SquidgeWorld Archive

"You going to finish that?" Rodney pointed to a bit of leftover mystery meat with his fork during dinner to indicate what he was referring to.

"Go ahead," John grinned pushing his tray past Teyla to Rodney. "Sugarplum?"

"No, definitely not," Rodney replied in a strangled voice almost choking on the food he'd just hijacked.

Teyla raised an eyebrow. "Is that what the food tastes like?"

Rodney snorted. "No, the Colonel has a peculiar sense of humor. Ignore it, I do."

The Athosian looked from one man to the other, quickly realizing she wasn't going to get any answers and with a nod bid them both good night.

John leaned forward on one elbow stretching across the table into Rodney's personal space. "Hot lips?"

"Oh please! What do I look like Margaret from M*A*S*H*?" But John noticed with amusement that Rodney did smile just a bit. "Even if it is accurate."

"You bet it is. I just love how you ...Oh hello, Radek," John sat back in his chair.

"Mind if I join you?" Radek asked looking between them both. Rodney saluted him with a fork, smiling around a mouthful of food while John shrugged. Radek nodded and sat down. "So what is the topic of conversation tonight?"

Rodney began to choke again, so John went around the table to slap his back then casually sat down next to Rodney, sitting sideways and grinning in a evil manner. He propped his head on his elbow again sliding just a tad closer to Rodney. "Yeah, Rodney, refresh my memory. What was it we were talking about? Pet names, wasn't it?"

"Why, did someone get a pet?" Radek asked sniffing at something purple on his fork that was supposed to be a vegetable. He made a face and put it back down.

"No more like terms of endearment," John supplied watching the tips of Rodney's ears go red as he dove into his food feigning interest in the deplorable menu.

Radek laughed. "I had a girlfriend once who called me...no, it is too embarrassing."

"What?" Rodney asked with genuine interest lighting up his face.

"Pookie," Radek grinned. "We did not date long after that." John and Rodney laughed. "What is your most embarrassing name, Major?"

"Oh yes Major do tell!" Rodney smirked, happy to see the tables turned.

"Oh, um, well," John looked decidedly uncomfortable and looked around before leaning over to whisper. "Big Daddy."

"Must have been referring to your ego," Rodney laughed and Radek sputtered in his glass of water.

John looked at Rodney pointedly. "You're on McKay, and no welching."

Bending down, putting his face practically into the food Rodney mumbled around a mouthful. Radek and John looked at each other trying to gauge if either one understood it, but they each shook their heads. "What did you say?" Radek inquired.

"Must be good if he's that embarrassed, eh?" John leaned back onto his arm, looking smug.

"Angelcakes," Rodney whispered a bit louder. Radek laughed loudly and in so doing didn't notice the Colonel wink at Rodney with a nod. Rodney grinned sheepishly and looked away before Radek could see the exchange.

"My, you seem to be a happy bunch tonight! Mind if I join you? I could sure use a good laugh, it's been a wee bit of a long day," Carson stood at their table and Radek moved over to make room for him. Setting his tray down on the table he looked at them all, "So what's the joke?"

"We are discussing embarrassing pet names, you know that someone gives you and you never quite live it down." John grinned gesturing to his table mates. "I'd like you to meet Pookie and Angelcakes. You can just call me Big Daddy."

Carson hooted with glee. "Oh that's rich. Pookie and Angelcakes? Now I don't feel so bad about what Kathleen Clarkson called me!"

"What was that, Doc?" John asked noting his tablemates nodding, both eager to find out.

"Sweetie pie," Carson shook his head. "My mum still likes to tease me about it though. I couldn't stand it, but she liked it well enough."

Ronon slammed his tray down on a nearby table behind Radek and began to eat without a word. Carson leaned back with a grin. "Ronon, did you ever have a girl give you a silly name?"

Looking up for a moment he looked over them all and shook his head. Gulping past his food he explained. "They were too busy trying to breathe."

The men blinked "Good answer," John admitted grudgingly.

They went silent for a minute. Ronon ate quickly and left. Rodney looked at the rest of his tablemates who had moved on to the substitute coffee. "Okay, does that bother anyone else?"

"Now that you mention it," John replied rubbing the back of his neck. The others nodded.

"So how did you lads get started on this topic, is what I'd like to know?" Carson asked looking at the two he suspected, John and Rodney. John grinned and Rodney blushed.

"I'm trying them on Rodney to see what fits," John winked.

"Excuse me?" Carson spluttered spilling some drink down his lab coat.

"What have you tried?" Radek chuckled, pushing his glasses up his nose.

"Babe, honey, dumpling, sweetie, darling, baby and sugarplum." John ticked off his fingers and Rodney shook his head.

"How can you be so good at math, and have such a horrible memory? You forgot sweetheart, sunshine, cupcake and oh yes, hot lips," Rodney rolled his eyes showing his evident disdain for them all.

