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AN: If you haven't read any of the Stephanie Plum books you really should. They are hilarious. Stephanie's luck reminds me of Xander's so I thought, what the hell, they'll be cousins.
Spoilers: Pretty much all 9 of the Plum books and here and there from Buffy.
Disaster Meet Disaster
by Caliadragon
Xander Harris looked around and wondered why he had had the sudden urge to visit relatives he had seen on only a few occasions. Maybe it was the fact that the few times he had visited there had been no drinking or hitting.
His Great Aunt was a little weird, but not a hellmouth weird, which was very good. She had sent him to pick up his cousin, Stephanie, from work. Xander thought it was cool that she was a Bounty Hunter.
He was now inside the office and was watching his cousin swear at another relative. She was doing a good job of it, too. A big Cuban looking guy and another guy that just screamed 'cop' were also watching the proceedings with amusment.
A big black woman was standing by the secretary and nodding every once in a while. Stephanie paused for breath and Vinnie took the oportunity to call attention to Xander. "Are you a customer?" he blurted out, causing them all to turn and face him.
They were surprised to see him there as Stephanie's swearing had drowned out the noise of his arrival. "Xander! Did mom send you?" Stephanie asked, frustrated.
Xander grinned and nodded . "You know, if you added a blow to the gut or the balls with each word you spoke it would probably be a more effective rant," he said, nearly laughing.
"Ooo, I like him," Lula said with a nasty chuckle. Vinnie took the distraction as a chance to get away and locked himself into his office.
"Damnit, Vinnie, this isn't over!" Stephanie bellowed at the door. There was no answer from inside.
"If you're really pissed, I can tell you how to get the door off its hinges. I used to be a carpenter," Xander told the fuming woman.
Stephanie looked at for a minute then laughed. "That's okay, he's gotta come out some time. I'll get him then."
Xander nodded and asked the question that had been bugging him. "What happened to your car?" Laughter and a sad head shake from Stephanie were the reactions to his question.
"It got blown up. It's her tenth one," Lula said with mirth.
Xander sighed, "Man that sucks. At least you weren't in it at the time. Did ya kiss pavement or were you far enough away?"
They all gaped at him in silence. Stephanie couldn't remember a time when people didn't react shocked and appalled by her record. "How come you didn't freak? Most people freak," Connie commented.
Xander grinned. "After the women I've dated, it's hard to get freaked out by a little explosion."
Ranger and Morrelli eyed the boy warily. Lula grinned. "Oh yeah, you two are definitely related."
Xander laughed and winked at her. "I'll take that as a compliment, considering I refuse to claim most of my family."
"Your dad's an asshole, Xander," Stephanie spat out. They all looked at her in surprise. Family was everything in Jersey. No one turned on family. Not even Steph, who was known for doing strange things.
"True, but on the bright side, if he hits me know I can break something in return." Stephanie nodded a bit sadly while the others winced.
Xander grinned again and walked further into the room. Noticing the two guys that were hovering around Stephanie protectively Xander raised an eyebrow. "You must be Ranger and you must be Morelli," Xander said with a nod, before turning back to face Stephanie.
"How'd you know?" Lula asked. There was something about this kid that she liked.
"Grandma Mazur. She said that Steph had a sexy, dark haired man and a hot, Italian stud hanging around," Xander answered with a chuckle.
Steph groaned and shook her head. Xander merely grinned. He was staying with Steph for the rest of his visit. Valerie, Albert and the three girls had all finally moved out of Stephanie's apartment and Steph had moved back in.
"So who blew up your car?" Xander asked before anyone else could say anything.
"A guy that I'm trying to track down. He was suppose to be harmless and an easy guy to catch. Instead, he turned out to be a freaking maniac and tried to kill me. He threw a Molotov cocktail at me!" Stephanie ended with a shout.
Xander frowned, he really didn't like the sound of that. He closed his eyes as a vision ripped through him, and he swayed slightly as he saw the man in question was hiding in Stephanie's apartment, waiting for her to show.
When he opened his eyes, Lula sqeaked and Connie crossed herself. Xander's eyes were a shining black. "Holy shit, Xander! What the hell is going on?" Stephanie cried out.
"Vision. That guy that tried to kill you is in your apartment waiting for you. He's got a shit load of weapons and, eew, he's pawing your underwear!" Xander said with a look of distaste. He blinked and his eyes slowly returned to their normal color.
"I've never seen that before, even Grandma Bella never did that!" Joe exclaimed, shocked.
Xander shrugged. He didn't explain that, after his eye had been returned, he had begun to receive visions or could seek out knowledge of something.
Stephanie looked at her cousin then looked over at Morrelli, "Well, are you going to follow us to my apartment so you can arrest the guy?"
Morrelli looked at her for a second before nodding. This was way too weird. Ranger was thinking the same thing and was finding himself as attracted to the boy as he was to Stephanie.
Twenty minutes later they were standing in front of Stephanie's building and Morellie had ordered both Xander and Stephanie to stay outside. They had both scowled, but had done as ordered. Then had watched as Ranger followed Morelli into the building.
They were pleased to see the pair come out ten minutes later with the maniac in front of them. When he got closer to Xander the guy began to shriek. "You! You destroyed the world. You and the Slayer Prime! The First promised us the world." Xander lashed out and knocked the guy unconscious. He was nearly glowing with rage. The other three looked at him in confusion.
"Do I want to know what that was about?" Morelli asked.
"Only if you want to spend the rest of your life looking over your shoulder or in church," Xander answered truthfully.
"You're one of them, aren't you?" Ranger asked suddenly.
"One of who?" Xander asked warily.
"A Scooby, Slayerette, whatever," he answered.
"How do you know that?" Xander asked, stunned.
"Graham Miller and Riley Finn. We have worked on jobs together," Ranger answered.
Xander nodded and sighed. "Yeah, I'm a Scooby, or I was until recently. Now I work for the LA branch."
"Angel, tell him I said hi," Ranger said with a smirk as he turned and walked away. Xander watched him go and wondered if he would be seeing the Cuban again.
The End For Now