Work Text:
Saving Smurfburg
by Scribe
Smurfburg knew that he really shouldn't have left Smurfville alone. Jimsmurf had warned him time and again how dangerous it was, especially for Smurfburg (who was only two-and-a-half apples high next to Jimsmurf's manly three apple height. He knew that he should have waited for Jimsmurf to finish his smurfing paperwork, but he was too impatient.
Smurfburg was energetic and bouncy, even by Smurf standards, and he thought that surely there would be not harm in doing a little mushroom picking on his own. Besides, there was a particular patch of special mushrooms that he didn't feel comfortable bringing Jimsmurf around. You could see the prettiest colors when you ate those mushrooms (come to think of it, you could smell the colors, too), and Jimsmurf was a little uptight about those things.
So Smurfburg took his little basket, which Jimsmurf thought was so cute, into the forest (he remembered to bring something to carry the mushrooms in, too.) He found lots of yummy mushrooms, and gathered great handfuls of them, thinking happily that he might even be able to talk Jimsmurf into eating some, if he sauteed them with onions and put them on a Wonderburger.
Smurfburg spotted the lush patch of the special mushrooms growning around the base of a tree, and hurried over to them. He was just bending down to pick the first one when a net fell on him!
Smurfburg kicked and squeaked, but only got wound tighter and tighter. He heard an evil laugh and looked up in horror as the evil, but inept, wizard, Gargamel came out from behind a bush.
"Ha! Caught you at last, me proud beauty!" he chortled.
"Let me the smurf out of this smurfing net, you smurfing jacksmurf, or I'll stick my smurfing foot so far up your smurf you'll have to open your mouth so I can tie my smurfing laces!"
"Such language!" sneered Gargamel, gathering the net up into a sling. He started to carry Smurfburg deeper into the forest, toward his cottage. "You should be polite to me. After all--I made you."
"In your dreams, Gargamel! You may have created me, but you'll never make me!"
"Says you. I'm still not sure why you didn't fool the other Smurfs, though. How did they figure out so quickly that you weren't a natural born Smurf?"
"Well, for one thing, I'm the only Smurf with long hair. Second, I'm the only Smurf with any visible body hair. Third, and most importantly, there are no female Smurfs, so there is no such thing as a natural born Smurf!"
Gargamel carried Smurfburg into his cottage and used some shoe laces to tie him up. Smurfburg struggled (itty-bitty toned muscles rippling fetchingly) and said, "What are you going to do? Feed me to your smurfing cat?"
"Azrael? No. You may get eaten, but it won't be by my cat." Gargamel pulled down Smurfburgs little white pants, exposing... Well, let's just say that, proportionally, it wasn't all that little. "Nope, I'm going to finally get me some blue stuff!"
Smurfburg gaped as Gargamel began to remove his wizard's robe. "You gotta be smurfing me!"
"Not yet."
Smurfburg started to kick frantically. "Smurf, man! I'm only two-and-a-half apples tall! Do the math, do the math!"
There was a low growling sound, and Gargamel paused in trying to catch Smurfburg's flailing legs. "Azrael, go back outside. I'm busy right now." There was a hiss. "Be a good kitty and I'll give you the leftovers." There was a yowl. Gargamel, irritated, turned around. "Look, cat..." He blinked. "You're not Azrael."
"No smurf." The huge black jaguar promptly tore Gargamel into tiny bits. He did not, however, eat him. He spit everything out, making a horrid face at the terrible taste.
Jimsmurf came into the cottage and patted the panther on the head. "Thanks, Smurfuar." The big cat purred, knocked him over with an affectionate swipe of his tongue, and disappeared.
Jimsmurf, blue and buff, climbed up on the bed and started to untie Smurfburg. "Didn't I tell you? Didn't I tell you not to go running around in the woods alone? If Wolfiesmurf hadn't come to get me and led me here, you would have been a spitted Smurf."
"I knowk, I know." When he was released, Smurfburg grabbed Jimsmurf and knocked off his little white cap, rubbing his hands in his short, silky hair. "Smurf, I love the way your dark hair goes with the azure of your skin."
"It won't work. You won't sweet talk your way out of a smurfing good spanking when we get home."
Smurfburg shivered. There was only one thing he injoyed more than a Jimsmurf spanking. He gave Jimsmurf a smurf kiss, trying to count his tonsils by tongue-touch. Jimsmurf came up panting for air. "Say, Smurfburg, since we're already here, and you're already naked, and I'm going to be naked in a minute..." He waved his arms at what looked like an acre of mattress. "This is the biggest bed we're ever likely to find. Whattaya say?"
Smurfburg peeked up at him coyly through his lashes. "What about Azrael?"
"Wolfiesmurf ate her."
"Fine." Smurfburg threw Jimsmurf down and they proceeded to smurf and smurf and smurf. When that was done, they tried some smurfing, which was illegal in many parts of the forest. When they were finished, both of them had sore smurfs, but they were very, very happy, and while the rest of their smurfy little bodies might have been blue, their balls definitely were not.
The End