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2020-11-04
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Frozen

Summary:

Fandom: NCIS
Pairing: DiNozzo/Gibbs
Archive: WWOMB. All others please ask me first.
Spoliers: Missing
Summary: An emergency brings out a side of Gibbs Tony has never seen before.
Disclaimer: Bellisario would stake me like a vampire if he knew I was playing with his toys.
Feedback: Thank you sir. May I have another?
Notes: Dedicated to my great aunt Luvean. It was the best she could have ever hope for.
Submitted through the NavyNCISslash mailing list.

Work Text:

Frozen
by Sonia

Tony DiNozzo and Jethro Gibbs were in the elevator headed towards the medical examiner's office. Tony was not looking forward to this one. The body had been doused with hydrochloric acid.

Ducky had mused in his phone call to them. "Some very interesting patterns have been formed especially in the genital area. It's almost as if the person who committed this horrendous act was trying to make an artistic statement." Oh joy.

Tony turned his head and caught Gibbs staring at him. Tony was a wreck as it was he didn't need to chewed out. He looked back at him and shrugged his shoulders.

"What's up, Boss?" He asked tentatively.

Gibbs blinked and shook his head. It was as if he didn't realize he was staring. The doors opened and they walked into the lab. Ducky was gowned and gloved with a Plexiglas mask covering his face.

"Ah gentleman!! You've come to see my Picasso." He gloated. The body on the table was a red lump of half eaten flesh and scorched bone. Tony backed up a step and grimaced.

"Jeez. Please tell me this was done post mortem." He said through gritted teeth.

"Unfortunately that is not the case." Ducky said sadly. He continued on describing in gruesome detail the damage the corpse had sustained. Even Gibbs was pale by the time he was finished. They both looked over at Tony. He had his hands on his knees, he has bent at the waist and was taking deep cleansing breaths.

"Get out here DiNozzo. I'll finish up." Gibbs grumbled.

Tony turned and headed for the door when he heard a crash. Ducky had knocked over his tray of instruments and was crumpling to the floor. He charged back into the lab past a curiously still Gibbs. He looked into Ducky's flushed and sweaty face.

"Ducky? You OK?" He said with urgency in his voice. He got his arms around the coroner and started to help him to a chair. Ducky was struggling to breathe.

Between gasps he said "Anthony.....I think...I'm having....some sort...of cardiac event. I think..."

Tony nodded. "It's OK I get it. We'll get help. You'll be alright." He grasped Ducky's wrist and felt for his pulse. The erratic and very frequent thumps against his fingertips were not a good sign. He reached up and touched Ducky's pale and clammy face.

Tony smiled "Looks like I'm going to get to see you without your bow-tie." As he started to remove it,he called over his shoulder.

"What's the ETA on the medics, Boss?" He waited a beat to hear the answer. Nothing. What the...

He turned around to see Gibbs standing completely frozen with a look of terror on his face.

"GIBBS!!!" He shouted. Nothing. He tried again. "JETHRO!! Call for help!! NOW!!"

A slight tremor ran through Gibbs then he started to move. He flipped open his cell and called the internal emergency number. Tony was holding up Ducky, who was rapidly losing consciousness. He took him into his arms and started laying him on the floor. The chair fell over with a thud in the process. Gibbs finally came over to assist.

"Let's get him onto the other table." Gibbs suggested.

Tony shook his head. "No way am I putting him up there."

In a very weak voice Ducky whispered.

"Thank you, Anthony."

Tony smoothed his hair back away from his face and gave a small grin.

"You're welcome Duck."

He looked over at Gibbs who was now kneeling on the floor besides the two of them. His face was completely blank. His eyes were a different story.

"Ducky if you needed some down time all you had to do was ask." He said in a shockingly gentle voice. He was obviously stunned by the turn of the events. Tony wanted and needed to help him.

He reached out a hand and placed it on Gibbs' forearm. Before he could squeeze and give him a signal of comfort, Gibbs pulled away as if he had been burnt. There wasn't time for his rejection to really register before the paramedics burst through the door. Kate and Abby followed them into the room.

