SquidgeWorld Archive

Your Cast of Characters

James (Jim) Joseph Ellison--Sentinel, Detective, Major Crimes, and in moments of private passion, 'Studley Do-right'

Blair Jacob Sandburg--Ellison's partner, Guide, and sweet baboo

Simon Banks--Head Honcho, Major Crimes, The Cigar Smoking Man

Henry (H.) Brown--Detective, Major Crimes, and acknowledged baked goods addict

Rafe Rafe--Detective, Major Crimes, and candidate for the 'Why Doesn't a Man This Fine Have Women Dripping Off Him?' Award

Joel Taggert--Detective, Major Crimes, Bomb Squad, Department Father Figure, and Teddybear

Megan Connors--Imported Aussie Inspector, and all around good Sheila

Harley Wanamaker--Head Honcho... Wait, that's an iffy title if you work Vice, and yes, he's had a lot of teasing about that last name.

The Donut Girl--Temptress. Couldn't understand why the brass vetoed her chosen slogan, 'Heaven with a hole'.

Scene I: The Police Academy Gym, November 29th, the Saturday after Thanksgiving. The Annual Work Off That Stuffing basketball challenge between Cascade PD's Major Crimes and Vice Squads in progress. Simon and Harley are sitting on the bench together, watching the action.

Simon: "C'mon, Harley--you've got to make a bet. It's a tradition."

Harley: "You mean it's a tradition for us to get our butts kicked by you guys, and have to pay a forfeit. You're only twelve points ahead. You know damn good and well we don't have a chance with Ellison and H. on your team. It's hardly fair, Si, when it comes down to nothing but physical prowess."

Simon: "Damn. The squad's going to be real disappointed if we don't get a chance to humiliate you guys again. I tell you what... if you win the game, we'll agree to a bet that's based on more than just athletic ability."

Harley: "You mean like will power, determination, self-control, good judgment--the other things that make up a good police officer?"

Simon: {Nods} "What would you suggest?" {Harley gets a gleam in his eyes, leans over, and whispers} {Simon frowns} "Pretty harsh, Wanamaker."

Harley: {Condescending} "Well, if you don't think your people can handle it..."

Simon: "Oh, I didn't say that. And what would be the forfeit if we lose?" {Harley whispers again}{Simon winces} "You're evil. If we win, your squad does the same for us?" {Harley holds up two fingers in the Boy Scout salute} "Okay, it's a deal." {They shake hands}

Harley: {Grins} "Detectives Hooper and Terwilliger, relieve Johnson and Clabbard." {Two female Vice detectives join the game}

Simon: {Frowns} "New squad members?"

Harley: "Very new."

Simon: "They seem a little familiar."

Harley: "You may have heard of them before. Ever watch WNBA games?"

