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English
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Peja's Wonderful World of Makebelieve Import
Stats:
Published:
2020-11-04
Completed:
2022-03-18
Words:
12,380
Chapters:
14/14
Comments:
16
Kudos:
21
Hits:
5,432

Lessons

Summary:

Rodney learns a lesson.

Chapter 1: Lessons 1

Notes:

Chapter Summary:  Rodney learns a lesson.

Chapter Text

Disclaimers: Not mine (WHAAAAAA)
Spoilers: None
Sequel/Series: No
Feedback: Love it.

*************************

Why did he always do this to himself?

Didn’t he promise himself not to allow anyone close to him again?

Dr. Rodney McKay stood on one of the balconies in a remote part of the city, contemplating his broken promise as he watched the moon light dance on the ocean below. The sound of the waves had become soothing over the months and the moon an occasional companion on those rare nights he took a break from work or sleep. There seemed to be little else in his life besides those two and he’d allowed himself to grow weak with the need for human companionship and human touch.

It was a promise born out of too many disastrous situations and his loathsome imperfection. What was the point of needing something that he could never have? The only thing anyone ever looked to him for were the answers to problems they were too intellectually limited to find for themselves. Genius was the only thing he could boast about because it was the only thing that was true. It was the human failings that tripped him up and a part of him wished he could shed his skin and bask in the light of pure knowledge.

That existence was the heaven Rodney envisioned, an escape from insecurities, lack of social skills, embarrassing moments played over and over by so-called friends so they could laugh at him, or, worse yet, when they ignored him.

Being ignored rankled the most, more because of who was doing the ignoring. Rodney had done an excellent job of honing his skills in driving others away, most people couldn’t see the art of his various defenses much less appreciate them. Until one John Sheppard entered his life and snarked right past all of his brilliantly laid barricades, paying more attention to him than anyone had in years. The need that Rodney had so carefully put in a box and shoved into the dark recesses of his mind broke with surprising ease. The need for attention from someone; the need for a friend who understood; the need for being included; and the need to be important to someone for who he was not what he could do for them.

Perhaps if that need had stayed there, accepting the gifts Sheppard had bestowed upon him, everything would have been fine. But it had been too long and the need grew twisted and disturbed to the point that anyone else receiving Sheppard’s attention was competition and jealousy set in and took root. Rodney had believed he’d hidden the jealousy but had to wonder if it bled out like everything other failing as Sheppard continued to ignore him.

People like Sheppard were worse than those who hated Rodney outright. People like Sheppard teased him with a glimpse of something better then withdrew it while laughing at how they’d gotten a rise out of him. People like Sheppard were always the ones who hurt him.

So Rodney carefully constructed another box in his mind, one better and stronger than the previous one; a box that could withstand any assault by kindness. Once he finished that box, he’d find every last shred of need for humanity and ram it into that perfect box then thrust the box into the darkest recesses of his mind where it would never see the light of day again.

New barriers would have to be erected but now that Rodney understood how Sheppard operated, he’d erect new fortifications that would be guaranteed to push the most kind-hearted soul away.

Because in the end, even the kind-hearted ones only allowed him into their world because of his brilliance.

It was a lesson Rodney would make himself learn this time.

Genius was the only thing he could boast about because it was the only thing that was true.