"Ducky?" Abby said leaning over him. When she got no response she looked at Tony with tears in her eyes. They all backed away and let the paramedics do their job. The things they were saying relative to Ducky's condition were encouraging at first. He was lucid enough to answer their questions. Ducky said wasn't in pain, just faint and very dizzy. Everybody seemed grateful for that. When they attached a heart monitor to his chest the room grew silent . Even a layman could see the rhythm of the organ was all wrong. It was way too fast and uneven.They packed him up and started to load him onto a gurney. As they rolled him to the door, Ducky waved his hand and stopped them. He was alert although he was obviously still in distress.

"Just a moment, please. Jethro?" He gestured for him to come closer.

Gibbs moved up to the stretcher and took his hand. "Duck, let them get you to the hospital. We'll talk later."

Ducky swallowed and breathed out. "It's not wise for me to procrastinate." You could see him gather his strength to finish his sentence.

"This is NOT your fault. Don't take this on. It's not the same."

He gave a wane smile as the paramedics loaded him in the elevator. It was too much to watch the doors slide shut so they all lowered their eyes.

Abby threw off her lab coat and made for the stairs. She was clearly going to the hospital. Kate and Tony eyed each other and waited. And they waited. Tony couldn't take the tension.

"I'll stay here while you and Kate go to the hospital. Just call me as soon as you know something."

As Gibbs shuffled to the door, he croaked in an emotion filled voice. "You two go. I'll hold down the fort." Tony must have said the curse words in his head out loud because he saw Kate flinch out of the corner of his eye.

"Christ Gibbs!! What is WRONG with you?!! He is your best friend! Don't you want to be there for him!" He had moved closer to Gibbs as he shouted. When Gibbs turned to face him they were inches apart. The look of sadness and pain on his face made Tony regret every word he had just spoken.

In a deadly calm voice Gibbs said "No Tony I can't be there for him. I'm not good for the people I love. I let them get hurt. I let them get drugged and kidnapped and I let them die in front of me." He grabbed the handle of the door and took the stairs to the outside exit.

On the way to the hospital and over the next hour of waiting,Tony replayed the scene in the morgue over and over in his head. What in the name of all that's holy is going on with Gibbs? He couldn't fathom why he's not here. What had he meant by his last remarks about the people he loved getting drugged, kidnapping and dying in front of him? Was he talking about somebody in the distant past or was he referring to something a little more recent? To even ponder that Gibbs was referring to Tony's encounter with Sacco and friends made him flush with heat. Could he be on the list of people Gibbs loved and "wasn't good for?" If he was, he'd have to find a way to tell Gibbs he couldn't be more wrong. Gibbs was the best thing that had ever happened to him. He just didn't know it. Yet.

When the nurse signaled for Tony, Abby and Kate to follow her to the treatment area he felt nauseous. Here he was thinking about what he wanted and hoped for when he should have been thinking about Ducky.

The nurse sighed heavily . "Does your friend ever...umm... take a break from his story telling?"

The three of them burst into peals of laughter. Abby said "No not really. He must be alright then."

"He sure is. Curtain 4. Last bed in the back on the right." she pointed and walked away.

They could hear his voice at curtain 2. "I'm not a litigious person by nature but I'm going to sue that bastard!!"

A deep male voice soothed "Please calm down. You're not out of the woods yet. We'll figure out what to do after. OK?"

"Knock knock" Kate said to the closed curtain. It was pulled back to reveal Ducky sitting up on the gurney looking much better.

Ducky smiled and held out his arms. "Katlyn my dear, Abby my sweet and Anthony. It's good to see you all. Come in." They greeted each other with smiles and hugs.

To his left was Gerald his former assistant and now life partner. His hand was firmly ensconced in Ducky's, even with the IV sticking in the back of it.

Tony said brightly "Who are you gonna sue Ducky?" Gerald rolled his eyes at Tony for starting him up again.

"Ducky, please. Take a deep breath and calm down." Gerald warned.

"You're right, my love. There is plenty of time to rail against that incompetent fool." Ducky relaxed a little.

Kate questioned "What's going on Ducky? What did this to you?"

Gerald answered with bitterness in his voice. "You mean who. His pharmacist screwed up his blood pressure medication. The tablets he took this morning were twice the strength he usually takes. It nearly could have killed him."

"Fuck me!!" Abby swore. "Look you guys I know some people that can "talk" to this asshole..."

The whole group looked at her. Her huge eyes grew larger. "It's just a suggestion."