{Fast montage of Major Crimes getting their butts kicked)

~~~~~

Scene II: In the locker room, immediately after the game. All the men of Major Crimes are looking dispirited.

Jim: "That was humiliating."

Blair: "Normally, I wouldn't have minded. I like strong women. But did they have to laugh?"

{Megan enters, sending less than fully clad men scrambling for towels}

Megan: "Relax, boys. I doubt you have anything I haven't seen yet."

Blair: "There's that tattoo Jim got in Singapore when he was really drunk, and..." {Jim pops him with a towel} "Ow."

H.: "As liberal minded as she is, my wife still might want to tear one of us a new body orifice, Megan, so what are you doing here?"

{Simon enters}

Simon: "I sent her. This concerns the whole squad."

Joel: {sighs} "You bet with Wanamaker again, didn't you?"

Rafe: "Normally that wouldn't bother me, since we usually win. I really enjoyed having my car detailed by Vice last year, but we lost this time, Simon. What have you committed us to?"

Simon: "Settle down, everyone. This isn't so bad. All I did was agree that we'd have another bet if we lost. I'm sure that we can win this one easily." {He sounds doubtful}

Megan: "You sound doubtful. What is it?"

Simon: "It's nothing, really. Just think of it as an early New Year's Resolution."

Blair: "The only thing I ever resolve is to not make resolutions. What is it?"

Simon: "This is going to be a group effort. The entire squad has to participate. If one succumbs--that's it."

Joel: "I'm liking this less and less. What is it?"

Simon: "And the restrictions are only in place while we're on duty, so it shouldn't be all that bad."

Jim: "Oh, shit--he's obfuscating. I've lived with Blair long enough to know that's never a good sign. What is it?"

Simon: "It's nothing worse than any of you might have done for Lent."

Blair: {Voice rising in apprehension} "I'm Jewish! What is it?"

Simon: {Looks at the floor} {Tries for a casual voice} "We just have to give up donuts for the next three weeks." {Utter silence} "C'mon, it's not that bad! Remember, it's only when we're on duty. You can eat all you want at home."

H.: "You mean no donuts in the break room, or squad room, right?"

Simon: "I mean no donuts anywhere when you're officially on the clock. Wanamaker and Vice are going to spread the word to all the local stores and diners that if we're seen eating a donut, it's to be reported to them. They'll check the roster, and if you were on duty, we lose." {Groans} "People! I got him to ease the restrictions. He was going to make it no pastries of any kind, but I told him I'd hold him responsible for any brutality charges that came up during the time, since I couldn't vouch for your nerves."

Blair: "Simon is right. We can do this, people!"

Jim: "Says the man who drinks kelp shakes for breakfast. If I'm going to do this, I need some incentive. What do we win if we make it?" {Simon hands Jim a slip of paper}

Rafe: {As Jim reads the note} "He's afraid to say it out loud? I have a bad feeling about this." {Jim hands him the note} {He reads, eyes getting big.} "No fucking way."

Simon: "I've already committed us."

Megan: {She is now reading the note} "Well, someone sure as bloody hell should have been committed." {Hands note to Joel, who reads}

Joel: {Winces, but looks interested} "Does this street run both ways, Captain?"

Simon: "Sure does. I wouldn't have agreed if it didn't."

H.: {Is reading note} "I'm still not convinced. Three weeks without donuts... You guys know how I am."

Rafe: "Yes, we know that you've single-handedly set up a college fund for the Donut Girl's first grandchild, but think of it if we win, H."

Simon: "And think of the shit we'll catch if we try to back down. You know Vice--every low-life we encounter will suddenly be armed with an arsenal of 'cops and donuts' jokes, and there's no telling how long it will last. Even if we lose, the humiliation will be over quickly."

H.: "When does this start?"

Simon: "Tomorrow." {H. sighs, and starts dressing quickly} "What's the hurry?"

H.: "I'm going to stop at Dunkin' Donuts on the way home, and I need to call ahead to tell my wife to clear out space in the chest freezer."

~~~~~

Scene III: The Loft, Sunday

Blair: "Jim, for God's sake--how many did you eat?"

Jim: {Moan}

Blair: "You're so far gone that you've left the donut boxes just sitting there empty, instead of throwing them away."

Jim: {Groan}

Blair: {Melting} "You poor glutton. I have some herbal tea that's supposed to be good for nausea."

Jim: {Voice panicked} "Blair, hot liquid causes donuts to swell!"

Blair: "Oops! Guess we shouldn't..."

Jim: {Urp}

Blair: "Even have mentioned it. Stay there, man. I'll get a basin and clean cloths. Look on the bright side--maybe this will work as aversion therapy, and you won't want them for the next three weeks."

Jim: {Bleary} "Want what?"

Blair: "Donuts."

Jim: {Urp}

Blair: "There ya go--literally."

~~~~~

Scene IV: The Bull Pen, Monday morning, Dec. 1st

Rafe: "How's it going, H.?"

H.: "Terrific! My wife has been trying to get me to cut down for ages, and she's being very supportive. She even fixed me a big breakfast--bacon, biscuits and gravy, eggs."

Joel: "Did it help?"

H.: "I bought donut holes on the way to work." {Quickly} "But I finished them before I parked in the garage."

Rafe: "Megan?"

Megan: "I had my usual breakfast--coffee. Break time will be the crunch."

{Jim and Blair enter} {Jim is a gentle shade of chartreuse}

Simon: "Do I need to ask how things went for you two this weekend?"

Blair: "Let's just say that the nausea caused scents and tastes that tended to increase nausea. It was not fun."

Joel: "But he's okay now?"

Jim: {Has sidled close to H.}{Sniff} "You were in a bakery."

Blair: "Remains to be seen."

Simon: {Sigh} "It's going to be a long three weeks."

