Chapter Text
"Hi!"
The officer looked down to see a naked little urchin with big blue eyes, lots of curly hair and no tan lines. "Hi there, little man, what's your name?"
"Beahw."
"Bear, huh?" Not too bad, could have been FreeLove or God or Hashish, all of which he had heard before. "Bear what?"
"Beahw Sambuhwg."
The officer knelt down and held out his hand, "Hello Bear Samburg, I'm Bruce."
"Hi Bwhuce!" Blair took the man's hand and shook.
Bruce looked around for signs of grown-ups, nothing. "Say, Bear, how old are you?"
"Dis mamy," Blair held up two fingers.
"That many, huh? Well, old man, what are you doing out here on the beach all by yourself?"
"Nod by sef, Mommy too."
"I see, and what is mommy's name?"
"Maomi."
"And does mommy have another name?"
"Uh-huh," The child nodded. "Maomi Sambuhwg."
"Ah, Mommy Samburg. Okay," Bruce thought for a moment. The little boy squished his toes in the sand and giggled.
"Bear, why don't you tell me what mommy looks like?"
"Phwetty."
"She's pretty?"
"Uh-huh."
"Well, that narrows it down. Uh, Bear, do you know where you live?"
"Hehwe."
"Here? On the beach?"
"No, HEEEEEEEAAAAAHHHHWWWW." The boy illustrated, throwing his arms open and turning in a circle.
"O-kaaaaaay," Bruce said, not quite knowing how to interpret that. "Well, tell me, Bear, do have any clothes where you live?"
"Yep. Die-Dye. Mommy made!"
"Your mommy makes you Tie-Dye clothes?"
Blair nodded, smiling, "Phwetty."
"Why aren't you wearing your clothes, Bear?"
"Wet."
"Wet? You're wet?"
"No, shit wet."
"Shit wet?"
"Uh-huh, Die-Dye."
"Oh your SHIRT is wet! I see."
"Uh-huh," Blair looked out at the water. "Bye-bye!" He waved and started to scamper off. Bruce ran after him.
"Wait, wait!"
Blair stopped and turned, "What, Bhwuce?"
"Listen, little guy, you can't just run around out here naked on the beach."
"Why?"
"Well, because you have to wear clothes."
"Why? Body BOOOOOOO-TEEE-FUHW!"
"Yeah, I'm sure, but not in public."
"Why?"
"Look, Bear, let's go find your mommy, okay?"
"Why?"
"So she can put clothes on you."
"Why?"
"So you won't be naked."
"Why?"
"So . . . so . . . look, let's just find your mom, kid."
"Otay, MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMYYYYYYYYYYYY!" Blair looked around.
When no one appeared, Bruce decided that maybe it was time to involve child welfare. "I tell you what, Bear," he scooped the child up in his arms. "Why don't you come with me to where I work, wouldn't you like that?"
"Whehwe you wohwt?"
"Yes," Bruce answered, walking toward his patrol car.
"STOP!" Suddenly an angry mama bear, in the guise of a long haired hippie chick in a tie-dyed mini-dress and no shoes, came barreling toward them. "Let GO of my BABY, you PIG!!!" the mama bear screamed at the uniformed officer who was trying to kidnap her cub.
"MOMMY!" Blair yelled, delightedly.
"Uh, miss, your son was unattended on the beach, naked-"
"He has EVERY RIGHT to be here! You don't own the beach, you fascist!" Naomi pulled Blair from Bruce's arms.
"Miss, I wasn't-"
"Get AWAY from us! What were you going to do? Arrest him? Take a two-year-old and put him in a cell for not living up to YOUR propriety? He's a BABY, for Christ's sake!"
"Uh . . .I . .um-"
She abruptly turned and stalked off.
"Bye-bye, Bhwuce!" Blair called from over his mother's shoulder, and blew him a kiss.
Well, he was right, she is pretty, Bruce thought as he resumed walking his beat.
**** ***** *****