Work Text:
The Disappeared
by Istar
They started printing off everywhere. If they weren't printing, they showed up in e-mails, on the radio or TV, posters, pamphlets and mailings. No expense had been spared to get the word out. It was spreading and they had a right to know.
It would have a profound effect upon everyone all over the world. Scores of men would be affected, but worse, far worse was the danger to the women who did, would, and might love them. It was more contagious than the flu, more deadly than a bullet, and more painful than watching a Britney Spears movie.
It was DGWS.
Colonel Jack O'Neil, one "l" not two, received his notice via e-mail, deep underground in Cheyenne Mountain. He made a habit of checking his e-mail regularly since he often patrolled the paranormal sites for hints of Goa'uld activity.
Captain Malcolm Reynolds found a piece of post sittin on his bunk when he returned from doin business with the scum on Persephone. He had thought about stoppin to see the doc but decided that his body was entirely too keen on the idea. He changed his tune after he finished reading.
Blair Sandburg found his under a stack of notes from the latest test he'd run on Jim. Someone had shoved it in the only pile in his office that they knew he'd actually look through. It was written like a press release and he collapsed in his chair after reading it. Thinking for a moment he reached for the phone and dialed Major Crimes.
Lex Luthor's was delivered, Mission Impossible style on a mini recorder that imploded after playing. It was sitting on his ebony desk in the middle of LexCorp HQ in downtown Metropolis. If it wasn't safe it never would have made it this far into the building. He pressed play and smirked at its ashes after the message was complete.
Lt. Steve Sloan was graced with a Fed - Ex envelope on the scene of his latest case. It was only after he opened it and read the contents that he wondered how the woman who had delivered it had known where to find him. He himself had only just arrived. But it didn't matter because after reading the information inside the envelope he left the site and headed towards Community General.
John Sheppard was searching through the new posts on the community board when he happened across it. He had no idea how it had gotten there and he would have been more concerned except that he rushed immediately out of his office and dashed down the halls towards the Lab. Radek Zalenka, Carson Beckett, Markham and Stackhouse had all seen the same posts and they ignored each other as the frenetically charged around Atlantis.
Methos had just removed the head of yet another immortal, this time deep within Bucharest. The notice was pasted to the pole in front of him right before a quickening came and it was the sole thing he focused on while the power surged through him. He immediately made plans to leave, even though he had just arrived.
In the middle of searching through old news posts in the hope of better grasping the human notion of nostalgia and reverence for the past, Spock came across an ad in a newspaper that intrigued him. Something was definitely amiss and a computer glitch might be at fault. But if it wasn't, he needed to get to the bridge. Immediately.
By odd coincidence the same ad had also turned up on the viewers in front of Jonathan Archer and Trip Tucker during a breakfast meal. Malcolm Reed also saw it and read it in enough time to launch at the men as they jumped up from the table and moved towards one another.
Hercules was given a tablet by Hermes who said he was on a mission from a higher power. Hermes took one look at Hercules's face and ran away so fast he almost ran over Iolaus who was sauntering into the bar in which Herc was sitting.
The same notice was delivered to Sam Carter but not for the same reason. She couldn't determine if it was to warn her away from Jack or if it was a subtle hint to go visit Janet in the infirmary.
The text was simple:
******
BEWARE!
The disease so often seen on television has now become an epidemic. DGWS is nearing epic proportions. Dead Girl of the Week Syndrome, or DGWS, is marauding across space time in an effort to take down all the women who would keep two men apart. DGWS seems to strike when a woman comes between two men who should rightfully be together. It is indiscriminate if the woman shows any interest, even sub-textually, in one of the two men. Women are warned to leave any male pairing alone.
Symptoms include but are not limited to:
Women who are too good to be true
Fiancées who disappear/die/break off engagements
Girlfriends who conveniently cannot commit
One episode love interests who are catch deathly illnesses/ are shot/maimed/actually the enemy/die/are otherwise engaged/ or destroy worlds
A female who only merits one episode worth of attention before the perpetual bachelor returns to his partner's side
NOTICE: In case you missed it, this is the clue bus driver speaking. Now is the time to make your move on him! The girls are out of the picture and you know what you want and how to make him want it to. So go get 'em tiger!
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By utilizing the awesome powers of authorial license (which Steve and Jim assure me cannot be ticketed or revoked and never expires) a small time machine stolen from Atlantis was commandeered and used to perpetuate this special services bulletin. Thank you, that is all.