Work Text:
Kinks
by BlackRose
Rodney typed.
John twitched.
Rodney typed.
John turned the page of `War and Peace'.
Rodney typed.
John realised he was getting ahead of schedule and slammed the book closed.
Rodney took a sip of coffee.
John broke.
"There must be something!"
Rodney stopped typing but didn't turn around. "Excuse me?"
"There must be something," John repeated, rolling his body over so he was lying on his back, resting on his elbows.
"There must be something *what*?"
"A kink!" John responded as though it was the most natural thing in the world.
This time Rodney did look round, "*what*!?"
"You must have a kink," John summarised for him.
Rodney fought the urge to gulp, John was lying, no, no one could lie like that, John was *sprawled* on the bed, wearing nothing more than a pair of skin tight boxer briefs and a white dress shirt, unbuttoned with the sleeves rolled up. Rodney had long since ceased asking questions as to where John was getting dress shirts in the middle of the Pegasus galaxy but he'd never stopped wondering until now, John looking like that was more than enough of drive any thoughts of what must be a Narnia-esque wardrobe from his mind because John was wearing *nothing more than a pair of skin tight boxer briefs and a white dress shirt, unbuttoned with the sleeves rolled up...*
And John was wearing this whilst talking about kinks!
And normal red-blooded man or woman would have succumbed along time ago.
However, Rodney was nothing if not extraordinary and so the only indication he gave of his appreciation was a slight hitch of breath.
From the smirk on John's face he summarised that he hadn't been quite as successful as he'd initially hoped. However, bravely he decided to continue.
"*Why* must I have a kink?"
"Because you must!" John was adamant now, "come on, you can tell me, you've indulged all of mine after all, you've let me tie you up, you've let me call you sir in bed, you've let me use a cockring, you've...
"I'm still wondering where you got the idea that `letting' you do any of those things was any particular sacrifice on my part, let me assure you Major, you more than fulfil the requirement for any kinks I may have, dormant or otherwise."
John didn't look convinced, "I just wanted to let you know that if you had a latent desire to eat cheese off my toes I'd be willing to go along with that."
Rodney blinked and played that sentence back again... had John just said...?
"Wait a second, you think that just because I won't confess to some secret fantasy in which I throw you over the DHD and have my wicked way with you it means that I'm harbouring a `latent desire' to eat spoiled milk products off your feet!?"
"No! Well, yes... well, I didn't mean *cheese*, cheese."
Rodney blinked again "If cheese is a euphemism for something Major then let me assure you..."
"No, I mean, not Edam or Cheddar or... or... Wensleydale or something like that I mean Philadelphia or..."
Rodney gaped at him, full out this time, "how lucky I am to have such a connoisseur of cheese sharing my bed. Hang on, do we even have Philadelphia?"
John flushed, "I may have some left over."
Rodney's eyes narrowed, "left over? Left over from *when*?!" John just went a deeper red. "Right, now I get it, this whole `you must have a kink' thing had nothing to do with me and everything to do with some perverse desire you see to have for me to eat mouldy milk off your toes!"
John looked up, indignantly, "No!" Rodney arched an eyebrow, "I suggested that because it was the weirdest thing I could think of so I saved that last pack just in case."
Rodney dropped his head into his hands, "I can't believe you thought of that..."
"I can't believe they let us bring cheese through the Stargate," John marvelled, "I mean, they don't even let you take this stuff into other countries!"
"Yes," Rodney's voice where he was speaking through his fingers was muffled, "a terrible oversight on the part of the Intergalactic Customs Committee. If we ever make it back to Earth I will be sure to complain, it seems to be doing terrible things to your mind, luckily for now I appear to be immune." John didn't look convinced, Rodney raised his head, looked into John's eyes and sighed. "Look, if I suddenly develop a lust for... cheese or anything equally weird I will be sure to inform you *immediately* Major. And should I confess to such a thing I expect you to take me to Carson immediately and inform my underlings that they now have the duty to mourn on behalf of the science community that does not know what it has lost that very sad day."
Desperately hoping that that was the last of what was probably the most bizarre conversation he'd ever had Rodney turned back to his laptop and continued to work.
John picked up his book, remembered why he'd put it down in the first place and dropped it again.
Rodney ignored him.
Slowly he began to crawl down the bed, stretching his body as he did so, coming to rest just where the back of Rodney's chair reached the bed.
"Rodney."
The sounds of typing didn't exactly stop but they definitely faltered so John decided to count that as a victory anyway.
"Yes." The voice was steady, much to his disgust.
"That," John indicated the screen, uncaring of the fact that Rodney couldn't see him, "doesn't have to be done for tomorrow does it?"
Rodney swallowed and slowly shook his head no.
John smirked, but seeing the scientist begin to devise an argument in his head he quickly moved to nuzzle the side of Rodney's neck, quite enjoying the hitch of breath that accompanied the movement.
"Wanna have sex?"
"What type of sex?" Rodney sounded suspicious, John couldn't really blame him.
"Nice, normal, vanilla..." John released his grip and allowed one end of the handcuffs to dangle in Rodney's face. "hot bondage sex is all."
Rodney swallowed. "No cheese?"
"No cheese," John affirmed, gently pulling Rodney's arm and just stopping short of dragging him on to the bed.
"Good," Rodney sounded relieved. "And John, just so we're clear,"
John looked up from where he was beginning to unfasten Rodney's BDUs. "Hmm...?"
"From now on," Rodney's breath hitched as John pulled the trousers down, dragging Rodney's boxers with them, "the words `vanilla' and `normal' are going to need a lot more clarification, if you're going to be comparing every kink with cheese."
By now John was testing the strength of the restraints around Rodney's wrists, "Hmm... well..." he pretended to consider, stopping only when Rodney glared at him.
He grinned back, unrepentantly. "I suppose I can live with that."
Fin
AN What did I tell you!? Cheese for Christ's sake!