Work Text:
Silver Linings
Author: Orrymain
Author Email: marciastudley@comcast.net (Feedback welcome)
Author Website: http://orrymain.raikiri.net/fanfichome.html
Category: Slash, Angst, H/C, Established Relationship
Pairing: Jack/Daniel .... and it's all J/D
Rating: PG-13
Season: 2 - shortly before Fifth Race
Spoilers: None
Size: 40kb
Written: December 15-18, 2003, January 9-10, 2004
Summary: Jack is feeling old and decides to break up with Daniel!
Disclaimer: Usual disclaimers -- not mine, wish they were, especially Daniel, and Jack, too, but they aren't. This was a whim; all in fun. I don't have anything to do with them legally!
Notes: Thanks to my betas who always make my fics better: Drdjlover, Sheryl!
Silver Linings
by Orrymain
"Geez, Danny, you are the quintessential energizer bunny."
"Bunny ... energiz'r ... na'huh," Daniel sighed, his brain still on a euphoric high, his vocabulary and speech pattern not yet having returned to normal.
The two lovebirds had just had what Jack termed "mind-blowing sex." It had been one of their more forceful unions since becoming a couple a few months earlier. It had also continued longer than ever before. In fact, Jack wasn't sure he was going to be able to keep up with his young lover. He'd made it to the end, not easing up any more than Daniel had, but he'd had to work at it.
Several minutes later, Daniel was happily asleep with his head resting on Jack's chest, but the older man was wide awake, staring up at the ceiling. He ran his fingers through Daniel's long shaggy hair, hair that represented his lover's youth to the older man.
Jack was deep in thought. There were a few years between the two. The gap was not so wide that it made them an odd couple, but still, the nine to ten year difference was on Jack's mind. He had to wonder about their future. He had so much love for Daniel, and while the age difference didn't seem to matter much now, to the more youthful Daniel, there might come a day when it would.
Jack feared not being able to keep up with Daniel's unending energy. Daniel could live on caffeine if he had to, and Jack could never understand that. No matter how tired Daniel was, he always seemed to be able to tap into some hidden reserve, some reservoir of youth, and get through days, and sometimes weeks of little sleep.
And yet, Jack pondered, Daniel only looked younger and younger as time rolled on. Sadly, Jack thought silently about their future and came to an unpleasant realization:
"How long before you finally see how wonderful you are, Danny? How long before you see that this old body of mine isn't exactly in the same league as those you could have, male or female? Geez, you could be with anyone you wanted.
"I'm not sure that I can keep up with you. Crap, Danny, I love you so friggin' much, but one day, you're going to look at me and wonder what you got into. The years may not seem like so much now, but what about later? Geez, what's that Beatles song ... will you still love me when I'm 64 and you're only 54? Numbers. I friggin' hate numbers.
"I can't lose you. I ... I have to do whatever I can to keep you, to not let you realize that you've fallen for a run-down old Colonel with bad knees who will be on Social Security while you're still out there exploring planets. Whatever it takes, whatever I have to do to myself, I'll do it ... as long as you stay with me."
====
Several days later, Jack was in the exercise room at the Mountain doing battle with the punching bag.
"Keeping in shape there, Jack?" Randy McClain exclaimed, entering with the rest of his SG-7 team.
"That's the idea," Jack responded without stopping his motion.
"Hey, O'Neill," Robert Makepeace called out, "how about it?"
The leader of SG-3 held up his boxing gloves, challenging Jack. The two had a fairly civil rivalry that had gone on since the first days of the SGC.
"Are you sure you're up to it, Makepeace?"
"Are you?" the Marine dared.
"Bring it on!"
The two took their positions on a large mat and began to box around, each moving strategically. They took turns taking blows, their bodies ducking and weaving all around to avoid the jabs as much as possible. Each had made brief connections to the other's body, but nothing substantial until Jack saw his chance.
He needed only to twist around and deliver a right jab to Makepeace who was open to the blow. But as his body moved, Jack screamed in pain when his right knee gave out on him. The leader of SG-1 fell to the mat, cursing.