~~~~~

Scene V: Bull Pen, later that morning. The Donut Girl wheels in her little wagon, loaded down with enough donuts to cause a riot at a WWII USO show.

Donut Girl: {Brightly} "Good morning, all!"

{She is met by horrified stares}

Jim: {Voice tight} "You aren't supposed to be up here for another forty-five minutes."

Donut Girl: "I know, but I changed my routine today. You know, those guys in Vice are really considerate. They told me what a good game you gave them Saturday, and said you deserved first crack at the goodies." {She lifts the lid off her tray, exposing a plethora of donuts--every kind from Apple-Cinnamon to Walnut-Crunch.} {Silence, then a chorus of groans} {Donut girl is bewildered} "What's wrong, guys?"

Megan: "I need to visit the bog." {Leaves}

Blair: "I think I need to visit the little boys' room." {Leaves}

Jim: "I need to visit the men's room."

Rafe: "Not the little boys' room?"

Jim: "Rafe, I'm on edge enough. Do not make me prove to you that I'm not a 'little boy'. Blair would be upset." {Leaves}

Simon: "If we had an executive washroom, I'd go there, but the men's room will have to do." {Leaves}

Donut Girl: {Even more puzzled} "What are they feeding you people up here?" {She offers a donut to Rafe} "Here, eat this. Oatmeal--it's binding."

Rafe: "Excuse me. They probably need someone to direct traffic in the men's room." {Leaves}

{This leaves H., Joel, and the Donut Girl}

Donut Girl: {Smiles in relief at H.} "Well, at least there's one person I can count on. What'll it be, H.? The buttermilk today is..." {Kisses fingertips}

{H.'s fingers twitch}

Joel: {Puts hand on H.'s arm} "Be strong, brother."

H.: {Struggling to get each word out} "I--will--have--a--cup--of--coffee."

Donut Girl: "Cup of coffee to start!" {Pours it} {Voice is absent} "Plain, as usual?"

H.: "Milk and sugar."

Donut Girl: "Two or three sugars?"

H.: "Eight, and I want it as white as Jim is."

Donut Girl: {Watches H. with wary concern as she fixes coffee} {Hands it over} "And?"

H.: {Chugs the coffee, then hands her money} "Thank you." {Moves away stiffly to stare out the window}

Donut Girl: {Plaintive} "Joel?"

Joel: "Do you have any of those Rice Crispy Marshmallow Squares?"

Donut Girl: {Hands on hips} "Okay, what the fuck is going on here? Are you people possessed, or sick? Do I need to call in an exorcist, or the Center for Disease Control?"

Joel: "Well, no one said this had to remain a secret." {Explains bet}

Donut Girl: "What? Those Vice sons of bitches! How the hell am I supposed to do my Christmas shopping if they neuter my biggest buyers during the prime shopping season? I knew they were up to something." {Grits teeth} "I love you guys, but I have game systems to buy. You're going to have to just bite the bullet and take the forfeit."

{The rest of Major Crimes is drifting back in, in time to hear this pronouncement}

Simon: "We can't do that. Our dignity is at stake."

Donut Girl: "Screw your dignity! This is war. But don't worry--Vice will pay." {She chuckles} "You really don't want to piss off someone who handles your food." {Wheels cart away, trailing a laugh that would do justice to Snidely Whiplash}

Blair: {Blinks} "And she looks so innocent."

