SquidgeWorld Archive

John was leaning on the edge of Rodney's desk, watching him go over some sort of equations.

Rodney sighed, he hated being watched while he worked, pushing his chair back and looking at a text. "Damn, Fitzhugh, what were you thinking?"

"It's not fair, you know," John actually pouted.

"What's not?" Rodney answered on autopilot.

"I'm done with my work and you're not."

"John, my work is never done. So go away like a good boy."

"I'm bored."

"Go annoy Ford. I'm sure he's just as busy as you." Rodney picked up another text, turning pages. "It's a good thing I'm here."

"But you're not," John told him.

Rodney paused, staring at John. "Huh?"

"You're not *here*. You're somewhere else. You've barely seen me in the last few days and haven't talked to me since last night. I thought that we'd wake up together, maybe cuddle, make love. And what happens? I woke up and you were gone already. We didn't even have lunch together like you promised."

"Stop being so immature, John," Rodney rolled his eyes, having only heard the last sentence. "So we didn't have lunch. It's not like it's the end of the world."

"But we have lunch every day. Even on missions we eat our MRE's together."

"I. Am. Busy." Rodney turned back to his computer. "We'll have dinner together."

"Yeah, okay Rodney," John said sadly, leaving the lab.

Rodney didn't even notice. He was immersed in a text again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A few hours later John went to collect Rodney from his lab to eat dinner. Rodney just brushed him off with his usual "I'll be there in a minute," and John couldn't resist leaning in to place a kiss on Rodney's neck.

Rodney ignored the gesture. "John, please, I'm trying to finish this."

"I'll see you shortly then."

"Yes, Major, you will."

But Rodney didn't show up in the mess and John figured maybe Rodney got tired and went straight to his room, so John headed there. He didn't find Rodney, but did find his laptop, finishing his report to Weir regarding P8X-116...which was due to Elizabeth the next day. He promised her he'd finish it.

John was half asleep when Rodney finally showed up, dragged himself into the room and fell onto the bed fully dressed.

"Missed dinner with you," Rodney mumbled. "Sorry."

"You didn't eat?"

"Had an MRE." Rodney was snoring about thirty seconds later.

John just turned over, faced away from his lover and went to sleep. Rodney hadn't even kissed him good-night.

When John next cracked his eyes open, he saw twin suns, cursing Rodney for leaving the balcony doors open. He slammed them shut with a thought and rolled over to kiss Rodney good morning, blow him until Rodney was wide awake and begging to be fucked. God, it had been three days since they had been together. He and his right hand were fast becoming best buddies again.

But when all he kissed was an empty pillow, John wondered if maybe he had jumped into a relationship with Rodney too quickly. Rodney was too into his work to have time for a genuine relationship. The sex had been winding down, Rodney barely speaking to John, going straight to sleep and waking early, busy in his lab before John even woke.

And John was slowly getting fed up.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rodney returned to his room late, leaving the lights off when he entered, not wanting to disturb John, who he was sure was sleeping. He knew he'd been ignoring John lately, but he had so much work. He silently stripped off his clothes and slipped under the sheets, ready to apologize, to kiss John senseless, make up the lost time to him. Rodney reached over and grabbed empty space. Sitting up, he willed the lights on, wondering where John was. The door to his quarters opened and Rodney watched his lover come in. "John...."

"Oh, you're here. I, uh, forgot my book." John picked up his War and Peace and turned to leave, but Rodney grabbed his arm, stopping him.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm going to sleep in my own room."

"Why?" Rodney asked softly.

"Because Rodney, I don't want to disturb any of your endless and important work."

"Are you coming back, John?"

"I DON'T KNOW!" John suddenly shouted. "You've got your *fucking* work to keep you busy twenty-four/seven! You don't need ME!"

"I'M SORRY!" Rodney fired back.

"I'm sure you are," John growled.

Rodney just stared as the door slid closed, mouth hanging open. What had just happened? Had John broken up with him? Rodney wiped his hands over his face as John's words echoed in his head, words he had heard before.

Chloe grew to hate his long hours and his tireless dedication to his work; she filed for divorce after two years, telling him she hadn't seen him in so long she'd forgotten what he looked like.

