SquidgeWorld Archive

Dying. Tony DiNozzo could feel his life ebbing with each cough shuddering through his body. Never hurt like this. Couldn't survive this, but he couldn't die. He couldn't. He had too much to live for. Had too much to explain, but it hurt, God in heaven, it hurt. All about him now. Had to focus all his energy on himself. Only way to survive. But it wasn't working. Dying.

"Tony."

Gibbs. The voice sliced through his sense of being alone in an isolated world of pain and death. Drew his focus and grounded him. It was not all about him. It was all about them, and for them he would live. The cell phone settled into his hand, reminding him of his promise to survive and who he needed him to live. He held it tightly until the crisis passed. He would live.

*

Kate went home the next day. Tony told her to go just to ease the guilt of her leaving. He had an excuse to miss work for a few weeks. She needed to report in. He'd even managed to tell her how much he appreciated her staying with him until he was out of the woods. They'd be better friends now. He was looking forward to it.

They'd moved him to a regular hospital room shortly after she left. No need for fancy isolation rooms while he recovered now that the plague had self-destructed. A comforting step up from the 'imminent death' rung of the hospital hierarchy. But it also meant he no longer had the complete attention of his own personal nurse and physician.

Worse, the hospital televisions didn't get the really cool cable stations. He'd have killed for Turner Classic Movies or even American Movie Classics. Instead he opted for Cartoon Network. Didn't like the station as much since they'd gotten away from showing all the classic cartoons he'd loved as a kid, but it was a decent distraction.

Around noon an even better distraction walked into his hospital room. "Power Puff Girls, DiNozzo?"

He smiled. "Better than Jerry Springer, Boss."

Gibbs shook his head with an amused smile then settled down in the chair next to the bed. Without giving Tony a kiss.

Tony could practically see the lecture gearing up inside the man's head. He decided to head it off at the pass. "I thought it was from you."

"What?"

"The envelope. I thought it was from you."

Gibbs stared at him. "Do I look like the lipstick type, DiNozzo?"

Tony almost laughed, then had a coughing fit instead. Hurt like hell. Odds were good he'd break a rib or two before this was all said and done. But at least it got him into Gibbs' arms. Where he belonged.

"Easy, baby," Gibbs murmured, his hand rubbing Tony's back in large soothing circles. "Easy."

Tony clung tightly to the arm around him, especially after the fit ended and Gibbs tried to pull away. "The lip print," he gasped out. "Looked like that stamp I saw a few weeks ago."

They'd been wondering through a flea market and enjoying a quiet Sunday together when they'd come across a stall full of different kinds of stamps. Tony had picked up several, laughing about them and how anyone could use them. A big SWAK had been among them. "And it's your turn."

Gibbs stiffened for a moment, then relaxed, his embrace shifting to more of a cuddle than comfort. They'd been playing little love jokes on each other during the last few months. Gibbs had started it by sending Tony flowers the day after Tony'd had a particularly heated phone conversation with his father. Not enough the old man had disinherited Tony. Every once in a while he had to call and rub it in. The flowers had brightened Tony's mood and he'd had a great time pretending he didn't know who had sent them. Drove Kate and McGee crazy.

A week later Gibbs had taken delivery of a balloon bouquet. Other little gifts had appeared on their desks -- candy, large decorated cookies, even a teddy bear - all at irregular intervals, all with no card. It was fun to flaunt their relationship while admitting nothing. And if Kate and McGee were starting to look suspicious instead of curious, that was okay with Tony. Abby and Ducky had moved on to knowing looks before either of the two newer agents had hired on, so he figured it was only fair they know, too. Besides he didn't like keeping secrets from friends. It was a way to tell them without telling them. Last week he'd left Gibbs a bottle of wine, making it Gibbs' turn. Stupid.

"Tell me why it wasn't me," Gibbs said.

Tony would have sighed but that would make him cough again. Instead he frowned at himself. "Too tenuous. I might not have been there when the mail was distributed. Besides you would have addressed it to me." Stupid. Damned stupid.

Gibbs hugged him, although not tightly. Guess it wasn't hard for anyone to guess how his ribs must feel after coughing for hours on end. "I'd kick your ass if it hadn't already been kicked."

"Sorry, for being stupid, for scaring you."

He felt Gibbs shudder. "The thought of losing you doesn't scare me, Tony. It terrifies me."

"Won't do it again."

"Damned straight you won't. No more games at work, Tony. You want Kate and McGee to know, you tell them."

"'kay." He snuggled against the strong shoulder as best he could. He wanted to go home, wanted to sleep in their bed and in Gibbs' arms, but the doc had said he had to spend at least another few days hooked up to IVs and getting a monitored liquid diet. Sucked. "Miss sleeping with you."

Gibbs kissed his forehead. "Miss you, too." He sounded so strong, but he shook again.

Tony shifted to look at him. "'s okay, love. Lived for you. I'll always live for you."

Gibbs sighed, letting out a deep breath like he'd been holding it forever. "See that you do."