Work Text:
Title: Acceptance
Author: Emerald Starburst
Fandom: Charmed
Pairing: Phoebe/Cole
Rating: FRC
Category: Angst, Deathfic
Status: Complete
Archive: Yes to WWOMB. All others please ask.
Feedback: Yes, please.
Email :covingtongrl@gmail.com
Author's Website: covingtongrl.googlepages.com
Disclaimers: None of these characters belong to me. No money being made here, no sir!
Authors Notes: I found Cole's last episode somewhat wanting in closure. And again, I find myself inspired to a fandom I've never previously written for. Help!
Summary: Goodbye.
Warnings: Deathfic.
=======================================================
My dearest Cole,
It�s been almost two years, and I still expect to see you every time I turn around.
Yesterday, Chris died, and then he was born. I wonder how you would have gotten along? Yes, I still think about things like that. I shouldn't, and yet I do. Paige and I were exhausted from the events of the day. Leo stayed with Piper, and we took Wyatt home with us. The little darling went straight to sleep. Paige did too, but I was too wired. I turned on MTV, hoping to watch something that would help me sleep. My bad luck, there was a retrospective on Bonnie Tyler. She was singing �Total Eclipse of the Heart�. It was my life, and as I listened to the words of the song, the tears wouldn�t stop falling.
There was a lunar eclipse last night, too. Talk about your metaphors.
I don�t know why I�m writing to you now.
Liar.
Yes, I do. I miss you, Cole. I loved you with all of my being. You were my soulmate. And I never got to say goodbye. My sisters are quick to point out that you and I weren�t meant to be. You were evil. A demon. I love my sisters, but sometimes they make me so angry. They are so quick to forget all the good that you did. All the times you helped us. Saved us. You were the one who cleared Prue of the murder charge so that she could be at Piper's wedding. You used yourself as bait so we could save Piper from being a Fury. There were so many times to change so that we could be together I know you didn't do it out of the goodness of your heart. You did it because you loved me, and I was selfish enough to love you for it..
As I said, I love my sisters. I know vanquishing you was necessary, for your own sake as well as ours. You were suffering so much. But did they have to be so happy about it?
What truly breaks my heart is how close we came to making it. Even after you were taken over by the Source, I could still see part of the real Cole The best part.. That�s how you were able to fool me for so long. In the end, I wasn�t quite strong enough, and you weren�t quite �good� enough. So close.
They think I got over you long ago. What a laugh. During the long, lonely nights, I think about what we had together. Your smile. Your embrace. The way you kissed me. The wildness of your lovemaking that was the little bit of the demon you weren�t ashamed to let me see. That was the real reason it didn�t work with Jason. They think it�s because he couldn�t handle my being a witch. That was an excuse. He knew, deep down, that I didn�t really love him. At least, not the way he deserved. I did care for him, but he deserved better than what I could give him. I hope he finds it.
You were my one true love, and any other man will suffer in comparison. I know, thanks to my vision, that I will have a child one day. So, I will know passion, if only briefly, and perhaps a kind of love. Whoever he is, I hope that what little I have left of my heart will make him happy. You took the best of it with you when you died.
After you were finally vanquished, I read a library of books about grief and loss. The final stage of grieving is acceptance.
Cole, my love, you�re gone. I didn't want you to die, but there was no other way. I accept it.
Yet, I will never accept it.
I pray you find peace. Goodbye, my love.
Your wife,
Phoebe
======================================================================
Total Eclipse of the Heart
Bonnie Tyler
(Turn around)
Every now and then I get a little bit lonely and
you're never comin' round
(Turn around)
Every now and then I get a little bit tired of
listening to the sound of my tears
(Turn around)
Every now and then I get a little bit nervous that the
best of all the years have gone by
(Turn around)
Every now and then I get a little bit terrified and
then I see the look in your eyes
(Turn around, bright eyes)
Every now and then I fall apart
(Turn around, bright eyes)
Every now and then I fall apart
(Turn around)
Every now and then I get a little bit restless and I
dream of something wild
(Turn around)
Every now and then I get a little bit helpless and I'm
lyin' like a child in your arms
(Turn around)
Every now and then I get a little bit angry, and I
know I've got to get out and cry
(Turn around, bright eyes)
Every now and then I fall apart
(Turn around, bright eyes)
Every now and then I fall apart
And I need you now tonight, and I need you more than
ever
And if you'll only hold me tight, we'll be holding on
forever
And we'll only be making it right, 'cause we can never
be wrong
Together we can take it to the end of the line
Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time
(all of the time)
I don't know what to do, and I'm always in the dark
We're living in a powder keg and givin' off sparks
I really need you tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight
Once upon a time, I was falling in love, but now I'm
only falling apart
There's nothing I can do, a total eclipse of the heart
Once upon a time, there was light in my life, but now
there's only love in the dark
Nothing I can say, a total eclipse of the heart
(Turn around, bright eyes)
(Turn around, bright eyes)
(Turn around)
Every now and then I know you'll never be the boy you
always wanted to be
(Turn around)
But every now and then I know you'll always be the
only boy who wanted me the way I am
(Turn around)
Every now and then I know there's no one in the
universe as magical and wonderful as you
(Turn around)
Every now and then I know there's nothing any better,
there's nothing that I wouldn't do
(Turn around, bright eyes)
Every now and then I fall apart
(Turn around, bright eyes)
Every now and then I fall apart
And I need you now tonight, and I need you more than
ever
And if you'll only hold me tight, we'll be holding on
forever
And we'll only be making it right, 'cause we'll never
be wrong
Together we can take it to the end of the line
Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time
(all of the time)
I don't know what to do, I'm always in the dark
We're living in a powder keg and givin' off sparks
I really need you tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight
Forever's gonna start to--
Once upon a time,
I was falling in love, but now I'm
only falling apart
Nothing I can do, a total eclipse of the heart
Once upon a time, there was light in my life, but now
there's only love in the dark
Nothing I can say, a total eclipse of the heart
A total eclipse of the heart
A total eclipse of the
heart
(Turn around, bright eyes)
(Turn around, bright eyes, turn around)