Jim: "Simon, can I take a few personal days? About twenty should be enough."

~~~~~

Scene VI: Street outside Cascade PD, Wednesday morning, Dec. 3rd. Jim and Blair are staring up at a new billboard, advertising Wilson's Donuts.

Jim: "What did I tell you? We're going to have to keep the blinds drawn in the Bull Pen, because this sucker is right across from us."

Blair: "Yeah, Jim, I agree that it's something that Wanamaker would do if he could, but the question is--how?"

{Montage of various scenes through the coming days} {All take place in the Bull Pen unless otherwise specified}

Thursday, Dec. 4th

Simon: "No, I'm sorry folks, but we can't ban the Donut Girl from this floor. She has a contract, and if we bar her, we'll have to pay off... No, H., that isn't an option. Do you have any idea how much income she claims this is costing her?"

Friday, Dec. 5th

Jim: "Dammit, Rafe, I have no objection to you scarfing donuts before you come in--I do it myself. But for heaven's sake--lay off the cinnamon sugar ones! The scent is too distracting."

Rafe: "Jim, I had cantaloupe, to. How the hell can you smell cinnamon around that?"

Blair: "Trust me on this."

Monday, Dec. 8th

Megan: "S'mon, Ah gahd 'ah 'mpor oo 'aned."

Simon: "What?"

Megan: "Uh 'mpor."

Simon: "Say again?"

Megan: {Ptui} "I said I've got the report you wanted."

Simon: "Thanks. Is the gum chewing helping any with the donut cravings?"

Megan: "About as much as it usually does for smokers trying to quit. At least they have nicotine gum. Somehow the cinnamon flavor just doesn't do it. Maybe if the chocolate flavor didn't taste like shite..."

Wednesday, Dec. 10th

Joel: "I'm telling you it's a bagel."

Simon: "And I'm telling you there are blueberries in it, and it comes too damn close. Toss it."

Thursday, Dec. 11th

Jim: "Blair, what are you eating?"

Blair: "It's a Pop Tart. I checked with Wanamaker, and there is absolutely no restriction on Pop Tarts while on duty."

Jim: "Where did you get it?"

Blair: "Remember that fanfiction writer we caught digging around in our toy chest?"

Jim: {Nostalgic smile} "Ooh, yeah."

Blair: "Well, I found them on my desk with a note from Scribe, saying she apologizes for putting us through this."

Jim: {Looking around, suspicious} "Wait a minute. You don't suppose she's responsible...?"

Blair: "Dunno, man. All I know is she gave me Pop Tarts in the midst of my need."

Jim: "Aren't you even going to warm that?"

Blair: "Why?"

Jim: "And you call me a caveman." {Blair munches} "Gimme one."

Friday, Dec. 12th, Break Room

Rafe: "H., you really shouldn't have done that."

H.: "Sucker had it coming to him."

Rafe: "I don't think he'll press charges, but it isn't a good idea to do shit like that to your informants."

H.: "All I can figure is that Wanamaker spread the news about the bet around. Cluney isn't much of a snitch, anyway."

Rafe: "I guess not. He had to have been high on something to do what he did. I mean, even if he was pissed that you weren't going to pay him for that bit of useless info, he should have known better than to taunt you. Hell, he's been an addict himself, so he should know how it is."

H.: "Man's got more teeth than brains, and his dental hygiene isn't all that good to start with."

Rafe: "I want to know what possessed him to jam that jelly donut down on his dick and ask you if you wanted a cream filled one? There are less painless ways to attempt suicide. I know you were on edge, man, but don't you think that shoving said donut up his ass was a bit much?"

H.: "No. The hot coffee enema I was considering following it with would have been."

Monday, Dec. 15th

Megan: "Motherfucking shite licking piece of pustulance!"

Joel: {Wince} "What's set Megan off?"

Jim: {Standing out of the way} "She got flashed."

Megan: "Snake humping, gutter swimming, pox infested pond scum!"

Joel: "Doesn't she usually just knee the guy in the balls, then arrest him?"

Blair: {Hiding behind Jim} "It wasn't a guy this time."

Megan: "Ancestor screwing devious bitch cow!"

Jim: "The Donut Girl waylaid her. When she whipped open her raincoat, it was lined with donuts--glazed and frosted, with sprinkles."

Megan: {Near sob in her voice} "Female Judas!"

Blair: "The Donut Girl escaped unharmed. She was yelling something about it would be worth the dry cleaning bill if she could break the boycott."

Tuesday, Dec. 16th

Harley: "Ellison? Your partner is stuck in the vending machine."

Jim: "Say what?"

Harley: "Sandburg is on his knees in front of the top floor vending machine, arm jammed into the drop slot at the bottom, firmly caught. I've dialed 911, but I thought you'd like to know, since he seems to have been aiming for the pack of Hostess Chocolate Frosted Gems that's stuck in the dispenser coil."

Jim: {Gets up and makes for the door} "He hasn't touched them, much less eaten them, Wanamaker."

Harley: "I know, I know."

Jim: "We're gonna make it."

Harley: "We still have three work days left, Jimbo. A lot can happen in three days. Now, if you'll excuse me, I want to get back to my squad room before they eat all the Boston Cream donuts and leave me with nothing but raspberry jelly."

Wednesday, Dec. 17th

Blair: "Simon? I'm scared."

Simon: "What's wrong?"

Blair: "Last night Jim brought home a whole sack of canned refrigerator biscuits."

Simon: {Frowns} "Was there a sale on? You know how he likes to plan ahead."

Blair: "He spent most of last night poking holes in them, frying them, and eating them as donuts."

Simon: "Oh, man."

Blair: {Nodding} "Reminded me of someone who's gotten off heroin only to be addicted to methadone. And you want to know what really scared me? The one's with sugar coating were gooood."

Simon: "Two more days, Sandburg. Hang on."

Thursday, Dec. 18th

Rafe: "Krispy Kreme."

H.: "You're out of your fuckin' mind."

Rafe: "If they were good enough for Elvis..."

Jim: "I don't know about the fresh made ones, but I'll tell you right now that Hostess beats the shit out of Dolly Madison."

Blair: "Dolly Madison has more of a bread-like texture. Hostess rules."

Megan: "Back home you could get a donut filled with coffee flavored custard--the best of both worlds."

Simon: "This is like being at an AA meeting and listening to everyone discuss their favorite brand of beer."

Joel: "Well?"

Simon: "Right now I'd be willing to eat the ones that the bakery donates next day to the shelters, that are rejected by the bums. You know--the kind you could use as a spare tire for a baby buggy."

Blair: "I saw something on the net--a recipe for something called Donut Soup Cake. You mash up a bunch of donuts, wet them down enough to make them pretty much dissolve, cook 'em awhile, pack the slush into a baking mold, then put a layer of something like graham crackers or sliced apples on the top for the crust. You bake it, let it set, then turn it out, frost it, and garnish it with Nerds or Gummi Bears." {Silence} "Oh, like you're all so proud. I'd eat it."

{Chorus of agreeing murmurs}

