Work Text:
The Horror!
by Nelle Donaghue
Methos woke up the morning of August 15 feeling very strange. He stood up and started to waddle to the bathroom. For some reason, everything seemed to be much taller than usual. He looked down at his feet and was horrified to find them much to close and way too hairy. He hesitantly raised up the back of his hands. They were hairy as well. He looked over the rest of his body, he was shocked to see that he now had a pot belly where his smooth, muscular stomach had been. He dragged a chair up to the bathroom mirror and looked at his reflection. His angular face was now all pudgy and fat and had a ruddy complexion. The Leprechaun Curse had struck again. He started when he felt an immortal buzz approaching. He heard someone pounding on the door. He just locked the bathroom door.
"Adam." He heard Duncan MacLeod call out.
Breathing a sigh of relief, Methos waddled towards the front door and called out in a squeaky voice, "Coming." He unlocked and opened the door only to have the Highlander look down at him and burst out laughing.
"Adam...What the hell...is going on?" Mac managed to get out between fits of laughter.
Methos just glared at him the best that a cheerful Leprechaun could. "Shut up Mac, it?s a curse!" He squeaked out.
Still sniggering Mac said, "So, how do you fix it?"
"I have to find a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow before the end of the day."
"You seem to know an awful lot about this curse."
"It has only happened once before, and that was 500 years ago. I thought that I had been cured."
"So, what did you do to be cursed?"
"I killed a Leprechaun."
"You did *what*?"
"I. Killed. A. Leprechaun. Do I need to go any slower?"
"I got it the first time Methos, my only question is why?"
"He was a real badass, liked to go around and devour travelers. He cursed me with his dying breath. If you don't mind, I am going to go watch the WeatherChannel now." He said as he stalked as best a short, waddling man could to his TV and turned it on. Five minutes later he got up and told MacLeod, "Mac, you're driving me to the Portland area."
"Why?"
"Thunderstorm coming! Plus, you really can't wield a sword when you are three feet tall."
"Good point." Mac said through fits of laughter.
"What are you laughing about?" Methos asked Mac shortly.
"You trying to wield a sword right now."
"Gee thanks, it is good to know that I'm good for something." Methos said dryly.
Mac reached down and patted Methos on the head, earning him a glare from Methos.Once out in the T-bird, Methos got the strangest yearning for a top hat and a four leaf clover. "Mac, stop by the formal wear store."
"Why?" Mac asked, genuinely curious.
"I need a top hat." Methos told Mac his hat size.
Mac rolled his eyes indulgently and pulled into the formal wear store and was back out in five minutes with a kelly green top hat. Methos put it on and saw the other thing that he needed. He opened the car door and picked a four leaf clover from a clump of clovers growing in the pavement crack. He sighed contentedly.
The drive to Portland was spent with Duncan looking over at Methos occasionally and sniggering while Methos tried to glare at him. Just outside of Portland, Methos saw a rainbow. "Follow that rainbow!!" He ordered MacLeod.
MacLeod obediently started to follow the rainbow. After five miles Methos ordered him to stop the car. He jumped out, holding his kelly green top hat on his head and started to run towards the end of the rainbow. He clutched his four leaf clover close to his heart. He was 100 yards away from the end of the rainbow when he saw another Leprechaun running towards it from the opposite direction. He ran faster. From 10 yards out, he saw the other Leprechaun trip and fall. A yard from the pot of gold, he tripped and fell, his fingers scant inches from the pot of gold. He saw the other Leprechaun getting closer, maybe a foot away from the pot of gold. With all this strength, he pulled himself the last few inches to the pot of gold. He touched the side of the pot of gold a few seconds before the other Leprechaun. Methos felt the change in his body immediately. His arms and legs began to lengthen. His pot belly grew smaller, and his face became angular again. The shorts that he had used as pants became shorts once again. He became hairless and alabaster again. He looked down at the Leprechaun who he had beaten to the pot of gold, "Cheer up, there's always next century." He told the stricken Leprechaun. As he strolled back to the T-bird, he debated whether or not to tell MacLeod about the fact that all immortals become Leprechauns at least once in their lives. He decided against it; he only wished that he was there and had a camera when it happened.
~finis~