Carson leaned across the table. "Are you mad, man? You're career military! To be going around calling him pet names is ...is crazy!"

"Thank you for that small amount of sanity. I've tried to tell him that, but...wait a minute. That's what you're upset about? I thought you had that reaction because we just dropped the bomb on you!" Rodney hissed.

"Oh please. Who does the physicals around here? My mum did nae raise an idiot." Carson snapped. "But Colonel, have you really considered this? If Elizabeth finds out..."

"If I find out what?" Elizabeth stood at the edge of their table, with one hip cocked looking at them all like they were school children. She had a cup of steaming brew in her hand. "Come on, fess up. You've been laughing over here all night long." Looking around she grabbed a chair from a nearby table pulling it up, making it clear to all and sunder that she was not leaving without an answer.

"What we have been labeled with for pet names, that's all," Rodney grinned a bit too innocently and Elizabeth didn't look convinced.

"Why would you discuss that? I didn't think men liked to be embarrassed? Although for the record I called Simon `studmuffin'." She smirked.

"Well to tell you the truth, Elizabeth -" John began but was interrupted by Radek.

"Look at the time, Carson, we'd better go!" Radek looked meaningfully at Carson who nodded and went to stand, but Elizabeth grabbed him by the coat and dragged him back down.

"Oh no, you don't something is going on and I want to know what," She glared at him and with a resigned sigh both he and Radek sat back down looking miserable.

Rodney bit his lip looking at John. "Oh for crying out loud, it's not like that. It's just that McKay -"

"Is dating someone new and is trying to give him a pet name," Carson finished with a smile which quickly fell from his face when Elizabeth looked at him.

"Oh really," she turned back to Rodney. "A pet name for you? I thought genius was enough? Who is she? Brave girl, I must say. No offense, Rodney, but I would think you'd have to be manhandled into a relationship that took you away from the labs."

"You have no idea," John sighed dejectedly. "It's like pulling teeth. I was thinking of dressing up as an ancient device to get more attention."

"Oi," Radek put his face into his hands.

"Good lord," Carson muttered.

"John? Rodney?" Elizabeth blinked several times. "You two?" She whispered in shock. "But Colonel... your career."

"What can I say the silver tongued devil caught me at a weak moment." John teased Rodney who went quite scarlet.

"You chased him?" Elizabeth giggled. "Why you old horndog!"

"Oh god, that's it. Kill me now," Rodney groaned putting his face into his hands mirroring Radek. Carson looked pale but full of sympathy.

"And you all knew," Elizabeth remarked. "Well, I know nothing." She rose from her seat. Then grinned, "Apple cheeks might be good." Laughing she walked away.

Radek and Carson made excuses and quickly left. John looked around and noticed they were the last ones left in the room. So he pulled Rodney's hands away from his face and held them, waiting patiently for Rodney to look up. "Look, I can't just go around calling you mine. Is it too much to want a special name that's just reserved for me?" John pouted and Rodney grimaced then caved.

"Fine, but we have to agree on it," Rodney groaned. "This is going to be terrible, I just know it."

"Okay. Prince? Handsome?" John tried.

"Look if we must do this can we not do it so randomly? There could be millions of these horrid, dreadful little things and I'd rather do it systematically." Rodney snapped.

"Right then, alphabetically...Angel, Angel of Mine, Angel Heart, Angel Eyes," John attempted but Rodney huffed. "Baboo, Baby, Brutus?"

"Where's a Wraith when you need one?" Rodney groaned dropping his head to his chest.

"Cutie, CutiePie, CuddleCakes, Cuddle muffin?" John made a face and plunged on. "Darling, Darling o' Mine, Dearest, Dearest one, Doobie, Everready?" Rodney didn't look up so he continued bravely. "Honey, Honey Bunny, Honey Cakes?"

"I wonder if I can just spontaneously combust by sheer willpower?" Rodney grumbled.

"Loverboy, Muffin -" Rodney cast him such a scathing look at this John paled. "Okay um, Pookie, Prince Charming, Punkin´ butt-"

"You really don't want to live to see forty do you?" Rodney snapped.

"Stud Muffin, Sweetcheeks, Sugar?" John asked hopefully. Rodney grimaced. "Look! This isn't easy. Cut me some slack, would you?" John growled.

"Look John, why are you doing this?" Rodney asked softly.

"I just want everyone to see how wonderful you are, like I do. Is that so bad?" John asked sadly. "I love you, Rodney."

"John. I love you, too." Rodney smiled, looked around then kissed John briefly.

"Okay then, one more?" John asked. Rodney smiled indulgently collecting his tray and standing up to put it away.

John hurriedly followed after him and pulled him into his arms. "I've got it."

"What?" Rodney asked surprised at the risky display of affection.

"Love."