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Peja's Wonderful World of Makebelieve Import
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2020-11-04
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Breakfast Drinks

Summary:

Pairing: Zaphod/Arthur
Fandom: Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
Rating: FRT-13
Disclaimer: Not mine, but dibs on Zaphod
Warnings: Extreme tea love?
Summary: Zaphod prevents Arthur from making tea/locking up the computer.
Notes: Not sure where this is set exactly in the series, but somewhere after the tea incident. Response to a challenge I posted on "zaphodslash" and "zaphod_arthur"

Work Text:

Breakfast Drinks
by Jessi B.

Arthur Dent was on a mission. This mission involved one thing: tea. He was attempting to talk with the Nutra-Matic when Zaphod entered the food preparation area, calling it a kitchen made it too cozy.

"What," One head asked absently, blinking awake, "are you doing?"

"Trying to talk this blasted thing into making tea," Arthur snapped back as though it were fairly obvious. To be honest, by this point, it WAS fairly obvious.

Both heads regarded him silently for several moments in an attempt to gage whether the Earthman was serious or if the human was being 'sarcastic', something Ford had warned him about. The man seemed serious. One head regarded the other head and they sighed.

"Monkey, do you recall what happened the last time you tried that?"

"You'd think the thing could remember how it did it, and what's the likelihood of a fleet of Vo..." A hand came around to cover his mouth,

"Listen, Monkey, if this boat has taught me anything it's that the first time you say something like that we end up face first in it...Yeah? So hush up, and no tea, and no talking the computer into locking up and making us a big floating...something defenseless in space, 'kay?"

Arthur made an indignant noise against the other man's third hand and only got louder as he was forcibly pulled away from the Nutra-Matic.

"Watch the teeth Monkey, listen, I'm doing this for my own good. The last thing I need is a see through dead guy lording another thing over me."

"Listen, I want tea, or something much more tea like for a morning pick me up..." Arthur said when he managed to shake Zaphod's hand off his mouth.

"Well, then have an alcoholic drink like the rest of us," Zaphod said in what he considered a reasonable amount of patience.

"I don't want to drink before lunch!"

"Why?" The blond asked, baffled by anyone not wanting to drink. He tightened his arms as Arthur tried to struggle away and waved his free right hand dramatically as he spoke. "Listen, babe, we can't let you lock the computer up so just give it up."

"No."

"No?" His brains couldn't take confrontation this early in the morning, he was much too sober for it. "It's just a drink..."

"Tea is not just a drink, tea is...tea is a comfort, a pick me up, a calm-down drink, it's good cold, it's good hot, it's good with milk or without, and I have had tea every morning of my life since I could hold a cup properly until my planet blew up and I'll be damned if I give up because an egotistical blond half-wit tells me to!" The rant left Arthur panting just slightly and red faced.

"You have issues, I mean seriously," Zaphod turned towards the door, forcing the Monkey along in front of him. "I mean, I couldn't wait to get off my planet and you keep whining because through a fabulous bit of luck yours was blown up."

"Luck!?" Arthur attempted to twist around so he could glare at the other man properly as he was propelled towards the ex-president's room.

"Sure, I mean, you can't worry about anything that isn't there right? No more moms hanging over you, no more expectations, just you doing what you want."

Arthur opened his mouth to speak but couldn't. Put that way it was almost liberating.

"Sit down," Zaphod sighed, finally releasing the still thoughtful Earther and pushing him into a well padded chair. He began mixing a drink absently from the surprising number of ingredients he kept in his room. "I'm making you a drink, I can't deal with you when I'm this sober."

end