~~~~~

Scene VII: Bull Pen, Friday morning, Dec. 19th

Simon: "People, I'm proud of you. All we have to do is make it through till quitting time, and we've won the bet."

Megan: "I bet Wanamaker and Vice are peeing their knickers over this. They never thought we'd make it."

Joel: "Frankly, neither did I. I was pretty much resolved to losing the twenty bucks we'd each have to kick in, and living down the humiliation of the other part of the forfeit."

Rafe: "I wouldn't have minded the cash--that's just the usual betting stuff, but that other... All I can say is I think that Wanamaker has worked Vice too long."

H.: "Where's Jim? We ought to all stick together for added support, in case Vice tries some last minute sabotage--like rolling crullers down the hall."

Blair: "He's really been on edge. I suggested he clean up the break room to soothe his nerves. I'll go get him."

{Blair goes to break room} {It is more pristine than it has ever been since the mayor first cut the ribbon to open the building} {In fact, there is only one bit of trash in evidence--the empty snack pastry wrapper sitting on the table in front of a dazed looking Jim.}

Blair: "Jim!" {Rushes to Jim, waving his hand in front of the stunned Sentinel's face. "Oh, man! Please tell me that white powder on your chin is cocaine!"

Jim: {Vaguely} "Blair?"

Blair: "What happened? I thought we'd done a thorough sweep of this floor. When ~Benny brought Diefenbacher in to make a sweep for us, I was sure he'd located everything that even resembled a donut."

Jim: "It was crammed way back in one of the cabinets. I don't think it was planted--I think it was forgotten. We've had people filching from lunches before, and some people have hid goodies and forgotten where they put them. I came upon it suddenly, and... I guess I zoned. I came to with you yelling at me." {Smacks lips and makes a face} "And a really funky taste in my mouth."

Blair: {Reads expiration date on wrapper, and winces} "Maybe we could consider these disqualified--fossils instead of pastry?"

Jim: {Sigh} "No. I'm just going to have to own up to it."

Blair: "That's all well and good, but let me just say before we tell the others that I'm glad you have medical with this job."

{They return to the Bull Pen}

Blair: "Guys, I have some bad news. Jim caved."

Jim: "Don't kill me."

Joel: "You won't die as long as you don't get between us and the donut cart."

