Work Text:
Disclaimer: JKR owns the "Harry Potter" fandom. Lyrics belong to Crossfade and Inc. Song is "Cold" off of Crossfade's debut album, Crossfade.' Copyright infringement not intended. I am merely using the characters and lyrics for my own pleasures. Please don't sue. I have nothing to give.
Authoress Notes: This isn't beta-read. All mistakes are mine. Thanks to Dru for the support. She's my rock when everything sinks. This is just a fic that was in my head when I heard this song and I thought it would work well with Blaise's POV
Written on: March 11, 2005
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[Looking back at me I see
That I never really got it right
I never stopped to think of you
I'm always wrapped up in
Things I cannot win]
Sitting in the comfortable chair that was in front of the fire, Blaise watched with dark blue eyes as the amber flames danced over the crackling logs. His eyes were empty, yet if someone looked closer, they would see that he was hiding something deep inside of him, almost afraid as if someone would see through the shell that he created. His mind was reflecting on everything that had happened over the past months, wondering exactly where he went wrong with his beloved.
[You are the antidote that gets me by
Something strong
Like a drug that gets me high]
He thought he had seen the signs of what had happened. He thought that he had found the answers to the questions that he had always asked himself, yet now that he was looking back, perhaps he was finally seeing that he never had the answers. He was a quiet man that observed all those around him and tried so hard to figure out the questions everyone else had. He wanted to be smart, to be known, to be part of the team, yet he had failed the one man that had meant more then life.
[What I really meant to say
Is I'm sorry for the way I am
I never meant to be so cold]
He had ignored the feelings that his love was trying to get through to him. There had been numerous arguments between them, yet even during these, he had still accused his beloved of being a stuck up git who cared for no one, not even him. After one particular fight, he had left their flat and when he had returned, it had all ended. The one person who had heated up his heart in more ways than one was dead and there was no reason for it.
[And I'm sorry about all the lies
Maybe in a different light
You could see me stand on my own again
Cause now I can see
You were the antidote that got me by
Something strong like a drug that got me high]
He had told no one about what happened that night and he had kept it all inside. He kept it all within him and now that all was said and done, he had lost. He had started to think it was almost a game between them, seeing who would break first. Blaise chuckled bitterly as tears fell out of his empty eyes and down his cheeks, feeling selfish for believing that he wasn't the reason. He lowered his eyes and looked at the once happy couple inside, knowing that even in that picture, his love had been hiding the pain and he had been ignorant of the silent screams.
[I never really wanted you to see
The screwed up side of me that I keep
Locked inside of me so deep
It always seems to get to me
I never really wanted you to go
So many things you should have known
I guess for me there's just no hope
I never meant to be so cold]
Blaise raised the picture and gave a gentle kiss over the picture of the deceased blonde Slytherin that he had loved for so long. He lowered the picture and looked at the note that he wrote. He knew that it would be awhile before someone actually found him. No one really paid much attention to him and Draco, but at least he could hope that he would be buried beside the love of his life. Maybe in the after life, they would be happy and they wouldn't be hiding anymore. Maybe, just maybe, he could say he was sorry to the man he loved.
[What I really meant to say
Is I'm sorry for the way I am
I never meant to be so cold]
Blaise took the note in the same hand that held picture and he reached to the stand beside him, taking his wand from its place. Giving one last look to the picture and to the note, he shut his eyes and placed the tip of his wand near his heart then with a very gentle and calm voice, he whispered, "Avada Kedavra." As the light shot out and hit him in his heart, Blaise's body arched then slumped into the chair, his eyes shutting completely. His grip loosened on both hands and as his wand fell to the floor, the note floated to the ground with one single sentence that no one would ever see...
[I never meant to be so cold]
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The End.