Work Text:
I Feel You
By Sweet Dove
"I feel you!" crooned Kryten to this squidy mop. The dips and courves on the mop's handle took Kryten to near ectasy. The mere thought of all the cleaning Kryten could do with this mop made him quiver with excitement.
Kryten took the mop into his arms and began to dance wildly around the room. Krytie leaned forward and in a barely audible voice, whispered "Your sun it shines." Kryten then moaned "I feel you!" once again.
Kryten hadn't noticed Lister standing in the doorway. Well, he was no longer standing. He was crouched in the fetal position with his head between his knees. "Within my mind!"
Lister was trying to convince himself that the vision of Kryten getting his rocks of with a squidgy mop was only a fantasy, a figment of his imagination. Nothing but a sick, sick, sick dream. No, a nightmare.
Lister bolted up and ran for the canteen. The only sensible way to get rid of that image was to drink it away. Lister nearly collapsed on the way to get drunk. The thought of Kryten and that evil, evil mop nearly made him ill. Sure, he was fine about sex just not sex with inanimate objects.
Lister skidded to a halt as he rounded the corner to the canteen. The site before him made him even more ill. Up on the stage was Rimmer reading poetry. That was all well and good and not surprising. But,he was pouring his heart out through the poetry to a captive audience. That audience was the Cat.
"You take me there, you take me where, the kingdoms."
Lister repeated Rimmer's next line "You take me to and lead me through Babylon?!?" What the hell were they thinking!!!???!!
Lister passed out with the Cat crooning back at Rimmer "This is the morning of our love. This is the dawning of our love!"
****
When Lister finally came to, he was in the medi-bay. He stripped all the life monitors and the iv's and whatever else they had attached to him and ran out of the room. Now that the canteen was ruined for him, Lister headed towards his bunk where he always keep a good stash of lager and whiskey. He then proceeded to get drunk. Veeerrrrrryyyyy drunk.
Rimmer and the Cat were sitting quietly when Lister burst into the room. Lister, who was slobering drunk by now and the pair gave Lister a disquieting look. Rimmer was about to tell Lister that he was interuppting them when Lister burst out.
"I f-feel you. Your heart it sings." He said to Rimmer.
Lister then turned to the Cat, "I feel you...the JOY it brings" and with that, Lister passed out for a second time that morning.
Rimmer sighed, "When heavy weights and golden gates and back again."
For a second time that morning, Rimmer and the Cat dragged him off to the medi-bay.
****
When Lister came to, again; Kryten was sitting beside him weeping into Lister's blanket. Kryten was mumbling but Lister couldn't quite make it out. Something about taking him and leading him through something but it was too difficult for Lister's fogged brain to make out.
Lister heard the Cat and Rimmer enter the room singing. "This is the morning of our love!. This is the dawning of our love!" Lister thought he was going to be sick.
What scared Lister next was the Cat leaning down and purring to him "I feel you, your precious soul and I am bold." Lister squirmed away from the cat's touch. Whoever this was, it was DEFINATELY not the Cat. The Cat only cared about his preening, his clothes and his blow-dryer.
Rimmer was also NOT Rimmer. Rimmer bent down and whispered into Lister's ear "I feel you, your rising sun, thy kingdom comes."
****
Lister awoke in his bunk and breathed a sigh of relief. It was all a dream. On the vid-screen in front of him was a sappy soap opera. One stupid looking man was crooning to an equally stupid looking droid.
"I feel you, each move you make, I feel you each breath you take. When angles sing and spread their wings, loves on high."
Lister rolled over and prepared to go back to sleep until he heard voices. Not just any voices but the voices of Kryten, Rimmer and the Cat.
"This is morning of our love, this is dawning of our love,"
Lister mumbled "This is the morning of our love? This is dawning of our love?" Lister didn't think this was possible. Just his mind playing tricks on him. Lister felt down around his feet and found the three-quarters finished bottle of whiskey.
End