"Jack, you okay?"
"Oh, for crying out loud," Jack said in lieu of swearing now that the initial jolting stab of pain had passed.
His knee hurt like sin. With the help of Makepeace and McClain, Jack went to the infirmary so Janet could take a look.
"You've sprained it, Colonel. You should have known better than to make a move like that with your knees."
"Hold the criticism, Doc. Just ... give me something for the pain, and I'll be on my way."
"Colonel, if you don't take care of that knee, it'll only get worse over time. It could cost you your command."
"Sweet," Jack said sarcastically.
"Colonel, just be smart, okay?"
"Smart," he repeated, his head just slightly bobbing up and down in mock agreement with the SGC's Head of Medicine.
"Colonel, I want you to make sure you rest your knee for the next 48 hours. Try not to put your weight on it. And don't take this," Janet motioned at the cold pack that rested on Jack's knee, "off for another 10 minutes. When you get home, I want you to put the ice pack on that knee for 20 minutes every two hours, and you are to do it ON schedule over the next two days. Is that clear?"
"I'll be cold."
"Wear a sweater."
Jack nodded, frustrated with himself for having bad knees in the first place. He felt older than ever, like an ancient tree whose limbs were crumbling and slowly breaking away.
"Keep the knee elevated as much as possible. I suggest placing a pillow under it for support. After a couple of days, we'll take another look to make sure there isn't any swelling or inflammation."
"Can I go now?"
"I'll call Dr. Jackson," Janet headed for the phone.
"No. Just ... get an Airman."
Janet was surprised. Jack and Daniel always looked out for the other, without exception. She wondered if Daniel was away on a mission she hadn't been made aware of, but seeing Jack's stern look, she did as he requested.
====
"Jack? JACK? Where are you?" Daniel called out as he entered Jack's house, concerned about his lover's abrupt exodus from Cheyenne Mountain.
"Jack?"
Daniel checked the study and the kitchen and then hurried up the stairs. He had discovered Jack's unexpected departure by accident after having gone to the infirmary for some aspirin since he had depleted his supply. He had a miserable headache that hadn't gone away all day.
"Jack, for crying out loud, why didn't you answer me?" Daniel asked in frustration as he entered the bedroom and saw Jack lying on the bed.
"I didn't feel like yelling. What are you doing here?"
"What am I doing here?"
"Are you deaf now?"
Jack's tone was bland and his face expressionless. He was avoiding making eye contact with his lover.
"What happened?" Daniel asked, ignoring Jack's harshness.
"Nothing."
"Jack, your knee has an ice pack on it. Obviously, something happened."
"You're such a genius, Daniel. I always knew I could count on you to make the logical deduction."
Daniel sighed, his arms folded. He stood a few feet away from the bed, about halfway from its corner and the doorway.
"Jack? I'm waiting."
Jack stared at the ceiling, but finally relented, "It gave out, okay? Happy now? I might as well retire, move to the cabin and go fishing."
Daniel walked slowly to the bed and sat down, "What happened, Jack?"
The soft tone threatened to dissolve Jack's anger, but he refused to let it. He was old. He felt ancient. Everything about him was changing, and not for the good. His Daniel was just the opposite ... "young and beautiful" Jack had thought as Daniel had first entered the room.
"It doesn't matter."
"Well, you're certainly in a pleasant mood, and aren't about to give in, are you?"
"No," Jack bellowed, still looking anywhere but at Daniel because if he did, Jack was afraid he'd cave. "You get a reprieve. Why don't you call one of those nurses who can't keep their eyes off of you and take them to dinner. Go dancing ...," whispering, "take them home with you."
"Excuse me?" Daniel said, both confused and now approaching anger.
Jack's attitude was making no sense at all to the younger man. When Jack remained silent, Daniel spoke again, "You're kidding, right?"
Jack wished he had been kidding. More than anything he wanted to hold Daniel in his arms. Second to that, he wanted Daniel to treat him like a king tonight, pamper him because of his injury, and do all those sweet, silly, comforting things one mate did for the other when a sickness or injury happened.
