Work Text:
Disclaimers: not mine
Notes: Started thinking of pairing Jim and Rafe, and this is the result. Not exactly what I had in mind.
***
Jim wandered around Cascade, walking aimlessly along the nearly deserted streets of after-midnight town. It was a beautiful cool night, a night for lovers to snuggle together. It depressed him.
Jim was feeling alone, deserted. Blair had been bubbling with happiness as he went out this evening. He was going steady with Diane, seriously steady, as in marriage serious. Jim had run her name and particulars through the police files, wanting to find something. Nothing.
He wished Blair happiness. He had just always hoped Blair would be happy with him, one day, but Blair had never given any hint he was interested in Jim. And Jim had been looking. God, he had been looking.
Jim saw a clean looking bar and went inside. The bar was half full and it looked like everyone else was a couple. The inside was decorated in cold colours and round lines. Jim just checked the bottles on the shelves and ordered a double vodka. Jim stared at his drink and took a gulp. It burned on the way down.
He was finishing his third one, when someone sat beside him.
"What are you mourning?" a familiar voice asked softly.
Jim's head snapped up. It made him dizzy.
Rafe was sitting beside him in casual clothes. He seemed concerned. *I must be a sorry sight.*
"Nothing important."
"Doesn't look like it. How about I call a cab? Blair must be worried sick about you."
"He's out," Jim blurted out.
Rafe thought for a moment. "Blair's going steady and you're trying to drown in a glass. You're in love with him," the young detective said, as if finally solving a puzzle.
"Get off," Jim growled.
"I'm sorry," Rafe apologised, sounding sincere. "I didn't mean to sound so flippant."
Jim concentrated on finishing his drink. He looked for a bartender.
Rafe put a hand on his arm. "Come on. You'll have a respectable enough hangover tomorrow as it is. Did you drive here?"
Jim considered brushing him off. He looked at Rafe. The guy seemed so... worried about him. He sighed. *Why bother?*
"No."
"Good. I'll drive you to the loft."
Rafe helped him up. He was somewhat unsteady on his feet and had to lean heavily on Rafe. *He's stronger than he looks.*
In the car, he leaned back and closed his eyes. He was being foolish. Blair was his guide, that would have to be enough. He had to move on, but with whom? He did not want to be alone, not anymore.
Rafe had to wake him up as they arrived at the loft. Jim climbed out of the car on his own, but walking in a straight line seemed to require a higher IQ than he currently had. At the loft door, he just gave Rafe the keys.
"Looks like Blair's not back yet," Rafe commented as he opened the door to a dark loft.
"Won't be until morning." Jim did not like the bitterness in his voice.
"Do you blame Blair for not loving you?" Rafe asked as he helped Jim navigate towards his bedroom.
"No. Just hope someone would."
"What do you mean?" Rafe was concentrating on guiding Jim up the stairs.
"Haven't had the best of lucks. Feeling frustrated, I suppose. And alone." Jim was sure he would feel embarrassed about this conversation in the morning. Right now, it felt good to talk with someone. He did not have the energy to worry about roles and keeping up barriers.
"You're not alone, and certainly not unloved." Rafe helped him to the bed. They both sat on it.
Jim lay on his back. He liked the view from his roof window.
"It's not the kind of love I want. I'm loved as a friend, a brother, but I want to be loved as me, as a lover."
Rafe lay down beside him. "You are, if you're willing to take the chance."
"What do you mean?" Jim asked confused.
Rafe kissed him, softly, gently.
Jim stared at him. He could taste Rafe on his lips. It was not an unpleasant taste.
He nodded mutely.
***
Blair was feeling high as he returned to the loft. It was early so he tried to be as quiet as possible, though with a sentinel it was a wasted effort, but it was the thought that counted. Blair was getting a bit worried about Jim; the man had seemed so moody lately. He was really down. *Wonder what's wrong? Maybe I should just ask him?* Blair decided to get to the bottom of the matter, it would not do for the sentinel to be so depressed when the guide was up in the clouds.
He opened the loft door, and froze.
Jim. Jim and Rafe. Holding hands.
"Morning?" he greeted uncertainly. What was the proper way of greeting his best friend when the said friend was holding hands with another friend of his? Oh, and they were both males. Maybe he should write to Martha Stewart for advice. *Just get yourself together, Blair.*
"Morning, Blair. I thought... I mean, I assumed you..." Rafe stammered. The two of them were sitting on the couch, in sweats and old t-shirts, holding hands. Blair shook his head to clear it.
"Right. Diane had to go to the clinic today, she's covering for a friend. So I left early."
Jim was looking embarrassed.
"I have to admit, I didn't have a clue the two of you were together. You *could* have told me, you know," Blair told to his sentinel as took his coat off.
"It's pretty new, Chief," Jim said. His cheeks were beginning to be pink instead of crimson. "Are you okay with this?"
Blair walked to the other couch and sat down.