They visited for a few minutes longer but Ducky was clearly fading fast. The doctors had corrected the damage with medication.He was staying overnight for observation but he was really fine. As they were leaving Tony hung back.

"Love, could you give us a moment?" Ducky smiled at his younger lover.

Gerald looked at Tony with a slight squint. Tony tried to look as inoffensive as possible. Gerald bent over and kissed Duck sweetly on the cheek. As he passed Tony he gave him another brief but sharp look.

"He's a little scary." Tony said in a soft voice.

Ducky chuckled "I know. I love everything about him but I especially love that aura of danger."

"Ducky, I'm sorry Gibbs isn't here. He...uhhh..."

"Oh Tony don't worry about that. There is a limit to his capacity to handle sudden emotional upheaval." Ducky haltingly explained.

The stumped look on Tony's face was amusing to Ducky.

"You look up to him Anthony. You think he is this steely eyed Marine with a tight rein on his emotions. He's not. Go talk to him."

Tony dropped his chin to his chest. "Yeah he really needs to talk to someone."

Ducky touched his hand. "No Tony. He needs to talk to you."

Tony looked at him and saw the gleam in his eye. Something occurred to Tony.

"What did you mean about this not being his fault. How could he feel guilty about this?"

"Anthony. He feels guilty about everything that happens to his family and his friends. Everything."

Tony thought this could get very messy. Walking on eggshells would be a romp in the park compared to navigating Jethro Gibbs' emotional seas.

He said goodbye to Ducky and walked out of the emergency room treatment area. As he went through the swinging doors he saw him. Gibbs was one big ball of worry. His elbows were resting on his knees, his shoulders were around his ears and his head was hanging low. He was in a thousand knots. It was now Tony's job to find a way to untie them.

***

Gibbs looked up and saw Tony coming towards him. His eyes flashed something Tony now understood to be desire. Desire for him. It was the same look that Gibbs had given him in the elevator before Ducky became ill.

"They told you he's going to be OK right?"

Gibbs nodded slowly. He looked very tired. Not just tired but a little insecure and maybe even a little scared.

"Are you going to go back and see him?" Tony already knew the answer to that question.

"Not yet. I think I need to talk to you first." Gibbs said with a throat that sounded like it was coated with rust.

Tony walked towards the exit knowing that Gibbs would follow him. He went to his car in the parking lot and got in. Gibbs got in the passenger side.

As Tony started the car he asked "Where to?" Gibbs was looking out the window with a far away look on his face.

"Anywhere but my place or yours." Tony got the feeling Gibbs was running from something. That wasn't very Gibbs like. He headed out of the parking lot for his favorite "boxing ring" as he like to call it.

A half hour had passed by in total silence when curiosity got the better of Gibbs.

"Where the hell are we going? North Carolina?" he asked testily.

Tony grinned "No. There's this stretch of land off of the 395 by East Potomac Park. It's not much further. It's great for those emotional fights that you need to have in neutral territory. It's isolated but not."

Gibbs turned to face him. "Are we going to fight?"

Tony said in a serious voice "That all depends on you Boss."

They pulled over a few minutes later. He was right. This section off the highway was an underpass that couldn't be seen from the main road. Isolated but not.

Gibbs got out and walked out to the lip of the concrete they were parked on. The underpass was perched on a slight hill. He looked out onto the Potomac which was stretched out in front of him.

Tony came up behind him.

"We shouldn't stay too long. Kate is alone in the office." Gibbs mumbled.

"She'll call if she needs help."

"Yeah." He wanted Gibbs to start first but that didn't look like it was going to happen anytime soon. He circled around Gibbs and sat down on the grassy hill.

"What did you mean you let the people you love die?"

Gibbs guffawed. "You pay way too much attention to what I say."

"It's how I learn what I know about you. I listen. Not that you ever say much. Answer the question Boss."

Tony had decided he was going to push Gibbs. He needed answers.

Gibbs heaved a huge sigh and sat down next to Tony. Once he was comfortable he started speaking with a flat affect.

"My father died in front of me. We went to dinner, had a few drinks and he died in the car on the way home. Just died. He had a bad heart. We both knew sooner that later it would happen. We ignored it mostly. I remember that night at least once a day. He was so...full of crap at dinner." The memory made him smile.