For a second, Jack considered saying, "Of course, I'm kidding" and forgetting the whole thing, but he caught himself just in time. He truly loved Daniel and wanted the best for him. And right now, Jack's body was screaming, "Aged! Decrepit! Ancient! Can't keep up! Let him go! Let him find someone to make him as happy as he deserves to be" so Jack kept his bad attitude and responded harshly.
"No. Go. Have fun. You can start with that exhibit you've been wanting to go to. They'll just love listening to you explain about ancient love rites."
"Jack, I'm not going anywhere except downstairs to make some dinner."
"You don't have to, Daniel. Just ... go hang out with people who can ... people who won't ... people your own age."
"My own age? Where'd that come from?"
Daniel hated it whenever Jack acted dumb. He hated it even more when Jack got into his "I'm so old" funk, but it had never been this bad before. Jack had whined, complained, and asked Daniel about it a few times, but he had never tried to split up with Daniel over it.
To Daniel, their age difference was minor, not the least bit of a hindrance. Daniel had always acted older and lived his life surrounded by those older than he was, and he knew Jack had the heart of a child. Somehow, it made them perfect together, meeting on a common ground that was somewhere between adolescence and adulthood.
The younger man had never felt such strong emotion for anyone as he felt for Jack. The graying man had opened up Daniel's heart and soul to things he had never even dreamed of. Their sexual relationship was "out of this world" in Daniel's opinion, and he loved it, but he also knew he didn't need it to be happy with Jack.
Listening to his partner now made Daniel want to scream, especially since his lover was avoiding the real issue ... whatever that was. While he accepted that age may be a factor in Jack's grizzly attitude of the moment, he also knew there had to be something more, a catalyst for the behavior. His challenge would be to stick it out and not let Jack push his hot buttons, the ones that would send Daniel running.
"I'm old, Danny ... falling apart. You deserve someone who can keep up with you; someone who won't disappoint you ... not some elderly fool who can't stand up."
"Wow, you are full of yourself tonight. You know I don't like that old man whine any more than I buy the dumb Colonel routine. It's crap, Jack, and we both know it! Now, you want to stew, fine ... stew. I hope you decide to tell me what's got you so wrapped up in this web of self-pity, but until then, I am going to make dinner for us. So, do you want to tell me what you'd like to eat, or do you want to eat whatever I decide you need to eat tonight?"
Jack said nothing. Daniel sighed, and leaned in and kissed Jack on the cheek.
"Jack, I don't know what is bothering you so much, but I'm not going anywhere."
"GET OUT! I DON'T WANT YOU HERE!" Jack suddenly shouted, taking a pillow and throwing it at Daniel, shocking the younger man. "What does it take to get it through that thick skull of yours that we're over? All you do is whine and sneeze anyway. Go take your own pity party to ... to Carter or that little red-headed bimbo that tries to look under the sheets whenever you're injured. Get the heck out of my house ... NOW!"
Daniel got up, flustered, but tight-lipped. Maybe he had missed something. Maybe Jack had been trying to break up with him for a long time and he had refused to see the signs. After all, everyone left Daniel eventually. Daniel backed away, finally turning.
When he got to the door, without looking back, he whispered, "Goodbye, Jack" and headed out. He actually got halfway down the stairs before he realized he had fallen victim to Jack's game. Jack was trying to get him to leave, that was true, but not because Jack wanted him to, but because of what Jack had said ... that Daniel deserved better.
Daniel got angry, very angry, but all he did was gather up his strength and walk back into the bedroom. He stopped two feet from Jack's side. He stood, motionless. His arms were folded. His eyes pierced Jack's.
Jack didn't want to look into Daniel's eyes, but he had been surprised by his lover's reappearance, and once Daniel had "locked on" to Jack's eyes, the older man couldn't move.
Three minutes passed of silence, except for the communication of their eyes.
"Oh, for crying out loud, stop looking at me like I'm a System Lord or something!"
Daniel smiled, "Nice try, Jack. You almost got me ... almost! But, as you can see, I'm still here, and I'm not moving ... not one step until you talk to me."