Paul had purposely gotten Rodney a temporary transfer to DC so they could have time together. And what had Rodney done? He'd taken the opportunity to meet with various scientists and had spent a total of four hours with Paul. That had ended *that* relationship.

Sam said the sex was great, that he was a caring and inventive lover, but she knew she'd always play second to the Stargate program.

And Rodney didn't have anyone for a long time...until John Sheppard.

He had thought it was *real* this time, that it would never end. Thanks to John and his persistence, Rodney had started to experience the proverbial 'smelling of the roses'; hell, he'd even learned all the rules of football so he could enjoy it with John. And he'd begun to leave his lab without prompting, shocking John one day by suggesting they sneak off to the Northern pier and go swimming.

He was *finally* enjoying that which was called life.

Then Gaul and Abrams...and Johnson and Wagner...and Rodney's workload tripled.

And old habits returned. Working eighteen hour days, living on Power bars and MRE's, sleeping in his lab.

And now John had walked out on him.

If there was a God, *any* God, it hated him, that was for sure.

Rodney McKay barely slept that night.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

John was roaming the corridors of Atlantis as he had before he and Rodney discovered each other. He was a long-time insomniac, even back on Antarctica. He eventually found himself in the gym, hoping a few rounds with the punching bag would wear him out, but found Teyla already making use of it; actually, she was pummeling it. "What are you still doing up? And did the bag piss you off?" he asked with a chuckle.

"No, John Sheppard, but Elizabeth...." Teyla hit it a few more times. "Why must she put her work first?" Teyla stopped punching, catching her breath. "I planned a lovely evening for us and yet she *needed* to meet with Doctor Zelenka. She is still with him!"

"I know how you feel," John replied, picking up a pair of gloves. Once they were on, he threw a few punches of his own. "I haven't been laid in three days!" John flushed pink at his words, but Teyla couldn't have cared less.

"Yes, John, I fully understand." She kicked the bag. "Believe me."

Bates entered shortly, groaning about scientists. "Ya know, I waited four hours with a chilled bottle of Athosian wine and it grew warm while I waited. I finally go to the lab and what do I hear? 'I have important work to do, Gene.' Important work my ass. Like *I* don't have work?"

"Who is it?" John asked him.

"Uh, nobody," Bates said quickly.

"Come on, Eugene," John prompted, "who is it? Tonya Farrell? Sara Danis? Talk!" Bates mumbled and John could have sworn he heard wrong. "I think I need my hearing checked out. Did you just say....?"

"Yes, Major! I said *Calvin*, as in Kavanagh, okay! Now move so I can go a few rounds with this thing."

Within ten minutes the three had literally knocked the stuffing out of the bag.

"I feel much better now," Teyla smiled. "I will go see Elizabeth and if she is still busy with Doctor Zelenka I shall advise her that I will wait patiently in her quarters."

"Yeah," Bates added, "I guess I could re-chill that bottle of wine. Maybe I'll do the caveman thing and drag Calvin out of the lab by his hair." He left with a smirk on his face.

"And how will you make things up with Rodney McKay?" Teyla asked John.

"Oh, I um, well you see...." John was stammering, not knowing how to answer.

"Ah, you are stubborn, John," Teyla nodded. "But you are a smart man. You will think of something."

"Of course I will." John watched her leave and leaned against the wall, banging his head against it a few times. "Stupid! What am I supposed to do now. I can't even go home." Home? What the hell did that mean? Earth was home. 'Not anymore,' he reasoned, yet with no sadness. Atlantis was home, she always would be. And Rodney was his home; his true home. Wherever Rodney was, John was safe. *That* revelation shocked him a bit. 'Oh shit, you've become a sap. Over Rodney.'

But why? Why Rodney McKay? Out of anybody else on this expedition, he chose Rodney...and Rodney chose him; it was not a one way street. "Damn, Shep," he muttered to himself, "do *you* even know why?" John was ready to bang his head against the wall again. "And does it matter, you moron? You broke up with the man, walked out on him."

As he walked to his quarters, not *home*, he was actually starting to feel guilty over what he had done, not a usual emotion for him. He *never* felt guilty over anything he did or said. Which was probably why he had three ex-wives.

