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2020-11-04
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Lessons in Death

Summary:

rated Y-14, similar content to the source materials
main characters: Xander Harris and Susan Sto Helit (Discworld)
disclaimer: I do not own anyone from BtVS or from the Discworld books, written by Terry Pratchett.
distribution: any lists that I send it to, otherwise please ask.
note: FfA # 999 takes place post s3 BtVs, after Susan has become a teacher for Discworld.

Work Text:

Lessons in Death
by Lucinda

Susan watched as the young man fought a pair of vampires. Granted, she was a bit far from her normal areas, but so far, nobody had objected. Quite possibly, this might be one of the last times that she stepped through strange doors in Grandfather's house. Then again, being not precisely mortal would give her a very long time, so she wasn't certain that 'never' would be the correct word for her future plans.

These were not the sort of vampires that had emigrated from Uberwald to Ankh-Morpork. These weren't even the more vicious vampires that still dwelled in Uberwald. They were entirely different, and much less attentive to their appearances. These didn't consider life and death a game, but they were nasty, vicious hunting beasts.

This young man was hunting them. It was rather brave, in a way that was bound to get him killed. He could use a bit of instruction with weapons, his form was a bit off.

Another vampire lunged towards her, this one a bit closer to what she was used to, clad in a long pale gown. "Pretty lostling, you don't belong here. Princess will fix you."

Susan made a reaching gesture, and found herself looking at a tall egg-timer, with a thin layer of pale sand on the bottom and a much thicker layer of red over it. The nametag read 'Drusilla Elaine Westbrook', and as she held it up, the last spark of blue fell through, turning into a grain of red sand.

Well, that made things much simpler. Swinging the scythe, she removed the vampire's head and right arm, watching with a raised eyebrow as the vampire fell to dust.

The vampires that the young man had been fighting were also dust now, and he stood there, panting for breath and rubbing at his shoulder. This was the second time this week that she'd found him like this, and it was two times too many. Something should be done, and Susan Sto Helit was never one to expect others to do what she was perfectly capable of doing herself.

XANDER HARRIS, COME WITH ME. She used the voice, certain that nobody could ignore that.

Xander blinked, slowly turning to face her. "Um, you're not the guy who normally says things like that. He's a lot taller and bonier."

Considering the way that she'd found him, it wasn't that surprising that he'd heard the voice before. The surprising part was that he was still alive. "Grandfather's elsewhere. Come with me. If you're going to insist on fighting vampires, someone needs to teach you the proper way to kill things."

"There's a proper way?" Xander blinked, and took a step towards her. "Umm, I don't want to be dead, you know. Even if you are prettier than the normal guy."

"The proper way keeps you from getting hurt and gets them killed much faster. Death runs in my family, I can teach you these things, and YOU WILL LEARN."

Swallowing, Xander nodded. "Yes ma'am. How long will this take?"

"As long as necessary." She stepped around a tree stump, and blinked at a hulking shape of metal. "That's not going to go on much longer."

"You're a mechanic too?" Xander glanced at her, shoving his hands into his pockets.

"I know when things are finished. Where I'm taking you, time doesn't happen." Susan let herself wonder for a moment if this was a truly good idea before pushing her concerns away. If he was hunting vampires, he'd go there soon enough anyhow. He might as well know how to do things right and make a bit of a mark on his world. "You'll be there as long as it takes, and I can bring you back in the morning."

"Time doesn't happen?" Xander frowned, looking at her. "I thought time happened everywhere?"

Looking upwards, she placed her fingers to her mouth and whistled. Moments later, a pale horse came running towards them, slowly descending as he approached, his hoof prints burning between stars. "You'll need to hold on. We aren't going to somewhere in the mortal realms."

"That's umm... quite a horse." Xander fidgeted, looking very nervous.

"His name's Binky," she replied absently. "Look, the Uncertainty Principle might work in your favor, but if you keep trying to kill vampires on determination, unpredictability and a pair of sharp sticks, we'll have to collect you sooner or later. Odds favor next Friday, actually. But since those vampires get very annoying, I'm going to give you a little help, and even the odds a bit. If you know how to kill them, how to really kill them, you might live long enough to see grandchildren."

"The pale horse of Death is named Binky?" He paused for a moment, before chuckling. "Okay, that fits in with my life. Maybe grandchildren sounds a lot farther away than next Friday, so I guess I'm getting lessons."

"What were you doing out here anyhow?" Susan asked, mounting Binky. She turned to give Xander a hand up behind her.

"I wanted to see places that weren't Sunnydale." He gave a weak smile. "Be careful what you ask for, you might get it."

Binky started to run, gradually moving upwards in blithe indifference to the ground. They started to run towards the stars, which seemed to wobble and then... Binky was running over a yard of black grass towards a black cottage. There were black trees and black flowers, and a stream with something that Xander hoped was black water.

Susan tugged him down from Binky and started to walk towards the door, which had a knocker shaped like an upside down fancy letter U. Xander gulped as she opened the door, and followed her inside, murmuring, "Why does Death's house have an umbrella stand?"

Susan shrugged, and settled the scythe into it. "I don't know, but it works nicely for weapons. Welcome to what will be home for what will probably feel like a very long time."

Xander should be much easier to teach than a whole classroom full of five year olds. She wouldn't even have to stick to human things when teaching him. He was even sort of cute, in a gangly sort of way.

end Lessons in Death.