An hour passed. Daniel stood like a statue.
"I'm hungry, Daniel."
"What would you like to eat?"
"Stew ... it'll go well with my ... stewing."
Daniel couldn't help a chuckle. Jack still hadn't admitted what was wrong, but obviously, he had gotten the message, at least enough to ask for food.
"I'll be back."
====
The next few hours passed quietly. Daniel had started to help Jack to sit up, but Jack shoved him away, insisting on maneuvering into position himself. After sitting up, his back leaning against the headboard, Jack had eaten without conversation.
Having found Janet's instructions on the nightstand, Daniel had tended to the ice pack, putting it on at the appropriate times, though Jack had argued with him whenever the younger man had tried to help.
Daniel knew his lover was still trying to get him to go away. Jack still hadn't told Daniel about the boxing match either.
Like a bump on a log, Jack hadn't moved from the bed, except to hobble into the bathroom while Daniel had taken the food tray downstairs.
"I want you to go, Daniel. I want to be alone."
"Sure you do, Jack."
"Are you deaf or something? Get the ..."
Jack let out a few obscenities in his quest to get Daniel to leave, but Daniel knew it was simply a last ditch effort. Quietly, as Jack continued to swear, Daniel yawned.
He slowly took off his clothes, one piece at a time, until he stood naked. He didn't really look at his lover, but he could feel his eyes on him. His back to lover, Daniel smiled and thought to himself, "Right, Jack, you really want me to go."
Daniel put on his blue flannel pajama bottoms, opting not to wear a top. He went to his side of the bed, got under the covers, and scooted over next to Jack.
"Excuse me," Daniel said, physically pulling Jack into a prone position."
"Hey, that hurts!"
"You're tough. You can handle it."
"I could sue, you know."
"I'm tired. I'm going to sleep now, and I WANT ... MY ... PILLOW!"
Checking to be sure Jack was exactly where he wanted him, Daniel snuggled close, placing his head on Jack's chest, hooking his left leg between Jack's while being careful not to jar the injured knee, and wrapping his left arm over his lover's chest possessively.
Five minutes passed when Daniel heard a sigh from his human pillow. Then, he felt Jack's fingers barely touching his back until finally he could feel the touch of Jack's palm, moving gently up and down. Another minute passed, and Jack brought his right hand over to wrap around Daniel, something he often did as if to keep Daniel from moving away from him. And then, Daniel smiled as he felt Jack's lips press against the top of his head.
With a sigh, Jack said softly, "I love you, Danny," his fingers now running through the younger man's long brown hair.
"I love you, too, Jack. Go to sleep. Everything will be better tomorrow."
====
Days passed. Jack's knee had gotten better, but it still ached, a fact he kept to himself. SG-1 had gone on two grueling missions. Jack had been able to con the General that his physical condition wouldn't be a liability. Janet had reluctantly gone along, warning Jack that the moment he stopped following her orders for some minor rehabilitation she would pull the plug on his "active" status.
On this night, Jack and Daniel were going to a party that one of the Air Force personnel were giving. It was to be a big affair hosted by a visiting dignitary. Of course, Jack and Daniel wouldn't officially be going together, but they had agreed on when to show up and when to leave, coincidentally within ten minutes of each other.
Jack watched several of the nurses in attendance flocking around Daniel. He also saw John Carpenter, a new civilian recruit, eyeing his lover. Jack wasn't happy and made a mental note to keep an eye on the man ... until he realized John Carpenter was about Daniel's age.
He watched Carpenter approach Daniel and start up a conversation. It had lasted quite a while. With venom running through his veins, Jack watched as Carpenter's hand landed on Daniel's back a few times during their discussion. Daniel wasn't encouraging the man at all, but for Jack, that didn't matter much. Jack's jealousy streak was a mile long, to say the least.
For a minute, Jack had decided to interrupt the two, but again, the youthfulness of the younger man stopped him, Jack wondering if it wouldn't be best to go ahead and let Carpenter make some ground. It was, after all, best for Daniel if he moved on, so Jack thought.