John had *expected* Rodney to say something, do something, make John turn back. And since Rodney hadn't, and John was too stubborn to beg forgiveness...yet...he was stuck in his own room, alone, staring at the ceiling. After a while he opened his large tome and finally began to read some more of War and Peace. He'd gotten about five more pages finished when he slammed the book closed.

John had felt the same at the age of eight when his parents left him at sleepaway camp. He was lonely. He wanted Rodney...and some Athosian whiskey. He really needed to get drunk right now.

Rodney cared about him, maybe even loved him, although he'd never said those three little words to John. Then again, John had never said them either. And thanks to a geeky scientist, John now had more control of the ATA gene and even he had to admit it had come in handy on more then one occasion. Hell, he'd even started to put his Mensa brain to some use in Rodney's lab...on the condition that Rodney tell no one, lest he die a slow and painful death.

He had fun with Rodney. He laughed with Rodney.

He loved Rodney.

He had to apologize to Rodney.

'You can't just say you're sorry and expect him to accept it.' John sat back and started to think about how he could apologize.

He could fly to the mainland and get Rodney a batch of Athosian cookies. No, Beckett had put McKay on a diet and warned John that if John helped him cheat, the Major was going to get a colonscopy...by any nurse that was PMSing.

He could wash Rodney's clothes and clean his lab. No, that was out also. Rodney would yell that he couldn't find anything and it was all John's fault.

John could just wait until Rodney was in the shower and join him, drop to his knees and suck Rodney's brains out through his dick. No, physical apologies were good sometimes, but not now.

No, now John was stuck with only one option of apologizing to Rodney.

Groveling...and maybe a blow-job in the shower.

He finally drifted off to sleep, visions of his naked lover in his head.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Hi Rodney," John said as he entered Rodney's lab.

"I'm busy." Rodney responded as he had in their early days together, in a flat monotone with a hint of annoyance, not looking up from his computer. "Go away."

"Is there anything I can do?" John asked thoughtfully.

Rodney was truly exhausted. "No."

"Touch an Ancient device for you?"

Rodney hadn't slept all night. "No."

"Make something light up?"

Rodney's nerves were frayed. "No."

"Want to go swimming?"

That did it. "Major, do you have ANY idea of the workload I HAVE these days?!"

John was taken aback by the tone. "I do. I just...."

Rodney began to type, fingers sailing over the keyboard. "Steph, she was good at this...deciphering. Did you know her grandfather was one of the founders of the OSS? He was a codebreaker."

"Steph?" John was confused; he thought he knew all the personnel.

"Johnson. You remember her, don't you? Young, pretty, had a crush on Markham." Rodney stopped typing. "She died infected with that *fucking* virus."

John grew a bit concerned. Rodney was not one to casually use the word 'fuck'. "I didn't realize you knew her first name."

"Major, genius here. I know *everything*. Besides, she and I spent more then one evening together back on Earth." John opened his mouth and Rodney shook his head. "We met up one night at a horror film marathon and decided to start going to those types of movies together. As friends, nothing more." He stood up and moved to a table, picking up a pile of paper. "These are starmaps of Pegasus. They need to be coordinated, so we can pinpoint home. The Athosians can help but so much. Brendan and Mark loved to do that."

"That would be Gaul and Abrams."

"Wow, you're a genius also," Rodney sneered. "He and Abrams would sit on the balcony, smoking Athosian weed, plotting the constellations of planets we'd visited." He couldn't help the small smile. "I think all they succeeded in was getting stoned." He felt his eyes welling with tears. "Gaul used to say it was great being young, that he could party the night away with the Athosian's and get up for work the next day with a clear head." Rodney turned and faced John, tears streaming down his face. "She left because of the work."

"Who?" John asked, wiping the tears away.

"Chloe, my wife. And Paul said I had no time for him. He said that my work was my life."

John wasn't quite sure what to do. He'd never expected to see Rodney McKay cry. But he knew how to comfort someone, sliding one arm around Rodney's waist, the other laying his head on John's shoulder.

Rodney held John tight, unable to contain himself, softly sobbing "So much work...it doesn't stop...."

John just held him, rocking him back and forth, Rodney's body growing heavy in his arms. He managed to get Rodney across the room, against the wall, the two sliding to the floor, Rodney cradled in John's arms.

"I'm so *fucking* tired, John...."

