Work Text:
TITLE: Vivid Imagination
AUTHOR: Odie The Memory Keeper
Fandom: Buffy
Pairing: Giles/Xander, sort of
SUMMARY: An argument the Tweed Man is bound to lose.
DISCLAIMER: Giles, Xander, Buffyverse - not mine. Joss's. And because of that we all love him.
SPOILERS: None.
DISTRIBUTION: I'd be flattered! Just let me know.
FEEDBACK: By all means!
DEDICATION: To Omega h, my beta, commentator, irreplaceable help and above all, my friend. And to Woodinat. She got me started.
Vivid Imagination
by Odie The Memory Keeper
Librarian Rupert Giles paced restlessly around the library floor. A relaxed gaze of a young woman followed him. She was sitting on the desk, legs placed on a chair and leaning her elbows on her knees.
"H-how could your twisted imagination ever conceive such a thought?!" Giles burst at her. She lifted her hands in a gesture of surrender.
"Hey, don't shoot the messenger. It wasn't my idea, though it *was* obvious as -"
"No! I mean, I never -- I never would..."
She sighed. "For Chrissake, Giles, admit it. We all saw you. The look on your face was undeniable. You want him."
"I most certainly don't!"
She cocked her head and shot him with an 'oh yes, I *so* believe you' look. Giles threw his hands in frustration and sighed.
"W-well, perhaps I do. But only a little! And anyway, it just isn't right."
"And why, my dear Rupert, is that?"
"Because he's a-a-a-- boy!"
"Sooooo...? I fantasize about him too. Heck, I even fantasize about you! And there's nothing wrong with that."
"But it's differnt with you!"
"How's so?"
"Because you're a girl!"
She blinked. "Okay, that was *the* most pathetic excuse of our times." Giles considered this for a while.
"As much I dislike admitting it, you're right."
She glanced upwards at the glass roof. "You could of course have put it more tactfully, but thanks." He started pacing again.
"And what kind of name is Odie for a girl anyway?"
"Tamper with my real name for a moment, and that is the only sensible thing you come up with." She jerked her head up. "Ha! You see now?"
"See what, exactly?"
"You talk just like Xander a couple of episodes ago."
"I do not, I repeat, do not--" He turned back. "W-when?"
"Aw, you remember. In Teacher's Pet? When Buffy tried to explain him what Miss French really was. 'What kind of girlie name is Angel anyway?'"
"Angel?" He paused. "For someone with your kind of non-existent success in school you have an awkwardly good memory."
"On important things, yes. But let us not be lead on side-tracks. Back to our original subject."
"Uh, I wished you had forgotten."
"Like I said, on important things. And speaking of which... Do you remember what Xander said to you?" She smiled and chuckled softly. "Why, of course you do. Every word." She paused to get Giles's full attention, though she had the by now badly flustered Tweed Man all ears and eyes for her. "Shoot me, stuff me, mount me... I mean, it was fairly obvious what he meant. And *you* know it too."
"I don't know what are you trying to say, and I'm not sure if I even want to know," he said almost furiously.
She looked at him under her eyebrows. "Oh, you know all too well. *Shoot* me, *stuff* me, *mount* me..." she said, emphasizing every word.
"And what is that supposed to mean?"
"Ooh, do you wish me to get graphic about this?"
A terrifying thought of her 'getting graphic' flashed briefly into his mind. "Er, I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't."
"Ah, so you see what I mean. Can he possibly make it clearer? He wants you too."
"No... he wouldn't... he can't... he's... Buffy..."
"No, he only thinks he's... Buffy..., as you put it. He is, as you said, a boy, and not yet aware of all the sides in his sexuality. Unlike you."
"Just what are you implying at?" Giles asked, not able to decide whether he was angry or just embarrassed.
Odie, on the other hand, was not able to decide whether to laugh, cry or just to go back to her computer and slash Giles and Xander, and Angel with them while she was at it.
"C'mon, I've spoiled me-self enough to know about you and Ethan. And , I saw you checking out his ass when he walked away from you. Of which I certainly don't blame you, he does have a nice one."
"Really, th-this is getting absurd. And it is unfair that you should bring that little devil into this discussion! And even more so since you aren't even supposed to know about him."
"But I do. Handy, isn't it?"
"Unfair, I say. And besides, you are completely overlooking a crucial point in your nonsensical argument."
"Hey! I resent that term."
"Sorry." Despite his current state of mind, he remembered to look fairly mortified.
"And this point of yours would be...?"
"I am constantly attracted to women. For example... er, um..."
"I'm waiting."
"Miss French!" he exclaimed triumphantly.
"That doesn't count! Saying that she was 'well-proportioned' - she sneered slightly - hardly counts as an 'attraction'. And besides, you couldn't help it. Pheromones, remember?"
"I-i-if you're going to keep winning every argument, I'll stop fighting with you."
"So you'll admit that I was right?"
Giles sighed very heavily and slumped into a chair. "I'm not being left with too many choices here, am I?"
"No."
"All right, you're right. I am attracted to Xander Harris!"
"Onbehalf of myself and a large group of slash fans, thanks. So, what are you going to do about it?"
"Do?"
"Do. You know, like telling Xander or..."
He stopped her in mid-sentence. "No! I, I can't. I won't. I, I, I will not!"
"Well, I rather think you should. It may come to him as a shock at first, but he'll recover. Recover well enough to love you too."
"R-really? You think so?" A lovely glow of hope lit in his eyes. Then he shook his head. "No. He's
still too young. Legally, and in terms of maturity."
She shrugged. "I'm afraid that this time you might be the one who's right. Well, we'll just put this
thought on hold. To wait."
"Right. Let's."
"I'll come back to you with this in two years."
He sighed again. "You are so infuriating sometimes."
"Sorry, luv, but you are sometimes just too stubborn to listen . Anyways, didn't mean to hurt you."
"I know. Perhaps I needed to hear this."
"You did, trust me." She paused. "Okay, getting too sappy now. I'm glad we had this little talk, and will hopefully continue to have them. But now you must go and prepare yourself for the next ep."
"Ah. Right. Slaying. Watching."
"Don't worry, I think you'll have it easier this time. The next one will be called 'Angel'."
"An angel?"
"Not an angel, Angel."
He frowned. "Somehow I find that not fitting."
She gave him an unruly grin. "You'd wish."
Pause.
"Hm. I've always wondered this whole 'Watcher' thing. A Watcher of what, exactly? It sounds a little suspicious to me."
"A Watcher does not 'watch' as such. He, he trains the Slayer, he, he, he prepares her..."
"Yeah, I know. I saw the first ep. *But*, if we don't stop babbling now, we'll be here forever. I've got to go read my mail, in case someone has posted new fic."
"And, and I have research to do. It was nice talking to you. I think."
"It was. It always is. See you the other time around." She hopped down from the table and headed to the stacks, only to disappear into the mysterious dimension of slash addicts and Giles fans. The man himself sat down in front of his desk and sighed. Tomorrow...
>>Finis
Humble greetings from Odie The Memory Keeper