Jack took a drink ... and then another ... and then one more ... before imbibing yet again. Soon, the leader of SG-1 was three sheets to the wind. He was never a security risk when drunk, his military training so deeply ingrained within him that even at his worst, he could control his actions in that respect. But Jack tended to be a mean drunk: nasty, harsh, often lashing out at those who loved him most.
"All things considered, this isn't a bad party, Sir," Sam said, stopping to talk with Jack near the bar.
"And what makes you an expert on parties, Carter?"
"Um, well, nothing, Sir, just thought that considering who the host ..."
"The host is a blithering idiot and you know it."
"Yes, Sir, but ..."
"But what? That lousy moron thinks he's nature's gift to mankind. The only thing he is," Jack took several gulps of his whiskey sour, "is a pain in the butt!"
"Um, Sir, that ... pain in the butt is headed to the bar, so you might want to ... um, well ..."
"Carter, if you have something to say, then say it!"
"No, I only meant that you might want to change the subject."
"The subject is ... give me another, Ted," Jack pushed his empty glass towards the bartender who had been hired to manage the bar for the party.
"So, Sir, how about we go ..."
"Carter, how about you go away? I didn't ask for your company. What's more, I don't want your company. Go ... play with your doohickeys or something."
"I really think you should come with me, or maybe I should find Daniel."
"Daniel? Daniel," Jack sighed, "Daniel should go play with your doohickeys, too, Carter." Jack finished off the latest drink. "Take him home, Carter. You two are kinda cute together. You like Danny, don't ya, Carter?" Jack asked, his torso weaving about slightly.
"Um, well, of course I do."
"See. He needs someone like you. Yes," Jack resolved in his inebriated mind, "Daniel doesn't need some broken down, battled scarred ... artifact."
"Colonel, let me drive you home," Sam gently touched Jack's arm, but he pushed her away as if repelling an attacking guard dog.
"Get lost, Carter. I'm busy."
"Busy?"
"Planning my funeral. Now GET YOUR smiling face out of my sight! NOW!"
Sam looked around. A few people had turned around having heard Jack's raised voice, but fortunately, their interest quickly waned in whatever was happening at the bar. Sam wasn't sure what she could do and contemplated her options for a minute or two.
Except for asking about her interest in Daniel, Jack hadn't looked at his 2IC. In fact, he had only looked at his drinks, frequently swishing them around for a second before downing the contents quickly. Sam watched her CO swallow yet another alcoholic beverage. That made four since she had begun the conversation a few minutes before.
Jack didn't get caught drinking outside his home often, but on the couple of occasions he had, his teammates had been there to reel him in. Thus, Sam had recognized the signs from past experience ... the repetitive drinks, Jack's extra harsh sharpness in tone, his lack of focus on anything except for his glass.
Sam nodded and walked away, searching for Daniel. She had only recently admitted to the couple that she had known about their relationship. She'd also been aware that over the last couple of weeks things had been a little strained with her CO, but she didn't know why. He had been terse and short with most everyone, including Daniel.
Still, Sam realized that someone needed to stop Jack's binge at the bar, so she sought out Daniel, finding him with several of the other civilian SGC staff.
"Um, Daniel, can I talk to you for a minute ... privately?"
"Sure, Sam."
With jealous looks from a few of the women and John Carpenter, Daniel went to a corner with Sam for a secluded conversation.
"What is it, Sam?"
"The Colonel. He's drunk."
"Drunk? I don't think so. He's probably just playing a game with you.
You know how he gets when ..."
"No, Daniel. He's plastered. Are you sure everything's okay with ... you know?" Sam tried to ask subtly about Jack's and Daniel's relationship since they were surrounded by people.
"Yes, I am. I'll take care of it. Thanks."
Daniel made his way through the crowd, chatting politely with people as he did so, but only for a minute or two each. He was sure Sam must have been overreacting. Jack was probably in another of his bad moods.
When he reached Jack, Daniel could tell Sam had been right. Jack was making snappy remarks at anyone who had dared say anything to him, and Daniel could smell the aroma of the liquor as he moved closer to his lover. If he had any doubts about his lover's sobriety, it ended as soon as he began to talk with Jack.