"He talked and talked about absolutely nothing. I took him home as usual. About half way through the ride he made this sound. Almost like a belch. I froze like a puddle in winter. I knew. I knew. I *knew* what was happening. You know what I did? You know what I did with my dying father sitting next to me?" He turned and looked at Tony with shimmering eyes. Tony felt his own tears run down his face but didn't move to wipe them away.

"Nothing. I did nothing. I kept driving. I took him home. If I had...done something maybe...." Gibbs turned away from Tony.

Tony finally wiped his face and sniffed. "There was nothing you could have done. He was gone, Gibbs. Would he have wanted to die in a hospital with tubes and machines? He went the way he wanted. He had his son with him and he was happy. That's good. That's the best he could have asked for."

Gibbs was red with anger. "Don't you get it?!! I let him die. I let him go. I let it happen and I could have done something. I was afraid to face it. I was so afraid that I froze up. I didn't react. You saw what happened in the morgue when Ducky went down. I stood there like a confused five year old. God, what's wrong with me?" He grunted with frustration as he got up and walked a short distance away from Tony.

Tony got up and started after him. In a louder voice than he wanted to use he said "Newsflash Gibbs! You're human. You have every right to be afraid."

Gibbs turned on him with hot lava in his eyes. "I've been under fire in a war! Why can't I handle a simple emergency at home!"

"Because you love them and you were frightened!!" Tony yelled back.

"I knew what to do when you were in trouble. I reacted the right way then and I love...." They both stood stock still. All sound and movement seemed to fade away.

"Shit. This can't be happening." Gibbs growled. They stared at each other with their chests heaving. Tony reached out to touch his cheek. Gibbs pulled away.

"Why do you do that? Why can't I touch you?" Tony ran his hands through his own hair.

"I can't Tony. I can't. It hurts me. I'll lose you just like I lost my father. Just like I almost lost Ducky. It always ends with pain. I promised myself I wouldn't feel this way again. I swore after the last marriage went to hell I'd never let myself feel...too much again. Don't ask me to. Please." He was begging. He was begging not to be hurt again.

"You don't understand Jethro. It's already too late for me. I want you. All of you. Won't you let us even...try?" Tony opened his hands in a pleading gesture.

Gibbs spat out. "Only if you quit your job and stay locked in a closet at home. I couldn't take it if something happened to you. I really couldn't. Especially if it was my fault."

"The sun doesn't come up in the morning because you open your eyes. God, what a ego!!" Tony vented.

"You think I feel this way because I'm egotistical? If that's what you think of me why do you want to be with me, DiNozzo?!"

Tony let out a loud yell of frustration. "You are the most infuriating man I've ever met! You are also one of the smartest and one of the sexiest. It's a winning combination on you. OK? Then again you may be right."

Gibbs wrinkled his brow at the comment.

Tony shrugged. "Everything bad that happens in the world is your fault."

Gibbs put his hands on his hips. "Fuck you, Tony!!"

Tony spread his arms out. "NOW we're getting somewhere."

"God you're going send me to the nut-house. You know that?" Gibbs sank to the grass in a defeated slump.

Tony sniffed. "Look if I promise to wrap myself in cotton and sleep in a bunker, would you stop worrying about me?" He laid down next Gibbs on the grass.

Gibbs answered honestly with a shake of his head.

Tony put his hands behind his head. "I guess that's what people in love do. They worry about each other." Sitting up on his elbows he nudged Gibbs with his knee.

"Just don't let it stop you from living, Jethro. That's all I ask."

Gibbs turned to him with a smirk. "Yeah OK."

"You know" Tony laid back down on the grass with a seductive smile on his face."You could kiss me. I mean what is the use of all this emotional stuff if you aren't even a good kisser? Can you imagine...."

Gibbs threw a leg over Tony's hips and straddled him. He pinned Tony's wrists down over his head. Gibbs looked down on him like he was a delicious morsel of prey. Tony felt very pleasantly trapped. Their lips met with just the right amount of warmth and pressure.

"OK so you're a good kisser. What about this idea of me being made of glass? Will that be a problem when I'm out in the field? You need to be able to trust me. I know what I'm doing Boss."

Gibbs smiled at him. Tony thought there should be a way to capture this moment.

"I do trust you. It's the rest of the world I have a problem with. I'll try Tony. I'll really try."

"Good. Now get down here and lay another one on me."

He did.

The End