed.
At home I couldn't go to sleep, even though I had swallowed some sleeping pills. In fact I stayed up all night, trying to sort out the mess my brain seemed to have turned into, just to come up with one explanation: I was head over heels in love with Sara!
From that day on I managed to avoid any personal contact that involved being alone with her. No more movie nights, neither lunch nor dinner, not even a coffee during a break.
It seems weird now that I look back at it, questioning my own behaviour. Was I right to act that way? Pushing her away, was that the best solution for my 'problem'? Today it's hard to tell. All I know is that if Sara hadn't confronted me about the distance between us I would never be where I am now.
With a deep sigh I fall back against the cushion and turn my head, eyeing the hair spread over both mine and my lover's pillows. My hand finds her high cheek bone and traces its contours lightly, wandering over her jaw down to her chin until it stops at full luscious lips, lingering there, eliciting a sleepy moan from the brunette at my side. She opens her eyes and stifles a yawn before she makes eye-contact with me and smiles lovingly at me.
"You think too much, Cath, anyone told you yet?"
Reflecting her smile a little brighter since I've already been awake for an hour I wrap my arms around her, holding her tightly against me as her slender fingers move up to cup my cheek.
"Yes, in fact, it was you, my love, not even two days ago!"
Her hand moves into my hair and begins to massage my scalp while I feel her lips planting tiny kisses all over my face, her breath hot when she speaks.
"Then I'm telling you again! Think, for God's sake, but not in the middle of the night!"
I want to say something in return but my voice is nothing but useless when her hands drift lower down my body, marking each curve on their way until they stop at my hips and she captures my lips with her own in a searing kiss, making every thought of sleep vanish as if it never existed. She tries to deepen it, letting her tongue glide over my bottom lip but I rip my mouth away from her with what little will-power is still left in me. She looks at me questioningly and opens her mouth to speak, but I silence her with one finger on her lips.
"As ironically as it sound, the person that tells me to stop thinking so much is the one causing all those thoughts running through my mind! It's you, Sara, it's always been you."
Her eyes light up at that and she pulls me in for another kiss, a shiver running through me as I see the emotions playing in her eyes. This time she pulls away but still stays so close that our noses are touching.
"You know that I love you, don't you?" she asks, her voice just above a whisper as she forms the words that make my heart swell. I nod, rubbing our noses against each other's and Sara giggles. No one would probably expect Sara Sidle to be ticklish but I discovered that to be untrue. She is ticklish in places to not even I would have expected to be so sensitive.
"Yes, I know, baby. I love you too."
The words come out so easily, seem so natural - still two years ago I would've never seen myself in bed with a younger woman and when I first laid eyes on Sara I would've definitely never expected that young woman to be her. But here I am today, holding her in my arms, as the soft exploration of each other's bodies starts once again and I am convinced that first impressions never last. If they did, well, I don't know if I even want to know where, what I would be then. All I know is that I'm happy the way things are ... and I wouldn't want it any other way.
~Fin~