"Jack, let's go home."
"Go play with the kiddies."
"Don't argue with me, Jack. You're drunk. It's time to go."
"I do not need a child's help to be put to bed."
Daniel grabbed Jack's right arm lightly, whispering again, "We have to go now."
"Past your bedtime, Daniel?" Jack pushed him away, downing another vodka.
Daniel had almost fallen down. He looked around to see if anyone had noticed, feeling relieved when only Sam seemed to be looking. He knew, though, that if Jack started to get physical with guests, things could get out of hand quickly. Daniel resolved to do whatever he had to in order to get Jack to go home with him now.
"Listen to me, Jack," Daniel spoke in a forceful tone, "either you come with me now, or I'll be forced to make you look like the drunk you are in front of the Marines. Think about it, Jack. The geek is going to take down the Special Ops Colonel. You're drunk, Jack, and you know it ... so what's it going to be?"
Jack said nothing, pushing Daniel out of the way, but then he rose from the barstool and swaggered his way out of the large room. Daniel sighed, exchanged a look with Sam who had watched it all, and then he followed Jack out. The older man had managed to reach his truck but was fumbling to get his key into the door. He raised his eyebrows as he tried to focus on the keys, but as he did so, Daniel reached out and took them.
"Hey! Those are mine!"
"You can have them back tomorrow."
Daniel unlocked the passenger side of the truck and called to his lover, "Get in, Jack."
Jack bellowed the entire drive to his house, ranting and complaining about everything from the bad booze to Daniel's driving. When they arrived at the house 25 minutes later, Jack was as belligerent as he had been at the beginning of the drive. He resisted every attempt Daniel had made to help him, falling twice before making it up the front porch steps. Jack made his way to the kitchen, and took out a six-pack of beer and carried them to his favorite chair. Daniel simply watched as Jack opened one and began to drink it.
"Hey, Scout ... have one, why dontcha?"
"Scout?"
"Aren't you a boy scout? You sure look like one, especially with that hair. A bit scrawny maybe, but you'd be great to gather the firewood."
Daniel sighed. It was going to be a long night.
====
Another few days passed. Jack had gotten up with a nasty hangover the day after the party. He hadn't remembered much of what he had said or done, and Daniel hadn't told him, so the two more or less simply moved on to the demands of the new day.
Now, Jack was going through his routine annual physical. It wasn't a big deal, and he hadn't been worried. As a member of an SG team, he was thoroughly checked out several times a month, if not weekly.
"Your cholesterol level is a little high, Colonel. I'm going to prescribe a modified diet for the next few weeks."
"Great," Jack said, ignoring anything else Janet said after.
All Jack knew was that every few days some other sign of his age seemed to be thrown in his face. Even his hangover was a sign. Usually, his hangovers didn't affect him physically, but after the party, he had been sluggish and had even stayed hidden in his office at the SGC most of the day.
====
Daniel dropped by the house in search of Jack. Once again, Jack had disappeared from the SGC without saying anything to him. It just wasn't normal, so Daniel was concerned. Though Jack's truck wasn't in the driveway, Daniel decided to check out the house anyway.
Entering the study, he noticed some pamphlets on the desk. Taking a closer look, he was surprised to see that the subject of the brochures was knee reconstruction. Daniel skimmed the thin pages and then left the house.
====
Jack fidgeted. He looked up and down to see if anyone was watching. He ran his right hand through his hair, which made him even more aware of where he was and what he was considering. He took several deep breaths, and then tried as nonchalantly as he could to grab the item and put it in the small red basket he held in his left hand.
The basket held only a few items -- deodorant, after shave, toothpaste, napkins and a bag of Doritos -- and the just-deposited box Jack had nervously decided to buy.
Jack hurried to the counter, eager to get out of the drug store as quickly as possible. He paid cash, not waiting for his change, the clerk pocketing a $3.36 tip. In the safety of his F350 truck, Jack removed the box and stared at it, carefully reading the instructions. He leaned his head back against the seat of the truck and sighed, "Crap, I feel old."
