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Wet Dreams 4: Gossip
by Ellex
McKay sat down across from Sergeant Stackhouse in the mess hall. Stackhouse eyed his MRE dubiously, but McKay tucked in with great enthusiasm.
"What's this one supposed to be?" Stackhouse muttered.
It was a rhetorical question, but McKay answered anyway. "They all taste like chicken, so what's the difference?"
"But if it isn't chicken, why does it taste like chicken? I just want to know how - "
The start of a promising snark between them was interrupted by a bellow from the other side of the room.
"Get your slimy hand off my ass, Tyler!"
Stackhouse sighed and rose wearily to his feet.
"Don't bother, Sergeant," McKay told him. "Simpson can take care of herself."
The young man watched as the woman in question slapped Doctor Tyler and stalked away, then he sat down heavily.
"I just can't keep up with her," he said, putting his head in his hands. "I don't know where she gets the energy."
McKay frowned. "Aren't you and Markham on city exploration detail with Simpson and...what's his name... Zlinky this week?"
"Zelenka, yes, sir. And it's going fine, it's just...she has SO much energy, sir. We walk for miles and miles every day, and then at night she wants..." His face flushed pink as he realized what he had said.
"It's not you, Sergeant," McKay replied. "Joanna Simpson has the libido of a rabbit. She's the Energizer Bunny of casual sex. You can either lay back and let her get on with it, or tell her to move on to her next conquest."
Stackhouse stared at him.
McKay took another bite of his MRE before continuing. "She was at Area 51 at the same time I was. I think she had sex with just about every willing person there - male AND female - except Tyler."
"Except Tyler?" Stackhouse said faintly.
"Well, I don't know about you, but I wouldn't have sex with Tyler if you paid me." He chewed and swallowed. "Even if you paid me in fully charged ZedPM's."
Stackhouse looked vaguely nauseated.
"So she won't be upset if I tell her I don't...um..." Stackhouse wouldn't have felt comfortable discussing this with his superior officer, much less Doctor McKay.
"Not in the least. She'll probably move on to Markham, if she hasn't done him already."
Stackhouse looked like he didn't know whether to be relieved or upset. When the subject of their conversation sat down beside him, McKay was amused to see the young Sergeant turn white, then red.
"So did you figure out what that disc-shaped thing does, Rodney?" Joanna asked. McKay was in the middle of a reply when Stackhouse jumped and turned even redder.
Rodney heaved a deep sigh. "Joanna, it's very difficult to carry on a conversation about Ancient devices while you're feeling up the Sergeant under the table. Who, by the way, you are wearing out."
"Am I?" She turned to the young man beside her. "You did fall asleep pretty quickly last night. I can go to someone else tonight if you want."
Stackhouse didn't seem able to answer, so she turned back to McKay.
"You seem to be so busy, Rodney. I guess I can't tempt you into my bed again, can I?"
McKay calmly shook his head and continued to eat. "Last I heard you were in the middle of a Kavanagh/Bates sandwich. What happened to that?"
"Calvin and Norman decided they liked sex with each other better than me," she said sadly.
McKay choked and Stackhouse said, "Bates' first name is NORMAN?! And you slept with him...and with Kavanagh..."
"Yep. Explains a lot about him, don't you think?" She patted Stackhouse on the thigh. "Not that you aren't great in bed, Hank. It's just that I have a very active libido and I do my best thinking when I get laid pretty much every night. And with men like Calvin and Rodney, I can actually talk about wormhole physics during sex as well as before and after..."
Stackhouse looked panic-stricken. "You...and Doctor McKay...and Doctor Kavanagh..." he squeaked.
Joanna looked wistful. "No...I only wish I could get both of them in my bed at the same time."
"Never going to happen," McKay finished his meal and rose. "And I don't think Sheppard will be too pleased at you for wearing his men out. You might try pacing yourself until things aren't so hectic."
She sighed. "I don't really like switching partners quite that frequently. I've only been sleeping with Hank here for about a week."
"That's the problem, Jo. You aren't sleeping. You may be able to get by on three or four hours of sleep a night, but most people need a bit more than that.
"Have you tried...oh, why can't I remember his name...Zelemka?"
"No, Radek's shacked up with Dr. Beckett. Apparently they're a very committed couple, been together for a couple of years now."
Stackhouse would have to have been blind not to see the look of bitter sorrow that crossed McKay's face.
"Oh...well, they're certainly discreet, I had no idea Carson was....well, then, Sheppard. He's such a Captain Kirk wannabe, I'm sure he'd be happy to oblige."
This was interesting, thought Stackhouse, fascinated by the conversation in spite of himself. Joanna's face had turned bright pink. "I approached him last week and he said he wasn't interested. I'm pretty sure he already has his eye on someone."
"Probably Teyla...or Elizabeth. I expect he has a list and he's going down it one name at a time."
"Ummm...Teyla and Elizabeth are kind of...involved already, too."
"Really?" McKay perked up. "I know Elizabeth left someone back on Earth and was pretty torn up about it. Who is it? Grodin?"
"Ah, no, Rodney," Joanna grinned. "Like I said, Elizabeth AND Teyla are kind of involved...with each other. And I was doing Peter back on Earth, in Antarctica. He says he's taking a temporary vow of celibacy. What about that nice young man on your team, Lieutenant Ford? He looks like he'd have plenty of stamina."
"Stamina? Yes, he has that in spades. As far as I know, he's available. It can't hurt to go and ask him." McKay finished his meal. "Good luck. Let me know if you get lucky. I have to go on missions with that young man, I'd like to know just how well-rested - or not - he's going to be." With that, he left them.
Joanna took Stackhouse's face in her hands and gave him a long, deep, kiss. "Let me know when you're ready for another go, Hank. It's been good." She stood, and spotting Ford, headed for him.
Stackhouse was left with the quickly cooling remains of his MRE and a lot to think about.
And just a few hours later, a lot to tell his buddy Markham about, knowing full well that Markham was the biggest gossip on Atlantis. And knowing that Markham would take it straight to Sheppard, because they'd both seen the way their CO looked at McKay when he thought no one could see him...
~fin~