Work Text:
Holding On
by Caro Dee
We don't always realize how fragile people are. How easily things get broken. I'm standing here looking at Blair and it's like we're both standing on opposite sides of a deep chasm, staring across the unreachable distance, watching the end of... us.
When the dissertation got leaked, I thought he'd done it deliberately and it was like shards of glass slicing my heart open. I was raw and broken inside. The place where Blair rested inside of me torn open and bleeding into the air. I covered that pain in rage and fueled it with reminders of his betrayal. It helped... a little.
Then Blair did the press conference and I got the shock of my life. What do you say to someone who would destroy his life in front of your eyes to protect you? What could possibly make that all right? It was a different kind of pain to watch Blair lose everything, to watch people turn away from him in disgust, to see doors slammed in his face. I wanted to yell, "You have no fucking idea who this person is!" But that would have accomplished nothing.
I'd rip my own heart out if it would fix things for Blair. If it would ease the loss in his eyes. Simon and I offered Blair a place in my life. It isn't enough. I know it isn't enough. I just know I want it. But what matters is what Blair wants and I'm afraid.
I'm standing there looking at Blair and I don't know what my face is showing. Blair's looking at me and there's a spark of something in those sad eyes. Curiosity? Wariness? Hope?
I don't know what to say. I need to say something. I open my mouth and words stick in my throat. Helplessly, all I can say is, "Blair."
Incredibly, something shifts in Blair's eyes and he half-smiles. And I can feel it. Thank God, I can feel it. It's fragile as spider silk, but the connection between us is there. We're still separated by that chasm, staring across the distance, and the bond could snap in an instant. But I'm holding on to my end and Blair, over there, is holding on to his.
We have a chance to survive this. Things got broken but just maybe we didn't.
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