Work Text:
Fic addendum: An Easter Plot Bunny II
by: Chys Lattes
Harry nervously gave the password and the gargoyle moved out of the way, seeming to snicker as it did so, sidestepping a white fuzzball in the hallway with it's massive stone feet. Said fuzzball continued to sleep, contentedly. The gargoyle muttered in some ancient tongue, probably angry that the bunny was in it's way.
Harry stepped into the staircase and something squealed beneath him. He looked down, horrified to realize he had stepped on one of his little white fuzzy followers. "I'm sorry!" He said and he bent down to pick it up, as the staircase continued to carry him up to Dumbledore's office. He felt lots of squirming at his feet. They were multiplying much faster now... or they had ALL followed him into the revolving staircase.
When he knocked on the door, he heard a grunt of approval and it opened from the other side. The first thing that Harry saw upon stepping into the headmaster's office was a small littering of rabbits on the floor of the office. Some of them were sitting in piles at the foot of his desk, others were snoozing at the base of Fawke's post. Fawkes didn't seem to mind the fuzzballs, but made a concerned squaking if one of them bumped the base of his stand accidentally while attending to an itch.
Dumbledore was seen sitting at his desk, arms folded before him, hands clasped. He didn't seem too amused by the current situation. The bunnies had overrun the school. Harry wondered how many rules he had broken, having now about 213,496 pets in attendance...
"Have a seat." Dumbledore offered, nodding to the chair across from his desk. Harry had to shuffle around a hand full of rabbits he had found comfortably reclined in said seat, and adjusted them all in his lap, wondering when Dumbledore was going to get to the point. From his raised brows, Harry knew that having to move the rabbits had essentially made his point.
"Tea? Biscuit? I say, it's not always such a good day as this." Dumbledore handed over a plate with a cup of tea and a few cookies on the side.
"Why?" A rabbit began to gnaw on Harry's shoelace. He nudged it away and stared back at the headmaster, a but confused, but accepting some tea anyway.
"The house elves have quite a job ahead of them. Rabbits... tend to leave droppings."
"Ah." Harry had noticed. There was a thin layer of them littering the top of Dumbledore's desk as well as the floor, where the bunnies were curled up, snoozing. Some of them hopped around, inspecting the room. They must have been the ones that hat just followed Harry in. Several of them began to engage in... extracurricular activities.
Dumbledore just ignored them, and went on to say that the house elves were against cleaning up in the Gryffindor house, so he was going to post that the students practice their cleansing charms, just to keep the place looking neat. Harry wondered aside from the obvious, what this had to do with him.
Dumbledore handed Harry a piece of parchment and asked him to sign it. Harry looked at it, dumbfounded, and took it from the headmaster, having to place another bunny from his lap to the floor in order to have room to move. The bunnies were increasing in population, somehow, and to Harry's great surprise, had piled on top of one another, about two feet high. There were bunnies scrambling on top of bunnies to make it into Harry's lap. Dumbledore picked one up and began to pet it. Fawkes began to look disturbed as his stand began to waver back and forth, causing him to have to try to keep his balance with his wings.
"It seems that this is a very rare and magically enhanced type of creature. It's not restricted or forbidden, but owners are stressed to keep them in separate, and I must stress, separate cages. I do believe that it seems Hagrid did not inform you of this..."
Harry sighed and looked at the paper. It seemed to be a 'general release' according to the title, whatever that meant. "Hm. Why do I have to sign this?"
"Population control. Hogwarts has been infested by plotbunnies. I hear this breed of rabbit are popular elsewhere and especially this population of plot bunnies... They are quite coveted by American females who would be willing to pay quite a bit for a healthy, good one, preferably one that is pregnant with 'fic' potential. Perhaps you would like to sell them? I can arrange for it, if you sign this. All of the profits will be placed in your vault at Gringotts." Dumbledore seemed ready to say more, holding a whetted quill before Harry, and Harry reached over the ever increasing pile of bunnies to grab at the quill. He almost couldn't see Dumbledore's face any longer, there were so many of them.
He decided to get this over with immediately and before he even read the paper, had it signed and pushed it through the pile of bunnies, back at the headmaster, who was obscured behind the wriggling pile of frantically mating fluffy bunny mass.
"Heheh. Tickles." Dumbledore could be heard through the pile. "All right then, so... I guess I will see you at dinner then, Harry!" A hand shot up through the pile of bunnies and waved in Harry's general direction. Fawkes, giving up, flew over to land on Harry's head, and popped them both out of the room before Harry could say anything more to the headmaster. The lone bunny, which Hagrid had given him in the first place, still securely nestled under his arm.
"Well... that was an enlightening experience." Fawkes didn't seem to share that sentiment, and disappeared down the hallway, squaking defiantly, a bunny hanging from his long, shimmering tailfeather, gnawing on it hungrily.
Harry turned to see the gargoyle, curled up asleep it seemed, nestled close to a pile of plotbunny rabbits. Harry shook his head and wondered how much money he was going to get from this.
A while later, in the common room, Ron cornered Harry, a bunny planted firmly on his head, chewing on his red hair. "Get it off." He deadpanned.
Hermione shook her head and grabbed the bunny, protectively cradling it in her arms. "So Harry. Why did you do it?"
"Do what?" At her menacing glare, Harry wondered what the bloody hell he'd done this time.
Hermione huffed and grabbed up a piece of parchment from the table, holding it up for his inspection, "You didn't see it?"
"See what?!" Harry had just about had enough, if he had done something to deserve the angry glare she was shooting his way, he wanted to know exactly WHAT it had been.
'Dear Students:
Today and tomorrow until indefinitly-
The lunch and dinner menus have been altered.
I hope you like Stewed Rabbit.
-McGonnagall.'
"Oh. THAT must have been the other thing Dumbledore was going to mention... eheh..." Harry winced and smirked. The bunny under his arm gave an indignant squeak.
-Chys.