{Stampede into the hall} {The Donut Girl is just wheeling her cart off the elevator, a determined look in her eyes} {The sight of the charging detectives brings her to an abrupt, worried halt}

Donut Girl: "Wait a minute, guys. I'm just trying to..." {Remember Warner Brother cartoons? Remember the Tasmanian Devil? Remember the way a whirling cloud would appear over any foodstuffs when he jumped on them, then dissipate to reveal--nothing?} {Cloud clears} {Donut cart is stripped bare of everything, including stray sprinkles and crumbs} {There is a pile of money and at least one watch and a credit card piled on it} {Donut Girl looks rather like she got caught in a tornado} "make a living. Whoa." {Begins singing} "The boys are back in town!"

~~~~~

Scene VIII: Bull Pen, Tuesday, Dec. 23rd, evening

Simon: "It could have been worse. I really don't mind providing the refreshments for Vice's Christmas party for their kids.

Rafe: "I was surprised to find out that some of those bozo's actually managed to find someone willing to reproduce with them." {He admires the deluxe pastry cart. It is overflowing with every manner of fancy goody--Napoleons, _mocha and plain eclairs, bear claws, cream puffs, danishes, tartlettes, biscotti, bon bons, hand dipped chocolates, fancy shaped and decorated cookies, petit fours, fruitcake (hey, it's Christmas), Oreos (hey, these are kids they bought this for)} "How the hell did the Pop Tarts get in there?"

Simon: "I saw Sandburg hanging around the cart--he might know." {Straightens red uniform jacket} "How do I look?"

Rafe: "Like you're supposed to--like a toy soldier."

Simon: "I thought for a minute Sandburg was going to jump on me, or something. He muttered something about 'Benny'. That was the Mountie who visited us a few months ago."

Rafe: {_Expression gets dreamy} "I know." {Smooths down his own outfit--a white silk tux} "How about me?"

Simon: "Only you could take an order to dress as Jack Frost and end up looking like you should be doing a spread in GQ. I think we got off lucky."

H.: {Enters, wearing a reindeer suit, complete with antlers and a red nose} "You got that right. But at least I wasn't the one who slipped. I can deal with this."

Megan: {Enters, wearing a sparkly, gauzy fairy outfit, complete with tiara, wand, and wings} "Why the hell couldn't I be a dark Elf? I have a nice leather outfit at home."

Blair: {Enters, dressed in bright tights and tunic, pointy shoes and pointy ears} "For the same reason I couldn't be Mr. Spock with these ears. This is a Christmas party for children, therefore you are the Sugarplum Fairy, and not Lady Morgana of the Kinks."

Joel: {Enters, dressed as Santa Claus} "I don't mind at all."

H.: "Well, what's so embarrassing about being Santa Claus at Christmas? You only got that because you don't need the pillow for padding."

Joel: "Ho, ho, ho."

Simon: "It's almost time to take this down to the party. And remember, guys, we have to be good hosts. That means we play with the kids, have pictures taken with them, etcetera, etcetera." {Looks around} "We're missing one. Where's Ellison?"

Blair: "Still in the men's room, refusing to come out."

Simon: "Oh, hell! We'll pick him up on the way."

{They troop out, wheeling the cart} {They stop outside the men's room door} {Simon knocks}

Simon: "Ellison?"

Jim: {Voice from behind door} "Jim's not here. He's gone to his happy place, where nothing can hurt him."

Simon: "C'mon, Jim. Time to bite the bullet."

Jim: "This goes above and beyond the call of duty."

Rafe: "We all feel silly, Jim, but we're in this together. None of us are shirking."

Jim: "None of you have seen the costume they got for me. Wanamaker has never forgiven me for snagging that top cop award."

Megan: "He couldn't have known that you'd be the one who ended up in that particular costume."

Jim: "Oh, yeah? I'm the only one it fits, and he ordered the costumes."

Joel: "It could have been worse."

Jim: "Yeah?" {He opens the men's room door}

{Jim is wearing high black boots, white hose, a blouse embroidered with poinsettias and holly, and a short red jumper. In case there is any doubt as to who he is, he also wears a frilly apron decorated with the cheerul words, 'I'm the Missus', and a picture of a rosy cheeked woman kissing Santa Claus. His wig, and the bosom stuffing, are a la Dolly Parton}

{Brief silence} {Major Crimes dissolves into howls and snorts} {They have to be careful not to step on Blair, who is rolling on the floor}

Jim: {Voice is almost eerily calm} "I suppose you're right, Joel. Wanamaker could have sent the fairy costume in a big and tall size."