"Shh," John whispered, stroking Rodney's hair, kissing his cheek. "Sleep for a little while. I've got you."

"I had to take up their workload."

"Ah, Rodney," John soothed, "I didn't know."

"I didn't want to drive you away too," Rodney murmured, voice drifting off.

"You could never do that," John whispered, Rodney's body limp in his arms. "I love you, Rodney."

Rodney didn't hear him; he had passed out from exhaustion.

John hadn't exactly had the best nights sleep either and slowly drifted off himself, Rodney safely ensconced in his arms. He wasn't letting go anytime soon, if ever. And as soon as Rodney woke up he was going to speak with him about delegating his work.

And then he'd apologize and give Rodney a blow job .

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

John cracked his eyes open and immediately focused on a pair of bright blue eyes staring up at him.

"Hi," John smiled, tracing a finger along Rodney's lips, leaning down for a chaste kiss. "Sleep well?"

"How long?"

John glanced at his watch. "Six hours. I guess we needed it."

"Six hours?" Rodney began to think and John noticed.

"Oh no, *no* Rodney. We are going to have a little *chat* about delegation. Zelenka and Grodin can handle the constellations. And from what I understand, Liz isn't half bad on translations and codes. We..." John pointed at Rodney and himself. "...are going to have some personal time together. Like flying to the mainland and stuffing ourselves on Athosian sweetbreads and cookies for dinner."

"But Carson...."

"Beckett's diet be damned! I'll deal with the doctor, don't worry about that." John leered at him. "We'll have fruit to balance out the meal. I can feed it to you while we lay outside, under the stars, naked and sweaty."

"Okay," Rodney said quietly. "John, before I fell asleep...."

"Passed out from exhaustion," John corrected with a sly smile.

"Whatever." Rodney smiled himself, *very* shyly. "I thought I heard you say...."

John pulled Rodney's lips to his, "I love you, Rodney," and kissed him none too gently. "And I'm sorry." He got to his feet, taking Rodney with him. "So very sorry. And did you mention something about Athosian weed?" He leaned in for another kiss, but Rodney ducked his head.

"Apology accepted, Major, but you smell." Rodney smirked. "And I might happen to have a stash somewhere...*might*."

"You smell also. We could take a shower together," John suggested, trying to look innocent and failing.

"Then we'll never make it to the mainland."

"There's always tomorrow, lover." John kissed him again. "Shower with me?"

Rodney silently nodded and thought the door open, swaying a bit as he walked into the corridor.

"Rodney," John placed his arm around Rodney's waist. "You okay?"

"Food before shower."

"You're not going to fai...pass out on me, are you?"

"No, Major, not as long as I get some food shortly. Or what passes for food."

"Don't you usually stash MRE's in your room?" John asked smugly, walking Rodney to a transport tube.

"Yeah, I do." They stepped into the tube and Rodney grinned at John. "And in case you're curious, I love you too." Before the doors closed John was devouring his mouth.

When the tube doors opened, they heard a distinct "AHEM!" and broke apart, facing Ford, who just sighed as he passed them, telling them to get a room.

"We are. Rodney's." John laughed, entering Rodney's room, Rodney tossing an MRE to John, the two facing each other on the bed. They shared Jamaican pork chops, agreeing they tasted like chicken. Rodney went to the makeshift closet for a couple of fresh towels when he heard the com.

"Rodney, we need you in...."

"Zelenka," John snarled, "Rodney is busy. Unless it's Wraith knocking on our door, he is not to be disturbed. Is that understood? Sheppard out!" John then took out his own earpiece. "I don't want to be disturbed either."

"John, this could be important."

"I know." John licked a path up to Rodney's ear, hot breath blowing inside, nibbling on the lobe.

"Life threatening, end of Atlantis stuff."

"Yeah." John's lips found Rodney, tongue snaking out to lick Rodney's lips. "End of the world stuff." John undid Rodney's pants and slid his hands down the back of Rodney's pants, kneading the muscled cheeks.

"I, uh, should call..." Rodney moaned as John blew in his ear again."...Zippy back."

"You should, Rodney." John nuzzled his neck.

"Later," Rodney sighed.

"Much later."

"We're not going to make it to the...shower...OH GOD JOHN!"

"No, Rodney, I don't think so...."