====
"Daniel," Jack called, entering his lover's office, "you still have that meeting tonight?"
"Yes, wish I didn't though. It's liable to be a long night, Jack."
"It happens," Jack picked up a small statue, holding it at all angles as he talked, "... so you won't be home until late then?"
"Yeah, could even be midnight. It might be better if I just went to the apartment."
"You have to go there some time. Whatever you decide is fine."
"I'd rather ... never mind."
"If you want to come home, that's okay, but ... you know, take your time. No rush. Enjoy your ... rocks ... or whatever."
Jack put down the statue and left the SGC for the day. Daniel set about to do some work and then went to the meeting. It was more of a meeting of the minds of some local archaeologists and researchers. Daniel was still considered an outcast in the scientific community, but at Jack's urging, he had unburied his head from the sand and begun to emerge, at least in the local community. While he couldn't vindicate himself, he could make a contribution based on legitimate findings he'd discovered in research that hadn't been classified.
Two hours into the meeting, Daniel was listening to a debate about dating techniques when his mind suddenly replayed a part of his conversation with Jack. A couple of phrases kept repeating in his mind:
"You have to go there some time."
"Take your time."
Daniel panicked. He realized the statements were uncharacteristic.
"What are you up to, Jack?" Daniel asked inwardly, rising from his seat and leaving the meeting early.
====
Jack stood on the roof deck, the wind blowing his hair slightly. His hands gripped the rail. Jack's mind raced with emotional thoughts.
"I love you, Danny, and I know I can't live without you, so ... I have to do whatever I can to keep you. Why do you love me? Look at me. I'm falling apart, inside and out. I can't let you see. You might realize the truth. I need you."
Jack tapped the rail with his hands, his decision made, and went to the bathroom. He took out the box from the bag he had kept it hidden in. He had read the instructions several times. Now, he removed a bottle from the box and shook it well. Taking a breath, he put a small amount of the liquid on his fingers and stared into the mirror.
He closed his eyes for a second as he raised his moistened fingers to his head.
"JACK ... STOP! WHAT THE HECK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE YOU DOING?"
Daniel rushed forward, pushing his lover's hands down, turning on the water and holding Jack's hands under the water to completely wash off the liquid.
"Danny, what are you doing here?"
"Stopping you from doing ... this ... apparently! What is going on with you lately?"
"Nothing," Jack exited the bathroom in a huff, sitting at the foot of the bed.
"Jack, honestly? Grecian Formula? Why?"
"I'm old, that's why."
"Jack, you are NOT old."
"Older than you. I can't keep up with you. I try, but I just can't."
Daniel rolled his eyes in disbelief, "Babe, you are out of your freakin' mind, and I say that from the bottom of my heart!"
"Nice to know you care," Jack stood, unable to sit still.
"Oh gawd, that's what all of this is about, isn't it?"
Jack looked away from Daniel, "I have gray hair."
"Gawd, Jack," Daniel moved to his lover quickly, his arms raising. "You crazy loon, I love your silver hair."
Daniel's fingers began to play with the small graying areas at Jack's temples. His voice became low, soft, full of want.
"You're so sexy. Your silver hair makes you look so suave, debonair. Gawd, I could just eat you," Daniel leaned over and actually nibbled a piece of the gray hair, and then kissed Jack at the side of his neck.
"But it's gray."
"Silver."
"Gray!"
"Silver!"
"It's gray, for crying out loud."
"It's silver, my Silver Fox. I love it, Jack. I can't wait until it's all silver."
"But it's gray, Danny."
"I'll compromise. Silver-gray, and it's gorgeous. You don't get it, do you, Jack? Gawd, you drive me crazy when I think about your silver hair. It's like you in your dress blues and you know that makes my skin feel like it's on fire. Oh ... GAWD JACK ... dress blues and silver hair. I want you ..."
Daniel's lips became a suction cup with Jack's, their tongues mingling together in pleasure. The young man was on fire, full of lust for his lover. He pushed Jack gently onto the bed, eager for their bodies to join together as one.
