Work Text:
Stronger Then Memories
by Jessi B.
The first time they met the man's name was Miles Stanford and he drove a cab.
"The corner of...of 10th and M please," He said sliding carefully into the back seat.
"Sure," The cabby grinned at him. "Nice night huh, Mac?"
"Hmm? Oh, I suppose," Dr. Daniel Schreber frowned out the window and felt a twisting his gut. This night seemed like any other he lived through. 'Day' was an unknown thing here and he felt as though he'd never known anything else. There were days he longed to inject himself with even false memories so he could have something in the vast blackness of his mind.
"You ok?"
"Yes, yes, just...deep in thought..." He looked back at the balding driver, trying to place the face among his 'patients'. The face seemed very familiar but so were most of the people he saw everyday. They all lived happily in their half-life and knew nothing else. He envied them more each day.
"Mac? It's weird but I get the strangest feeling...that we've met somewhere," The doctor's eyes snapped up to meet the gray ones looking back at him in the rearview. A strange sensation churned inside his stomach and curled up along his spine till his brain tingled with it. He had a half formed...something, too vague to be a memory, just a flash really, of those eyes.
"I...I get the same feeling...somehow, but...but I've recently suffered a head injury you see so...so some of my memories are a bit...a bit out of place."
"Yeah? Sorry to hear that, listen, you in a hurry? I'm getting off after this and I could use a drink..."
"I...I can't..." Dr. Schreber started. He watched the cabby's broad shoulders slump a little. "I'd...like to, but you see, I can't miss my appointment. Perhaps...tomorrow night?"
"Sure, that'd be great..."
It was a bad decision, he knew that, he knew that eventually this man would be erased and replaced with another. But...just for a while, just for a few hours maybe, he could forget that this world wasn't real. Just this once.
It wasn't just once, or even just twice, but half a dozen times. Laughing softly at the man's stories, none of them real he knew but just listening to them seemed to be a balm to his soul.
"What happened to your leg?" Miles asked one night, passing Schreber another glass. The beer still didn't agree with him as well as it seemed to agree with Mr. Stanford, but he sipped it anyway.
"I can't remember, it all gets..." He paused, looking away. A hand covered his, just for a moment, but fleeting warmth made him swallow hard.
"Don't worry about it, you're here now, if you can't remember the past you've got more room for the future, right?" And that smile that could only make him smile back.
"That's...one way of looking at it..." He never quite placed how exactly he ended up in a hotel room with Martin Stanford, but the rest was imprinted on his brain like a movie. Then, back to the other man's chest, he let himself drift off.
***
He always dreamed of the sun, though he never remembered it. He dreamed of his office and his big windows filled with sunlight, looking out onto a winter scene.
Snow. Light. Two more things he hadn't seen...for too long and...
"Daniel! You still in here?" He turned and smiled at his lover, blue eyes meeting gray. The taller man was holding two coats.
"I like watching the snow fall," He answered, standing to take the coat. "It never snowed in California you know."
"I know, I know, you tell me the same thing every year. Then a month in you complain about taking the job in this 'God awful town in Kentucky'. Now come one, we'll be late. You're the one who promised you'd go to the movies and..."
"Doctor, you're late."
The voice shattered the world around him, and he woke, gasping for air like a dying man, unable to understand the clinching pain in his chest. And the dream...the dream sifted away like...snow in a hot breath. All that remained was the vague memory of gray eyes and warmth.
"It is fortunate that you're with a subject we must use tonight..."
For a moment Schreber was sure he was dying, his heart didn't seem able to support the pain he felt.
Then he stood, like a good monkey, dressed, and erased Miles Stanford.
***
Dr. Daniel Schreber watched the world move around him, the once shadowy city was filled with sunlight and he smiled slightly. Some parts of it didn't make sense, some of it moved wrong, though how he knew these things he wasn't sure, but to those inside this cosmic zoo life went on.
Almost.
Inspector Frank Bumstead was gone. With him Dr. Schreber's version of Miles Stanford. And of Giles Pasley, and Billy Hurt, and...others. He had met each of them once, watched those people his lover had become, and felt a clinch in his heart every time those eyes would meet his. He knew the look, first a puzzled stare, then an apologetic smile, and if he was lucky the man, a not quite stranger would approach and say softly: 'I'm sorry but...have we met?'
He swallowed back a lump, wiping at suspicious dampness in his eyes. The injuries were nothing, not compared to the thing that was ripping apart his heart.
"Hey, Doc," His backbone went ramrod straight and he turned shakily to meet the Inspector's confused, but warm, gaze. "So...I woke up a bit ago over there...and I was wondering, who came out on top?"
"I...that is..." Swallowing hard he stumbled and the Inspector caught him, letting him lean into the strength of those shoulders.
"You can tell me on the way, after this I need a drink and it looks like we could both use a shower and some bandages."
"Yes, that would be best."
"So, you don't remember your past?"
"No, well...sometimes...sometimes I feel like I remember...bits of something. It's hard to...hang on to."
"Well, at least that's honest. Everything in my head is fake," Tightening his arm carefully around the blond Frank started down the street, hoping he'd find his car.
"At least, there's something there," The doctor wasn't surprised that they found the Inspector's car. "Having memories, even false ones, would be better then...this blankness."
"Well, now you've got plenty of time to fill the space."
"Yes, yes, I suppose I do. "
END