"I'm okay with it, Jim. I was just surprised, I had no idea the two of you had something going on. Some observer I am, right?" Blair said seriously. He did not want to blunder; this was an important part of Jim. He had known Jim was bisexual - his sentinel had told him some time ago - but did not know he was *actively* bi. "The women at the station are going to be real disappointed about you two being together. Then again, considering the kind of women we're talking about it's more likely they're going to be speculating about what you two are up to in bed," Blair grinned.
"Blair!" came an affronted shout in stereo.
***
*Jim was walking in the familiar spirit forest. He saw the panther lying on the ground. He went towards it, but before he could reach the clearing, something stopped him. It was like a wall of glass.*
*He could do nothing but watch as the animal lay on the ground, totally apathetic and without the energy to even raise his head. He could hear soft, low whines coming from the snout.*
*His heart went out to the panther. The animal was alone and rejected, neglected by its mate.*
*Alone. Totally alone.*
Jim sat up in bed. He was sweating and shaking. The dream had felt so real; he could still hear the faint whines.
***
Blair had never been happier in his life. He was going to get married with the woman of his dreams. He had met Diane entirely by chance in a café one day. They had hit it off right from the beginning.
He checked himself in the mirror one more time before exiting the bathroom.
Simon had offered his house and yard for the wedding ceremony. Blair and Diane had agreed on a small wedding with just the family and closest friends present, deciding on the ceremony itself had taken more time. Finally, they had settled on a pagan blessing a union ritual.
Blair went to the terrace. He looked the crowd over. Naomi was chatting with Diane's father. She had taken the first plane to Cascade as soon as she had heard of the wedding. Simon and the others had seemed surprised when he told them of the upcoming event. Blair supposed they had thought he would never settle down.
Blair saw Jim and Rafe huddled together near the altar. He had been surprised and happy to learn that they were together. Rafe was a good man and Jim deserved to be happy. Rafe had not freaked when Blair told him of sentinels and guides. In fact, it turned out Rafe was a budding guide. He and Jim were doing well. Rafe had moved in with Jim a few days after Blair and Diane had moved into apartment 205.
Blair froze. What if Rafe had been meant to be Jim's guide from the beginning? Could it be that he had been just an in-between? He felt a cold shiver run down his spine. Something about that thought...
"Blair? You alright?"
Blair turned toward his bride. "Sure. Just deep in thought."
Diane smiled at him. "How about coming back to earth? Roy told me everything's ready."
"Good. I love you," he whispered to his radiant bride.
"I love you."
They walked to the altar that had been erected under an old oak tree. Blair glanced at Jim. His head was in Rafe's neck. Blair wondered at the look Rafe gave him. Resentment? Pity? Then the crowd shifted and the priest and priestess took their places. Blair pushed the thought away. It was not important.
***
Rafe slid into bed. They had left the party afterwards early. Jim had loved Blair once and it was hard to watch your old dreams get shattered. He could not understand why Blair had never noticed Jim. Was the man blind or just totally straight? It did not really matter. He and Jim were together now.
Jim shut the lights as he came upstairs.
"Want to talk about it?"
"No."
"Okay."
Rafe knew when not to push it. He would just have to show Jim how much he was loved, and appreciated.
Afterwards they lay snuggled together.
"Brian?"
"Mmm?" he mumbled half-asleep.
"Don't ever leave me." There was a note of desperation in Jim's voice. For a moment Rafe really hated Blair.
"I won't, I swear. Together, forever." Whatever it took. He would not give him up now that they were finally together.
"Good."
***
Blair watched Diane as she slept. They had been married a week ago. He had assumed that living together with Diane would be almost the same as sharing the loft with Jim had been, but it was not even close. He and Jim had fit together; they had known when the other one needed space and when it was all right to push. They had shared the chores equally. It had been... effortless. Not so with Diane. Sometimes he felt as if everything had to be spelled out, with Jim he had known the other one understood and that things could be worked out, one way or another.
*Maybe it's just too early, maybe things will change with time.*
Somehow Blair doubted it would be so. He and Jim had clicked right from the beginning. But certainly he could not have stayed at the loft forever.
Or could he have?
***
Jim watched Blair's life. His friend became a respected professor of anthropology, with three beautiful children. It eased his heartache to see his former guide happy. Rafe was a good guide and loved him dearly, but he was not Blair. He was not the love of his life. Still, being Blair's friend and part of his life was enough. It was all he could have.
***
Blair died of old age at 78, surrounded by family: children, grandchildren, friends. He had lost his wife 10 years ago, his best friend had died 15 years before him. It was a quiet and dignified death and he was much mourned.
***
The wolf was alone. Such a thing had never happened before, something had to be seriously wrong.
He started searching. His mate should have been with him. Where was the mate?
He searched everywhere, but could not find him. If he moved on instead of waiting, maybe he could find his mate in the beyond.
The wolf trod forward. He would find his mate again, one day.
***
End, and on to a new beginning...