"Sexy! Sexy silver hair ... my silver fox. All mine," Daniel whispered into Jack's mouth.
Jack was responding, his love for Daniel all-consuming, but then his fear and insecurity took hold, and he moved out of Daniel's touch to sit on the foot of the bed once again. Daniel shifted, his body on the bed, his chest leaning into Jack's back as his hands wrapped around Jack's body.
Daniel's hands roamed Jack's face, neck and chest freely, eager to feel and to comfort. He was desperate for Jack, but he also knew they had to take care of this little problem that seemed to be tormenting his partner.
"Jack, sometimes, you get the craziest ideas into your head."
"I'm older than you, Danny, and no matter what you say, you can't change that."
Daniel squeezed Jack very tightly, "Sometimes, Love, I could straaaaaangle you. Listen to me," Daniel eased up on his hold, his touches caressing and gliding inside Jack's shirt, "this ... knee thing. Let's start with that. Don't you dare mess with your lovely body for me. I love your wobbly old knees. Love them to pieces. Now, if you really want to do that reconstruction, then I'll be totally supportive, but Jack, if you do it for me, I'll be very angry with you."
Daniel kissed Jack's nape, "Hmmm, love how you taste," pausing a moment to remember he had to put his desire on hold, "Next ... this not keeping up with me garbage, and I know exactly what you are talking about. Jack, do you remember what was going on the week before we had that little ... session?"
"Yes."
"Do you?"
"Yes. I already said I did."
"Okay, let's review. We'd been off-world for two days, two days during which we had little rest. When we got back, you were called to go with SG-3 on that rescue mission, remember?"
"I said I remember."
"Good, then you'll remember that during that three day rescue mission in which you were captured and ... gawd, they bruised your beautiful body, those monsters," Daniel cooed, getting lost in his lover again before snapping back into the reality of the moment, "...and you didn't sleep much then either, did you?"
Jack reluctantly admitted he hadn't.
"And do you remember what I was doing while you on that rescue mission?"
"You ... um ... Danny, what did you do?"
"Exactly. We never talked about that. As it happened, Jack, I was exhausted. Janet secretly slipped me one of her happy pills and more or less kept me sedated for three days. I was so tired, and she knew it, so she kept me in the infirmary until the day you came home. Don't you see, Love? You were already pushed to your limit while I was ... well, ready to go, so to speak?"
"I ... I don't know."
"Come on, Jack. We've never had problems that way, and you know it. You're just being sensitive because of your sexy silver hair and beautiful wobbly knees."
"I am older."
"Not that much."
"It may not matter as much now, but what about when I'm ... 84?"
"I'll be 74. Give me a break ... not much difference."
"Sixty to fifty. I might not be able to walk. I'll ... you'll want to be the energizer bunny and I'll probably be flying in bottles of Viagra!"
Daniel laughed, and then grew serious.
"Jack, I love how we are. I love what we do together, and every time, we learn more about each other, and our bodies. It's still so new to me, but gawd, how you make me feel. My body, it just ... hungers for you, but Jack, you have to listen to me. We're more than that ... aren't we?"
Jack faced his lover, their eyes locking.
"Jack, even if we could never make love again, I'd want you because I ... I need you. I ... you know how I feel. What we do doesn't matter as much as how we feel and what we are together."
"Geez, Danny, what you do to me. I love you so friggin' much. I just ... I felt so old all of a sudden. The hair and the boxing match and ... everything."
"I love you, my Silver Fox."
"Silver Fox, eh?" Jack said with a grin, finally realizing that getting older wasn't a sin, especially not with the way his lover was looking at him, with eyes black with lust and lips thirsting to taste him.
"Mmm-mmm. Mine. Alllll mine," Daniel scooted around so he could kiss his lover, and one kiss led to another.
Their passion flamed until finally, Daniel and his Silver Fox were one, and ready for the challenges of yet another new day, the subject of age no longer an issue! Their cup was once again full, and together, they tasted their love and moved on towards their next loving day together as Jack and Daniel.
~~Finis - Finished - Done - The End - But is it ever Really?~~